Disclaimer: They're not mine, I don't own them, they followed me from the street! Can I keep them Takahashi san? Please? Pretty please? Oh and I own neither of the series, characters, weapons, places, clothes, springs, curses, forgotten Chinese tribes, purple haired girls, dried up ancient ladies, overweight guides, challenge logs, walls, cities, pandas, dojos, houses, gardens, techniques and what-not mentioned in this story, I only claim the situations as my own thoughts for even the idea was given to me.
A.N. I'm feeling a bit of a block on "I've seen so much" so I decided to write this little piece of unbridled silliness, bow to my magnificent ability to create comedy! Or at least flame me but good. . .
This was based on an idea I read somewhere in fact it reads something like this: "... what if... Genma had been brought up believing that it was okay to hit girls (heck, go all out on them in fights, after all, they are vicious and cunning when fighting... or at least, that's what Genma went through in kindergarden... ^_^;;;;)? Just imagine Ranma then... taught by his father?" and this is my answer to that question. I tried to change Ranma's personality to make him some kind of irate girls-fighting machine, without turning him into a madman, after all it's just sooooooo easy to make him crazy. . .
Maybe if I get some requests I'll continue this someday, but for now. . . back to I've seen so much!
Muchas Gracias por su colaboración, espero les agrade.
=) Now that sounded quite foolish. . .
It was a sunny day on Nerima, and the children at the kindergarten played with each other, for fun, you know?
But a child wasn't playing, he was hiding in some bushes, hiding from what you ask? Easy, hiding from a girl, a girl? What's so frightening about a girl? Well this girl was like no other girl this boy had encountered before, for starters she was smaller than him, and had fun making him suffer.
The name of the boy? Genma, of the Saotome clan, a long line of proud samurais and martial artists, and he was a martial artist too! The strongest of all his brothers! Well, actually he was only stronger than his little puppy as he had no brothers, but it was a point anyway, wasn't it?
But you see, since the first day Genma had been enrolled at this particular kindergarten, this girl took a deep pleasure at tormenting him, sparring she liked to call it as she said she was a martial artist, but Genma called it beating.
After all, in sparring you never clawed at your opponent, or picked his eyes, or kicked his wiwis(0), or threw dust in their eyes, or called them names, or pulled his hair, or hit them with a branch…
And so, Genma's life was destined for a change, for he learnt at this particular kindergarten to fear girls, to admit that girls can be really vicious and really cunning (he heard that somewhere) when fighting, and so Genma grew up with the notion of fighting girls with all his strength, after all, if he was the strongest of his clan, how much stronger had this girl to be if he couldn't beat her?
"Ah-ha! I found you Genma! Don't think you can hide in there all the time! Come on, it's time for our sparring!" "But Kimiko(1)! I don wanna! Don wannaaaaaaa!" oh. . . seems like he was found. . . bad luck Genma-Chan!
And so Genma's life changed, for the better or the worse, that's up to you to decide, but what is certain is that, when Genma's life changes, Ranma's does too.
And so, this universe began.
**************************************************
Fight me for real!
A Ranma ½ Fan fiction
**************************************************
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1: Here goes Ranma! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"But Nodoka-Chan! I have to take Ranma on a training trip, how else am I to make him the best martial artist in the world?" a phrase Genma used to try and convince his wife to let him take Ranma on a faithful training trip, most Ranma stories begin like this, and this one does, too.
Of course Nodoka could have been more impressed by her husband's speech if he wasn't hiding behind a couch and shivering from fear, it's not like she had her katana out, it was only a broom and she was sweeping the porch, why then was Genma muttering something about 'bad karma' and 'making her mad' wait. . . was that last phrase 'dead like a monkey on a desert without pants and with a banana up his. . .'(2)?
Truly, if her husband wasn't so pathetic as to shiver every time she as much as frowned she could respect the man a lot, after all he was one of the strongest men of the world, but what she considered bizarre was that, whenever they spoke, it required no more than a slight frown on her face to make him shiver and run the risk to wet his own pants.
Well. . . not much of a risk as he usually did that. . .
Still . . .
To take her son away?
Well Ranma really liked martial arts, and her husband was a honorable man, what he got a job the moment she suggested he started bringing some money in the house!
