There was a reason why no one ever visited Bathilda Bagshot. It wasn't that she was deranged, though she certainly was, it was the fact that no matter what she always seemed to make visitors uncomfortable.
She didn't do it intentionally, but after she hit the hundred-year mark she stopped caring about being proper and started speaking her mind. And nowadays there was only one thing on her mind: her G-spot.
She spent hours and hours and days and days lamenting the fact that she had never found her G-spot. If she was outside tending her flowerpot, she only had the energy to care for one, she would speak loudly to herself wishing someone would join her in the conversation. No one ever did.
One autumn afternoon Bathilda was enjoying a lovely cup of tea when faint knock reached her ears. She shuffled to the door. When she opened it she was surprised to see that no one was there. She thumped the side of her head, hoping that whatever was clogging her ears would leave. A smooth texture brushed across her wrinkled leg and she peered down.
"A snake," she mumbled to herself. "I didn't remember inviting a snake to tea." Bathilda cleared her throat, "Erm, Sir or Madam Snake? Would you care for some tea and biscuits?" The snake seemed to nod, so she poured a cup for it. Since she had some company, she may as well fill the silence.
"Did you know I never found my G-spot?" She started in. "I've lived so many years, seen so many different things happening, but never, not once, got the chance to find it. I even had a husband for a short time, daft man, and he wouldn't have been able to find it with a map. Do you think they make maps to locate your G-spot. I don't suppose they would, usually someone else finds it for you. I think that's the only thing I'm going to regret when I finally pass on, I mean I-"
Bathilda immediately stopped talking as she felt the snake's soft head gliding up her leg.
The soft flick of the snake's tongue was like a lover's caress against her long forgotten pleasure zones. She tried to hold in a moan, but did not succeed. Rather than question the acts of the snake, she let it continue, hoping in her heart of hearts that she would be able to fulfill her life goal. The snake's head rose higher up her thigh and nudged at her ladybits that were surprisingly moist. Her cunt had been as dry as the desert for the last 30 years, so she was shocked by this new development. Like always, she hadn't bothered wearing undergarments, what was the point anymore?
The snake's forked tongue flicked on the hidden ball of nerves and Bathilda felt the snake's tail now entering her almost as if it were testing the waters, a small dip in, and then retreat, another small dip, and retreat. Finally, the snake plunged a good 8 inches into her pussy, stretching it widely. Bathilda felt the oddest sensation, but before she could ponder it further the snake removed its tail and dove in headfirst.
"Glory Hallelujah, I think that's my G-spot!" Bathilda shouted in surprise as the giant snake tunneled up through her body, eating her insides alone the way. The last thought that ran through her brain was that it wasn't a bad way to go.
Author's Note: Seriously, don't you see it happening that way? I do. Bathilda's want to find her G-spot is actually based on the character Tante Lulu in Sandra Hill's books. In the latest book the old woman was approaching 97 and was the most annoying character ever. This fic is for Heather, who requested some hot Bathida/Nagini action!