Ace had never considered himself as someone worthy to be loved. It was love that led to his existence, which is also his mother's demise, therefore he had no intention looking for a romantic companion. He tried sex during his time with Spade Pirate, yet when a girl kissed him, all he felt in his mouth was a foul taste of disgust. Not because of the girl, she was lovely, but because the thought she might accidentally carried his child scared him to his bones. Ace couldn't help thinking what would happened to her if his heritage was discovered. Even if she made it to the end of pregnancy, another child hated by the world would be born. He would never allowed it to happened, so he said sorry and bolted out of the brothel, using drunk as an excuse to stay on the ship till the morning came.
Ace never visited a brothel since, and decided that it was for the best.
Then Marco happened.
At first, the man was an enigmatic surprise. He was always there when Ace aimed for Whitebeard's head, but all he did was standing near and made an amusing expression. Ace remembered being smashed again the wall and saw the man leaning down to pick him up, his blue irises as soothing as the sea. There were no hatred in those eyes, only understanding and patience; they made Ace felt guilty for his behavior, yet also provoked him for knowing he was nowhere near that man's level. The blonde man was nothing less than indulgent when he healed Ace after the stupid murder attempts, even go as far as making sure Ace had enough food and a proper place to sleep. Ace saw no reason for Marco to do so, and he felt bad taking it for granted, so he tried to avoid the man as much as possible. Yet for some miraculous reason, Marco always manage to track him down.
"It made us happy even it's just a word."
The night he became a Whitebeard, Marco welcomed him with a beaming smile; it flattered his heart and he couldn't help but wanting more. Ace wasn't an idiot, he soon figured out he had feeling for the blonde man, a different feeling than what he had toward his comrades, and he decided to keep it for himself, hoping it would fade away one day. He was content as being Marco's little brother, and he had no intention to ruin their fragile bond.
Marco had a different aim. The day the blonde commander confessed with him, everything became surreal. Joy passed through him like a warm ocean wave, washing the stress of his day and eased his heart. Yet when the happiness faded away, the fear arose. Ace bit his lips to prevent himself from whimpering, he was scared Marco's gentle eyes would turned spiteful if the man found out his bloodline. Pops accepted him, but that didn't mean the other members would, and he wouldn't able to get hold of himself if Marco looked as him as something less than a man.
"You'll want to take that back if you know who I am."
"I know who you are, you are you yoi."
Turn out Marco knew his dirty secret already, he was right outside when he revealed his past to Whitebeard, yet the man confessed nonetheless. "I just want to let you know, you don't have to change a thing", he said with a smile so warm it stopped Ace dead in his tracks. Ace tried to find a hint of lying in the man's eyes. He could take it if it was an awful joke, he could laugh it off and they could return to be brothers again; but there was nothing but endearment in the blue irises and they penetrated Ace to his core. For a brief second his lungs failed to function. He leaned his back against the wall and slid down, finding it hard to catch his breath, face in his hand like the day Marco came to him with a bowl of soup.
Marco kneeled down, patiently waiting for his answer.
Ace pulled Marco's jacket, hating himself for being so greedy.
He whispered his desire, then the blonde man gently lifted his face and laid a soft kiss on his cheek.
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The next few months were like a dream comes true to Ace. He wanted to keep their relationship in secret and Marco respected his decision. On the outside, they acted the same as they always did, the collected first mate and the hot-headed youngest brother. But when they were alone, Marco would pull him closer, waiting for him to nod before kissing him tenderly. It took Ace two weeks to finally accept that he wasn't in a fantasy and returned the kiss with passion. He was on cloud nine, and yet so anxious for having no experience of being a lover. More than that, the old fear still remained in the depth of his heart. He was afraid one day Marco would realize it's a waste of time being with someone like him, therefore he didn't dare to make thing public. At least when the time came, he could eat his misery alone.
The blonde man seemed to be aware of his anxiety, so he always treated him with great tenderness. He didn't believe he deserved it, but as the same time craving for more. The longing made him realized how shameless he was for taking Marco's kindness for granted, and it wasn't right. He couldn't bother the man more than he already did.
Ace wanted to be stronger, to be equal with Marco, or at least someone the blonde man could depend on.
He tried harder, took missions seriously, finished his paperwork on time and treated conflicts with consideration. Soon, he was no longer an immature newbie, but a capable comrade they could trust on battlefields. The challengers aiming for Whitebeard's throne come and go, more aggressive every time they came back. Their impatience led to risky behaviors, which is willing to sacrifice themselves just to take a commander down.
In one fight, a guy managed to come dangerously close behind Marco's back.
Ace cried out and a shockwave rippled in the air. He bolted across the field where unconscious men lying motionlessly and surrounded the two of them with a fire net.
