Disclaimer: All characters are property of J.K. Rowling, I claim no right to them, and make no profit. I am simply having some fun.

Knight of Phoenix

Prologue

And so, in deepest black

A single smile,

Can shine as if day.

Bringing hope

To those who'd had none.

Everything was so heavy. His body felt subdued under leagues of inky water, a vast blanket of unrelenting pressure. Muscles, arms, legs, and fingers, anything that might be used to find purchase against it, were rendered entirely useless. It was as if they weren't there at all, and then eventually, they weren't. He couldn't see, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, and yet, he wasn't panicking.

'What is happening?' He thought, a mindless consideration floating in an ocean of endless blackness. There was nothing here, only him. 'Is this what it is to die? Is this hell?' There was no answer, only a resounding silence that pressed on his mind as if it were the loudest of sounds.

Unbidden, a legion of memories presented themselves to him. Every vile deed he'd ever committed, every criminal feat, every stinging insult, all the hurt he'd ever caused danced through his consciousness. It was a sardonic display of events, much like the performance of a leering jester, parading himself before a false king. Silently, desperately, he prayed for a distraction, hoped that something might provide him with an alternate path of thought than this, but in this great place of absence, none offered themselves to him.

'Hell is pent on committing me!' He thought savagely. No doubt one would be driven insane when forced to watch everything they'd ever regretted, every mistake they'd ever made. This emotional turmoil would destroy any soul.

Try as he might, he couldn't halt it. Every memory was rushing through him; a cruel film played out for him at twice speed but no less vivid, no less brutal.

The ugly corners of a vicious insult spat out in shame as he crumpled to the ground, secrets muttered to a horrific master who was undeserving, an obliterated house sheltering bodies he'd as good as murdered, a slender bearded figure teetering backwards, tilting end over end, and then falling, falling, falling…

'I've tried to atone for it all!' He thought remorsefully, 'What else must I do?' His question was an accusation directed at the remembrances haunting him. To his surprise, at that thought, the onslaught ceased and his mind settled, like a fading ripple on a glassy pond.

Undistracted by past horrors, he noticed that the pressure surrounding him was lessening, becoming thinner, and weaker, until it abruptly broke. No longer an encompassing mass, but a supportive force, upholding him above all the oppression below. His limbs seemed to have returned as well, although whether they'd ever actually left him he could not be sure.

He turned this thought over in his mind, trying to remember, but he couldn't know. Everything seemed as if it were a dream. 'Is death a dream?' He wondered, for surely he would not be waking up, there was no point in deluding himself on that matter.

The current around him was comforting, and he relished in it. With the memories gone, this place, if it truly was hell, was not unpleasant. 'At least I'm not in pain.' The thought was like a relieved sigh escaping from every fiber of him. He couldn't remember dying, but he knew it had been painful.

Casually, he realized that he had begun to drift, his body lazily pushed along by the invisible current, to a destination unknown.

As he floated, things began to change. The blackness lightened, gradually at first, and then with much more acceleration until, instead of black, everything was a stark, pristine white. Not of a blinding nature, it was not harsh to his eyes, merely clean, crisp and pure. However, other than this small difference, he still could not see.

The current around him pulled more insistently. Without landmarks he could not know, but intuition told him that the drift's pace was increasing.

His mind reeled again as more memories surfaced,

A young red headed girl in the park with a flower dancing in her hand, his muttered words and intense concentration saving the life of another, vicious wounds stemming their bleeding and knitting together at his command, a magnificent silver doe gracefully walking through the forest to deliver those to what was needed.

Peacefully he watched, the warmth of pride spreading throughout his chest as the images progressed. 'There were some good times and deeds after all.'

A warbling tune, more beautiful than any written melody broke him from his reverie. Another joined, then another, and soon a choir of tiny, chirruping birds replaced the resounding silence around him with a symphony of song.

The white brilliance was slowly fading, not disappearing, but dimming in splendor until it matched that of a summer's day. With mild surprise he realized why he couldn't see, and opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was water, crystalline and as brilliantly sapphire as the sky above. It covered him up to mid torso, where it lapped gently against his skin with reassurance.

He was in the center of what appeared to be a small pond. Its edges were tufted with sprigs of cattails, reeds and water grasses. The many singing birds darted amongst them, each a bright smudge of colour flitting against a green background.

A gentle breeze caressed his face and he stared in wonder. This place was a literal utopia of nature, there were no tainting manmade structures, and not a single stem of grass was out of place. It was untouched.

A natural break in the water plants caught his attention. He could see a large boulder only partially concealed by the plants, and resting on it, beckoning to him, were a bundle of clothes.

It was only as he noticed the clothes that he realized he was completely naked. Out of habit, he searched for anyone that could be watching before wading through the water towards the boulder.