He even helped that nice neighbors of theirs, Kimiko-Chan(3), move her furniture every time she asked, he even scolded Soun, Kimiko's husband, every time he behaved poorly! He was always telling him to respect his wife! If that wasn't honorable she didn't know what was!
And he even arranged for little Ranma to marry one of Kimiko's little girls! Oh how lovely they were, and just the thought of grandchildren made her so happy! Well. . . it was Kimiko who gave her the news, but Genma agreed wholeheartedly once Kimiko told him, really such a sweet man. . .
Well, the least she could do for a husband so honorable was to allow him a little time to train his heir, after all, if he didn't his school would end.
And she didn't want that.
So thinking she packed Ranma's things in his little blue backpack he liked so much, and even put a little money inside it, it wouldn't do for them to run out of cash in the middle of their trip.
And she waved goodbye to Ranma as his father and him walked down the road.
And gave him a last piece of advice "Ranma, honey, listen to everything your daddy tells you, ok?"
Oh well. . . Nodoka had just signed Ranma's future. . . though luck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2: Nekoken: advanced techniques! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ranma didn't understand this last training, well, he was sure his daddy knew more than him about martial arts, but what was the use of throwing him inside a changing room with a fake moustache? Well there were only girls and they usually beat him pretty harsh, and his endurance was increasing, but he didn't know why his father read that Nekoken manual and didn't use it. . .
"Papa, will we use that manual?" asked little Ranma, "No Ranma, we won't, but it gives me a great idea! You remember what I've taught you about fighting?" "Of course papa! I should always fight a girl with all my strength, never give them an advantage if I wanna be the best, and I wanna be the bestest best!" "Good Ranma, now this training will be difficult, it'll be harder to learn than the slap-scratch-kick-run technique I taught you, if you want to defeat an opponent you have to learn how they fight, so you'll learn how the girls fight, and in doing so, you will be able to counter all those attacks and become the best!" "Okay Papa!"
So Ranma was tormented to the most dreaded technique. . . the technique that made even the grand master Happosai shake of fear every night. . . the technique that Soun couldn't defend against. . . a technique banned from most civilized country due to the harshness required to learn it. . . the amazons most guarded secret. . . a technique so potent and dreadful that even Cologne dared not use it on a fight. . . a secret so well guarded that not even Herb would be familiar with it. . .
The awe-inspiring. . .
The powerful. . .
The supreme. . .
. . . Onna-Ken!(4)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3: Would you want an order of Ukyo with that? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two hungry and tired martial artists were seen walking down the road to a small town near the coast of Kyoto.
Well that was what Ukyo saw, her dad instead saw two dirty and seemingly starved men walking down the road while tripping with everything they found on the way.
Oh and the smell, it was almost impossible to ignore the smell!
So when the both of them approached he ordered his daughter to dress in more mannish clothes, god knows what two vagrants like these would to a young, beautiful, healthy and young girl.
Yeah, Ukyo was only six, but still they seemed almost ready to attack. . . or fall to their knees and beg for food?
Well now that was odd. . .
Anyway, he gave them some okonomiyaki and saw the boy play with Ukyo. . . or attack her viciously and without holding back?!?
Was the boy trying to kill his little girl?!?!
No. . . it seemed he just wanted to beat her within an inch of her life. . .
Not a problem there, it would be good for toughening the girl up.
And so weeks passed, with Ranma beating Ukyo severely every time she was ready to fight again.
Of course that happened only twice on those three weeks, but the girl seemed tougher already.
And so he arranged a marriage with the boys father, after all Ukyo said that she'd be happy if Ranma spent his life with her. . . well it was more along the lines of "I can't wait for him to drop dead, then I can die peacefully", but it's the principle that counts, is it not?
Although what was stranger was that the moment he said Ukyo was really a girl Genma took the cart and hightailed it out of there. . . weren't they supposed to take Ukyo along?
Oh well. . . another cart lost. . . certainly they were a lot better than that fanged boy that came around every few days and begged for an okonomiyaki on his knees. . . (5)
At least they seemed to run really fast!
And they weren't getting lost!
Oh. . . they just turned a wrong corner and fell into the sea. . . there goes wishful thinking. . .
Well. . . maybe that red haired man with a sword at his waist and a scar on his cheek would make a better husband to his little girl. . .