"I got your back!" he shouted and against the man's back. In the roaring sound of fiery inferno, Ace heard a small and quiet chuckle.
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When the cat was out of the bag, Ace was already a trustworthy commander standing alongside Marco. They moved in the same quarter with blessings from their father and brothers.
The first night they slept with each other was terrific, and he didn't just mean about the sex, but also the way Marco held him tight when the climax over or how the man caressed his cheek and laid a quick peck on his forehead. Marco's gentleness soothed his worrisome away, and he felt the urge to press every ounce of him into every ounce of the man. Ace melted into the arms protecting him and secretly wished for it never to end.
Yet since last month, three months after their relationship was established, the warmth from Marco's embrace only existed in his memory. The blonde man still hugged him on daily basic, being the gentle and reliable man he adored so much. But at night, when they were alone, Marco slept with his back turning on him. Ace wouldn't have found out if it wasn't for one night he had a nightmare about his past. Since then, his sleep became shallow, he woke up in the middle of the night often just to stare at Marco's back.
"What did I do wrong?" Ace panicked at first. He tried to calm himself by thinking it's just a new sleeping position, and by the end of the week he could cuddle in the man's arms again, yet Marco never turned around since. They always began their sleep facing each other, but at some point Marco would turned his face to the wall, leaving Ace scared and anxious and afraid to touch the man he cared about.
Ace began to think it was because of the sex, which he knew nothing about before he met Marco. So he learned, asking other brothers embarrassing questions and tried the new tricks when the night came. The blonde man welcomed his effort with deep satisfaction; the moan he let out when reaching orgasm was a thing Ace never wanted to forget. But by the end of the day, Marco turned his back on him in the man's sleep, and Ace came up with no better explanation than Marco was tired of him already.
One night, when Ace returned to their quarter after and exhausting mission, he found Marco sleeping with his face toward the door. He tiptoed inside, but he heard the man said.
"Ace, you're back?"
"I'm back."
Ace rushed to bed and held Marco's hand, maybe unconsciously holding too tight. Marco chuckled softly and murmured, his voice sleepy like a child waken up early in the morning.
"Take a shower yoi, your sleep would be better if you're clean."
Ace startled for a few seconds before realizing there were blood spatters on his chest. He cursed and dashed to the bathroom, where he washed himself carefully with soap and returned to the bed room.
"That's better yoi."
The blonde man chuckled and rubbed Ace's head, shifting his body to make space, then he turned around. Ace's smile froze mid-track, feeling like someone just poured an ice bucket down to his heart.
Ace began to have insomnia, which accidentally strengthened his narcolepsy, and he fell asleep while doing chores more often. Though his brothers never made a ruckus about this, Ace felt bad and volunteered to do more work, burthened his physical, but de-stressed his mind from thinking about a certain man. His state finally reached Marco and the first division commander asked him to go to the infirmary for a check-up. It was one hell of a glorious moment as they spent the entire time doing non-medical related things. Ace smiled and cheerfully poked at the man lying under him, because what else could he do? He couldn't cry it out loud 'Marco, you're the very reason'.
"Ace, tell me if there's anything wrong yoi." Marco said as he buttoned up his shirt, his voice hoarse and maybe a little shaking.
"It's perfectly fine, Marco." Ace lied and closed the door.
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On the same day, Pops called him to his room. Ace mentally hoped it wasn't about his behavior lately. The old man was super perceptive. He seemed to notice every one's problem before they figured out themselves.
Pops looked at him with thoughtful eyes after he sat down.
"What's it, son? You seem down lately."
Ace cursed in his head while putting on his best smile.
"What're you talking about, Pops? I'm perfectly fine."
Whitebeard didn't buy him for the slightest. The old man raised his eyebrows, unamused.
"You think you can hide from me, brat? Is this because of Marco?"
Ace pursed his lips and prepared to give a half-ass reply, but he had to close his mouth because Pops' eyes was so stern yet caring they easily pierced through Ace' intention. He knew the old man wouldn't take a lie for an answer, so he downturned his head and remained silent, until the silence itself became the clearest response.
"It's Marco, huh? What happened? I thought you too are having a great time."
We were, Ace wanted to fix. He didn't know at what point thing began to slip out of his fingers. In the day Marco's still a loving man like he always was, treating Ace with kindness and endearment. But that one particular gesture he did in his sleep was an unconscious action, which mean to some extent it reflected the man's true feeling, and it could mean he didn't want to maintain their relationship for any longer.
Not that Ace couldn't ask about it, he's just afraid he was right.
"Ace?" The old man asked worriedly.
"I-I, Pops, Marco is turning his back on me in his sleep, every night."
