Letting Go
Hi~~ TenshiEren14 here and I'm just gonna apologise for this in advance, I was reading a comic strip when the angst hit me like a freight train and held a gun to my head until I wrote it. It probably sucks but, aye, I don't usually write angst~
Disclaimer: I don't own the amine or the plotline. The inspiration was from the comic, I had nothing to do with it.
'Italics are thoughts'
Red.
The only colour that my fuzzy mind could register was red. I was losing blood fast. Everything was getting blurry but I couldn't help but feel a little bit…calm. I had just defeated the titan but it didn't go down without a fight. My ribs were broken, how many I wasn't sure, but it was getting too hard to breathe. My right leg was twisted slightly because of the way I was thrown. There were multiple wounds on my body. Lacerations, gashes, bruises but the worst was my head wound. Blood wouldn't stop pouring from it. My spit tasted metallic and my throat clenched as my laboured breaths became shallower, gradually, very slowly, relaxing into deeper steadier breaths.
I opened my eyes and a calm smile graced my broken features. I vaguely registered rushed footsteps and muffled voices. I could make out the distinct tinge of panic and sadness but it didn't concern me. I felt… good.
"The sky… is red?"
My calm smile faltered a bit at the hoarse whisper that escaped my strained throat. I could feel the crimson liquid wet the bricked floor I was laying on. I couldn't move though, it hurt too much for something like that. Confusion graced my features briefly before I made out the sound of an extremely familiar pair of footsteps in my general direction. My smile came back full force, even if it hurt to smile.
'You're here.'
'…Rivaille…'
Crimson stained everything when I got to him.
His face, his body, his feet. My eyes narrowed as I stopped in front of him vaguely wondering where the hell Ackerman was at this point.
"Cor…poral. It's… you!"
My heart clenched in several different ways when I heard his cat-scratched voice call for me. I knelt down in his puddle of blood, completely uncaring about the messy state that I'd be in afterwards. He was…smiling at me; the warm smile that defrosted my own and made me care for this brat more than anything else in the world. He was like my son. My own flesh and blood and it broke my frigid heart to see the beacon of hope in the beaten and bruised state.
I threw my arms around him, propping him up so that I could see him and make sure that he didn't close his eyes. There… was so much blood.
"Corporal Rivaille…I'm glad you're fine…"
"Don't speak idiot! It'll only make your wounds worse!"
"You shouldn't touch me though… I'm dirty."
"Don't say things like that in your state."
He smiled at me again and blinked slowly. His vibrant sea-green eyes were getting duller quickly and his breath was getting gradually slower.
"Really though… I'm glad you're fine…"
I was getting pissed at him. Even in this state the stubborn brat refused to listen to me, "Mikasa will be back with help. All you have to do is stay with me."
Eren blinked again, before his face relaxed, his eyes were still open though. He opened his mouth once more, "I'll do my best, Levi."
I wasn't sure how much time had passed with Eren in my lap. It could've only been minutes but it felt like hours. Time was lethargically moving, dragging on Eren's pain longer than need be. His eyes were still open, just barely though, and he was playing with my now bloodied cravat. I kept my eyes closed; silently praying that Mikasa would return quickly with help for her brother.
"Levi?"
I snapped my steely eyes open to look at him and my heart broke as I saw it. His goofy smile was in place solidly as he dropped his now sickly looking arms from my cravat, opting to put them on his chest instead.
"Yeah?" I answered back, grabbing onto his hands swiftly.
'Eren, you're not leaving me!"
"I'm gonna take… a nap… now," his eyes were closing. This wasn't good!
"Listen Eren!" I shouted relief passing over me like a shadow when he reopened his eyes, "Yeah." I sighed minutely, "Remember that time when you spiked Sasha's bread?" His eyes widened a little before he smiled and wheezed, trying to laugh, I assume, "Yeah… Connie… Connie was pissed." I smiled a little as an idea flew into my mind and made a permanent home in my head.
"How about the time you drew a unicorn on Jean's back?"
His smile widened but I caught the subtle wince, "Mmm-hmm… Horse…Jean, didn't talk to me for weeks afterwards…" He sounded tired like the weight of the world was pressing on top of his chest. His eyes were closing again, I had to act fast.
"What about the time when you hid Armin's favorite book? Or the time you polished the floors with wax and made everyone fall?" The desperation was layered thickly into my voice. The sound of his slow breaths forced my mind into over-drive since he wasn't responding.
