Whispers on the Wind
By FantasiCat
I was listening to the radio one day and a song came on that made me think of Seto and Yami in the situation described in the song, and thus this plot bunny was born . Unfortunately, I was not able to discover the title or artist of the song. I hope you enjoy the story anyway!
Disclaimer: Neither Yu-Gi-Oh! nor its characters belong to me. If they did, there would be a lot less dueling and a lot more shower scenes drool .
Warnings: angst, yaoi, angst, probably OOC (I really need to work on characterization --), angst, definitely bad writing, and oh, did I mention angst? Brace yourselves people, this is not my normal type of fic.
Dedicated to my faithful beta and angst-addict thanx4reading. If you don't like this fic, don't blame me, this is entirely her fault. I was perfectly happy writing my fluff, but no. On the other hand, if you do like it, this is completely my fault .
--)--------)--------)------ is change of scene
blah is emphasis
'blah' is thoughts
"blah" is spoken dialogue
'blah' is Seto's inner voice
'blah' is the voices Yami speaks to
/blah/ is the mind link between Yami and Yugi
It'll make sense when you read it (I hope…) sweatdrop.
'What is he hiding from me?' Suspicious blue eyes tracked the furtive movements of a lithe body in the dark room. The figure turned to face the bed and Seto Kaiba, indomitable CEO of one of the largest companies in the world, feigned sleep in order to avoid a confrontation with his lover. The dark silhouette turned, satisfied that he was not discovered, and exited the room. Yami had been doing this for about a week now, getting up in the middle of the night and leaving, going out to do god-knows-what with god-knows-whom, only to return before dawn and pretend like nothing had happened, like he had spent all night sleeping peacefully beside his boyfriend.
'You knew all along this was going to happen,'
whispered an insidious voice inside his mind. 'You believed him when he said
he loved you, that he would never hurt you. You let him in. You even trusted
him. Pathetic fool. Of course he would betray you eventually. This is what
happens when you're weak.'
"Shut up!" he snapped at the voice, attempting to shake the absurd
notion from his mind. But try as he might, Kaiba could not banish the disquieting
feeling entirely. 'Why would he want to stay with me? The whispers in the
dark, about how I'm the only one he wants, how he loves me completely, how
could they be true? How could someone as warm and full of life as he is
possibly be content with me?'
'That's right,' the voice continued. 'Why would he be happy with a cold, heartless businessman? He probably leaves every night to mourn the fact that he's tied himself to you, and to find comfort in someone else's arms. And really, what possible reason could your biggest rival have to just suddenly turn around and proclaim his love for you?'
"That's… not true," he whispered, but the doubt creeping into his voice didn't lend much weight to his protest. He could practically see the voice smirk at his feeble protest. "I don't believe you," Kaiba tried again, his voice stronger now. "I won't believe you!" The voice retreated in the face of this renewed conviction, waiting once more in the shadows of his mind, satisfied for now with the seeds of distrust it had planted in the brunet's mind. As the presence faded from his thoughts, uncertain blue eyes looked once more towards the closed bedroom door. A whisper no louder than a sigh flowed into the night-shrouded room. "I can't believe you…" But even as he said that to the empty night, he couldn't help but wonder, and so he began steeling his heart against the petite duelist's machinations.
Yami sighed, wrapping his arms around his slight frame as he escaped once again into the anonymity of the shadows for which he was named. He couldn't really say what drove him out here, but night after night for the past week and a half he found himself out here, away from the warmth of his lover's arms. And maybe that was part of it. How could someone as charismatic, as fantastic as the brunet CEO ever possibly have feelings for him? He was nobody, a 3000 year-old spirit with no past, so how could he possibly hope to have a future? Especially a happy one? 'He is going to get tired of me sooner or later. I'm of no real use to him. In fact, I'm probably little more than an annoyance who shares his bed.'
