Me: Okay this will be my first story for the Society. Really hoping you all like it!
Army of EVIL plot bunnies: Okay well she does NOT own Chuck, and never will however much she may wish it. She does however own Bex, and Angeline. The disclaimer is done.
Me: Okay. Disclaimer done. Random Authors note done. So all thats left to do is go on with the story!
Insert Chuck Verses Random Object Here.
It was a normal day in the Library. Until suddenly,
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" A black blur jumped, hopped, and skipped down the corridor.
"Doctor-Who-was-on-and-it-was-brilliant-and-awsome-and-I-LOVE-IT!" The words were squealed so quickly that they became one word. It was the new recruit Rebecca (or Bex for those who did not have a death wish. Becky was acceptable. Only teachers called her Rebecca. And they didn't for long). She had probably just seen another episode of Doctor Who, or an advert for it. Either way it did not bode well for the Society's eardrums. Only Michael was brave enough to approach the walking, or bouncing, disaster area.
"Okay. A Level 1 Sue has been detected in the Chuck fandom. This should be relatively easy because none of the characters have any magical ability, so the Sue shouldn't either. A perfect training mission."
"But-what-about-all-the-martial-arts-and-expert-spies-and-stuff. Whoever-this-Sue-is-she-is-going-to-be-a-super-spy. I-wouldn't-be-surprised-if-she-had-the-Intersect-as-well."
Somehow he managed to understand the high-pitched babble, and sent her off saying,
"Well take the standard gadgets, and call if you need back up."
In the Chuck fandom, there was a new arrival in the Buy More. Her name was Angeline Angel Delight Sticky Toffee Angelmouse Patricia Toast the sixteenth. Her hair was so blonde it blinded anyone who looked, and her eyes were a soft baby blue that captured the hearts of anyone who looked into them. She was the new Assistant Manager after she had convinced Emmett to give the job to her. After all she was sooo much better at it than he was. She got Jeff and Lester to stop being creeps and got them both girlfriends. She also got Jeff to stop drinking, and got Morgan to actually work. She even got Big Mike to give up his doughnuts and concentrate on his diet. It also turned out that she was a CIA and NSA spy and knew who Sarah, Casey, and Chuck were. She was so smart, so beautiful, so perfect, that both the CIA and NSA wanted her to work for them. And it turns out (ignoring the fact that Bryce only had time to send the e-mail to Chuck) that she had received an Intersect e-mail too. And hadn't been driven insane by it. She managed to convince Chuck that Sarah really wasn't the right girl for him. She would never be able to properly love him. Her work would always get in the way. And after admitting that she was madly in love with Chuck, and him discovering that he was madly in love with her too they decided to date. No-one could find it in their hearts to deny them their love, not even General Beckman, once they'd heard about her, oh so tragic past.
At this point people stopped vomiting and a mysteriously never ending supply of flamethrowers and pitchforks appeared in their hands. The Society quickly intervened.
'SPLAT'
Bex landed unceremoniously in a heap in the Car Park out side the Buy More. She took a minute to look around, barely believing that she was actually there. However as the car park looked like every other public car park in real life, she got bored quickly and went in.
Fighting the need to scream, she looked around at the effects of the Mary-Sue in the fandom, and shivered with repulsion. It was horrible. The staff were actually working. People were being productive. It was unnatural.
She headed over to Big Mikes office thinking that he'd know where Angeline was. She hoped. She didn't see her anywhere.
He started to get out of his chair. "Hey! You're that girl from the ca..."
She slapped a Copyright on him. "Ah, never mind."
He sat down again. "
"Jeez, you really are as lazy as the TV says."
He stood up again.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY? AND HOW D'YOU GET IN HERE ANYWAY?"
Bex stumbled back against a convenient wall, accidentally knocking a mounted fish down. Cringing she placed the marlin back on the wall. She vaguely remembered Big Mike getting rather upset when said fish was damaged.
"Okay, to answer your questions. No, I said nothing, and yes I crash landed through a plot hole in the car park. I am Bex from the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. I am here to save you from a creature called a Mary-Sue. And...DAMN IT!"
