Hanging by a Moment
AN: Songfic set to Lifehouse's Hanging by a Moment, showing the developing relationship between Alex and Gene. Set at the end of Series 2 and the beginning of Series 3 with a few spoilers and borrowed lines form S3, Ep1. From Gene and Alex's POV(Alex's POV in italics). Ashes to Ashes does not belong to me. Please R&R.
"Oh Bols, I'm so sorry!" I gasped as I set my eyes upon her, laid helpless and pale among the brilliant white sheets of the hospital bed.
I had never intended to shoot my DI, my Alex. It all happened so fast. It's all my fault that she's lying in this goddamn hospital bed in a bloody coma!
I willed my feet to move, to vacate my current position, stood in the doorway. Eventually, after many minutes staring at her pale but perfect face, I found myself gently pulling a chair across the room to sit next to her. I find myself choking back tears as I take her hand, which is cold and smooth. It's been a while since I've had anything to cry over but as the tears begin to leak slowly from my eyes, I realise that Alex means more to me than I ever thought. We've grown closer since we met in 1981 and the nights we spent in Luigi's meant more to me than I ever let on to her.
So, if she means so much to me, why didn't I trust her? The tough old bird was right, she always is! If I had just listened to her I wouldn't have thrown her off the case. I wouldn't have shot her!
"Don't you worry Alex. I'm not going anywhere; I won't give up on you. I need you, I love you. Please God let her wake up!"
"Gene?" I whisper into the darkness. I'm out of the hospital in 2008, home, if that's what this place really is.
"I'm so sorry I left you, I'm sorry I left all of you." I begin sobbing again, hugging my knees to my chest. I see constant reminders of them everywhere, my fictitious constructs, or so I thought. My dreams are plagued with visions of Gene Hunt. I'm convinced now that his world is real. This world on the other hand, I'm not so sure. My psychologist thinks I'm crazy but I KNOW that his world is real, and it's imperative that I get back. They need me and I need them.
I need him.
I love him.
I never told him.
I fell in love with him and I didn't even notice! The innuendos meant nothing, nothing more than playful banter between colleagues, friends. I depended on him, that much I know, and when I told him the truth and his trust in me began to waver, I knew I had to win it back.
He shot me, but he did so because he was trying to save me. Does that mean he needs me as much as I need him? I'm still present in his world, maybe it's our deep connection that holds me there? I need to let go of everything here, in this world and get back to Gene. Somehow. I'm going to hold on. I'm strong enough to wake up!
"I don't have many things you know Alex. No wife anymore, no kids, hardly any mates. But I had . . . Have you. I'm lost without you. You drive me mad, you do things to me no other woman had ever done. You're always bloody right! But I need you, please wake up!" I hear myself pleading with her still form for the millionth time.
I love her, and, I think she loves me too. Bolly has always confused me, thinking at a hundred miles a minute and talking even faster! But the chemistry between us, it's real.
"I need you Bolly Keck's, and I'm gonna be with you till you tell me to piss off. I can't offer you much. But I can give you my heart. It will always belong to you."
"I don't even know why I'm talking to you Gene it's not like you can hear me. Eighties me is in a bloody coma! I just need you to know, you matter to me. So does the whole team, but you specifically. I AM coming back to you; I just don't know how to get there!"
It's so frustrating and I don't know what's going to happen! All I know is that Gene Hunt means everything to me and he's at the centre of everything. So I need to get back to the eighties.
I've nothing left to lose. The bigwigs at the Met are convinced I shot Alex on purpose because of the recent tension between us, so I'm gonna get the sack! I almost had everything. The team, the job, and maybe, with a bit more time, Alex.
"None of it matters without you by my side." I tell her, gently brushing my fingertips over one of her perfectly constructed cheekbones.
If I can't have her, in some way or form, whether it be colleague, friend or lover, nothing really matters. If she. . . If she dies, I will gladly let them throw me in prison and I can rot there, knowing that I killed my one and only chance at love!
I'm desperate to wake up from the coma I'm in, in the eighties. I need to be with Gene, Shaz, Chris and Ray. They hold the key to this whole mystery. I need to find out the truth. Is his world real? Why am I there? Who is Gene Hunt?
After two years there, I'm closer to gaining a better understanding of his world.
Will I ever get home? Is the eighties my home now? All I know is I'm constantly dreaming of Gene and I need to be back with him. Now.
On the run in Spain, all I do is dream of you. I'm falling more in love with you each and every day and it's breaking my heart to be away from you. I need to come back to you . . .
Fuck it! Gene Hunt DOESN'T run! I'm going back to London, back to Alex. I've no idea what will happen when I get back, probably get nicked! But I'm going straight to the hospital to be with her. I need to wake Alex up!
Suddenly I feel a sharp, hard slap across my face. I open my eyes and I hear his voice, for real this time.
"Well that worked then!" Gene yelled, obviously annoyed.
I want to chuckle, but he's just slapped me and I have no idea how long I have been in a coma for. I feel physically exhausted, despite the fact I've probably been sleeping for months. Gene threw a pile of clothes at my bed and I hear him mutter something about getting my knickers on and leaving. I want nothing more than to leave this place with him so I dress quickly and we leave.
When we are safely out of the hospital and hidden away in the place he's been hiding I ask him "Where did you go?" My voice hoarse and rough.
"Abroad. The Isle of Wight, that was shit so I tried the Costa Brava. Do ya know it's the best full English I've ever 'ad?!" He replies gruffly before continuing. "Then I thought, why am I running? Gene Hunt doesn't run! I'm in a mess Bols!"
"So am I." I reply softly. If only he knew the extent of the mess I was in and what it entailed!
"I'm fighting for my future." Gene says, staring into my eyes.
I stare back into his. "Me too." I sigh. If only he knew.
"You know what come 'ere." He says placing his whiskey bottle down next to me. He holds his hand out to me, I take it and he gently helps me up. My heart flutters as my skin comes into contact with his. What is he going to do? I wonder as our hands drop.
I take Alex's hand and gently help her up, her soft delicate hand in mine. I'm so glad she's awake, but I can't shake off the feeling of guilt. It is still my fault she was in this mess in the first place!
Once she is standing up I softly move her t-shirt out of the way, to get a glimpse of the damage I inflicted on her. On her otherwise perfect stomach there is a dainty scar where the bullet, my bullet, seared through her creamy white skin. I swallow down the lump in my throat. I let down her t-shirt and rub the area where the scar is gently with my hand.
"I'm sorry. I could've hit my target but you fell wrong!" I try to make an excuse and she chuckles softly.
I smile up at him. "Sometimes in life you can't help which way you fall." This is true for the both of us; we never expected to fall in love.
"You do know when I walk through those doors, they're gonna come for me?" He nods towards the doors.
I don't care if they come, let them come. I'll protect us. "Yeah." I find my voice and nod in agreement. "Well there's only one thing for it. Let's fire up the Quattro."
We both turn and stare at the Quattro. I'm back, he's here and we're zooming through the streets of eighties London in the Quattro, as it should be. Everything's going to be alright.