Prolouge
'And there he was, The man ive been admiring for years. And he lived just next door. With her. Juvia that is, we used to be best freinds, not that we have bad blood now or anything, she ignores me and i her. We grew apart after she went out with Gray back in highschool. Gingerly i pressed my finger tips against the glass, watching as he twirled her around, holding her close, his Deep blue eye's reflecting joy and complete adoration. No i couldn't watch, that was weird, odd, stalker-ish even . stifling a shudder, i turned away from the window and tried to focus on the meal in front of me. pushing around my food i quietly stole glance's at the couple in their backyard.
"Hey baby, your up early." i felt the table ove slightly as Natsu slid into the chair across from me. Looking up i saw his face set into a friendly smile. His messy pink hair hung around his face in an unruly manner.
"hn, i couldn't sleep." i caste him a meek smile. It felt wrong. It wasn't right. Having these feeling for anouther man, while my boyfriend of 3 years sat in front of me. No these feeling that i hid away deep inside, were new. ooh no. no, no, no ive been in love with him since my freshman year. But who was i to ruin another's relationship? i had no right. but these feelings just wont dissapear. I felt a warm hand cover my own. Looking up from the plate of food i say Natsu staring at me, his sile sincere but his eye's ...a whirlwind of emotion that i couldnt seem to depict.
"I love you, and i want you to get some sleep. I wont be home tonight, i'm going out with some of the guy's, there insisting on hitting up some party's. i promise to not get to under the influence though. " He laughed lightly standing up and stretching his arms up over his head. be fore walking away. i nodded my head and looked at the food in front of me, still untouched. I suddenly wasn't hungry any more. He hasnt been coming home on a timely manner in 2 years. Always having some sort of party or event, and even the occasional , staying late for work. But what about me? I was dedicating my life to him, i invied him to live with me, everything, and yet i felt as if the feelings i harbor have continued to slip in, never leaving, is partly because natsu lets it. Natsu leaves so much space that there needs to be something to fill it. i had a feeling deep down that he wasnt doing what he said he was, but was spending time with lisanna.
I guess i've known for a while. I mean too be honest ive known the whole time. The night i had refused to give up my virginity; not that i was saving it for any one really, i just wanted it to be later on, you know not so early in a relationship. But instead of understanding he had left saying that he should get going, i found out two week's later that Lisanna had had a boy over at her place early in the morning the very next day. I'd found out from mirajane that it had been , in fact natsu. but i ignored that fact. Natsu loved me, maybe not as much as he should when in a relationship. But who was i too be picky. No one was exactly lining up to be with me , i dont even deserve to be happy, not when im sitting here, still in love with another man while my boyfriend is in the other room? im a shitty person, but its not like im exactly acting out on these feeling oh no , im five years too late to act out on them.
I was in love with Gray FullBuster, and he would never love me back, and i've come to accept that. '