"…"
"I know, silly isn't it?" Ace tsked, clenching his fist to ignore the pain in his chest, "He still shows that he cares about me, but I can't help it Pops. What if what he does at night is his true feeling? I mean he has the right to do, it just- it just I'm not ready for it. I don't know what to do if he-" Ace trailed off, his voice no louder than a soft murmur he doubted his father could hear him clearly. A part of his mind was yelling him for bothering the old man like this, for a possibility he'd thought about since day one.
"Ace," Pops broke his train of thought, "When you sleep in a strange room for the first time, where do you turn your head to?"
"Huh?" Ace startled, but he answered nonetheless, "The door of course."
"And your back?"
"The wall, or any solid surface."
"How about when you sleep with your little brother?"
"We turned our back against each other."
"And why was that?"
"I got his back and he got mine. We lived in a tree house, it's dangerous leaving your back exposed to—"
Ace stopped and put his face in his hands, his shoulders couldn't stop shaking. All his worrisome suddenly vanished away and as a warm spring pouring in his chest, rippling pleasant feeling into his veins. Joy crushed him like a tidal wave and in the next second he found himself being embraced by trust and acceptance. Hope became vivid, and Ace could physically felt it was sparking within his reach, fierce and shine like a starlight. He wondered if he should trust the new theory just dawned upon him or not, because it sounded so surreal. It could be his imagination, yet he allowed himself to believe, because he wanted to trust the man he loved.
"You think that's why, Pops? Does he really trust me that much?"
"…I don't know, son. You have to find out on your own."
"I don't turn my back to my enemy!" His seven-year-old self solemnly said under the summer breeze.
"Then turn to me," Sabo offered his hand, "Got my back and I got yours Ace."
Ace nodded and they did a fist bump. In silence, a powerful agreement was made,
'I trust you with my life'.
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Ace was surprised finding Marco waiting for him in their quarter. The man's face was serious and his eyes lost their normal lazy expression.
"Ace, did you just have a conversation with Pops?"
"Yes?"
"Is it because of us yoi?"
Ace swallowed and nodded hesitantly. Here it come. His anxiety returned and on the verge of exploding, but he calmed himself by taking a deep breath. Their relationship was too valuable for him to make any reckless decision.
"Listen," Marco sighed, sounding tired and sad, "I know I may pressure you too much in our relationship yoi, so I understand if you want to break up. Just let me know okay, and I'll—"
"Who said that I want to break up?!" Ace snarled and realized he just lost his temper.
"You don't?"
Ace nodded and stared in the man's eyes, hoping his seriousness would reach the man. He didn't expect causing a spark breaking.
Marco responded with a smile of relief and his shoulder slumped. If it wasn't for such small movement Ace wouldn't know the man was tensed.
"I thought you're tired being with me, you seem down lately yoi. Something wrong? You can always talk to me."
"That's because," Ace bit his lips and averted his gaze. His mind came up with one answer only so he went with the flow, rosiness blossomed on his cheek, "I want to try something new and I don't know how to say."
"Oh?" Marco dumbfounded, then his face turned tomato red, "Okay-y, I mean, sure, what is it? You want to try it now or-"
"Later," Ace said without hesitation and rushed to the bed, "Now I want to hold you."
Marco took off his shirt, turned off the light and climbed on the bed. Their exchanged a kiss. It was long and soft and so chaste no spark ignited, yet felt like a wave of warmth that filled Ace from inside. Their lips fitted like two puzzle pieces and when they pulled away, he hungered for another quick peck on the man's nose before finally contented.
Their fingers intertwined. The room was dark and Ace couldn't see the blue eyes he loved, yet he could sense a passionate gaze caressing upon his skin and it eased his heart. He reached for Marco's cheek, brushing it gently and said.
"Hey, Marco. Turn your back on me."
The blonde commander made a soft grumble of confusion.
"Turn your back on me," he repeated.
Marco shifted his body and turned around. Ace hesitated for one second before wrapping his arm around the man, pulling him closer to his chest and locked him in his embrace. The heat from Marco's body became highly addictive. Ace sniffed Marco's neck, causing the man to shiver, then continued with a kiss on his spine. He couldn't help grinning greedily, because how much trust Marco had in him to lie defenselessly in front of him like this. Ace pressed his hand on Marco's chest, where the heart was, and delighted for feeling the steady pounding.
"I got your back Marco, I got your back."
Ace closed his eyes and noticed Marco was holding his hand. Their heartbeat harmonized like a promise of realness.
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It begins with my mom's story. She told me back in the day people sleep with their backs pressing into each other to prevent the cold and watch out the danger. Then I found out people tend to sleep with their back turning on the "safer side", for example, a wall, or someone they trust. I always imagine Ace and Sabo slept with their back turning on each other before Luffy came.
I got super anxious with this plot, but I want to write Ace's insecurity after their relationship was established so badly. Hope that you like it ^^