CHAPTER 1

A young man awoke in the familiarity of the dorm room where he spent the nights of last six years of his life.

Everything felt so normal as he lay listening the sounds of his room mates' heavy breathing. There was Seamus and Dean, both members of the D.A. and friends of his. And then there was Neville, one of the most courageous men he knew, lying in the bed at the far side of the dorm.

But the one snore he knew most of all could not be heard. Harry wondered where Ron was and as he thought back, the memories of the previous night flooded back. Death. Destruction. Pain. So many lives had been lost unnecessarily, so many he knew he would never see again, so many families torn apart. Lupin and Tonks. Now, because of him, there was another orphan in the world. Teddy Lupin would be just like him. Growing up alone without parents. And then there was Fred. He had even caused the death of his best friend's brother. This made him sick.

Harry sprinted from the dorm, out of the common room and along the corridor to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

As he looked up he was scared by his own reflection. This face he saw was not his own. It was ashen, bruised, cut and dirty. This was not him. He started to scrub furiously at the dirt, so hard that he reopened old wounds, causing them to start to bleed again. Harry didn't care. He wanted to wash away all that had happened last night. He wanted everything to be as it was, before Voldemort. He wanted his friends back. He wanted to be free.

Feeling well enough, Harry left the bathroom and set of through the maze of rubble that was once Hogwarts. Every now and then he would come to a bloodstain and think to himself that it would not be there if it weren't for him.

He finally reached the bottom of the staircase and came to a halt outside the Great Hall. Harry willed himself not to look through the doors, but curiosity got the better of him and the minute he looked he wished he hadn't.

Inside he could see that the tables were still piled at the side of the room, but the benches were being used as makeshift beds for those who had spent the night after the battle. But the sight that made him sick was one of the Weasley's.

Bill and Charlie were sitting having a hushed conversation with Mr Weasley. Percy was sitting on his own, staring into nothingness. Mrs Weasley was comforting a sobbing Ginny. Harry felt a stab in his chest at this as he probably greatly contributed to the way she felt. Then Harry caught sight of another red head. For one moment, a flicker of joy burned inside of Harry as he saw who he thought to be Fred. But then he saw the unmistakeable lack of an ear and realised it was George sitting over the body of his dead twin.

Harry turned away, willing himself not to vomit again, but as he did, made eye contact with Ginny who stood up at the sight of him. This was too much for Harry as he turned and ran out the front doors of Hogwarts and out into the morning air.

Harry wanted to run away from it all, his life, his loss, his love. But he knew that could not happen. What he really needed now was a mum and dad to make it all better. To tell him that everything was going to be alright and that it would all get better in time. But Harry did not have that. Unless...

He knew what he had to do. He ran through the bodies of arctomantulas and giants that littered the way to the Forbidden Forest. And he ran all the way into the forest to an area he believed was where he dropped the Resurrection Stone and began to search frantically for his connection to his parents. But after an age of searching, Harry was no closer to finding it than he had been at the start.

Tears of frustration blurring his vision, he stormed out of the Forrest. He needed to feel alive, but most memories were of disaster and despair. Except for the memories of one place here at Hogwarts. Harry trudged through the muddy earth to the remains of his beloved quidditch pitch.

The smoking remains of the stadium made Harry feel that Voldemort had taken away all that he loved and cherished in life. He wondered what Oliver Wood would say if he could see it like this. A small smile spread across Harry's face as he imagined Wood's reaction. Harry carried on to the pitch and took a seat on one of the remaining stands and looked up to the sky. He tried to imagine what the world would be like from now on. He tried to believe it would be better, but all he could think about was those who wouldn't be there to share it. At this, a tear started to spill fast and freely down the young man's face.

After what seemed like hours, Harry heard the sound of footsteps drawing closer. Out of habit, he reached into the pocket of his robes in an attempt to draw his wand, wiping the tears away as he did, but to his surprise, he found that there were two.

As Harry tried to connect the dots, the owners of the footsteps drew beside him and Harry turned to the sight of his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.

"You alright mate?" asked Ron, "We saw you running from the dorm. You looked awful."

"Yeah, I'm... Wait, where were you? You weren't in the dorm," stated Harry.

"I was er... umm," spluttered Ron.

"He was in the common room with me," said Hermione, who at this slipped her hand into Ron's, "and before you ask no, nothing happened. Ron just needed someone after everything that went on yesterday. You were in such a rush you didn't see us."

Harry felt his heart sink. "Ron... I'm so sorry... Fred..." was all he could manage, but it was enough for Ron.