It felt strange to climb out of the water but not be wet. The droplets rolled off him with ease, leaving him warm and dry. Quickly he dressed in the found clothes. The plain black slacks and an equally plain grey, button up shirt were as smooth as the finest of silks. There were no shoes but he found he neither wanted, nor needed them. The ground was as gentle and soft as a pillow beneath his feet.

'What now?' he wondered. As if in response, the wind brushed adamantly against his face, swirling his hair into his line of view. Turning his back to it, he looked in the direction it was heading.

A vast field of greenest grass that had been invisible behind the reeds of the pond lay out before him. It stretched on as far as the eye could see, an enormous blanket of emerald that only ended far off behind the horizon. A short distance away a regal willow stood as a lone sentinel. It's long trailing branches swayed in the breeze, summoning him.

The wind blustered gently against his back, almost a push. Understanding what was wanted, he began to walk.

The field was as perfect and flawless as any groomed lawn he'd ever seen, but there were no signs of upkeep. The grass felt almost like a massage as he strolled.

Playfully, a brilliant crimson bird spiraled around his head, trilling and chirping as it looped, as happy and carefree as the wind it rode on. As he reached the drapery fronds of the willow it darted away, he watched it for a moment with fascination as it sailed back towards the hymn of its comrades.

One of the long willow branches skimmed his face in the wind, requesting that he focus. He regarded the arraying leaves, amazed at their vitality. They were so thick that he couldn't see through them, and so long that the ends lay together on the ground in a tangle. The whole tree was a natural tent, waiting for him to enter.

Carefully, he pressed his hands between the branches and drew them apart. A flock of butterflies burst forth, bobbing away from the disturbance in a papery flutter. It was only after they'd gone that his eyes met another's and an astonished gasp escaped him.

"Hello Severus." Her voice was as sweet as a summer flower; everything about her was exactly as he remembered. Dazed by her beauty he stepped forward, the branches fell back together behind him, forgotten. He tried to speak, but found himself unable to comprehend words. At the moment speech didn't matter, the way the light danced on her luxurious red hair, the way her pastel yellow dress flowed with the curves of her body, the cream tone of her skin, and the dazzling green of her eyes were all that mattered.

"Lily." He finally managed a whisper, his lips barely parting to permit her name passage. What a profound blessing that the first word he muttered in this new place was her name. 'Surely this must be heaven.'

Lily smiled at him as no one had smiled at him in twenty-five years and in two strides she was before him, throwing herself against him and crushing him in a fierce embrace.

Desperately he clutched her to him, burying his nose in her hair he took a deep breath of her scent. It was complicated, something he couldn't name. 'The smell of happiness,' He decided. 'Of wishes, and kept promises.'

"You kept him safe." Lily spoke from his shoulder, "All this time you watched him, protected him. You saved him, you saved everyone." Severus felt tears prick at his eyes.

"I did it for you." He said simply, it was the only explanation necessary. She was the only reason he needed. Lily drew back from his embrace, a hand on each of his shoulders, she stared smiling up at him.

"I am so proud of you Severus. You are a good man." He felt himself smile and was surprised at how easily it came; it had been a long time since he'd smiled.

Lily took a step back and he noticed that like him, she too was barefoot. With a smile she offered him her hand. Severus took it gladly and followed as she led them closer to the trunk of the willow. A particular branch was very low to the ground and swooped out from the tree in a graceful curve before bending upwards to meet the sky. Lily sat on it close to the trunk and elegantly crossed a leg over the other. She tugged gently on Severus' hand until he sat beside her, stretching out his long legs and habitually linking his ankles.

They sat in silence for a moment, watching the dapples of sunbeams dance on the grass between glances at each other. Severus did not relinquish her hand but she made no move to withdraw it. Slowly his smile faded to an expression of amplest content. The silence and companionship was endearing, but much as it had in life, Severus' curiosity was getting the better of him.

"Where are we?" He asked, admiring the delicate hairs that brushed against her face in the breeze.

"We are in the in between." She replied. Severus felt his brows wrinkle in confusion.

"We're where?"

"We are neither here nor there, not heaven or earth, we are between." She explained.

"You're not in heaven?" he asked in disbelief. He felt a deep emptiness inside of him at such an injustice.

"For the moment, no. I came to speak with you." He processed her answer for a moment. She'd left heaven to speak with him?

"What's it like?" He asked. "In heaven?"

"Love." She answered simply. "For all and amongst all, there is no jealousy, no anger, no spite, sadness or hatred, just love." Severus was speechless; he could hardly imagine such a place. The idea alone was completely foreign to him.

"You couldn't speak with me there?" He asked once he'd regained his composure. He couldn't quite manage to say heaven in reference to himself.

"You are not meant for there." Lily replied.

