A/N: Unfortunately, I do not own Downton abbey or it's characters (bummer). I just love Mr Bates and Anna and the romance that is gently growing with it's ups and downs. This is my idea of how they could get closer to each other. The idea I own, the characters I don't. I hope you like it and forgive any mistakes, for english is not my native language. For all the Anna&Bates fans out there, enjoy reading!

It was past ten in the evening and the staff went to their rooms. Mr Bates usualy needed a few seconds longer than the others, but the in the last few weeks he needed even longer. With autumn passing and winter coming up, his leg got worse. Even the slightest bending could send stinging pain through is leg and the whole body. Oh, how much he hated that. Hated that his leg troubled him so much and that he was always going to be slower than everybody else. His knuckles twitched in anger and he took a deep breath. He knew he musn't let it get to him. It was a fact and he couldn't change it. It was his punishment and a constant reminder of all the mistakes he had made. And he deserved much more than that. In a way, he was thankful for the pain. At least sometimes, when those lovely brown eyes looked at him, declared love shining through them. With the throbbing in his leg he kept in mind that he didn't deserve what she was so willing to offer.

He closed the door behind him und hobbled to the window, lifting the weight from the bad leg, leaning against the window frame. Although it was dark outside he could still see the rain clashing at the glass of the window. It was a bittersweet rhythm, a sad melody, matching his mood.

She has been in her usual high spirits this evening, telling stories and laughing at the stories Mr Branson had to share. From time to time she had turned her head, looking at him. Maybe because she wanted to check if he was finding it funny, too. But she was smarter than that. Somehow she always knew when something was bothering him. He didn't know why, but she surely did. God bless her. He had never met a sweeter, finer woman. He had told her that, once. He closed his eyes, pictures crossing his mind. Her honest look, her sweet, tremdling voice as she confessed her feelings. He sighed again because his heart jumped when he remenbered the words. She was so brave, his Anna. Not looking down but looking him straight into the eyes, waiting for his response. His hand became a fist. He wanted to respond, telling her all she needed to hear. Everything that mad her beautiful eyes stop watering. But he wasn't allowed. He wasn't free. And his leg reminded him of that, too.

A soft knock on the door put a sudden end to his thoughts. He walked to the door, his leg causing him some more pain. As he opened, his heart stopped for a beat. There stood the woman who occupied his thoughts so often.

„Anna!" he exclaimed in surprise. „What are you doing here?"

She didn't answer but stepped past him into his room without waiting for permission. Mr Bates looked to the left and right, making sure that no one saw her and closed the door quickly. He turned around and his leg complained again, making him leaning heavily on his cane.

„I just can't stand looking at you suffering anymore."

For the first time he noticed that she wore her maid's uniform withouth the hat and the apron. It was just the black dress. He never thought black was a good color for her. It made her look sad. White suited her so much better, her features as well as her angelic soul.

„I beg your pardon?" he answered confused.

She was busy at his desk, putting things on it before turning around. Anna wore that beautiful smile he adored so much, crossed the room easily and leaded him to the chair next to the desk while explaining.

„I know that your leg is giving you much greater pain lately, so don't even try to pretend it doesn't. I wrote my mother about it weeks ago and today came her reply."

While speaking, she carefully pressed him down on the chair, taking his cane out of his hand and putting it on the bed.

„She is helping out in the nearby hospital from time to time and luckily she knew about a creme that could ease the pain. Not always, but often enough to give it a try. So she talked to the doctor and he sold her a little pot."

She stood in front of him now, her hands resting on her waist, her smile wait and her eyes sparkling.

„The creme arrived today and we can finally start the treatment."

For a second, Mr Bates could only look at her, dumbstruck. She looked so happy, hopeful and proud. She was beautiful. The words needed some seconds to pour in.

„Wait a minute...are you telling me that your mother has bought this creme for me?"

„Indeed she has."

„You shouldn't have let her. I have to pay her back."

