After reading one of these... I wanted to do one myself. XD
Dante blinked.
She blinked again.
What the...?
Awkward silence...
She blinked a third time, scrambling for words.
"Who in the hell are you guys?" Not exactly the most intelligent sentence, but it did give the right impression for the situation.
Dante stood, Envy next to her, Gluttony and Lust on the other side. Wrath and Sloth were slightly behind her, and Pride was slightly off to the side near Envy. Greed beside him. And for whatever reason... Hohenhiem of Light stood awkwardly off to the side of Gluttony, probably not knowing why in the world he was there. None of them did, actually.
Across from them stood Father. He seemed slightly annoyed that he had woken from his nap to find himself standing in a cavern facing whatever in Truth those things were; all of his children were standing right behind him. Oddly enough, Von Hohenhiem was off to the side, staring ahead and most likely also wondering why he was there.
And so, the end of the world started.
"Gluttony..." Dante said softly. "Eat them. They're in my way."
"Okay!"
Gluttony charged all of the counterparts. He must not have recieved a brain from the human transmutation. But you probably know that anyways. Anywho, none of the M. Homunculi were concerned in the slightest. There was no emotion towards the charging blubber trying to eat them.
"Wrath." Father spoke the single word, and the fuhrur stepped casually out in front of his 'Father'. Gluttony charged straight at Wrath, opening his jaws wide, only to be sliced to pieces within a split second and spurt blood all over the place. Wrath sighed as he sheathed his sword, and looked down on the doppleganger Gluttony. "What an idiot. Exactly like the real one."
"Father... can I..." Gluttony started, his unfinished sentence obvious. He must not have heard Wrath.
"Alright, my son. You may eat him," Father said with a slight sigh.
"Yay!"
Gluttony jumped forward, only to be punctured straight through the head (where his brain is supposed to go) by the doppleganger Lust on the other side of the room.
"Not so fast," She said, her eyes narrowed. "Who are you?"
By this time, A. Gluttony had reformed himself and without being noticed, snuck back to Dante's side. He was currently sucking his thumb in fear.
Lust stepped out from behind Father and slightly extened her fingers. "The question is, who are you?" She sliced through her counterpart's spear fingers, who quickly retracted them after that, leaving Gluttony to heal in a few red sparks. He waddled behind Father to sulk.
Acoss the room, Dante stood up straighter. "I am Dante. Master of the Homunculi. Now leave my sight, inferiors."
"Inferiors?" Father questioned. "I do believe that you have it wrong. A human is not fit to rule homunculi. We are superior to humans, and stooping so low as to work under one? A complete disgrace."
Dante blinked at that. She laughed. "Superior? Ha, don't make me laugh! Homunculi were mistakes! Not meant to happen! Without me, they would be nothing. All they wish is to become human."
M. Pride scowled deeply at this. "Why would we lower ourselves to become something that we now only consider a nusiance? Give up our superior abilities, to become an insect? You obviously do no have any pride as a superior."
A. Pride blinked at his 'counterpart'. "Selim...?"
M. Pride scowled. "Wrath, what is that doppleganger talking about?"
A. Pride tilted his head, his hand on his sword hilt, drawing the metal out slowly. "Wrath? I am Pride."
M. Wrath drew his sword, mimicing the doppleganger. "I am Wrath."
As the two started to fight, the homunculi wandered over to each other.
M. Pride was watching Wrath and his look-alike fight with bemused interest, and didn't notice as the alternate Sloth and Wrath came over to him.
"Who're you?" (Little) Wrath(y) demanded to Pride.
Pride frowned. "You, a homunculus? Absurd."
Wrath face fell, and he glared at Pride. "I could say the same for you - you look younger than me!"
Pride scowled deeply. "I am Pride, the first homunculus. Do not let my container mislead your judgement."
Wrath pouted. "Wannabe."
Half a second later, anime Wrath was chopped into... 1,267,469 pieces. Or something around there. I lost track of my counting.
Sloth blinked at the shadows that surrounded 'Pride', who she had first thought of as Selim Bradley. Ah, NO. As Wrath's abilites as a homunculus started to heal him, Sloth turned to the Fuhrur's son.
"Th-"
"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."
Sloth was promptly cut off by a loud snore and a crash as her counterpart (but of course she didn't know he was Sloth, too) fell to the floor, asleep. Appearantly being awake was "Too much work".
Pride sighed as he saw Sloth fall to the floor. He wasn't much help.
Wrath stood up, now completely healed, seething with rage. He ended up backed down as he saw the shadows rise up. Instead, he tried to change the subject, not really bothering to keep the anger out of his voice. "Who's that?"
"The big one that just fell?" Pride asked calmly, unperturbed by Wrath's attitude.
Sloth sighed. Wrath was not going to make any progress with this 'Pride'. She looked back over to the huge, snoring figure on the ground. She could now see that these strangers were pretty much dopplegangers. She hadn't seen anyone for her yet, but she knew that thing wasn't her's.