"But I died." He said bluntly, 'I'm going to hell after all.' He thought with despair, 'This is simply some kind of taunt, a glimpse at what could never be.' Almost as if she could sense his thoughts a small frown tugged at her lips, making them imperfect for but a moment before it faded.

"Yes, your body did die," She stared determinedly into his eyes, "But it seems that your soul lives."

Severus was baffled. After all the sins he'd committed he had a soul? How could his soul live without a body? Was he to be trapped in this in between forever? So many questions were begging to be answered; it was impossible to decide which one to ask first.

"Do you know how a phoenix chooses its master?" Lily asked casually. Severus' many uncertainties faded, forgotten as he focused his attention on her. Another warm smile curved her mouth. He waited, a minute of pause passed between them, before she continued. "A phoenix respects those who are courageous in the face of danger, honourable in their actions, and noble in their intentions. It assists those who fight for the ones they honour, who meet grave circumstances with dignity, and who undertake dangerous situations for the sake of the good. But it bonds itself," She squeezed his hand gently, as if what she were about to say were of the utmost importance. "Only to those who have sacrificed in the name of another."

Severus stared blankly at their joined hands. What was the purpose of this information? Surely understanding the bond between Dumbledore and his phoenix wasn't relevant.

"I don't understand." He said weakly. "What do Albus and Fawkes have to do with all of this?" With his free hand he gestured vaguely to their surroundings.

"Albus? Nothing." Lily said dismissively. "What is important about the relationship are the criteria."

Severus was becoming more confused by the minute.

"Heaven has changed you." He said with a sigh, "You never spoke in riddles when you were alive." Lily chuckled amicably and bumped her shoulder against his.

"I'm only allowed to be so specific. Some things have to remain vague." She explained. Severus grinned, enjoying their casual camaraderie. Affectionately, he laid his free hand over their clasped ones.

"Well? What is it about these criteria that is so important?" He asked after a comfortable silence. Lily positively beamed at him.

"Because, Severus, it's these criteria, that have earned you more time." She said with delight.

"More time?"

"Yes, more time."

"Alive?"

"Yes, very much alive."

Severus felt swamped, overwhelmed with emotion. He got to live? 'How is that even remotely possible?' He got to go back to the world? Would he have the same body? Was he to be reborn? How? How? 'How?'Excitement filled him to his very core, there was so much he could do, so much to explore, and learn. He had a chance for redemption. He got to start over!

Abruptly, another thought slammed into the forefront of his mind and his excitement quickly faded to a deep, resounding loss. 'I'll have to leave her…'

"But, what about you?" His voice was so flat, empty, broken. Lily's face furrowed with sympathy, her eyes were brimming with loss, as if she felt his pain as sharp behind her breastbone as he did.

"I have to stay." Her voice was soft, aiming for comfort but sounding only sad.

"I'm not going back if it means I have to leave you." He said stubbornly.

"It doesn't work that way." She said softly. "Besides, I don't have anything to go back to."

"And I do?" He argued. "I have nothing, no home, no job," No one to go home to. He felt cheated, why be shown such magnificence, taunted with the woman he'd been pining after for years, only to have it all snatched away. "I'm nobody." He finished ruefully.

"Don't ever say that!" She objected, "You are the reason my son is alive! For that alone I am forever in you debt."

"I basically killed you!" Severus blurted miserably, overcome with emotion, tears again welled in his eyes before streaking down his face. "It was all my fault, I spent all this time trying to make up for it! I protected your son because-" his voice caught in his throat behind a stifled sob. 'Pull yourself together!' He thought, staring furiously at their entwined hands.

Lily carefully wiped a tear from his cheek with a compassionate brush of her fingertips. When he lifted his gaze her green eyes were staring directly into his.

"Because?" She prompted. What had seemed taboo in life now seemed pointless, why bother to keep a secret from the dead?

"Because I love you." The sentence was whispered so softly, barely a breath wisping from his lips. "I can't leave you."

"Oh Severus." She exhaled. Her fingertips skimmed upward and her palm pressed flat so that his cheek was cupped in her hand. "I think you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for. You'd be surprised what the heart can do, if given the chance." He didn't reply, instead he just pressed his face further against her palm. "It won't be forever. One day you'll come back to stay."

"This isn't fair." He argued childishly.

"Life hardly ever is." She agreed. Lost in contemplation, her thumb traced his lower lip as she considered him. He nearly shivered under her touch but waited, knowing she was on the brink of something important. "What would you do for me Severus?" She asked quietly.

"Anything." He immediately replied. Her serious expression lifted, transforming to the smallest of smiles.

"Promise me something?" She asked.

"Of course." He said. Lily's free hand dropped from his cheek to join his over their others, so that both sets lay tangled together.