"The time you fell down during 3DMG training? How about the time Hanji decided that she'd turn you into a cat for a day? The time that Erwin got sick and I had to take his place? The time when you stood up for the new blood in front of everyone, including those shitty Military Police? The time when-" "Levi."
My rant was cut immediately with that word. It sounded so… weak. So unlike Eren, the determined, stubborn brat that forced his way into my heart and made a permanent residence there. He was about to continue when Ackerman and Arlert rushed onto the scene along with Hanji. I refused to move from his side, even when Hanji said that I'd be in the way.
All hell broke loose after that. Eren's chest stopped moving.
"Ackerman, hurry up! He's not breathing anymore!" I barked. The raven was grave, "Armin, what's the hold up?"
"I'm doing the best I can!"
"It's no use, he's lost too much blood" Hanji sighed.
"Eren! DON'T GIVE UP!"
He was still.
"Open your eyes, damnit!"
He was cold.
"Eren!"
He… was dead.
"EREN!"
When the reinforcements came, it was too late.
Because on that day, in a puddle of his own blood, with a care-free smile on his face, Eren Jaeger, Humanity's Hope… perished at the hands of a titan.
The funeral was short. Nothing fancy, just a gathering of mutual friends to mourn the death of a good solider. His grave was simple thanks to Mikasa suggesting that he wouldn't have wanted anything over the top and I agreed.
Jean cried. Mikasa punched him, saying it was rude even though she herself was crying long tears. Armin was bawling and apologising for being so late. Sasha held Connie tight, not even eating. Hanji also apologised to his gravestone for the experiments and for giving him a hard time. Aurou, Erd and Petra silently offered their condolences even though it was clear to see the remorse on their faces. Erwin was… silent. I stood up for the eulogy a blank expression on my face as a certain sombre grace led my footsteps to the stage.
"Eren Jaeger was… a good soldier." I cleared my throat, ridding the heavy tone of depression from it before continuing, "He died in the line of fire, and like I'm sure he would've wanted to, he died 'Killing them All' as he so eloquently put it on various occasions" This earned a couple chuckles, "Eren… probably didn't want this though. If he's watching, wherever he is, he'd be pissed that all of us were sulking over him. If I knew Jaeger then I think that he's rolling in his grave, yelling at us to bring out the alcohol and meat and celebrate the fact that there were fewer titans around now because of him. He… would've wanted a celebration for his life and not a mournful end. In conclusion, Eren Jaeger was many things. Patient wasn't one of them," I smirked as I imagined his aquamarine eyes glowing in irritation, "So let's hurry up with the sappy shit and celebrate! To Eren Jaeger! The most Stubborn brat in this part of the world and Humanity's Hope!"
Cheers erupted as the small crowd, still crying, raised their right hands in the universal salute to a solider with high rankings. Yes, this is how Eren would've wanted it.
It was evening. The sun was setting and I was stooping in front of Eren's grave with a frown on my face. A bouquet of colourful flowers was in my right hand as I changed my footing slightly and kneeled in front of the grave to place them. I vaguely registered the 'click-clack' of heels and the clearing of a throat.
"Levi, are you going to stay here longer? It's already evening…" Hanji trailed off in a serious voice. I sighed, "Just a moment."
A sudden wind whipped up, causing the autumn leaves to dance gracefully around us. I could hear Hanji sniffing, "Levi, it's- it's okay to cry." The sorrow in her voice and the breaking pitch caused me to tighten my grip around the poor flowers. "Even if you are the most powerful human, you're still just that, human." At this point I held the flowers in a death grip but something made me let go. The unfamiliar feeling of drops trickling down my face made me drop the flowers and stand up before I clumsily fell back down, raising my arm to my widened eyes.
"I-I'm crying?"
Hanji nodded at me, a small smile gracing her features as she sat down with me and held me as I mourned the loss of my pseudo-son, best friend and greatest subordinate. He had so much to give. So much life left in him, he was a pillar of hope and he died under my supervision. As I allowed Hanji to comfort me and shield me form the biting autumn wind, I couldn't help but think,
'I should've died instead of you.'
To all those who cried, there there, I cried while writing this too. To all those who didn't, you know you flippin' cried on the inside. If you didn't feel anything, that's fine, I just have to put more effort into it later. On that note, please give me some creative criticism since I'm completely new to the fandom and since I don't write angst. Period. I also tried really hard to not make this slash because I didn't want to but if you guys want to read a slashed up version to this then fine. Going by canon though I always thought that Rivaille and Eren had a bit of a father son relationship, but anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed. Anyway, that's it from your neighbourhood Angel, until next time,
-Tenshi