Authors Note: This is something that has been in my head for a while now. It is just a little two shot. Severus and Harry pairing, AU. I hope you all enjoy this story and feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy!
Life After You
My Dearest Harry,
These last couple of months have been excruciating without you here with me. I miss you more and more as every day arrives. I go to bed thinking of you, dreaming of you. I wake up hugging your pillow to my chest, inhaling the lingering scent that seems to be fading away into the abyss as every minute goes by. I go through my day as we discussed it before...before, you know. I can't do this without you. I don't know how. We've talked about it more times than we both could count and it is still hard without you.
Why? Why did you leave me? Why did you abandon me? Abandon us? I'll never love another like you. You were it for me. This life is not worth living without you in it. I'm only living for one thing now. You have gifted me with the most wonderful gift anyone could ask for. And for that, I will continue to live on with you in my heart, always.
Yours,
Severus Potter-Snape
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My Dearest Harry,
It's been a year now without you by my side. The pain is just now starting to become bearable. I still miss you every minute of every day. Your touch and gentle nature seem like a distant memory now. It feels just like yesterday when we had our first date, our first kiss, our first I love you's. I weep as I write this, staining the pages with my tears as I remember. As I remember the way you loved me so fiercely and wholeheartedly. The way we loved each other so all-consuming and indispensable. I think of all the times we laughed together. The one time when we went to the muggle comedy house, I don't think I have laughed that hard in so long. You were so adamant on going and I did not want to go and watch people, muggle people especially, make fools of themselves. But once again, you proved me wrong and it was a fantastic and memorable night. I particularly loved the after party we had in our hotel room after the show. I remember all of our menial fights and the hours and sometimes days we would go without speaking to each other. Only to realize our pettiness and forgive each other. We always came out stronger as a couple afterwards because of it. I especially remember our last fight. It was a stupid fight and I apologize for my stubbornness and not taking into consideration your feelings. I was being selfish and an arse. If I knew I wasn't going to get a lot more time with you, I would have never been as petty as I was acting that day. I miss those stupid fights with you. The passionate fiery you get in your eyes when you know I am wrong and you are right. My stubbornness getting in the way more times than I can count. I miss the way you would caress my cheek and look into my eyes with those emerald greens and communicate with me your love and understanding. Merlin, life is not the same without you.
Aiden is officially a year old now. Aiden Alexander Potter-Snape. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful gift. A gift I have thanks to you, my love. He is the most precious thing to me now and I live for him. I cannot express enough how much he reminds me of you. He has your hair. Always messy, just like yours and his eyes, his eyes are your eyes. Emerald green so beautiful that I just want to weep every time I look into them, constantly reminding me of you. He is a carbon copy of you, Harry. I hope he grows up to be as gentle natured and as beautiful as you are. Every day Aiden learns something new and every day he reminds me that he is your son...our son. Our little miracle as you would call him.
Always yours,
Severus
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My Dearest Harry,
Aiden is two now. Head full of hair and teething. He looks so much like you, Harry. I look at him and can't help thinking of you. He keeps my life busy and full. He is a little spitfire, crawling and running all around the place. I've had to child proof more things than I could ever imagine. He is just a ball of energy and seems to never want to go down for a nap when papa is tired. I love him with all of my heart. I love you with all of my heart. Your voice is in the back of mind in every move I make regarding Aiden and every decision I make in my life. I constantly think about what you would say or do or make me say and do. You are never far from my thoughts and even closer in my heart.
I've started my own apothecary. You would be proud of me. I hired someone to come in and help me brew and sell while I have Aiden with me. Oh, Aiden loves the apothecary. He is always wanting to touch things and is fascinated by the clear jars with funny looking objects in them. He loves to watch me brew. Always following my moves with his eyes and squealing when I make a mess. I keep Aiden in a play area surrounded by toys and blankets. I put a protective shield around his area to keep the potions at bay. You would have fussed at me otherwise, I'm sure.
Aiden loves the witch I hired to help out at the apothecary. Her name is Izzy and she is a gem. She is energetic and intelligent. She loves Aiden and entertains him for hours on end. She is a lifesaver. She loves to brew and wants to be a potion master. I'm helping her achieve her dreams and she is helping me keep my sanity. You and her would get along great, Harry. I wish you could meet her. She has our son wrapped around her finger and is never letting go. She is going on 8 months here now and I might hire her on as a partner once she is a potions master. I might give her that as a graduation gift. We will have to wait and see.
I hope to write to you soon, love. I'm living. I'm surviving. Aiden is living and surviving. He loves to look at your pictures at home and is always blowing kisses to the pictures you made for him before you left us. He still has that teddy bear you gave him when he was born. He sleeps with it every night and never lets anyone take it without putting up a fuss. We cannot even go on any long trips without him wailing for his teddy. He loves you, Harry. It's evident in his actions. Till next time, love.