"Live for the moment," She began, "Do whatever it is that brings you joy, never take any harsh words against you seriously, and most importantly, try to open your heart to another."

"And forget you?" Severus asked painfully.

"No, not forget. Just move me into the background. In some way, I will always be with you, but if you try, you'll see there's plenty of room for another." Her eyes were pleading with his but he couldn't control the doubt in his mind. "Please, for me, try."

"I'll try." He whispered. He studied her face with intensity, memorizing every detail, trying to imprint what he could. Time was suddenly feeling short and without realizing it his hands clutched hers tighter, not willing to let her go. His chest felt tight with anticipation and longing.

"You want to kiss me, don't you?" She asked kindly.

"Always." He said with a crooked smile. She leaned closer to him invitingly and this time it was her cheek cupped in his hand as he closed his eyes and joined his lips with hers. His heart was hammering in his throat; he could hardly breathe from disbelief of what he was doing.

But then things changed, suddenly she was gone and he was spiraling out of control. Everything was black around him. The tree, the meadow, the grass, birds, pond and butterflies all vanished. He didn't know which direction was up; his throat was hot and tight. He was choking!

With a wrenching cough he came back into the world, his ribcage heaving under a heavy weight as his starved lungs fought for oxygen. Sputtering, eyes wet with tears as he gasped for what seemed an eternity, he very nearly retched from the pain of it.

The memory of Nagini lunging at him, her great fangs embedding themselves in his flesh rushed back and his hand flew to where the wound had been. There was only damp, smooth skin under his fingertips. No gaping hole or lacerated edges, just skin that throbbed with the beat of his racing heart.

His hand flopped heavily back to the earth with relief. Tears streamed silently from his closed eyes, leaving cool trail marks on his cheeks as he continued to gulp air like a fish out of water. The only sounds he could hear were the echoes of what he assumed to be distant battle.

Gradually the pain in his chest subsided, although it still felt as if a weight were resting just above his sternum.

Nothing made sense and he found he didn't mentally have the energy to try to sort it out. 'I'm alive.' He thought with wonder. Visions of Potter siphoning his memories into a flask and staring resolutely into his eyes as everything darkened flashed by. 'But everyone is going to think that I'm dead.'

His breath finally evened out enough for him to groan with realization. 'Potter is going to tell everyone what those memories contain! Every last witch and wizard in all of Britain is going to know that I loved Lily enough to spend nearly a decade protecting her son!' Dread filled Severus to his very core; he could not bear that knowledge looking back at him from every face he met. Angrily he slapped his hand against the ground, the weight on his chest moved ever so slightly and Severus' eyes flew open with alarm.

Beady black eyes stared back at him over a golden beak.

"F-Fawkes?" He stammered, his first words since the attack were shaky. Whether from shock, exhaustion or his newly healed skin he didn't know.

The phoenix sung a low note that resonated deep within him. It vibrated there, like a soothing balm, calming him and chasing his worries away for the time being. As it sang, the bird lowered himself from where he stood on his sternum. Meticulously ruffling his scarlet plumage with care until he was protectively nestled on his chest.

'…It bonds itself,' Lily's words drifted back to him, promises muttered from a forgotten dream. 'Only to those who have sacrificed in the name of another.'

Severus stared at the bird staring at him, feeling as if he'd been confunded.

"You choose me?" He asked with disbelief. The phoenix sang another note, slightly higher than the previous, but obviously a yes. Severus raised a hand and with a single finger, scratched the bird under the chin.

A sense of duty flared within him. He should be going, joining the others, fighting to save Hogwarts. Guilt wriggled at his soul as he pushed those feeling aside. Merlin, he was so exhausted, so tired of worrying about everyone else. He'd put in years of fighting and deception, surely that was enough? "We're going to have to start over." He relinquished. Fawkes closed his eyes, savoring the attention, not the least bit fretful with the future or what it had to hold.

Severus felt the smallest of smiles tug at his lips, wondering what it must feel like to be so unconcerned. "Preferably somewhere exceptionally far from here."

Fawkes reopened his small, round eyes. A peculiar expression crossed the bird's face; almost as if he were smiling, and then in a swirl of flame, they were gone.

A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed the first peek at my new story. I will warn you all in advance that it is probably going to take a long time to finish. I'm very intent on completing Cry Wolf before I get too involved in this story. However, I do think this story will turn out infinitely better.

The thought for this prologue wouldn't leave me alone, despite my effort to keep notes on it to start after Cry Wolf was finished, it demanded to be written.

Anyway, the key point I wanted to mention is that despite Severus surviving, this story is as canon as can be. The rest takes place after the epilogue in HPatDH, so I figure I get as much liberty with it as I wish.

Thank you for reading.

I will be forever indebted if you review.