He was embarrased. Now not only this house knew about his pain but also her mother. And she even spend money for him. Lord, how much can one person bear.

„Oh, shush. I already send her the money", she waived her hand and kneeled on the floor in front of him. She was reaching for the edge of his trousers and he panicked. Without thinking he pulled his leg away. Raging fire spread on through his leg, making him wince. He moand in agony and Anna shot up.

„Mr Bates!"
She reached for him, hands laying on his shoulders. She tried to steady him, her heart pounding hart against her chest. She couldn't stand seeing him in pain and before she could stop herself she cupped his face with one hand and stroke his cheek with her thumb, trying to make the pain go away. Mr Bates needed some seconds before the pain eased. He could feel her touch and slowly opened his eyes. He was surprised how close her face was to his. He could see the little gold freckles in her iris and feel her breath on his face. Time slowed down, all the pain forgotten. His heart was full of her, her name echoing in his head. Anna...

No. No, it musn't be...

Slowly, he laid his hand on top of hers and pulled it away. Anna sank on the floor again.

„I'm sorry, Mr. Bates."

He shook his head. „It's not your fault."

„I surprised you."

Mr Bates looked down on her. Her eyes were huge and her cheeks flushed, her breath slowing down. He couldn't help but smile a little. Dear Anna, always so worried.

„Indeed you have."

Anna smiled and for a few seconds they just said there, looking at each other. Suddenly, Anna blinked and cleared her throat.

„So, are you ready?"

„No! Anna, please. It is nearly midnight. You will get in trouble. Mrs Hughes will lock the door any minute!"

Anna grinned, reached into her pocket and pulled the black iron key out, waving it proudly. Mr Bates was shocked.

„Did you take it?" He couldn't believe that she would do such a stupid thing.

„What are you thinking of me, Mr Bates. I'd never dare."

„Then how...?"

„Do you really believe I would come here on such a late hour without Mrs Hughes permission?"

Mr Bates calmed down. A little.

„So Mrs Hughes knows about this?"

„Of course. She instantly agreed when I asked for permission. I can tell that she is worried, too."

Mr Bates sighed. He was only causing other people trouble. How he would like to be of some use.

Anna saw the dark thoughts in his eyes and carefully but a hand on his good knee. Her voice was soothing as she spoke.

„Mr Bates, we are really worried. Please let me try to help you. If it doesn't work, no harm is done. At least we tried."

Her eyes were filled with the wish to help, with worry and with something that he didn't dare to name.

„Anna..." he began, but she wouldn't let him finish.

„Please, Mr Bates. For me."

Another intense look and he knew he was defeated.

„All right. You have paid for it, after all. But I will pay you back."

Anna grinned happily.

„No, you won't."

Mr Bates shook his head, smiling. She could be so stubborn.

„So, will you let me rub it in, finally?"

Mr Bates heart stuttered once more.

„I will do it myself, thank you."

„No, you will not. Mother explicitly said that the creme has to be spread on the knee as well as the lower leg and that the leg has to be relaxed. How do you want to do this on your own?"

„I will find a way." He tried to sound convincing but he knew that this was impossible.

„Mr Bates, you are behaving irrationally. Just let me help you now. It is late and I can't stay all night and discuss this with you."

His mind was racing, but he didn't come up with any argument that would prevent this from happening. She was right. He knew she wasn't going to leave before she did what she has come for and if they were debatting any longer, this could take hours. Beaten, he let his head sink and sighed heavily. Anna understood.

„Perfect. I am going to touch your leg now, so don't panic", she teased him. He couldn't believe that she was so comfortable doing this. But that was part of the magic in their relationship. Whatever there was said or nearly done, they never stopped being comfortable in each others company.

Mr Bates smiled and nodded. Anna returned that smile before she reached out, laid his hand on his ankle and ever so carefully pulled his feet into her lap. She opened his shoe and stripped it off his foot. He looked down at his black sock and for a second he was worried that it smelled after a long day of work. But Anna didn't say anything and Mr Bates was too embarrased to ask.

