I sat by my bed and prayed. It was 4:20am, the time of Shrek and Snoop Dog. I crowded myself with their respective merchandise. I needed 420 items related to the two in order to be in "Maximum Ogredrive" (an slang used to signify spiritual alignment with Shrek and Snoop), so I brought out all of the movies, CDS, figurines, photos, you name it. I felt their warm smiles on my face as I happily blazed with my onion bong.
"Dear Shrek and Snoop Dog,
I thank you two for the wonderful life you've given me. Happiness falls upon me like leaves in a pond, and you are the current that guides me into a river. I am a leaf of happiness. A leaf you created, of calm content greens, and fiery reds. I hope my prayer makes you happy, and that we may all turn ogre a new leaf to meet a new day."
I stopped smoking for a moment to reach for my flute. With it I played a classic, All Star. I remember playing that green flute until my throat became sore and the sun was above me. I also recall disturbing my mother and father who both ended up crying at my door. I didn't care though, because I didn't need them. I needed Shrek. And to this day I still need Shrek.
My mother and father have taken me to numerous psychologists. I don't know why though, I'm perfectly fine. They're convinced something is wrong with me, but I think that the only reason they think so is because of how devoted I am to Shrek and Snoop. I have been since I was nine, when Shrek came and filled my butt with his love. My psychologists told me that it wasn't Shrek, but instead a crazed rapist. I don't believe them; Snoop Dog told me they were liars and that one day he'll come to me.
"Faggot," a snide brunette-headed fuck said to me, smirking while holding me against a brick wall. The alleyway was dark and damp, and had a smell of rotten cheese. I smelled it with distaste, rather wanting an oniony scent to graze my nostrils.
"What the fuck is your problem, dude!?" I asked frantically, afraid of how similar the brunette-headed fuck was to my father.
"You don't believe in Snoop Dog enough." He said as if it were a fact.
"I do!" I growled back, reaching for the onion bong in my backpack to hit him with. Suddenly, his hands let go of my neck. I hit the ground and looked up at him. He was undoing his pants.
"No… no!" I pleaded. The man above me smirked, removing his pants to reveal his tiny 2cm penis. Crying, I backed myself against a wall. Except when my back was supposed to touch the wall, I felt a warm leg. Turning, I met with my lord and savior: Snoop Dog.
"This is my swampnizzle, you drizzle?" He said, his wonderful 100in dick swaying in the breeze. The brunette-headed fuck looked at Snoop Dog and immediately bowed in reflex.
"I'm sorry Snoop Dog!"
"Not only did you insult a fellow member of our Cultzizzle, but you were about to rapenizzle this beautiful boy."
"You shall pay with yer life, laddeh." Shrek added, walking from behind BHF (Brunette-headed Fuck) and grabbing his small head. BHF screamed in agony as Shrek began to peel his head as if he were peeling an onion. Smiling at the screams, he started to jack his massive ogre penis.
"You treadin' on someone else's swamp now." He said as he finished the deed. As BHF's dead, cold, limpless body laid on the moldy floor, Shrek sprayed his onion cum. He turned to me, looking me dead in the eyes as he did to my father only seven years ago.
"Aye', I haven't seen ye since ya were a little thing." Snoop Dog grinned, lifting me up the ground. "Too bad your asshole isn't as tight. Oh well."
He shoved his, at least, 9000in cock into my tiny butthole. I chewed on my bottom lip as tears flew from my eyes. But like all those years ago, I did it for Shrek. Snoop Dog jacked me from behind. This lasted four minutes before I blew my semen into Snoop Dog's hand. The two switched positions and we had sex into the night.
The end.