Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Summary: Time heals all wounds...if given the time to do so. [One-shot]
Special Notes: This is my first one-shot, and I don't know, inspiration struck when I was listening to 'The Reason' by Hoobastank and...well, I'm a weird person...I mean, most normal people would probably turn The Reason into a song fic, a confrontation between Kagome and Inuyasha, but what the heck. I'm not normal. Enjoy.
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Not A Sparrow Falls.
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I was born into a world where I was never accepted.Never welcomed, always scorned.
There had been people out there who may care for me, out of pity or from an act of guilty conscience, but no one will truly accept me.
Although I could see my mother's unconditional love for me, I could also see the shame lingering in her eyes. I could see the self-pity and self- hatred floating beneath the warm exterior of love and kindness, it was there.
You just had to know where to look for it.
I wonder at times, that if I had been a full-demon, would Sesshoumaru have accepted me with open arms? If I were a full-demon, would I be fawned upon by other demons and earn their respect?
If I were a full-demon, would I actually have a person to call brother instead of the usual 'bastard'? If I were a full-demon, would I still have a family?
My father I knew loved me. He had told me once when I was little, that I was his precious little warrior, with a heart of gold and a pure mind. But beneath the compliment, he will always be hiding his little warrior away from the real world.
Although the servants held immense respect and fear for my father, their hatred of half-breeds were far more powerful. Where there was me, taunting words and harsh whispers of disgust were never far behind.
I could understand why my father and mother were ashamed of me, I really could. To my father, I was the proof of his foolishness. To my mother, I was the proof of her sin, her mistake.
My mother said that although she knew that she was now fully hated by both races, she never once regretted her decision of mating my father.
She said that she could never regret her decision, because she was in love.
Love? Bullshit.
There is no such thing as love. In this world, there is only selfishness and greed. Every person is for their own, never for the one beside them.
I understood that fact. Love is an illusion that every person puts up as a barrier around them to protect them from the harsh reality. Love is just the fancy term of saying 'I want you', love is just the excuse of obtaining what you want.
And I had swore that I would never fall in love, not if my life depended on it.
At least, that was what I thought until I met her.
Kikyo.
Yeah, I did the one thing that I swore never to do, fall in love...
...with the shrine priestess protecting the one thing I have desired above acceptance.
The Shikon no Tama.
But I never realized that, when I tried to steal the Shikon, I had unknowingly allowed Kikyo to steal my heart.
At first, I had been shaky about allowing someone else in my life...
But as time came and went, I started to trust...
...and care for her.
I really did care for her. I really did.
No matter what everyone says about me being a dirty, lying half-breed, that is only using her, I really did truly love and care for her.
Just not in the way that lovers did.
I guess I was so blindfolded by the cloth of insecurity that I allowed myself to think that I was truly in love with her.
But it had felt good.
Really good actually.
I was floating practically in the air when I had a taste of what acceptance was.
Kikyo was like me. But while she was surrounded by those who accepted her, they also shunned her.
The ones around her were so in awe of her, they had unknowingly grouped her into a totally different category than themselves, they had placed her so high above them, that she was utterly alone.
I was never accepted, always shunned.
The ones around me were never in awe of me, just feared of me. They had placed me below them, they had placed me so below that I could never think of crawling back up.
So while the both of us were different, we were also very much alike to one another.
But I learned that there is never true happiness in the world. Whenever happiness tries to approach me, sadness will be there to battle it. Sadness always being the one victor in the battle.
That must have been why I was so shocked.
I had never felt so betrayed, never in my whole entire life felt so angry with someone, as much as the time Kikyo pinned me to the Goshinboku.
It had hurt.
It had hurt so much.
Not the 'scraped-my-knee' sort of hurt, it was the 'numb-I-can't-feel- myself' kind of hurt.
I had trusted Kikyo with my heart, allowed my shaky barriers to fall, only in return gave her the chance to crush the fragile organ and build up even stronger barriers than before.
When I found out that it had been Naraku that played us like pawns on a check board, I blew.
The bastard had ruined so many things for me. He had turned my unstable life upside-down, killed the one person who cared for me aside from my parents, and taken away whatever trust I still had for the world.
I know that everyone—Miroku, Sango, Shippou, Kaede and even Kagome at times—thinks that I'm indecisive.
But they're not me.
They haven't been through what I've been through.
They have had 50 years to take in what had happened, I never had the chance to...one second I was attacked by 'Kikyo'...and the next...
...I was awoken.
I never had the 50 years to take in the fact that the one person I had trusted had betrayed me indirectly.
I never had the chance to absorb that fact that Kikyo was dead.
And I never had the faith to believe the fact that someone still loved me for me.
You see? For me, it hadn't been half a century. For me, it had only been but the beginning.
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A/N: Don't ask me where this came from. All I can say is that I am utterly ashamed of this piece because it sounds so...cheesy and makes me shiver from disgust.
But I had to get it out of my system.
I just felt that...it's hard for Inuyasha you know? I mean, one second he's being shot in the heart by Kikyo's arrows, and the next thing he knows, he's being released from the arrow by Kikyo's reincarnation! Talk about trauma!
Anyway, now that we're done reading my pointless chatter, which no one bothers to read, I'm sure, let's get to the important stuff: reviews are appreciated. =)
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