Addicted to Emotion Ch 1
Following the events of The Brotherhood of Evil, me and my friends returned to Jump City, somewhat changed. Although we weren't the only ones who changed; all of the citizens in this large city seemed to think progress was more important than personal treasures.
Cyborg and Beast Boy missed the arcade that was now replaced by steel girders and construction workers.
Starfire longed to drink her favorite mustard from Larry's Drug Store that was now a supermarket; and wouldn't you believe it? They didn't sell her favorite brand.
All I missed was a simple bookstore.
Robin didn't seem like he missed much. You could feel his eyes slightly widen at the sight of the changed metropolis, but he seemed unaffected, nonetheless.
That's one thing I liked about Robin, he was so unmovable when it came to material things of his own possession. All that mattered was other people's safety and well being. He was purely a hero.
Until he came back into the picture.
Cold laughter echoed throughout the tower as a charcoal colored figure with an orange and black mask crept into the TV room. Behind him was at least thirty of his robotic soldiers with laser guns, poised to shoot.
Robin's breath caught in his throat. With us traveling around the world the past few months, he'd completely forgotten that my father had brought him back from the dead. He gritted his teeth as he hissed out his name.
"Slade."
Slade must have had a lot of time to tinker with his robotic whatever-you-call-it's, cause it almost seemed like we plain surrendered after he came into the room. Now we were held in his old lair hung by platinum chains. Me and Starfire were equipped with pulse-negating headbands, slowing our pulses, thus, putting our powers on hold. Cyborg's robotic body was deactivated up to his head so he was standing next to us, still as a statue. Beast Boy, ironically, was kept in a suspended cage like... Well, an animal.
Slade was about twenty feet in front of me working with chemicals and syringes. I saw four flasks each labeled similarly. Ro01, Cy02, BB03, and St04 were printed on them. He placed one more flask next to them that read Ra05, and I was hit with a sudden realization.
He's really gonna kill us.
Before, he just hated us, tried to hurt us, confuse us, even drive us to insanity. But he's never tried to actually kill us! I was snapped away from my thoughts when Robin finally woke up.
"Slade. What are you planning, this time?" He growled.
Slade simply ignored him, and lifted a test tube and it's contents in front of his face, swirling it around, as if to determine what the substance was.
"Dude, this is so not cool!" Beast Boy spat. "I'm in a stinkin' cage!"
"At least you can move!" Cyborg said. He struggled to make his arms move, or even twitch.
"I feel as if my body has forgotten what strength it had before..."
Starfire was right, with this makeshift inhibitor on my head, I felt weak: like my body would give out any second. I remained silent, trying to think of a plan to get us all out of here.
'I'll get you out...' Said a familiar voice in my labyrinth I call my mind.
'No. You're not coming out, Rage.' I mentally screamed.
She giggled maniacally. 'But Raven, we used to have so much fun together!'
'You mean YOU did. I never wanted to release you in the first place. But now I'm stuck with you: a crazed killing machine bent on taking me over and running rampant through Jump City.'
She sniffed, almost like a three year old girl who got her dolly taken away. 'That hurt my feelings...' She laughed lightly. 'Oh, wait, I don't have any.'
'Shut up!' I was starting to lose it.
'C'mon Raven. Those people you call friends, they never liked you. They're wishing that maniac would kill you first and let them all go. They think your dark. Demented. Scary. Insane. They don't trust you. If you want to get out of this, let me take over... I'll make it all better.'
It was starting to sound like a good idea. No. I can't. But... I've been able to control her in the past: when Dr. Light was insulting me, when I convinced Gizmo to help Cyborg, when him and Beast Boy were in my mind... Would I be able to take it? Just one more time?
One way to find out.
I screamed as Rage took over. The inhibitor broke in two, I broke through the chains as if they were plastic. I could see the other Titans' eyes widen when my cloak turned a bloody crimson, my eyebrows splitting to form two extra eyes. A low, silent chuckle emanated from my throat.
"Finally free..."
That was enough to get Slade to stop ignoring us. He turned around, still holding one of those beakers, and a dart gun in his other hand. Without a word, he quickly loaded the chemical into a dart.
"You will pay for hurting us and our friends."
Us? Our? Apparently Rage was speaking as if we were still separate.
Slade swiftly loaded the dart gun as we- I mean, I raced towards him. He aimed the gun, not at me, but at...
"ROBIN!"
Starfire's scream sent chills down my spine. Time slowed as I turned to see Robin get struck in the shoulder by the dart. He screamed in agony as the poison rushed to his heart. It was a scary sight, seeing him twitch as the poison burned him from the inside. I could only imagine the pain, the ugly sensation of seeing your friends for the last time.
His wails finally ceased as his head dropped and his skin paled. His body went limp as we found our leader breathing no more.
So many emotions flowed through me in that moment. Sadness, confusion, anger, turmoil, disappointment, and most of all...
Rage.
