My daughter's cries broke me from a daze. My hands curled around her, pulling her to my chest.
"Did you have your dream again?"
She nodded through her tears. "He was reading to me"
Every night since Edward – her father and my husband – had died, she dreamt of him. When she woke, she would cry, remembering what had happened that fateful day two months before.
I dreamt of him too. I would often wake up crying, but knew I had to keep myself together for Nessie.
"Are you ready to go, sweetie?" Everyday, we went to Edward's brother, Emmett and his wife, Rosalie's home. They had rosy cheeked, blonde baby twin girls and Alice, Edward's sister, who was expecting a boy with her fiancé, Jasper, was also always there. We both needed the company.
We drove in silence, listening to one of Edward's favourite CDs.
"Hey" Alice was sitting at the kitchen table. She seemed to be bigger every morning.
"Hey, Alice" I nodded towards Jasper, who was standing behind her, his hands on the back of her chair.
Alice looked at me cautiously.
"How are you today, Bella?" She said, nervously. I can't say I blame her. There have been mornings where I haven't been able to stop crying, mornings where I've been so full of anger, I take it out on her and mornings where I've acted like everything was normal, where nothing had changed and no one had died.
"OK"
She seemed to relax.
"Nessie!" Emmett bounded through the door. He picked her up, holding her in his arms. "You still owe me a rematch, my girl"
Pretty much from when she began walking, Nessie had been playing baseball with her uncles. They always let her win, of course, a pretended to be annoyed.
Nessie shook her head. "Sore loser, sore loser, sore loser" She chanted. It was a phrase she'd picked up from Rosalie.
I was glad to see her smile. She always seemed to cheer up when Emmett was around.
He set her down. "We'll see about that, shall we?" He took her hand and led her towards the backyard.
I sat down next to Alice, who had one hand resting on her stomach and the other holding a glass or orange juice.
"Go and play too, Jasper," She said, smiling towards him. "You don't need to be around me all the time, just because I'm pregnant"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm here. She won't be alone" I put in.
He still looked hesitant.
"I'm not going to freak out again, Jasper"
He nodded and left, still looking cautious.
"Are you sure you're OK?"
"I'm fine, Alice"
"Really?"
I sighed. "Pretty positive. Why do you keep asking?"
She hesitated. "Because me and Rose are going out tonight and want you to come"
"I don't know, Al. Nessie…
"You know Emmett will be happy to take her. And it'll give Jasper some practice"
"Will they be able to cope with Nessie and the twins?"
"They'll be fine, Bells"
"I know they will. It's just… I haven't been out since… Since…"
"I know, Bells. I know. But I think it will be good for you"
"What time?"
"Seven o'clock. Come here, so you can drop off Nessie"
"How do I look?"
"Very pretty, Mommy"
It was a bit of a stupid question to ask a three year old.
She yawned. She'd had a busy day 'beating' Emmett and Jasper.
"We'll go soon, honey, just give me two seconds"
I sat down at my dressing table, pulled my wedding ring from the chain around my neck and slipped it onto my finger. It had taken me weeks to remove it, before thinking of the chain.
When we arrived, Alice immediately glanced down at it. I self-consciously covered it with my right hand.
"I didn't want to attract attention as the only single girl there. It's not like I'm looking for anybody new" I said, a bit too defensively.
Alice nodded once, sensing my tone and realising she shouldn't press it any longer.