Tightening his arms further around himself, Yami continued walking aimlessly through the streets. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye he glimpsed a familiar sign, and looking up he found himself to be in front of the Kame Game Shop. He smiled a little, thinking of all the good times he had spent there with Yugi and his friends. His smile turned sad as he recalled all the times he had dragged Seto with him to the shop after they had gotten together. 'He put up with it even though he can't stand aibou's group,' Yami remembered. Yami had long ago come to grips with the fact that even though Jou and the others welcomed him in their midst, he had never really been a part of them. They were, first and foremost, Yugi's gang. 'Seto was even less a part of the gatherings, but he still came if I asked. What have I ever done for him? He probably didn't really want me to move in with him, he just gave in because I pushed. He probably would have been happier if I had just stayed with Yugi.'
His short respite from his cheerless thoughts well and truly over, he meandered on through the sleeping city. With no really destination in mind, he wound up sitting on a park bench overlooking the river, immersed once more in his depressing reflections, a small breeze playing with his blond bangs. 'Why did I ever think he would want me? He has every thing he could want, a successful business, a younger brother who loves him unconditionally… I can't possibly compare.' Unnoticed by the pharaoh, silent tears began to fall from his crimson eyes. 'I should probably leave before I can become any more of a burden to him.' The thought of leaving Seto pained him unbearably, but not as much as the thought that he might be responsible for causing his dragon pain.
'Yes,' the wind seemed to be whispering as it hissed through the leaves of the trees. 'Why should he stay with you? Why should you stay with him for that matter?'
'He has always focused solely on beating you,' the river remarked as it bubbled along over the rocks littering its bottom. 'Why should this 'relationship' be any different? He's just waiting for the right moment to crush you.'
"No…" Yami protested weakly. 'Yes,' hooted an owl from somewhere in the park. 'He's merely waiting for the moment when his rejection of you will cause the most damage. All he cares about is winning this final duel.' Try as he might, Yami couldn't think of anything to say to that. He sat, lost in his thoughts, until the inky black night started to fade to grey predawn. Blinking several times to help clear his mind, he noticed with a start just how much time has passed since he left the mansion. Biting back a curse, he leapt up and began sprinting back, half trying to make it back before Seto awoke, half trying to outrace the conclusion he had drawn during last night's wanderings. 'Maybe I should just leave him…' After all, if Yami wasn't the one who did the leaving, inevitably he would be the one left. Arriving at the door to the mansion, he eased inside silently and crept back into bed, looking for a while at the prone form beside him. The warmth in his eyes gradually started to freeze as he took his decision to heart. 'I won't be the one left in the cold.'
Breakfast that morning was unusually tense, and neither duelist could seem to meet the other's eyes. The only sound in the dining room was the scrap of utensils against plates, as Mokuba had left for school half an hour before. He was in high school now, and passing his subjects with the same ease his older brother had done.
Yami fidgeted in his seat, unhappy with both the silence and the decision he had made that morning. No matter how many times he told himself it was for the best, his heart still bled at the thought of leaving Seto.
Kaiba was having similar problems. It was all he could do not to stand up and pull the smaller man into his arms, but he was resolute in his decision to disentangle himself from this relationship before his heart was stepped on. No matter how much the thought of never again seeing crimson-eyes light up in happiness when he got back from work, never again seeing Yami's face soften into the smile that was only for him tortured him, he knew the pain he felt was infinitesimal compared to the anguish he would experience when Yami revealed that it had all been a lie. It was better to just cut his losses.
But no matter how much they deluded themselves, deep down inside they knew that they wished it could be different, that they could stay as they were and be happy together. Neither knew that the other was suffering for the same reasons.
Finally Yami couldn't take it anymore. "Seto," he said, wincing as the silence was broken so abruptly. Kaiba looked up from where ha had been studying his breakfast.
"Yes?"
Yami swallowed, suddenly unsure, but he forged ahead. "We- we need to talk."