Rage was having a hay-day gaining more and more power from my emotions. I could tell, because my vision went black for about three minutes, and when it returned, I saw a crumbled heap of flesh and blood in my hands. I realized that crumbled heap was Slade. I dropped him quickly to find he was, in fact, dead. My cloak returned to it's former shade of blue. I looked up to see my friends (minus one) staring in horror. I'd no idea what I'd done just now, but I know who to blame.
Me.
I released Rage from her prison, although I found it strange that she retreated to the back of my mind after I'd killed Slade. I was the one who caved in to my emotions.
I could no longer stay within sight of my friends. Not with the shame of Slade's blood on my hands. Not with the guilt of murder on my heart. My cold, dark heart that can't even resist a little temptation. I was broken.
So I left.
I don't know how long I ran, but I guessed I was at the outskirts of town by now. The sun was just rising on the east side, casting red-orange lights on the sea in front of me. I fell to my knees still not believing what I'd done.
He'd be the one at my side after something like this. Telling me it's okay when it wasn't. He would always know what to say and how to say it. He would tell me it's not my fault even though it was. I choked up just thinking about him. His screams echoing in my head- not Slade's, Robin's- were driving me crazy. I wanted him back.
'Well, that was crazy, wasn't it?'
Not now...
"Why are you doing this to me?" I said aloud through choked sobs.
'You mean, why are you doing this to you? I'm a part of you Raven. You know it. And you love it.'
She was right. No matter how much I wanted Robin back, no matter how much I wanted to turn back time and stop myself from doing anything, no matter how much I hated it, I loved it.
That immediate rush of adrenaline, that inconceivable amount of power, and the look of fear in my enemies eyes. It was my drug.
I hated it. I loved it. I loathed it. I craved it. I couldn't live with it. I can't live without it.
'Face it, Rav, I'm never leaving. And you don't want me to.' She cackled as she threatened to consume me once more, giving me that rush in the process, then retreating once again. 'You'll come back to me soon enough, my doll.'
And I knew that was true.
About twenty minutes of sobbing later, I saw the shadow of a bird in the distance, flying towards me. As it landed, it transformed into the green boy I treat as a little brother. He wasn't who I was expecting to come and comfort me but, beggars can't be choosers.
He sat down next to me and, for a while, didn't say anything. After a minute, he sighed.
"Well, at least Slade's finally gone!"
SMACK!
"Ow!" A red handprint was left on his cheek. "I'm sorry! I don't deal well with serious situations!"
My scowl softened at his naïve innocence. He meant well, I know, but he acts like a child. "I don't know what happened... I heard voices in my head... And I just- I didn't mean..." The lump forming in my throat was getting bigger, and I felt like I was gonna vomit.
Beast Boy put his hand on my shoulder (and I'm surprised I didn't maul him for it) and said, "Look, Rae. I'm not good at these kind of things but, I know you're going through a lot of junk right now and probably don't wanna talk about it; but talking will make you feel better... I think."
I almost giggled. Almost. It was funny when he tried to be sentimental. "I was never good at talking about my feelings, anyway."
He paused for about a minute. "You could possibly be arrested for that, though..."
"You think?"
"Well, maybe since it was an accident, they'll let you off with a warning."
I furrowed my brow. "No. They won't. I murdered someone. I don't even know how it happened-"
He cut me off. "You already said that."
SMACK!
"Oh, come on! Stop that!"
I grinned slightly. "Stop being an idiot." Yes, it was immature, but maybe he was rubbing off on me. Or maybe it was the stress talking.
He sighed once more. "Well, Starfire and Cyborg are back at the tower waiting for you. We should get going." He got up and stretched. "You wanna come with, or do you wanna be alone?"
"I'll catch up..."
"Alright. See ya!" He shape shifted into a hawk and flew in the direction of the giant "T" we call home.
I trudged into the door of my room. I closed and locked the door and collapsed on my dark lavender bedspread. A large portion of my stress melted away as I sniffed the thick cotton blanket; it smelled of cinnamon, sweat and desperation.
Yeah, it's good to be back home.
A few soft knocks made an echo in my room. I groaned as I went to answer the door. The door slid open with a soft hiss as I took in the sight of the Tamaranian princess at the threshold.
Tiny beads of tears were in her emerald green eyes as she lunged forward and hugged the daylights out of me.
"Oh, Raven I missed you so much and I was so worried that you would never return even though Cyborg said you would be alright I was still unsure and-"
"Star."
"Yes?"
"Stop hugging me."
"Huh? Oh... My apologies." She finally let go of me as I gasped for breath. Honestly, I thought she would've been laid out on the couch, mourning Robin's death. Everyone knew she had a crush on the boy wonder. But, apparently, she was dealing with it pretty well.
"Starfire, I'm sorry for what I did. I was stressed out, and with Robin- I just lost control and..."
She put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Raven, it is alright. I understand that your emotions are stronger than mine or our friends, and that sometimes, you cannot control them. I do not blame you. Slade was a villain, and it was what he deserved."