Okay! Let's get ready another okonomiyaki! He must be tired after running from all those people! Maybe this time he'll be lucky and get him to take Ukyo along. . .(6)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4: Bread feud: keep your hands out of that food! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another all boys school, it was perfect!
After all, the girls were stronger than Ranma, but no boy was better than him!
And the bread! Oh the bred! Free lunch!
Of course that nice fanged boy who seemed to always walk away from him ended paying for it, but it was free!
And so a friendship began, the greatest friendship Ranma had known at his young age, a friendship of tribulations and tests, and free bread!
That was the best, the free bread!
Tuna bread, miso bread, rice bread, beef bread, pork bread, all that delicious bread and all for free!
Well he had to beat that boy, but it was free!
And what damage could he do if he just beat that boy once and again?
He was just proving he was strongest!
He was the best!
And the bread, let's not forget the bread!
And a challenge, what was the use in a challenge when the boy could barely stand? He really should eat bread once in a while instead of giving all of it to Ranma, but who was he to complain, it was free bread!
And four days of waiting for the boy to reach the empty lot, and the disappointment, the betrayal! He didn't bring bread!
So a pounding, and leaving him almost dead, it was all his fault, he didn't bring bread. . .(7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5: Jusenkyo: trials to the future! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small valley shrouded in mist, with just small and numerous ponds shining from the sunlight reaching them.
Weeks of traveling without rest to reach the legendary training grounds of Jusenkyo, supposedly those who train here have the chance to become the best.
And so Genma insisted on them arriving here, and of course Ranma accepted.
He was sure, if he trained at Jusenkyo he would become the best.
And then no girl would be able to beat him.
Never!
And so they both ignored the babblings of the guide, he must be trying to stop them from becoming the best, and Ranma won't allow it.
And so blows were traded and kick exchanged.
Throw in a couple insults to your opponent for good measure.
And finally *splash* down goes Genma, then *splash* up comes a panda.
And Ranma stood petrified, after all it isn't everyday that you see a fat, bald, coward man becoming a big, fat, furry panda.
And that moment of distraction was broken by another sound, a light *splash* as Ranma goes into one of the pools.
And up comes. . . a well-endorsed, red haired girl with a gi a bit too small to hold breasts the size of melons?!?
And the tranquility around the valley is broken by a cry full of emotion, a cry that would make children shake from fear for most of their lives.
A heartfelt "Yatta! You did it Ranma! You've become the best!"
Well, maybe it wouldn't frighten children so much. . .
But it certainly would cause several headaches to the Jusenkyo guide. . . normally when a customer falls in one of the springs they curse, and damn, and cry, and ask for a cure, but he had never seen someone dance and jump and celebrate.
Wait a minute. . . where the hell did they get all that confetti?!?!(8)
And was that a bottle of champagne?!?!
"Mr. Customer. . . weird. . ."
Oh yeah, you have no idea my friend. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~ 6: Purple haired amazons: the pains of being a woman! ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This way Mr. Customer is legendary village of amazon, if someone know cure, they do" of course they hadn't asked me for a cure, but it was really unsettling to see a young boy abandon his masculinity so easily. . . and specially disturbing to see a grown man shivering before a frown from a girl he used to call son. . .
So I took them to the amazon village, well, actually, I took the young Mr. Customer to the village while he/she dragged his/her father/panda behind while he/it kicked and cried fiercely about 'armed women', 'the pain, the pain!' and something along the lines of 'dead like a monkey on a desert without pants and with a banana up his. . .'
Definitely upsetting to see a grown man cry like a little girl.
Maybe the elders would be able to explain this to me.
So as we reached the village's gates and saw no guard there I remembered that today was the annual beat down party. . . err. . . tournament.
Strange. . . the girl ran ahead while the panda stood there shaking like a leaf. . .
Even stranger. . . the girl started eating the prize banquet. . . couldn't she read the damn sig. . . forgot, she didn't read chinese.
So when the champion challenged her to a battle for the prize he/she accepted readily, and actually beat her down! The amazon champion beaten in a moment! Amazing!
Oh the champion had fallen and now the girl is leaping down from the challenge log, surely to help her up and try and forget all this. . . he/she is so well educated, it's a shame he/she will get the kiss of death. . .
Uh? He/She is beating the champion more?
Is he/she crazy?!?
*bam* *pow* *kapowie* *crack* well there goes the champions ribs. . .
