Buffy's legs shook as she trundled through the darkened streets of LA. She'd chosen to take the trip alone, figured it'd be better that way, but now she longed to feel Willow reassuringly clutch her hand or Xander make an inappropriate joke. Buffy took a deep breath as she allowed her eyes to travel up to the gargantuan, glowing letters piercing the skyline, The Hyperion.

The door creaked as it swung open, Fred looked up from her point behind the main desk, Gunn's jaw dropped, Wesley motioned to speak but couldn't find the words and Angel rounded the corner at precisely the right moment.

"Buffy." Angel launched himself across the lobby grabbing her by the shoulders, he ran his hands over her checking for wounds.

Buffy shrugged him off and sat down gently on the couch, "I'm fine."

"What's wrong?" Angel felt that sinking feeling in his gut whenever Buffy was upset.

It was strong, whatever it was had devastated her; she felt...broken. "Did you lose someone?"

Buffy nodded solemnly, playing with a loose thread on her top. "I think we should talk in private."

It had been nearly three days since the Sunnydale battle and Buffy spent every moment thinking about him. Every time she got a whiff of a cigarette, her heart skipped a beat hoping it'd be him lighting it. Every time she heard a scuffle in the bushes she hoped it'd be him leaping out at her. Every time she saw a pair of battered black combat boots, older than she was, she prayed that her eyes would travel up to that bleached blonde head. But they never did. It was never him. Buffy still saw him in her dreams though, not just at night but in the day too. He flashed through her mind, grinning or laughing, sometimes even fighting. She'd take him evil, she thought, as long as he was alive.

Buffy had thrown herself into the job at hand, if she stopped for even a second everything he'd done would be in vain. They'd gotten the girls to a safe house, patched up wounds and buried those who'd died later. Willow had briefed the coven in England about searching for more slayers and they'd begun a plan to train all of the slayers, effectively and efficiently. Dawn had been heartbroken, she'd not stopped crying since the battle, Buffy tried to be there for her but couldn't let herself get sucked in to the sorrow as well. Xander had tried to talk to Buffy a few times, after all, he'd lost Anya too. Buffy had brushed him off, made excuses, anything to avoid talking about him. But she couldn't avoid it anymore, Angel had right to know.

"Buffy, what's happened? Is it Willow? Dawn? Giles?" Angel began and after a thought. "Xander?"

Buffy gulped, she felt momentarily guilty that she hadn't been more grateful at not losing them too. "No."

"Well, who..I...there were lots of potentials, Buffy...I...there's casualties in war..."

"It was Spike." Buffy breathed. "I'm here to tell you that Spike...is dead."

Angel took a sharp intake of breath, something he didn't do often, knowing he didn't need to. Spike, William the Bloody, his grandchilde, Slayer of Slayers, his apprentice, the only other souled vampire in the world...was dead. He remembered all the times he'd spared Spike, blaming it on the soul or the circumstance, never wanting to admit the truth. That he actually loved him, like the little brother he never had.

Angel pulled himself from his own thoughts to bring his mind back to Buffy. She was now hunched over in her chair, sobbing quietly, her shoulders quaking with every tear. Angel patted her gently on the shoulder, were they really this close?

"I'm sorry, Buffy."

Buffy's eyes flashed with anger, she leapt to her feet and pointed an accusatory finger at Angel. "This is all your fault."

"What? How's this my fault?" Angel replied defensively.

"You and your frickin' amulet! Couldn't just leave well enough alone could you? You always gotta swoop in with your saving the damsel routine!" Buffy paced the office angrily. "But this time you went too far, Angel. You cost someone his life!" Buffy raged on, her anger had even surprised herself.

"Hey I offered to wear it! That was your choice!"

"Oh so now it's my fault?"

"No! That's not what I mean!" Angel's fingers raked roughly through his hair in frustration.

"You never believed in him! Your idiotic elementary school attitude when you found out about his soul was embarrassing! You didn't want him to save the day!" Buffy changed the subject so fast Angel was surprised her tongue didn't get whiplash, but he caught up and fired back.

"Oh it was hardly about the soul! More about you sleeping with the dickhead!"

"I was not sleeping with him!"

"Oh, please Buffy, I'm not an idiot!" Angel snarled.

"Even if I was, I'm a big girl, Angel. I can make my own decisions! All I know is we were doing fine with the apocalypse! Ready and waiting, plan in place. And then you rock up with your mystical amulet only worn by a 'champion'!" Buffy put air quotes around champion mockingly.

"How was I supposed to know it would kill him? And how do you even know that's what did it anyway?" Angel demanded.

"Because I saw it!" Buffy screeched at the top of her lungs. As soon as she said so, her eyes widened in fear and her voice dropped to almost a whisper. "He glowed. Every vamp, everything killed, wiped out. I held his hand, begged him to come with me. But he told me he couldn't that he...he had to stay...and he did. He brought down the Hellmouth. And I left him there. I just left."

Buffy dropped to her knees, her eyes filled with images of the past. Angel fell beside her and curled himself around her grieving body. She fell into his chest, fat salty tears gushing down her face.

"He...didn't...even...believe...me..." Buffy choked out.

"What do you mean?" Angel gently encouraged her, stroking her hair.

"I love him. And I told him. And he told

me that I didn't. But I did." Buffy then let out a cold laugh. "Maybe he was right. Someone who loved him wouldn't have left him there."

Angel released her from his grip and forced him to look at her. "No. That's not true, Buffy. If you'd stayed you both would have died."

Buffy ignored his comments and instead said, "He saved the day, Angel. He proved himself. A true hero."

"Yeah, I guess he did." Angel agreed wiping a tear from her cheek.

"I'm sorry. I'm sitting here bawling on your office floor like some lovesick teenager when you spent decades with the guy."

"I spent decades with the guy, yes, but you spent more time with the hero."

Angel cradled her close, allowing her to soak his silk shirt in her tears. Buffy's whole body shook as she wept, he thought the tears would never stop. He tried to comfort her, be strong, but with every tear she shed he felt his get a little closer to the surface. Buffy choked a little as she tried to catch her breath and Angel allowed a droplet to fall from his eye onto the top of her blonde head, immediately lost in the mess of gold.