i wandered home saying your name.
commence.
—-
He wrote in shaking stumbling cursive with his left hand: I lent you my wings once…,
The right side of his body was so numbed with morphine that Erwin could just barely feel the flashes of pain that coursed through the stump of his right arm through his hazy perspective. It had been a while since he had suffered any major injuries, and had not been drugged with morphine for a long time… He never really took well to it, although most recipients did. The familiar sensation of nausea was sneaking into his stomach, but whether it was from the blood loss or the morphine, Erwin wasn't quite sure.
The pen shook in his hand as he tried in vain to steady his handwriting. Drops of ink splattered onto the paper and his bloodstained uniform. Shit. Levi was going to be pissed.
"Haaah…"
The Commander exhaled. The crumbling castle that the military sought refuge in was cold, drafty, and the farthest thing from safe. The evening brought some sort of defense against the Titans, but the recent events led the blond man to understand the circumstances a little differently than the rest of the military leaders who had reluctantly joined forces with the Scouting Legion to rescue Eren. Hence, the burning torches that lit up the crumbling stone towers of the derelict stronghold and the haggard scouts that stood guard.
Erwin let his hand drop against the cold rock floor and did nothing when the pen clattered and rolled away from him. There were no chairs and no desks in the castle; the brigade was lucky to find a few skins of vine and a barrel of grains which were carefully being rationed. The scrap of paper slipped from his knee and descended with the wind onto the floor a few feet away from him.
Levi… I was reckless.
Erwin closed his eyes and lifted his trembling left hand to his right shoulder, feeling the emptiness by his side and in his heart. He could not help the twisted little smile that turned up the corners of his mouth nor the dryness that stung his eyes every time he blinked. There were no excuses he would make to ease the burden that would befall his Corporal's shoulders.
It was no use moping, Erwin knew that much. He lifted his right hand before he realized there was nothing to lift, only the searing pain that shot through him as he tried to rotate his shoulder to pick up the pen that had rolled away. Of course. It would take some getting used to. The blond man twisted his body a little to pick up the pen with his left hand and then over to his other side to pick up the scrap of parchment with Levi's name penned meticulously on one side, the beginning of his letter on the other.
He'd never really written letters to Levi. Erwin supposed that he might even make it so that this would be his first love letter to his Corporal, and the thought made him give a harsh laugh, more of a hoarse bark than anything else.
Forgive me, Levi.
.
.
.
i lent you my wings once, so please, lend me yours.
—-
fin.
author's notes:
this is a drabble inspired by a single sentence written by tumblr user komlin: "as an apology for being reckless and losing an arm, erwin writes to levi: i lent you my wings once, so please, lend me yours."