*bam**bam**bam* ouch! That had to hurt. . .
*pow**crash* seems like amazon will be needing a new challenge log. . . and maybe another champion. . .
*bang* well there goes another wall. . .
*shrip* now, why would Mr. Customer pick that tree. . . isn't it a bit heavy?
"Let's go boy!" oh there goes other Mr. Customer dragging Mr. Customer number one. . . wonder why the tribe is looking at me like that?
Oh yeah. . . almost forgot I brought that girl here. . .
Well. . . in situations like this there's only one thing a Jusenkyo guide like me, full of history of serving the amazons and pride of staying free can say. . .
"Mommy. . ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 7: Cologne: don't use after shaving! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And while our heroes, or our hero/heroine and his/her father/panda-pet are busy running away from the village we see a run down cabin, like a house made of wood and mud, something you expect from a tribe of chinese amazons that cannot afford modern materials of construction.
In the bed lies a young purple haired girl, no older than sixteen or seventeen, with bandages covering most of her young, beautiful, supple, well formed, sculptural, voluptuous, and purple body. . . purple body?!?!
Oh yes. . . there's also a little dried up dissected monkey resting on a chair by the bed.
Now, without further ado, we leave you with the monkey!
*clang*
Sorry, we leave you with the great matriarch of the amazons! The only! The incomparable! The ugliest! Kuh Lon! (Cologne for friends)
'Well. . . I'll be damned. . . in my three hundred years of life I haven't seen a fight as vicious as the one that put my great great great great great… you get the idea. . . granddaughter Xian Pu, or Shampoo for those that cannot pronounce our names properly, in the healer's house.'
'Yeah, I've seen great battles, I still remember when the king of the musk fought with the phoenix king saffron, but even that fight wasn't like this.'
'Actually, I'm the only one that still calls it a fight, every other member of the council calls it a disgrace, a curse, a beating, an attempted homicide. . .'
'But neither one of them see this the way I do, neither see the grace that girl demonstrated in the fight, the fire on her eyes as she beat my granddaughter within an inch of her life, the delicacy as she picked her body up to throw it against the challenge log. . . the beauty of her movements as she hit like a madman. . . the purity of her spirit as she seemed like a demon possessed. . . or her quiet strength as she mauled my granddaughter's body. . .'
'But I did, I saw all of that, and I made a vow to have her in the tribe'
'Just imagine, with a fiery warrior like her with our tribe we would be unbeatable!'
'And she already knew our greatest secret. . . I could see it even as the rest couldn't. . . she knew the Onna-Ken, our most precious secret. . . and I have to get her!'
"Cologne, why the hell are you talking about bringing that crazy girl to the tribe after all that she did to my daughter?!?!"
'Oh that must be Aftershave, my son-in-law. . . actually my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson-in-law but who is counting?'
"Damn Cologne, answer me! And stop talking about me like I'm not even here!"
'Yes, pretty obsessive this boy, but a good catch for my great, great, great. . . you get the idea'
"Cologne I'm talking to you!!!"
'Oh my! Did I just say all this aloud?'
"Yes you did, you old hag!"
*clang*
'That should teach him some manners, now. . . where was I . . . ? oh yeah! I must definitely bring that girl into the tribe, no matter the cost!'
And as the camera pans away from the bed, we see a really big group of amazons laying on the floor all wearing big sweat drops. . .(9)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8: Here comes. . . a panda?!?! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A house in the big district of Nerima, a big house even by normal standards, with a big yard, a big dojo, a big wall, a big sakura tree, a big porch, a big living room, a big kitchen, and a big man. . .
Actually, the man wasn't really big, but hey! I'm on a roll here!
And the not-really-big man was reading a not-really-small postcard as he had for the past hour, a postcard depicting the picture of a panda eating a big piece of bamboo. . . kinda ironic it only read "Bringing Ranma from China, Saotome", of course to read a postcard as not-really-small as this in a whole hour would be considered foolish. . . unless you knew the big reason for this. . . for you see the man was Tendo Soun, and that really explains everything.
So the man finally, after checking thrice to see if the postcard was real, after all you never knew what with the postman's vow to make his life hell since he doesn't tip him ever, which took another hour, he finally called his daughters to him. . .
Yeah, his daughters, after all to conceive a daughter or a son a single neuron is more than enough. . .