"That's Sloth," Pride answered Wrath.
The woman Sloth almost face-palmed.
(-)
Greed examined Greed. Greed did the same.
"You look pretty sexy," Greed commented.
"Likewise, my friend."
(-)
"So...let me get this straight," Van Hohenhiem said slowly. "You abandoned your family... because you didn't want them to see your slowly rotting body. That wasn't even yours. And you wanted to hide the fact that you were trying to be immortal, but in the end you had a change of heart and sacraficed yourself to Envy, who was your human transmutation sin in the first place."
Hohenhiem of Light nodded. "Pretty much."
"Damn, you're pathetic."
A. Hohenhiem's mouth gaped. "Wh-What?" He sputtered. "How..."
"Why the hell would you want to be immortal in the first place? And to continuously go through the same process over and over agin, even if you knew it would last shorter each time? Then abandoning your wife and two children because you didn't want them to see it?" M. Hohenhiem lectured. "What is wrong with you? Not to mention you're a two timer. You left your first wife, then get a second one! And you have children with both! How dishonest! You disgust me!"
H. of Light frowned. "Well, what about you?"
M. Hohenhiem sighed dramatically. "Well, since you asked..."
(-)
Gluttony blinked. Gluttony also blinked.
The same thing came to their minds at once.
"Can I eat you?"
(-)
"So, you actually helped the Elric Brothers?"
"Well..."
"And you were killed by that pathetic thing you call Wrath?"
"The situation-"
"A complete insult to your pride as a homunculus."
"You were killed by the Flame Alchemist much sooner in your series than I was," A. Lust shot back.
M. Lust crossed her arms. "Yes, but he is a much more formidable opponent. He nearly killed two of us. Unlike...whatever your Wrath is..."
They stared each other down for a minute.
"Did I mention that dress makes you look sexy?" One mentioned.
(-)
"So why again do you look like a Xingese teeanger?" Greed asked his friend and counterpart.
"Eh... It wasn't my idea. Pops inserted my Philospher's Stone into the kid. I looked very similar to you before. Anyways, the kid's not too bad. Appearantly, he's a prince."
(-)
Envy had come to the same decision as his counterpart as they stared at each other.
"You look like a palm tree."
(-)
Dante was officially in love. With the man who stood in front of her. His plans to become God, a perfect being, ooh! She loooved it!
Father was offically in love. With the number of ideas he had to kill this woman who would not leave him alone. Antagonist wannabe.
(-)
"So... Edward ran up to you and punched you in the face the first time he saw you?"
"Um, yeah."
"Ha! He only called me a 'Bastard'!"
"That's becuase you were in front of Trisha's grave."
"I don't care, I'm a better daddy, old man! HAHAHAHA!"
(-)
"I'm a freakin' DRAGON!"
"And my true form KICKS ASS!"
"Envy, your true form is a miniture reptilian worm," Pride called from across the room.
"Ha, I WIN!"
"You purposefully choose the form of a palm tree for yourself!"
"So did you, idiot!"
(-)
Now that Wrath and Pride's fight was over, they were both eyepatchless, and the ultimate eye was in plain sight. They were breathing hard, and their swords were decorated with blood.
Wrath started chuckling. "I haven't had a fight that good in years! Thank you, my friend. Now, can I offer you a melon?"
(-)
"How come you get the cool shadow things?" One of the opposite homunculi complained to Pride.
Pride smirked boastfully. "Because I'm father's favorite."
The homunculus blinked. "Who's his least favorite?"
"Greed."
"HEY!" Pride lost a few limbs before he could get an accurate hit on Greed who had his ultimate shield up.
(-)
"I think we heal cooler," one of the Manga homunculi said to one of the Anime homunculi.
"Really? Do you not think that red flashes of alchemy is a bit showy?" A. resonded.
"It's badass."
"It's cheesy. "
"You guys reform in grotesque ways! Ours is completely epic!"
"Ours is more sensible," A. shrugged.
"It looks like the gate is reconstructing you. Don't you think that scares some people?"
"We enjoy that part."
"Hmm... I see, touche..." M. mused.
A. nodded. "Sure, but your way is still cheesy and sterotypical."
(-)
In the end, the cavern collapsed, but of course, the antagonists and others all survived. It seemed to be their specialty - killing each other and coming back to life. It was probably more of an adaptation now than the Philosopher's Stone. Plus, they all probably made it back to their own dimensions, so there's nothing to worry about.
So, err... yeah. I got more and more random and crack-y towards the end, but I happened to be watching X-men at the same time, so... I hope you liked it anyways. :)
I tended to do more anime bashing, but still... It's a parody, is it not? I don't know how to write a few of the homunculi, so if they seem OOC... Heck, the whole thing probably was!