Yours always,
Severus
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My Dearest Harry,
Life has been hectic. I wish you were here with me to take on this life. Aiden is three now and growing every minute. He's talking and walking nonstop. He is amazing. He loves to learn new things and is getting into everything his little self can. I imagine this is how you would have been had you not lost your parents and lived with those awful muggles. Aiden also loves treacle tarts. Reminds me of you. He wants them all the time. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't know what I am going to do with him. Aiden has somehow tricked Izzy into taking him to the muggle zoo every month for the last 6 months. He loves the zoo, Harry. I never thought I wanted to go back into the muggle word but I want our son to be cultured and he loves so many things muggle. Muggle movies are his favorite. He loves those Disney movies every child becomes addicted to. He wants to watch one every night before bed. He does not like when I read to him, makes him feel like a baby and always says he can read to himself. He does thoroughly enjoy making me watch these Disney movies with him every night though. I cannot figure out why he likes these movies. They seem so girly to me. But he loves them and that's all that matters. He is a happy little boy. You would be happy to know he knows all about you and when he looks at your pictures now, he calls you daddy. It makes me want to cry every time. I have so much love for him, it feels like my heart is going to burst.
I've made Izzy partner at the apothecary after she obtained her potions mastery. That was almost 6 months ago now. She was surprised and excited to be made partner. For the last couple of months, she has really pushed forward and is doing wonderfully. She is patient, intelligent, and hardworking. Aiden seems to be more attached to Izzy than he is me now! It's amazing how good she is to our son. She loves him fiercely and Aiden loves her just as much. They love to do everything together and I find her at our house almost all week, every week. Their relationship is astonishing and I am so happy that Aiden has another guardian to look up to.
Harry, I miss you and I love you.
Yours always,
Severus
My Dearest Harry,
Another year has come and gone. It's getting easier to get out of bed each day and live life. I miss you still, as I always will but I am finally not constantly waking up to nightmares and weeping at things that remind me of you. I can finally go into your study and not break down crying for you and yelling at you because of what has happened. I think I've finally accepted that this is my life and you will always be with me in my heart and soul, even if you are not here in body. I keep your pictures everywhere around our home. Having them keeps me sane, knowing you are watching over us somehow. I just need the reminder…
Aiden is four now and Izzy has moved into our house this past month. It made sense because she is always over there anyways. Izzy has been dating this wizard for about a year now. He is kind and generous. Reminds me of your traits and personality. I've allowed Johnathon to move in with Izzy after he proposed to her last weekend. I am very excited for them and I've sectioned off a part of the house for them to live in. You know our house is too big for just Aiden and myself. I was able to separate the house in half and it seems to be working for the most part. Aiden and Johnathon get along great! Aiden loves Johnathon and Johnathon loves Aiden; they are like two peas in a pod. And when Aiden, Izzy, and Johnathon are together, chaos always follows. Harry, I wish you were here to see them together. To be here with us together.
Yours always,
Severus
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My Dearest Harry,
I cannot believe that Aiden is now 8 years old. How time has flew. How life has flew by without you by our sides. So much has happened in 8 years that I can't process it all. I think of you every day still and I make sure Aiden still knows who you are.
I was cleaning out the closet in our room the other day and came across this box that I have never seen before. I'm sure you know what box I am talking about. It was buried deep in the back of the closet where I would have never had seen it. I only found it because I finally found the courage and strength to try and clear out some of your old clothing and trinkets. I was busy going through the closet and came across this box that has my name on it. I took the box into our room and opened it, only to find so many of our mementos' in it. Harry, why did you keep all of these things? You even kept the flowers I gave you on our first date. Where did you find a preservation charm that would have lasted this long? I have so many questions for you, Harry. I'm sitting on your side of the bed, weeping as I go through every memento you have kept throughout our lives together.
As I take new items out of this box, I think of all the memories we have made together. Like our first muggle movie, why did you keep those ticket stubs? I remember laughing until my stomach hurt from that movie. I remember getting ice cream afterwards and how it was all over your face like a child's and thinking you were so adorable. I remember walking you home that night and being invited in for the first time. I remember that as the night I fell in love with you, Harry.
As I sit on our bed tonight, I weep for all the time we have lost together, love. I weep over this journal, this journal you had gifted me on our first anniversary and told me to only put my sacred thoughts in. This journal, that for the last 8 years I have poured my heart and soul into, has been my keeper, Harry, as a promise to live every minute of every day with our son, our beautiful son that you have gifted me with.
Yours always,
Severus
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My Dearest Harry,
Aiden is on his way to Hogwarts as I write this, Harry. He is taller than me now and incredibly smart for his age. It's amazing how much he looks like you. His eyes are more emerald green than yours were and his hair even messier. You two could have passed for twins, love.
It boggles my mind how much Aiden resembles both of us in personalities. Aiden is most definitely impulsive. He once decided that he was going to learn how to fly a broom without asking me first. He took my broom without my permission and flew around in the backyard. He ended up falling off and breaking his arm. Aiden also does not like the taste of skele gro either, Harry. Aiden is also very selfless. He opted to not go and hang out with his new friends when I caught the wizards flu a year ago. Instead, he stayed home and helped Izzy take care of me. He is so much like you, love. Aiden is also very self-assured and confident in everything he does. He is very good at potions already, it's astonishing. He yells at me not to help him anymore when we brew together. It gives me a good laugh. He is growing up so fast.