He looked away as Anna began to pull up the leg of his trousers. This whole situation was so absurd that he didn't know if he should cry or laugh. But he knew that this was just the beginning of his torture. Her touch was still warm on his cheek. It had made him nearly lose control just being close to her. How should he stay reserved and distant when she was about to touch his bare skin for minutes? Automatically his fingers clutched around the arms of his chair and his breathing quickened.

„Could you hand me the pot, please?" Anna asked.

There was no way out. It was going to happen. His fingers were shaking a little as he reached for the creme and handed it to her. She took it, looked down and opened it. She was totally composed, professional. She was far from having anything but his well-being on her mind. He felt shame rushing trough him. She was an angel and he was a dirty old man, not worthy to be in her presence.

„Oh..." she exclaimed and he looked down at her.

„Everything all right?"

„Yes. It's just...it smells pretty strong. Eucalyptus?" she asked and holding it up to him.

He sniffed at it, the smell stung his nose and he wrinkled it.

„Well, it has to be good if it smells that bad", she encouraged him, smiling.

He chuckled.

„Surely I will dream of Eucalyptus trees tonight."

She chuckled, too, as she put her fingers in the thick creme and spreading it on all of her hands.

„Maybe you will be a big grey, fluffy Koala on the search for food."

They shared a laugh and Mr Bates couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked when she was smiling and looking up to him with that teasing look in her eyes.

„Ready?" she asked, still teasing.

„I try not to scream", he joked. That seemed to be all he could do. Taking it in good humor.

Anna rewarded him with another smile before she placed both of her hands on his calf. Mr Bates twiched a little.

„It's cold", he said surprised.

„I wanted to surprise you", Anna teased once more.

Mr Bates chuckled. Anna looked down again and began to work the creme into his skin. The smile which was on his faces instantly faded and he couldn't help but close his eyes for a moment. Not only because of the sensation of Annas gentle hands on his calf but also because it felt so amazing. She put just enough pressure into her movements to losen the spasms in his legs. He hadn't known how bad it was until she started her massage. Goose bumps were running up and down his spine and he let himself enjoy these delightful sensations. He know he shouldn't. It wasn't right what she was doing. Easing his pain. He deserved the pain. He was obligated to it. He shouldn't feel the relaxation.

„Open your eyes, Man. Open your eyes!" he tried to command himself but his eyelids didn't obey him anymore. It felt too good.

Her hands moved in a slow rhytm, squeezing when sliding downwards, taking all the pain with her. The cool creme was tingling on his skin, the coolness becoming warmth through the massage.

This was heaven. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so good, so relaxed.

After minutes had passed, he finally could manage to open his eyes. It was then he realised that his head had tilted back for he was looking at the ceiling. Carefully, he looked down, feeling the shame building up inside of him again. Anna was looking up, directly into his eyes, a small smile across her lips.

„Does it feel good?"

Mr Bates didn't trust his voice, so he cleared his troath once before speaking.

„I wish I could say no."

He felt warmth filling his cheeks and he prayed to God that he wasn't blushing in front of her.

Annas smile widened, which wasn't a good sign. But why didn't she blush? Didn't it embarass her that he let go so much?

„You can stop if you want", he offered to put her out of her maybe well hidden misery.

„No, I am not done yet. I still have to massage the knee."

„I don't know if that is a good idea."

„I will be very carfeul, I promise."

She was so confident in this absurd situation. That was one thing he admired about her. She was so young and she already had this much bravery in her. He knew he would never know a better woman...Suddenly he heard voices from a past conversation in his head: „Dream of a better man." - „I can't...because there isn't one."

Oh, Anna...if he just had met her earlier in his life. Maybe it would have all been different. With her by his side, steadying, comforting him, maybe he wouldn't have screwed it all up. But maybe he still would have and Anna would be his wife, hurt and hiding from him. That thought he couldn't bear.

„Are you ready?" Anna asked and looked up.