I honestly didn't think Starfire was for killing, even if it was an evil mastermind. But, he killed Robin. It is what he deserved: an eye for an eye. Ironic, huh?
Starfire looked down at her purple boots as she shyly said, "Cyborg has told me that, in the event of Robin's death, he would take over as leader of the Titans."
A simple "oh" escaped my lips at the mention of our deceased leader. Or ex-leader. "If you don't mind, Star, I'd like to be alone for awhile."
"Yes, of course. I understand." Turning on her heel, she began walking to her room. As she walked, I heard muffled whimpers as she covered her mouth. She could really hold her composure when around other people, but I could tell she was still broken inside. I closed the door and curled up on my bed, realizing how empty the tower felt after the loss of our fearless leader.
-Two Weeks Later-
I stare down at my shoes as Bruce Wayne speaks over the coffin. Starfire stands next to me in a long black dress, crying her eyes out. On the other side of her stands Cyborg and Beast Boy, adorned in black suits and ties. Members of the Titans East, Justice League, and many others, stand in the open field behind Wayne manor, in attendance for Robin's funeral.
I was surprised by the turnout. Most teen heroes don't get this much recognition. Even the Avengers came down from New York; surprisingly, Hulk wore a shirt. Most of the guests didn't have any profound words to say; so far, the only ones who spoke were Bruce Wayne, Barbara Gordon and Alfred.
Just as Bruce finished his short speech, Tony Stark stepped up to the podium. I heard irritated moans and muffled "oh no"s from the other Avengers.
"Good evening, everyone." He began. "Now, I know most of you think I make jokes about anything: why I even made a few about that Scandinavian supermodel I dated last year. Man, was she crazy; I even considered reporting her to the SHIELD prison."
He only received blank stares. Apparently, his dry humor was unappreciated.
He cleared his throat. "Anyway. Richard Grayson was a valiant hero, with agility and courage, only matched by the size of his heart." (At this point, Starfire was bawling loudly) "He never stood down against evil, he fought back with everything he could. He was also very clever on the battlefield; making decisions in split seconds. He's the kind of guy who'll jump off a cliff and figure out how to survive on the way down. And he'll make it down cleanly. Loved by few, adored by many. Rest in peace, Robin."
At this, he stepped down from the podium. When he made it to his seat, I saw Natasha (aka Black Widow) put a hand on his shoulder, silently telling him he did a good job. Afterwards, she gave me a warning glare. Obviously, word spreads quickly through the SHIELD vine. I felt uncomfortable with all the guards around, giving me threatening looks, and all the hardcore heroes being wary whenever they were around me.
As everyone was leaving, I was about to step into the T-Car when I felt a large, yet comforting hand on my shoulder. I turned to see the green gamma-hero himself, Hulk.
"Don't beat yourself up about this," he began. "You're not the only one who's misunderstood because they can't control their emotions." He gave me a small smile, and departed with his signature monster-jump.
It was a bittersweet moment: I'm glad other people understand my pain of dealing with these emotions, but I also feel sorry for others who have to go through this kind of insanity.
That's weird. I feel sorry for someone.
Next thing I knew, I was in some sort of instant depression. Everything that was even remotely sad, made me feel an unexplainable amount of sadness. It was only when I saw my cloak that I understood what was happening.
My cloak was gray.
Timid had taken over my mind for a while now and- Hey, it felt good to feel. I was usually bland. Boring. Unmovable. But being vulnerable, it was just as thrilling as being connected with Rage. I wonder if my other emotions were like this?
After we returned to the tower, I rushed to my room and locked the door. I swiftly picked up my meditation mirror, said a few incantations, and after a few seconds, I was trotting through the labyrinth that is my mind.
I walked/flew for about twenty minutes until I saw a flash of bright red in my peripheral. I rushed intently towards it, and as I came in closer, I found out that it was Rage and Timid. I landed in front of them both, and they turned towards me, with Rage having a scowl on her face and Timid looking, well, timid.
"What have you been doing to my mind, Rage?" I started. "I know that it's you who's doing this."
She laughed innocently. "Oh, it wasn't just me; Timid here had a little part in this."
At this, Timid spoke up. "I-it wasn't all me, n-not that I wanted to do it; it was Rage's idea, b-but I didn't want to do anything bad to you b-but..."
"Timid, I'm not mad at you." I spoke softly, then put a little aggression in my voice as I turned to Rage. "It was her who did this to us, and I wanna know why." It was more of a command than a question.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you just yet, Rae," I winced at the annoying nickname everyone gave me. "But I assure you, you will figure it out sooner or later; you're a smart little girl. But in the meantime," her voice deepened and darkened. "Stay out of my way. I don't have time to deal with you. My time is running out, and my power's running low. If you don't want everything to fall apart around you, I suggest you forget this ever happened."
"I-if you want to..."
...
Jeez, that's annoying.
Rage went back to her innocent voice. "Anyways, bye Rae, I have some business to attend to." She suddenly vanished in a puff of black-red mist.