Kaiba's eyes widened slightly, almost imperceptibly. 'No,' he thought desperately. 'Not yet. Please, if anyone up there is listening, or even exists, please not yet.' But all his frantic internal pleading didn't stop the flow of words from escaping Yami's mouth.
"I- I think we both need to move on from this. From each other," he licked lips gone suddenly dry, and he couldn't help noticing how Seto's eyes followed the movement. "I mean, it's been great, wonderful, but I… We're just too different. I- please don't be upset, I'm sure you realize this is for the best as well, this is just so hard to say…" Yami was rambling now and he knew it, but seeing the emotions that he had gotten used to being able to read in Seto's eyes fade behind his patented mask of ice made it impossible for him to care very much. He had never wanted to see Seto use that mask around him again, and now he was the one who put it on him. Yami only ceased speaking when Seto interrupted him.
"Yes, I can see the need for this relationship to end," Kaiba said evenly, in the tone he used for business dealings. Yami winced hearing it directed at himself. "In fact, I was planning on having just this conversation with you at some point in the near future. However, it seems that there's no need now."
Yami looked away, unable to meet Seto's now-icy blue eyes any longer. "I'm glad that we are in agreement then," he said, voice almost cracking. "I'll just gather my things and move back in with Yugi today."
"No need to rush," Seto returned graciously, letting no hint of his anguish penetrate his cool façade.
"It's quite all right, Kaiba," Yami replied, the name tasting foreign on his tongue. "I don't want to inconvenience you any further."
Kaiba inclined his head slightly. "Whatever you prefer then. I'm sorry I can't stay, but I'm needed at the office. I'm sure you'll be able to manage on your own."
Yami nodded, but Kaiba had already stood and proceeded to leave to sun-filled dining room. As soon as he heard the front door close, Yami let the tears he had been holding in check pour forth. He headed into the kitchen to call Yugi, but he didn't even tough the phone before it rang. "Hello," he answered, a slight quaver in his voice the only evidence of his crying.
"Yami? What's wrong? I felt you on our soul link, you're in terrible pain!" Yugi's panic-filled voice reached his ear. At this show of care, Yami broke down completely, sobs ripping from his chest with such force he felt like he must be bleeding inside. "I'll be right there," Yugi said quickly, hanging up and speeding towards the Kaiba mansion as fast as he could.
Yugi ushered the still dazed Yami into the kitchen of the game shop and sat him in one of the chairs, then bustled about making some tea for the distraught spirit. He hadn't been able to get much out of Yami since picking him up from Kaiba's, but from what he could tell, his dark and his boyfriend had had a pretty serious blow-up. Yugi wasn't sure just what had gone down at the mansion this morning, but from the amount of emotional pain Yami was unconsciously projecting onto him, he knew it wasn't just some lovers' spat.
When the tea was ready, he turned back to his other half and pressed a steaming mug full of it into his hand. The external stimulus was enough to jolt Yami back into the real world. "Thank you, Yugi," Yami said quietly.
"It's alright Yami, but please, tell me what's wrong," he replied urgently. "You really scared me this morning."
Yami looked down into his tea, watching the dark liquid swirl as he absentmindedly turned the cup in his hands. The scene had been playing non-stop in his mind since Set- no, Kaiba had walked out of the dining room. When he looked up again, his light was still waiting patiently for him to begin, and encouraging half-smile on his face. Yami sighed and brushed a hand through his bangs, then began. "Seto-" he caught and corrected himself again. "I mean, Kaiba and I broke up."
Yugi was horrified. "You what?! How could he do that to you? That's terrible, I didn't think even Kaiba was capable of sinking that low! I should go over to that office and give him a piece of-" Yugi stopped when he found Yami's hand pressed to his lips.
"Let me rephrase that," he said quietly. "I broke up with Kaiba. He merely agreed it was the best thing for the both of us." He removed his hand. Yugi was speechless.
"But- but obviously it wasn't! Yami, you love him! I know you do. You've loved him for such a long time, and I'm positive he loves you back. Look at the changes you've made in him! Why would you throw that away?"
