"Never More Than An Enemy"
Night. Its hours, so long.. they can drive an insominia-ridden person towards madness. They begin to think about things that are better left alone, and ponder things which should not be pondered. Tonight, with my own mind, there is no exception.
Ordinarily, I give little thought to him. He is merely a pest, an opponent, a rival. Not a friend, and certainly never anything more than an enemy.
And yet... sometimes I wonder.. what would have happened if I had perhaps been more kind to him, been a friend more than an enemy. Would I still be in the position I am now?
God, how I hate him. I know it sounds cruel, but it is the bitter truth. I hate him more than I hate any other person, more than one would think it is possible to hate. I loathe him, and I believe he feels the same towards me.
If I could, I would destroy him. Or would I? That is what I ask myself. If I had the opportunity, would I kill him in cold blood? Would I eliminate my enemy? Obliterate my rival?
Perhaps.
Perhaps not.
I have heard it said that sometimes those who fight, who argue, who contain hate, actually care much for each other. A foolish notion, if I have ever heard one. Yet, is it possible that perhaps I really do care something for the one I hate so?
Yes. Yes.... unfortunately, yes.
Even if I had the opportunity, I would not kill him, torture him, force him to suffer though sometimes, I wish I could. No. I would not do that. I would not be able to.. my heart would not let me.
Ah, yes, I do have a heart. Though many believe that is not so, I do. Even I can love... and, I love him. Sad but true.
Why do I think this? Is it merely the night playing tricks on my mind? Has he corrupted my thoughts with that accursed fame of his, that aura of greatness he seems to emit? Perhaps. Yet, it does not sound likely. I know my thoughts, and my thoughts are of him. Not bitter, no, but not friendly, either. So much more...
But, what do I do? He would never accept me, even as a friend. Of course not. Not after what I have put him through, the poor sap.. Even if I tried to make nice with him, it would not have the desired effect. We are, and always will be enemies, though perhaps neither of us wishes it to be so.
Never to be with him... such a pity. Such a bloody pity. But, I will be his enemy.. always his enemy.. always his rival... why, you ask? Why hurt the one I love, if this bloody emotion truly is love? Simple. 'tis better to be the bitter force which keeps him from enjoyment that simply leave him alone, let him forget about me... 'tis better to have some kind of contact with him, even if I wish it was something more... 'tis better to know that he has some kind of emotions towards me, even if those emotions are hatred and disgust.... Ah, yes. 'tis better than nothing.
And so, I will bid the moon good night, and sink into the depths of my fantasies... and, perhaps someday, he will know the way I feel. Someday.
End notes: *evil laugh* MWAHAHA!! How'd you like that, eh? This here fic is dedicated to all those cool people who liked my Harry/Ron fic and said I should write a Harry/Draco fic. *starry eyes* Thanks so much for the positive comments no da! I like proving that stuff like this IS possible. Oh, and to any homophobes who are reading this... go take a pill. I never put warnings on my shounen-ai fics, so NYAH! Just a little question.. what's the English/North American/Whatever term for m/m relationships? I never did bother to learn it. ^_^