Bex quickly ducked down below the window. Angeline walked past, holding Chuck's hand. Chuck however was staring at her adoringly. Bex found herself looking for the nearest bin. Then throwing up in it.
"BLEUGH! I never could deal with all that yucky soppy romantic rubbish."
"WHO is THAT? I thought Chuck was dating Sarah. And why is she wearing a Nerd Herd Uniform?"
"He's meant to be. She is the Mary-Sue. She had you all... what's the word? Hypnotized! That's it! Yeah she had you hypnotized into believing that she worked here and basically messing with everything. I unhypnotized you. But I can't save the others unless... THAT'S IT! Call her in here."
"WHAT! WHY?"
"Because I have a device that will stop her effect on everyone else. And more importantly to you, She is the one who has taken away all your doughnuts."
As Big Mike yelled at Angeline to get her skinny ass in his office, Bex thought to herself how easy this had been. Then she hit herself on the head. Thoughts like that practically invited trouble. She saw Angeline following Big Mike and got out her Prohibiter. She crouched down by the door ready to clamp it on her ankle the moment she walked through the door. Instead Angeline jumped, did a somersault in midair and knocked Big Mike out.
"HA! I knew something was wrong when he didn't treat me with his usual reverence. So let me guess. You are..."
"I am Bex from the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. And you are under arrest for disrupting the events of canon, and grossly sabotaging the characters personalities."
"Yup. I knew the Society would send someone. Didn't expect them to send a rookie though. I mean honestly. Did they expect YOU to be able to take me down! Don't make me laugh! You couldn't even capture a twig. Or a rock."
"You won't be saying that when I've got you locked up in a cell at the Library!"
As Bex darted towards the Sue determined to get the Prohibiter on her, Angeline got into a martial arts pose, and attacked. Bex saw the foot coming, but it was too late to dodge. Her foot hit Bex's chest and winded her.
"I knew you couldn't do it. There is no way that such a boring, ordinary, normal person could defeat something as perfect as me! I mean look at you! Black is so yesterday! The only colour in your out fit is that red T-shirt. And even that has black skulls on it! Black jacket, black jeans, black converse. Even your hair is practically black! Its dark brown right, close enough. And your hair is so short you look like a boy! And best of all! You have no special skills that you can use to defeat me! No weapons, no magic, nothing! You are helpless! Why they even bothered sending you out into the field is beyond me!"
While this was going on, Bex had sufficient time to get her breath back, read a quick book she had brought along, draw a quick sketch in her doodle-book of the Buy More, sneak around behind Angelines back and hit her on the head with a lamp from Big Mike's desk.
"Hey dummy, Evil Mastermind Rule Number Three. NO MONOLOGUING!"
Unfortunately Angeline had a thick skull. Go figure. So she didn't fall unconscious. Instead she started to moan about how that hurt, and how could she do that! That was really unfair! Now she was going to have a lump there, and lumps weren't perfect. Did she have any idea how much she'd have to pay a higher level Sue to get rid of it! Blah blah blah, whine whine whine. It was boring. It was so boring in fact that Bex dropped the lamp and fell asleep. And the Sue was still moaning. My hair is a mess, you'd better not have got glass in my hair. Why is no-one looking at me? No-one ever listens to me. Blah, blah, blah. Then she realized that she has put the Society Agent to sleep, and took the time to escape. She snuck out of the room, being careful not to wake Big Mike or Bex, and left to find Chuck. And do disgusting romantic things, like a picnic, or go see a movie together.
When Bex eventually awoke the first thing she did was panic. Then once she wiped the sleep out her eyes so she could open them, she wondered where the Sue had got to. She hadn't left because the fandom was still being distorted. Or if she had gone someone else had come. Likelihood was that Angeline was still here. So, the hunt was on. Then she screamed. Big Mike was asleep. Nothing weird there. Except for the fact he was right in front of her. And when I say right in front, I mean right in front. Yet despite the, to be frank, blood-curdling scream, he slept on.