"That's why, aibou," Yami whispered, eyes strangely clear and bright now. "I was changing him. I have no right to do that, to decide that I can make him better."
Yugi looked at his dark other sitting in front of him, and he knew that wasn't all of it. "And what's the other reason?"
Yami looked up and smiled, an infinitely sad smile that made Yugi's heart ache just to see it. "The other reason," Yami replied, placing each word into the silence with deliberate care, as if he was afraid they would break if they were handled roughly. "Is that I didn't want to wait around until he decided to end it. We didn't really have a chance to be happy together." With that he stood and began to make his way upstairs to his old room. Halfway up, he turned to look at Yugi, still sitting in shock at the table. "I couldn't bear to watch him walk away from me, so instead I walked away from him." He hesitated for a second, and then continued. "Could you please get my stuff from the mansion? I don't think I can trust myself around Kaiba at the moment."
Yugi looked into the sad eyes of his other, and he couldn't resist the plea he saw there. "Alright," he nodded. "I'll get them when Grandpa gets back to watch the shop. Why don't you go take a nap or something?" Yami smiled slightly in thanks, and continued up the stairs.
Seto Kaiba sat at his desk on the top floor of Kaiba Corp. and stared blankly at the paperwork in front of him. Try as he might, he couldn't pull his mind away from going over what had occurred that morning. 'He's gone. He left. I wasn't good enough.' Every time the mantra repeated itself in his head it felt as if a dull knife was plunged into his heart, but still he couldn't stop thinking it. 'That's right, you weren't good enough,' the voice whispered, returning from wherever it had gone the night before. 'You've never been good enough. He just finally realized that. You're weak. Pathetic. Useless.'
Kaiba could no longer summon the strength to resist the voice's words. He wasn't even questioning the voice's existence anymore. He simply let them wash over him, their poison settling into his mind. "It's true," he whispered. "You're right."
'Of course I'm right,' the voice said soothingly. 'You're worthless. An unnecessary blemish on the face of the earth. Everyone would be better off if you didn't exist.' Kaiba nodded slowly, agreeing with the voice.
"What should I do?" he asked it. The voice would make everything okay again. He should trust it; it knew what it was talking.
'Remove the burden from everyone's lives,' it said. 'Disappear.'
"Disappear…" Kaiba nodded once more. "Of course." He stood and walked deliberately over to the small bathroom in the corner of his office. He kept all the necessities in it, in case he had to stay through the night working. Included among those necessities was a razor blade. He picked it up and looked at its shiny, reflective surface for a moment, before turning and walking back to his desk. Seating himself in his office chair, he turned to face the floor to ceiling windows, gazing out at the entire city below his feet. 'That's right,' the voice encouraged. 'Rid the world of you. Leave them all in peace.'
Kaiba looked down at Domino for another moment. From up here, he could almost make out the game shop in the distance. "Yami…" he whispered as he pressed the blade to his wrists.
"Yami?" The sound of his light calling his name, combined with the sensation of being shaken worked to wake Yami from the uneasy sleep he had fallen into. He sat up and brushed his blond bangs away from his eyes.
"Yes, what is it?" he asked. Yugi looked up at him with worry written clearly in his eyes. "What's wrong, aibou?" Yami asked again, beginning to worry himself.
Yugi cleared his throat and looked away for a second, before turning and once again meeting his other half's eyes. "I think you should talk to him."
Yami blinked, trying to process this statement. When its meaning had finally worked its way through his mind, he shook his head vehemently. "We're through Yugi. We're over. There's nothing for us to talk about."
"I think there is," Yugi protested, ignoring the anger growing behind his dark's crimson eyes. "You're not happy with this, he's almost certainly not happy about this, why don't you just-"
"It's not that simple!" Yami interrupted sharply. "This is for the best."