The house is officially too big with just Izzy, Johnathon, and myself in it. I don't know what I am going to do with all of this space that our son usually occupies. I don't want to sell our home. It's all I have left of you. I'll have to figure something out. I usually have to without you here with me anymore.
Yours always,
Severus
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My Dearest Harry,
Today would have been your 35th birthday. I would have loved to have seen you grow and your features change as we age together. I wish to see the grey hairs Aiden would have given you. I wish to have seen the laugh lines I know would have been embedded into your face from happy memories. I wish to have witnessed your body get older with age, becoming more beautiful as time went on. I wish a lot of things, but that's all they are, wishes.
Aiden is graduating Hogwarts this year. I can't believe it. Izzy is going crazy about how fast our son has grown up. It felt just like yesterday that Aiden was five and causing mayhem around our home. Running to me, screaming papa excitedly as he completed another child's potion from his potion set. Where has time gone, Harry.
Izzy and Johnathon have decided to throw a little party for Aiden's graduation. I hope he enjoys it as he deserves a little fun and some relaxation. Aiden decided to go to the university to become a mediwizard. He is excited to be studying to become one. He enjoys helping others and hopes to work in the pediatric department of Saint Mungos one day soon.
I wish you were here to see all of this, Harry.
I wish you were here to grow old with me and watch our son grow up and become the man he is today.
Yours always,
Severus
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My Dearest Harry,
Aiden is getting married today. It's hard to believe that he is an accomplished young man now and not the little baby I had just taken home from the hospital. The witch he is marrying, Hannah, is the most darling witch I have met. She is too sweet to our Aiden and she loves him beyond belief. Hannah is a mediwitch, working in the trauma center of Saint Mungos. Aiden and Hannah met after one of their mutual friends set them up on a date. It's was love at first sight for them, Harry. Their blossoming love is strong and indestructible. It reminds me of our love. It's good to see our son happy and living his life to the fullest.
Izzy and Johnathon finally moved out of our home this past year. They want to start a family and I hope they have all the love and happiness they deserve. They have been trying for a child for a few months now and I hope to hear from them soon with exciting news.
I wish you were here today with me, Harry. Watching our son get married to his soulmate. These last few years have been harder without you here by my side. I am not sure how much more I can take. I've lived a long life and I'm ready to be with you again, love. Is that possible? Are you waiting for me? Will you be there to greet me when I'm gone too from this world? I hope you are. I want to hold you and kiss you and never let you go. I'll never let you go again.
Yours always,
Severus
My Dearest Harry,
Hello, love. This is likely to be my last letter as it is the last page in this journal. This journal, the one you gifted me on our first anniversary, is filled to the brim with my letters to you since you left me. When I thought I had reached the last page of this journal a long time ago, I was devastated to lose my connection with you. But I think you knew that, didn't you? You made sure you bought me a journal that was embedded with endless pages, adding as I reached the end every time. But not this time, love. This time, the journal did not add more pages for me. Is this a sign? Am I not supposed to be writing anymore? Is there actually a page limit in this journal? I don't know what to think. Help me, Harry, I am at a loss here.
The years have been going by too fast these days. Every time I turn around it is a new year, it seems. Aiden and Hannah are celebrating 14 years together next month. They are having a family get together to celebrate. Their 4 children are excited for the opportunity to have cake and sweets all day long. I'm not looking forward to the sugar highs I know are going to accompany all those sweets. I offered to take the little ones for the weekend that day so that Aiden and Hannah can have some alone time. I'm sure they are looking forward to that.
Izzy and Johnathon are coming over tomorrow to help me with taking apart my potion's lab. I'm just getting too old to maintain it and I don't brew as much anymore due to not being able to get around after my fall last year. I told Izzy she could have all of my cauldrons and extra potion materials. I'm going to sell off the rest of my potion ingredients and let the grandchildren have the money for school materials.
Izzy and Johnathon have 2 beautiful daughters who are just the sweetest things. They are coming over this weekend to spend some time with their Uncle Severus and I am looking forward to it immensely. We are going to play wizards chess and bake baked goods for the orphanage we sponsor together. It will give them the opportunity to get away from their lives for a few hours. It should be a fun and relaxing weekend.
The years have been kind to us Potter-Snape's, Harry. We have been very fortunate and humbled upon. I wish you were here to enjoy it all with us. As I grow older now, I wish for you more and more by my side as I become frail and grey. We should have been old, grey, and frail together, love.
I cannot wait until the time comes when we can be together again. I hope for it, love. I love my life and my family, but I've lived and loved in this world enough now. I want to come home to you, Harry. I want to be with you, wherever it is you are, I want to be there. I miss you so much.
I love you. Always.
Until I see you again, love.
Yours always,
Severus
-Lovetoreadseverusdotcom