Bex practically leapt up off the floor and away from him. She took a moment to wipe off the fluff and stuff off from her clothes. Shuddered as she thought of what the stuff was. Then walked off to find Angeline.
Angeline was plotting. Plotting, and scheming, planning, and other things to that effect. Now that the Society had made their move, it was time to step things up a notch. Getting rid of her wouldn't work. They'd all come for revenge or something silly like that. No, She'd have to be clever.
It was impossible to find Angeline. Bex had been looking for a whole five minutes. (Patience was never a strong suit for her) She had left Big Mike's office and stood outside the Buy More realizing how big this fandom was. It may not be the most popular fandom ever, but the people who had written it, had written it everywhere. All over the world. The Sue could have gone to... Bex grinned suddenly.
After an short impromptu holiday to Hawaii, full of sun, beaches, and books, Bex got back to the hunt.
The Sue had plenty of places to hide. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Except it was a blonde haired, blue eyed needle, in a dangerous, spy filled haystack. Again I repeat impossible. She had ruled out the Buy More though. Morgan was happily serving customers in the Hole. He was being cheerful. And smiling. And working. It was wrong on so many levels. And Jeff actually looked smart now he'd stopped drinking. And Lester was making out with his girlfriend in the Home Entertainment room. She screamed and ran out of there as fast as she could. THAT was scary! She was sitting on the floor outside death-glaring at any-one who so much as looked at her when it hit her. Where was the most dangerous place in the fandom? Filled with the best security systems, weapons, and surveillance systems ever in this whole fandom? The Castle! And no doubt she had already charmed her way in and told them all sorts of lies to get them to defend her. About an evil group of spies determined to capture her, no-doubt after the Intersect in her head. And Bex only had one Copyright left! With any luck, only Casey or Sarah would be there. Then with an luck, she could slap on a Copyright, get them to lead her into the Castle, and voila! Bobs your Uncle. Unfortunately luck has been short in supply recently, and Bex didn't have an Uncle Bob. She did have an Uncle Chris though. And an Uncle Dave. She was also pretty certain that she had used up all of her luck earlier when she was jumping madly down the corridors in the Library, miraculously not hitting anybody, or anything. Eh, it was fun.
So with all that above taken into account, chances are that all three of them will be there. Casey, Sarah, and Chuck. Oh Joy. This is going to be fun. Still this was Bex's first mission. She was determined not to mess it up. She could do it. What could go wrong? Then she hit herself on the head again for thinking nasty trouble inviting words. Then headed off to the Orange Orange half optimistic, half pessimistic. She found that that was an interesting way to live because it gave you a reason to squeal at random moments when there is probably nothing really squeal worthy about. It also gave her a reason to start scowling and sulking at random moments as well. Mood Swings were expected.
Of course nothing could be easy in life, unless everything was Mary-Sueish and perfect, and to be frank that would be horrible.
But I'm getting off topic. Again. It's difficult writing about yourself in the third person. Even if you are a self insert. And do ignore that rumbling sound. It's probably just thunder, and nothing wall related.
So anyway to escape a perfectly horrible Mary-Sueish life, nothing was going to go to plan. Not that she had a plan. Because a plan can, and most likely will go wrong at the worst possible moment. I think that that is Murphy's Law. So plans are bad. And I'm off topic again. Huh. The thunders back.
So she walked towards the Orange Orange with one Copyright, two Prohibiter's, one Communicator, a Plothole Generator, and absolutely no plan. This was either going to be a spectacular success, or an abysmal failure. She walked into the shop. She walked out again, and this time walked into the right shop.
Things were not looking good so far.
Although things were starting to look up. Bex could only see Sarah serving frozen yogurt. Didn't mean that Angeline, Chuck and Casey weren't already in the Castle, it just means that she was only going to have to deal with Sarah right now. And if she could get her attention and Copyright her then she might have a fighting chance. Provided...