"That's not true!" Yugi shouted angrily. Yami's eyes widened, startled by this unusual showing of anger from his light half. "I can feel the pain eating at you, and it hurts me unbearably to know that you're basically dying inside! I'm telling you, Yami, you can still fix this before it gets any worse!" He stopped, breathing harshly from his outburst. Once he had calmed down sufficiently, he turned compassionate eyes on the other half of his soul. "You said you broke up with him because you didn't have any real chance of being happy together. Even a slim chance of happiness is better than none, and that is the chance you'll have without him."
Yami looked into Yugi's kindhearted violet eyes and saw the truth of his statement. He nodded slowly, and pulled his light into a tight hug. "Thank you," he whispered, and, releasing him, Yami ran out of the game shop, his thoughts focusing solely on getting to Kaiba Corp. and fixing this mess.
Kaiba's secretary was used to Yami's spontaneous visits to the CEO's office, so she let him in without a second thought. Yami was incredibly thankful for that small piece of good fortune as he pushed open the wooden door. "Seto?" he called softly, for some reason extremely worried. When he saw the back of his love's office chair facing the window, he breathed a sigh of relief. He could fix this and they could go back to what they had been before his ill-thought out words that morning. "Seto, I need to talk to you." The silence that created his words hurt, but it was not unexpected. He had hurt them both a lot more at breakfast.
"I just wanted to say that I was an idiot," Yami began, trying to express his thoughts to the brunet. "I didn't mean what I said this morning. I was just so scared, terrified even, that if I didn't leave you, you would end up leaving me. I'm so sorry dragon," he whispered. "Can we try this again? I- I want to be with you. I want us to be happy together. I love you."
Yami waited, but there was no response from the blue-eyed businessman. No 'I'm sorry too baby, let's pretend like this never happened', no 'Get the hell out of my office, I'm finished with you'. Just more silence. While the thought of the second response scared Yami more than anything, this ignoring of his presence when he had just poured his heart out angered him beyond belief. "Seto, say something," he demanded. "Anything, please. Don't just leave me standing here."
When there was still no answer, Yami strode forward angrily and spun the office chair around, an angry retort on the tip of his tongue. The sight that created him when the chair finally faced him caused the words to die in his throat. He shook his head in soundless denial, backing away from the motionless figure in the chair, but no matter how loudly his heart protested, his mind could not refute the evidence in front of his eyes. The blue eyes that had looked at him with such warmth, that could express such a wealth of emotions, now stared sightlessly through, the brunet's head lolling to the side with the movement of the chair. Kaiba held a razor blade stained rust-brown loosely in one hand, while bright red blood, a red almost the shade of Yami's eyes, stained the front of his white dress shirt. The blood was still fresh. That, more than anything, was what drove Yami over the edge, the thought that if he had just been a little faster, if he had just stopped arguing with Yugi about his feelings a second sooner, he might have gotten here in time.
/Yami, what's?!/ The thought made it through the white noise blaring through his mind and woke him up enough for Yami to accept that this was real, not some nightmare he had dreamed up. Wild crimson eyes settled firmly on the razor still clutched in Kaiba's hand and he made his choice.
/Yugi, I'm sorry/ He quickly closed off the link between their mind's, not wanting Yugi to have to feel what was about to take place. Yami stepped forward and gently took the blade from his love's hand. Settling himself in Kaiba's lap as he had done countless times before, he brushed his hand over his eyes, closing them, before brushing his lips over the other man's for the last time. Bringing the razor to rest on his wrist, he closed his eyes. "I hope you can forgive me, Yugi. This is all my fault. Seto, I'm so sorry." And with that, the blade bit deeply into his skin.
Owari
Oh god, I'm so sorry! sniffle I didn't mean to kill them off, really I didn't. I hate angst with a passion, but the plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone until this was written. Please let me know what you thought. I'm sure everybody knows my policy on flames by know, but just in case you don't, it involves me, my friends, laughter, and s'mores. Reviews and constructive criticism, however, are like oxygen; I need them to live. 'Til next time!
