Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N: I'm seriously insecure about this story; it's been sitting on my computer for days while I struggle to decide whether to post it or not. For those of you who have read my story Strong Words, it's in that sort of style, but with less of a focus on Ginny and a lot less fluff. I hope you enjoy it.
sleep easy in your beds, my darlings
and pretend guilt's not eating you away
Bill feels guilty because he should have protected them.
He's the big brother, the first son. He should have always looked out for them.
You failed in your duty; you chose your wife over your siblings.
All of them, not just Fred. He sees Percy's tears, Ginny's white face and George's silent heartbreak, and the voice shouts louder.
Look at them. You didn't protect them from this pain. You're a failure.
And Fred is dead. Fred, his kid brother who ran sobbing to Bill once when he'd scraped his knee, dead.
You should have stopped him from fighting. You should have put your foot down. You should have kept him safe.
But what's done is done, and Fred is dead and his siblings will never be the same.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
Charlie feels guilty because he wasn't there.
No; he'd run off to Romania as soon as the wedding was over, only come back when the battle was half-done.
You said your work there was important, but really you're a coward.
He'd never wanted to fight. He hated the idea of war; he'd wanted to return to his safe haven and bring his family with him. Hide them.
And you call yourself a Gryffindor?
It was the twins and Ginny who had protested the loudest. They'd yelled at him so thoroughly that he'd gone back to his dragons in a huff, furious with them even though he'd smiled and ruffled their hair before he left.
You never told him that you loved him. He never knew.
All through their childhood, how was it that those three words had never crossed his lips?
You never even said goodbye.
While his siblings – even tiny little Ginny – were preparing to fight, preparing to die, he was warm and safe at home and telling tales by the fire to his friends.
You anger caused this. Your pride, your refusal to listen to advice.
But what's done is done, and Fred is dead and he didn't get to tell him that he loved him.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
Percy feels guilty because he was there.
He dreams about it every night: he's standing next to Fred as the wall explodes, reaching for him, shouting his name. He's close, so close.
You should have grabbed him; you should have pulled him out of the way.
He shouldn't have distracted him. The one time he made a joke, and it cost him his brother's life.
You deserve this pain. You abandoned them. You didn't manage to save him.
He hears Fred's voice over and over, his bright, gleeful laugh as the world ends all around him.
It should have been you. You should have taken his place.
But what's done is done, and he didn't manage to save his brother.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
Fred feels guilty because he left them behind.
He should have been more careful. He should have known the pain that his death would cause his family.
Why were you so careless? Why did you act like it was all a game?
He sees them now, his sobbing parents and broken sister and miserable brothers and his twin, and he joins them in their wishing.
Now look what you've done. You promised yourself you would never hurt them, never leave them like Percy did, always be there for them, and now you're the worst kind of gone.
Please don't cry for me, he wants to tell them. I'm happy now.
How can you be happy when your family isn't here, when George isn't here? Do you even care about them?
And he's scared for his twin, so scared, because he sees the dead look in George's eyes and knows what he is thinking. Please don't, Georgie, he wants to say, but his brother can't hear him.
What kind of son are you, what kind of brother? What kind of twin are you, to make them all so unhappy? You should have stayed. You should have fought it.
But what's done is done, and his family is weeping and he's left George all alone.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
George feels guilty because he should have known.
Only when they're separated. They only get hurt when they're separated.
You idiot, you fool. Why didn't you remember?
He replays the scene over and over in his head. Reaching the end of the corridor. Turning to each other, saying goodbye. Then walking in different directions. Separating, even as their hearts screamed the act's unnaturalness.
You should have realised. You should have turned around, run after him.
And he stares at the empty bed beside him in the light of the young moon and because he left his twin's side, it will never be slept in again.
Look at his belongings, his clothes, his face in the mirror every day, and remember that you could have stopped him from never coming back.
But what's done is done, and Fred is dead and he'll never see him again.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
Ron feels guilty because he'd forgotten.
Yes, it hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. Yes, he'd screamed in agony when he saw his brother's body lying amid the stones and rubble. Yes, he'd felt bloodlust rising up in him, had wanted to slaughter anyone and everyone who wore a Death Eater's mask. But then Hermione had stopped him. He went with her and Harry to the Shrieking Shack and saw Snape die. He spent the walk back to the castle worrying about whether or not Harry would give himself up. And then he walked into the Great Hall and saw Fred on the hard floor and he'd wanted to kill himself.
You forgot, you FORGOT, how could you forget?
Maybe if he hadn't been so preoccupied, he could have found someone – Ginny, his mother, George. He could have told them. He could have spared them the shock, at least.
Why did you forget? Didn't you care?
And even as his world crashed and burned, he was conscious of Hermione's hand in his and the memory of their kiss.
You shallow monster, do you think Hermione will make the hurt go away?
The sight of his family sobbing had pierced him. He'd let go of Hermione's hand, run to Bill and Percy.
Because even then, you couldn't bring yourself to look at him.
He'd clung to his elder brothers and sobbed his heart out, but that didn't change the fact that he'd forgotten his brother was dead.
You're a selfish, cruel, heartless little beast. You deserve me here, whispering to you.
But what's done is done, and he hadn't helped to cushion some of his family's pain.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
Ginny feels guilty because she can't save them.
She watches them. Every day. She sees the tears in their eyes and hears their quiet, defeated voices. She knows they blame themselves. And there's nothing she can do.
You're supposed to be the strong one. You're supposed to help them through their grief.
But all she does is sitting in her room and weeping. She can't face the world, not yet.
You're not supposed to cry. You've failed in your duty as a sister: you failed when Fred died, you failed when they started to blame themselves, you fail every night when you hear George scream.
She wants to save them, but her heart is screaming and she's not sure she can save herself.
Fred wouldn't want you to do this. He trusted you and you've betrayed him.
All she wants is a brother's arms around her. She doesn't want to be the strong one.
That's because you're a coward.
But what's done is done, and Ginny's family is breaking and this time she doesn't want to be the one fixing it.
And it's yourfaultyourfaultyourfault
.
A/N: So, was it good? Bad? Sad? Awful? Please let me know in a review!
~Butterfly