"WILL YOU JUST GET ON FINISH WRITING THE STORY!" An irate voice from the shops basement yelled. From the simpering perfection of it, Bex deduced that it was Angeline. Well also the fact that she hadn't said it and nobody else in this fandom knew about the fourth wall. There was an ominous rumbling noise. For a sunny day there sure was a lot of thunder. Both the Sue and Bex looked around shiftily.
Anyway, Bex walked up to the counter where Sarah was serving another customer. So while she was distracted, she slapped on the last Copyright. And ordered a vanilla frozen yogurt with bubblegum sauce, smarties, and absolutely no fruit. Then she told her tale.
Of course one things that she didn't take into account was that although Sarah may be a 'good guy', it didn't mean that she'd believe her. Actually she probably should have been surprised Big Mike did. Although seeing her falling out of a hole in the air in the car park on the security cameras probably helped.
Imagine the scene. There you are, the CIA's top Spy. You've been assigned to 'Team Bartowski'. All of your government's secrets have been sent to an Average Joe, who works at a Buy More. So you have to work at a frozen yogurt shop as a cover. The a teenager walks in, slaps some sticker on you, orders a yogurt, then tells you that they are from a Society that tracks down Mary-Sues and captures them. Then tells you that apparently there is a Sue in the super secret spy base, that no-one but you Casey and Chuck knows where it is, or that it even exists. And then she goes on to tell you that she knows that you are a spy, that Casey is a spy, and that Chuck is the Intersect. All of this information top-secret, and there should be no way that this kid should know about it. So your first thought is going to be, if this kid knows all this she is going to be a spy. And if she isn't one of your spies, then she is a enemy spy. And she is probably crazy, or trying to fob you off with a fake story on top of that.
So it was no big surprise when Bex was tranqued and woke up in a cell in the Castle. She really had been spending too much time asleep on this mission. Although a surprise was that Sarah was in the cell with her.
"Okay. Maybe you were telling the truth."
"Why are you in here?"
"I dragged you down into the Castle, and may have freaked out a bit when I saw um... What's her name...?"
"Angeline Angel Delight Sticky Toffee Angelmouse Patricia Toast the sixteenth"
"... That's a long name. Anyway when I saw Chuck hanging off Angeline. I didn't recognize her. I assumed that she had done something to them. Was controlling them somehow. And I was right. But she told them that you had obviously done something to me, and that they should lock me up while they try to fix it. They didn't even question her! Honestly! Then they locked you up."
"Yeah, people tend to act like that when under a Sues influence. Any ideas on how to get out of here? They've taken all my gadgets! Even my Plothole Generator! I'm going to be stuck here! And she was only a Level 1 Sue!"
"Level 1?"
"Uh... Sues and Stus are given different levels depending on how powerful they are. Level 1 is the least powerful! And I can't even catch her!"
Sarah froze,
"Shush! Someone's coming."
"Ah! So we meet again Bex."
"What are talking about? You saw me 30 minutes ago. I hit you over the head with a lamp, remember. And isn't that my yogurt."
"Oh way to ruin my dramatic moment. Haven't you ever seen those old James Bond films where the evil guy says that when stroking a cat?"
"... You're missing the cat. And that is my yogurt. You had better give that back to me or when I get out of her there will be hell to pay!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. You know this really is a good yogurt. I might get one for myself later. Anyway, aren't you going to start screaming, and begging me let you go."
"Would it work?"
"No."
"So what's the point?"
"There isn't supposed to be a point! I'm supposed to catch you and gloat, you're supposed to beg for freedom, and I'm supposed to yell never and cackle menacingly. It isn't going to work if you won't do what you're meant to!"
"... You actually had this all planned out didn't you. Oh my God you did! HA!"
Angeline started to sulk. Then she smirked.
"Yeah well maybe things haven't gone exactly to plan. But the fact remains that you are stuck in there and I am not. And there is nothing you can do about it. I'll be back later to get as much information about the Society as possible. Then who knows? I might let you go. Although I really would love to kill you! Ciao"
Bex gulped. Things really weren't looking good. There was only one thing to do. She took out her Scene Transition, closed her eyes, and turned it on.