And he got three of them!
Talk about small miracles. . .
Anyway. . . he decided to call his daughters, and as expected the only daughter that obeyed immediately was the oldest, a girl about nineteen, with a supple body hidden underneath a plain house dress and with a beatific smile (come on you already know this girl!), not out of respect for her dad, maybe more out of boredom, after all, how many times can you stare at a bubbling pot of soup before it becomes really boring?
And so Soun took upon him the arduous task of going to see his middle daughter (no use in igniting the anger of his youngest before he had to) and so stood up and walked upstairs to a room on the second floor, a big room (as all in this house is big., and I mean big!) with a nameplate in front of it, a nameplate in the shape of a duck, reading the name 'Nabiki' and he opened the door without knocking and called her to go downstairs for he had an important announcement to make, of course she took her time, but that is to be expected.
And as the middle daughter, Nabiki, went to find her younger sister, who she found at the dojo breaking bricks and cursing boys, as is already a custom in this big house, specially in this big dojo, they made their way to the big living room, expecting to hear the big news from their father (I told you everything in this house is big).
And when the news of a fiancée were announced the reactions varied, the youngest, as expected, blew a fuse and started to rave about 'perverts' 'boys' 'not marrying a perverted boy' and everything in between, the oldest just said in a quiet, beautiful voice (hey! I'm a little biased here, can you blame me?) "Oh my, I hope he's not younger than me, young men. . . bore me" and the middle had to take upon her shoulders the responsibility of setting up order in this chaos "And how is this Ranma, daddy? Is he cute?" and as expected Soun, with his single neuron already used in the task of dreaming a world where all her three daughters are happily married (but not to the same boy, you pervert!), could think of no better answer than "I don't know, I haven't met him".
More noise, a couple of "Ouch, Akane respect your father!" and we leave the big chaos at the Tendo dojo behind, with it's big dojo, it's big wall, and it's big cries of pain.
And on the streets of Nerima we see a young red haired girl, with a pair of breasts the size of melons, walking alongside a panda, which is walking on it's hind legs, don't ask.
And suddenly a fight starts, with the yell of "What do you mean fiancée oyaji?!" and *pow* goes the panda on the street, "I have no time for thi. . ." of course, it would make more sense if the panda that had gone *pow* hadn't gone *crash* and smacked the girl on the head with a street sign.
A *growf* later and all the passerby's ran away.
And so, a panda walking on it's hind legs and carrying a red haired girl with breasts the size of melons continues on it's cheery way to the big Tendo dojo. . .
And when the panda arrives at the Tendo dojo the reactions were varied, Kasumi just stared and said "Oh my, a panda just walked into the house" Nabiki hid behind her father (better than nothing, I guess. . .) and asked "Is this your friend daddy?" Soun sat there unmoving, trying to remember the face of his old friend. . . and failing miserably.(10)
While Akane took a boken from. . . somewhere. . . and attacked the panda with a battle cry of "Die Mr. B-Chan!" and when she noticed the stares directed at her she just shrugged and said "B is for Burglar, and Chan is because that panda is really cute!"(11)
And *bang* big face fault at the big Tendo dojo.
Oh well. . . it didn't go quite as expected, did it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 9: Hi I'm Ranma! Sorry about this! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, introductions were made the same as with every other Ranma story out there, with the exception that Nabiki didn't fondle Ranma this time, she was too busy staring at her eyes that held a promise of pain if they so much as saw her the wrong way.
And after the introductions as usual, Akane challenged Ranma to see if she was good at the martial arts 'I will go easy on her, after all I'm the best martial artist on Nerima! And she's kinda cute. . .' and off they go to the big dojo, with a promise of a big workout and. . . oh forgot, I was already done with the big's. . .
So Akane took her position in front of Ranma (defensive position you perverts!) and said to her "It's all right Ranma, don't hold back I won't hurt you."
But what she didn't expect was the grin on the other girl's face and the quiet answer of "I wasn't planning to".
And so the sparring started. . .
*kya* a kick to the face that was evaded easily, *kya* a punch to the chest that was redirected, *kya* a one-two-three combo that was avoided with a scary easiness, *kya* an attempt at a sweep kick that was jumped over, *kya* another kick to the face meets with the same results as before, *kya* another combo that misses, and *kya* a punch that meets air.
