A/N: How does Jango keep in shape on Kamino? Inspired in part by a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, and written with my brother. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters below. Some other lucky human being does.
Since taking the job of being a clone template on Kamino, Jango found that his regular routine of bounty hunting was thrown out of whack. He was starting to lose his edge.
For the first time in his entire life, he couldn't see his six pack anymore.
So, he decided to take up an exercise hobby.
Cycling, to be precise.
"Cycling?!"
"Cycling…?"
"Cycling."
Taun We and Zam Wesell stood before Jango Fett absolutely bewildered.
"But…but..." Zam couldn't speak. This was ridiculous!
"Where will you ride said cycle?" said Taun We with that usual haughty smirk she got when she knew she was right.
"The walkways of course," Jango waved her statement off as he wheeled the bike out to the door.
The thunder clapped menacingly.
"It's raining here," Taun We deadpanned.
"Perpetually!" Zam piped up, still staring at Jango like he had grown another head.
"So what? I'll reach my optimum heart rate in minutes!"
Taun We's head fell into her hands, quite a feat when one takes into consideration that her neck is four feet long.
"But…b-but, Jango! Listen!" Zam darted forward and blocked the door. "It's wet. It's slippery! You could fall, and then I'd have to come and get you, and it's like, wet, outside! And I don't like wet!"
"It's true the Clawdites have a legendary fear of water," Taun We mused through her hands.
"And besides!" Zam blocked the door as Jango tried to muscle his way past. "If you slip and fall OFF said walkway, you're going into the ocean! If the fall doesn't kill you, you'll drown! And if you don't drown, then the sea monsters are gonna getcha!"
"Miss Wesell makes a very good point."
"And I point I don't care about!" said Jango, punctuating each word with a shove against Zam. "Get out of the way, Zam!"
"No!"
"Get…out…of…my…way!"
Jango finally pushed with enough force to sprawl Zam out onto the incredibly damp walkway.
"YEEEOW!" She levitated four feet into the air before running under the awning like a scared cat, bristling. "Fine! But when your butt falls into that ocean, I will NOT, repeat, NOT save you!"
"My butt won't fall into that ocean!" Jango insisted, slipping on his helmet and biking off into the rain. "See you in a minute!"
"We hope," Zam whimpered, shaking her head. It was amazing! He was only five feet from the rampart and you couldn't even see him anymore!
The thunder clapped very ominously.
Boba tottered in, glancing up at Taun We, who still had her face buried in her hands. "Hey, guys! Where's dad?"
"Cycling," the Kaminoan grumbled.
"Cycling? Where?"
She wordlessly gestured out into the rain.
Boba stared. "He's nuts!"
"That's what I said," Zam snarled helplessly, stalking back and forth under the awning like a restless cat. "But did he listen to me? Nooooo, he never listens to me! He never listens to the intelligent Clawdite who tells you that if your butt falls out into the ocean, you're dead, and she will NOT be coming to save you!"
"How fortunate for him that I will be," Taun We groaned, pulling out her communicator. "Security, keep a sharp watch on the south walkway. We might have a bit of a spill."
"How do you mean, Miss We? We don't have any chemicals coming in this cycle."
"A spill of a different kind, sir, and have WRAP on standby."
"WRAP?" Zam asked, biting her nails. "How will thin sheets of plastic help?"
"It's an acronym, my dear. Water Rescue And Patrol."
"Oh."
"DEAD?!" Boba howled, clutching Zam's leg for dear life. "DEAD?! Just running around Kamino on a stupid bike and he's gonna be DEAD?!"
Zam rolled her eyes and plucked the boy from the ground.
Taun We looked on disdainfully. "No, dear boy, there is a very slim chance that Jango is going to die simply cycling on Kamino."
Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning, and all the lights in the base flickered.
"BWAAAAH!" they heard from farther down the walkway.
Silence followed, in which Zam, Boba, and Taun We stood stock still, not even breathing.
Splash.
All hell broke loose.
Taun We tripped over her skirts as she tried to run down the hallway, screaming into her walkie-talkie to deploy WRAP.
Boba broke into hysteric bawls and was the reason Taun We had tripped because he had latched on like a leech.
Zam stepped on Taun's neck as she snatched an umbrella from the broom closet and yanked on a raincoat.
"Zam! Where are you going?!" said Taun We, taking a break from screeching into the walkie-talkie and massaging her neck.
Zam was already out the door and had stepped on Taun We's neck again. "If he's not dead, I'm going to kill him!"
She charged out into the rain, sprinting down the slick walkway.
"JANGO! JANGO, ANSWER ME, NOW!"
"Down here."
She almost jumped clear off the edge herself.
Dropping the umbrella, she lurched over the side to see a very wet looking Jango Fett holding onto the walkway with one gloved hand.
"Jango!"
"Hi, Zam. Could you help me up? Please?"
The relief was quickly superseded by mindblowing fury.
"YOU STUPID FOOL!" she sputtered, seriously considering stomping on his hand and letting him learn his lesson with the sea monsters that were undoubtedly lurking below the surface. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME OUT HERE, AND YOU DID IT ANYWAY, AND I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULDN'T COME LOOKING FOR YOU, AND I DID ANYWAY, AND YOU KNEW I WAS GOING TO COME LOOKING FOR YOU, BECAUSE I ALWAYS COME LOOKING FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT AND I CAN'T HELP MYSELF, AND SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AND YOU CAN DO THE STUPIDEST THINGS BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT I'LL COME AND SAVE YOU, AND—"
"Zam. Help me up. Please."
She looked at him with half-relieved, half-furious tears in her eyes, but knelt obediently, grabbing his wrist and heaving.
"I can't believe I'm doing this, now I'm soaked and exhausted and angry, and…Gods, Jango, how many bricks do you have in your pocket?!"
"All muscle!"
"Maybe this cycling thing was a good idea after all! Take off some of that weight…"
Finally, though, she managed to pull him up on the walkway, where he lay still for a moment, panting.
"What happened? Where's the bike?"
"It went in. Lightning hit right in front of me and I pitched over. I grabbed the railing."
"Gods, you could have gone in, too, Jango…" Zam stared up at the storming sky, shaking her head. Finally, she spared the bounty hunter a timid smile. "If you really want to do this, use a stationary bike, please…"
He looked back at her and spared what he hoped was a contrite smile of his own. He didn't know why she didn't like the rain. She looked really pretty in it.
At his stupid little smile, Zam was brought back to earth. Frowning, she jumped up from the walkway, and snarled, "Next time I'll let the sea monsters get you, you stupid moron!"
She kicked him for emphasis, and snatched her umbrella, stalking off down the ramp.
"Ow! That was my shin!"
"Oh, how clumsy of me! I aimed for your face!"
FIN.
A/N: Yes, yes, a silly humorous drabble of nonsense, rather out-of-character. But if you're reading this now, that means you must have managed to struggle through it. Review, please!