„I am a little nervous, to be honest", he tried to joke.

„I won't hurt you. Trust me."

„I do. It's my leg I don't trust."

Anna smiled understandingly and than she raised a little so she could reach his knee. Ever so gently, her fingers moved upwards, nearly touching his skin. Anna spread the creme carefully on his knee, so that the coolness could calm his muscles and his skin.

It was a relieve. It was as good as an ice-pack.

„Does it hurt?" Anna asked carefully, ready to wipe the creme away.

„No...No, it's fine."

They smiled at eacht other and after a few more minutes Anna started to massage the knee. She was much more gentle and her movements were slower, but it felt just as good. This time, Mr Bates fought hard to keep his eye open and pretended to be interested in her technique. But everything before his eyes was in a blur. He could only feel, feel Annas hands on his knee, easing it's pain. From time to time, her fingers slipped under his rolled up trousers to his thigh and Mr Bates' heart started beating faster. He scolded his body for reacting on such an innocent touch. He tried to focus on something else and looked at her face instead. Her features were smooth, almost relaxed. She seemed fully devoted to her task, a small smile on her face. It was this simple, silent moment that he realised, no matter what would become of them, he would love her forever. Although he wasn't free to, he had given her his heart. Without her even knowing. Or did she? He never dared to say the words, but in his weak moments, when she had looked at him so lovingly, he had tried to give her hints of what he truly felt for her. And then there were moments when he had crushed those hints by saying something stupid or just walking away, for example when she was off to London and asked him if he would miss her. It was so obvious to him that he would, that he said something stupid. He remembered the hurt in her eyes like it had happened yesterday.

He didn't know for sure if she knew that his feelings were just as strong as hers, but he hoped that she would one day. And some nights he even dared to pray that one day he would be allowed to say those words to her.

„Well, I think I am done."

Mr Bated focused, coming back to reality. He looked to the the watch and gasped inwardly. She had massaged him over an hour.

„Thank you, Anna", he said gently.

„You're welcome, Mr Bates."

She beamed at him, showing no sign of fatigue at all, stood up and cleaned her hands in his washing bowl.

„Maybe it is best to wear some old pants for the night. I don't know what the creme does to fabric."

„I will."

„Here, let me give you a hand."

Anna took his hand and helped him standing up, although he hesitated a moment. He hated to be treated like a cripple, but he knew Anna meant nothing but well.

He let her lay his arm around her shoulder and her arm around his waist. As he stood, he gently put some weight on the leg. It wasn't comfortable, but it was a little better already. Anna looked up at him questiongly.

„It's feels a little better", he answered honestly.

Anna smiled, hiding her pride and happiness by lowering her head.

„I will come to you every night, then. Mother says that the creme will last for a month. And when it works, she will get more."

Anna led him to the door and released him, handing him his cane. Finally, it was time to say goodbye.

Mr Bates really didn't know what to say.

„Thank you for everything."

He thought that was a good start.

„Don't thank me yet. Not until it's working."

They smiled at each other. Mr Bates longed to take her hand in his, but he'd never dare.

„Let me pay you for the creme."

„No."

Anna said with a smile and opened the door so that Mr Bates couldn't try tu persuade her. Instead he put his head out of the room, checking the hallway. He nodded in Annas direction and she carefully walked out of the room.

„Good Night", she whispered and beamed at him.

Mr Bates didn't dare to speak so he just smiled and nodded his goodbye. He watched her until she had closed and silently locked the door behind her before closing his own door. For a moment, he stood her, staring at the doorknob and letting this absurd night pass in his mind. How he loved her for what she had done for him, for what she was willing to do for him. His heart was filled with love. It hurt. It hurt because he knew he could never let him out. He realised that the upcoming month would be a bittersweet torture. But he just couldn't say no to her. It would hurt her just as much as him.

A/N: Please leave a review, let me know what I did wrong and of course if you liked it or not. If you wish, I will write on. :)

Good night

Kendra (3:04 am. Holy hairbrushes!)