When she opened her eyes, she shook her head to get rid of the flying monkeys chasing bananas with legs, and wondered how she had gotten on to the roof of Chucks house, and where the vile neon pink tutu had come from. It turns out that despite the fact that these locks were uber-advanced and impossible to open without a key, the Sue had forgotten to take Sarah's when she left, and Chuck and Casey had been too warped to think about it. It was a major breach in security and it shows how much of an effect the Sue had had on the fandom already. After escaping the alarms had gone off and the Sue locked down the Castle. That meant Bex had been unable to retrieve her gadgets and had to hide in a conveniently placed wardrobe in a nearby guest room. But, using the Intersect (ignoring the fact that it isn't actually possible), Angeline found her. However Sarah, who had been forgotten about during the chaos, managed to push the wardrobe on top of the Sue with Bex still inside. As she tried to escape the wardrobe, she nearly strangled herself with the neon tutu of doom. What with there not being enough room to shove it up and off, she dragged it down so she could move. Sarah the lifted the wardrobe off the two, grabbed her wrist, and ran. Somehow they managed to escape the lockdown (I didn't know you could do that with a pineapple), and ran to the last place people would think to look for them. Chucks house. They camped out on the roof to see anyone approaching, and Sarah had gone to try and knock some sense into Chuck.
As the flashback finished Bex heard a noise and looked down to see Angeline and Casey approaching the house. And Chuck and Sarah were still inside arguing. This was many shades of not good. So she sighed, and did the only thing she could think of at that precise moment. She let down a robe, abseiled down the house, and dropped in front of Angeline.
"What do you want now?" Bex yelled, "Your plans are ruined. You won't be able to work at the Buy More any more because Big Mike pretty much hates you for taking his doughnuts, and without that job, there is no way that you will be able to keep in cover. You will be reassigned to a new mission, and will become nothing but a short footnote in history. Its Over!" It was then she realized that she probably could have just snuck into Chucks room and warned Sarah. Eh, hindsight is 20/20.
Then she keeled over, another tranquilizer dart sticking out from her neck.
When she awoke, she was back in the Castle in a cell, and Sarah was nowhere in sight. Angeline was there ready to gloat though.
"You Society dweebs really are irritating. Like bugs. But now, there really is nothing you can do. MUWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Bex smirked, an idea forming.
"Yeah," she said, "but at least I haven't got a wart on my nose." And she drew a circle, and filled it in with a green pen from her pencil case, on the glass where the Sue's nose's reflection would be. It was a testament to the Sue's idiocy that she was fooled by it. Angeline started to cry. Then scream. And stamp her foot. Somehow this led into a full blown temper tantrum with punching, kicking, and screaming at a pitch so high it could shatter glass. And did. Even though the glass in the cells was bulletproof it was no match for a hysterical Sue. Of course the glass in her hair just made her scream more. It was to be honest surprising that Casey hadn't already rushed to her side to see what was wrong. (Chuck being still at home with Sarah) Although that could have been because The Scream had shattered the cameras, and was now on a frequency too high for the microphones to pick up. It was so high pitched that dogs for miles around started crowding the Orange Orange. However it did give Bex the opportunity to hunt for her missing gadgets. She found them left by the computers, and just as she was about to finally fasten a Prohibiter to the irritating Sue, Angeline summoned a Plothole, and got away. With no reason to remain in the fandom, Bex used the Plothole Generator, and returned to the Library.
When she got back to the Library she realized she had forgotten something. Like the evil tutu of evilness. Taking it off, she glared at the giggling agents, daring them to make another noise. Wisely they shut up. She stormed down the corridors, giving evils to anyone in her path, until she found Michael and told him that the Sue had gotten away. She then stormed off to find a book about magic. She would not be defenseless next time.
Me: Okay. My first fic for the Society is done. Rather hoping you all like it.
Army of EVIL plot bunnies: Wow! You'd never guess she was nervous now would you!
Me: Oh Shut Up. Read and Review pleaseW