'Is she reading my moves?!' thought Akane before yelling to Ranma "Okay! This time for real!" and the grin suddenly grew in size, and the eyes turned darker, and a soprano voice answered "Great! I was expecting it!" and there goes the friendly aspect of this sparring. . .
*kya* a kick to the face that meets air, but receives a punch to the ribs in retaliation with an odd sound very like *crack* and the feel of something moving inside Akane's chest, *kya* a punch to the face that is nimbly evaded and gets a reward of a kick to the knee, a second *crack* sound and the feeling of numbness on her right leg, *kya* a stronger and faster punch that is blocked, a third punch to the chest, another *crack* and something shits further.
"It seems like Akane finally found a sparring partner that can stand up to her" says Kasumi as she, along with Nabiki, stand on the entrance to the dojo, watching as her sister is mauled by a red haired girl with breasts the size of melons and eating popcorn.(12)
Is not everyday that you get the chance to see Nerima's best martial artist getting the crap beaten out of her.
And so, as Soun sits staring at the panda and trying to remember the face of his old friend, sounds of pain emerge from the dojo.
*pow* a third rib is broken by a kick to the chest, *pow* there goes Akane's right elbow, dislocated no doubt, *pow* oops looks like Akane won't be using her right leg for some weeks, *kapowie* correction, make that months.
*pow* maybe the wall was hurt, Akane-Chan was always a hardheaded girl, *pow* what a shame her nose was really pretty, *pow* now the left shoulder? Would someone stop this massacre? *bang* okay. . . forget I asked. . .
And so, as Akane's cries of pain reverberate across the Tendo property Kasumi leaves the dojo, they ran out of popcorn, and Soun says his most intelligent phrase so far: "Ah-Ha! I knew you're not Genma, Genma was a man!"(13)
*pow* seems like Akane finally passed out. . .
Wonder if doctor Tofu can mend her leg? I don't think it is supposed to bent that way. . .
Seems like her eye will work correctly. . . that is once the swelling has come down a bit. . .
Oh? Is that apiece of tongue over there?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10: Family and sisters in law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Here Ranma, you must be really sweaty after that workout, why don't you go upstairs and take a bath?" "Oh no, I wouldn't want to impose" 'besides I just maimed her little sister, maybe for life, and she just worries about me being sweaty?' "oh but I insist Ranma, I already prepared the bath" 'besides, if you're busy taking a bath maybe I could get time to save Akane's life. . . or leg whatever happens first' "oh, okay" 'man this girl is weird, she doesn't seem to care even a little bit for her sister' "Take your time Ranma!" 'oh my! This girl sure is. . . full of life.'
++++ To Be continued . . . ?+++
0: Balls, eggs, or whatever, remember Genma is supposed to be a little kid while this happens.
1: I don't remember the name of the fic. . . but somewhere they name Akane's mother Kimiko, just borrowing it for a minute. It makes sense, doesn't it? That's why Genma would uphold the pledge, even if he was forced into it, he was scared of Kimiko's reaction.
2: Don't ask where I got that from, it involves a lot of beer and talks about Evangelion.
3: Yes, it's the same Kimiko as before.
4: Onna-Ken, I think it translates as Woman-Fist, the same way that NekoKen translates as Cat-Fist.
5: Yep, this definitely is Ryoga.
6: This is Kenshin, in one of the episodes in the Anime he's seen running away from a policeman, then the whole town because he's carrying a sword.
7: Ranma's mind is really simplistic, if Ryoga didn't bring bread then he wanted a beating, didn't he? And no, Ranma is no bully, he just understands even less social rules than before.
8: An allusion to "Chobits" where Sumomo is always throwing confetti whenever Chii makes something right (Watch Chobits Episode 19: Chii Helps).
9: This is a parody of those shows where one character is thinking and the audience hears his thinking but the rest of the cast doesn't. This goes to show what would happen if a monologue was to be heard by a secondary character.
10: His single neuron is still busy dreaming about his girls being happy.
11: An obvious remark to her adopting P-Chan, and naming him for "P is for pig and Chan is because he's just so cute!"
12: Goes to show that they do almost the same exact thing whenever Ranma is being attacked, I'm just applying that same principle to whenever a martial artist is being attacked.
13: Did you expect anything more from a single neuron?