"Harry, mate, I know your blaming yourself for all this, but it couldn't be avoided. Everyone knew what the consequences where and what could be lost, but everyone wanted a better world, just... some didn't make it here today to share it," and at that tears started flowing uncontrollably down Ron's face.

Hermione, who was trying to wipe Ron's tears away said, "He's right you know Harry," and she herself started to weep.

Harry got up and pulled both friends into a tight embrace, "I know. Thank - you."

They broke apart after a bit and Hermione said, "Let's go back up to the castle. People will start to wonder where we've gone."

"Oh, Harry," said Ron, as he produced a silvery object from his coat, "You might need this of things get too mad."

"Thanks Ron."

They were silent as they made their way back up to the castle. As Harry glanced sideways, he saw that his two best friends were still holding hands. Finally, something good that came out of yesterday.

As they neared the entrance to the castle, all three took a moment to prepare for what they were about to face. They walked into Hogwarts and then through the open doors of the Great Hall, preparing for the worst, but to their surprise, everything looked the way it always did, apart from the obvious damage.

The house tables were back the way they always were, benches in place and not a body in sight. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. He was still not sure that he would be able to look at the cold bodies of his friends. People were sitting having hushed conversations all over the room. As the trio walked by, Harry could hear some of what they were saying. Phrases like 'Voldemort dead' and 'Harry Potter' were some he frequently heard.

Ron started to stride ahead with Hermione towards the group of red heads at the bottom of the Gryffindor table, but Harry hung back. He didn't want to see the pain he had caused the family that had given him so much. He especially didn't want to see Ginny.

He could only imagine the pain she felt when her brother died, and then again when she saw himself 'dead' in Hagrid's arms.

But the longer Harry stood there, the more attention he was drawing to himself, as the people that where having the hushed conversations were now looking in his direction. Harry wished they would look away, but this thought was quickly trampled when someone shouted, "Look! It's Harry!"

Everyone started to approach him now and a wave of cheers and applause spread through the room. People where soon patting him on the back and some even started to sing. But as Harry looked around, he was greeted by a sight that made his heart sink.

Dennis Creevey was sitting at a bench being comforted by his parents. The young boy was crying uncontrollably into his mother's jacket and this hurt Harry greatly. His brother, Colin Creevey, had sneaked back into the castle to fight with all the members of the D.A. and had paid for it with his life.

This was too much for Harry, who ducked from the crowd and pulled on his Invisibility Cloak that Ron had given him. He ran from the Hall and from the crowd, up the stairs and not stopping until he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

He pulled off the Cloak and was about to give the password, before he remembered he did not know it.

"I don't know the password," spluttered Harry.

"Not to worry," replied the Fat Lady, and she swung open to let Harry enter, "Well done Mr Potter!" she called after him as she swung shut.

Harry immediately made for his favourite armchair beside the fire. He sat down and lit the fire with a flick of his wand, and then he remembered the second. He looked at it and wondered what to do with the Elder Wand. He certainly didn't want it and it was too much power to be possessed by one wizard.

As he pondered over this thought, the door to the common room opened and in walked Ginny. She made straight for Harry, who expected a whack, but she pulled him to his feet and kissed him. It was long and sweet and Harry realised just how much he had missed her.

They pulled apart and Harry looked into Ginny's eyes. He saw the love and hurt and weariness there and felt awful.

"Why did you let me think you were dead?" asked Ginny, her brown eyes filling with tears, "I couldn't stand it! With Fred g-gone how w-would I have coped with out y-y-you?" she said as she wept uncontrollably into Harry's jacket.

"I'm sorry Gin, I really am, but I couldn't let anyone know I was alive. Voldemort believed I was dead and if he knew I wasn't then he would have been furious and started killing everyone and I couldn't bear to lose you," replied Harry, holding Ginny in a tight embrace, "I love you Ginny."

"I love you too Harry."

Ginny pulled away and kissed Harry. It was short and sweet and all Harry needed to know he was forgiven.

"How did you know I was up here anyway?" asked Harry.

"I saw you putting on the Cloak and figured you'd come up here to get away, and I was right. Come on. Mum and Dad want to see you."

Ginny felt Harry's reluctance and took his hand, "Don't worry, they want to thank you. And I'm always here for you."

And with that they left.

As Harry and Ginny were walking toward the staircase leading down to the Great Hall, they were greeted by most of the Weasleys. Bill, Charlie, Mr and Mrs Weasley, Ron and Hermione. Harry wondered here George and Percy were, but soon realised George would not want to leave his twin and Percy was probably with him. He was glad that the met here so as he didn't have to endure the crowd in the Hall.

"Harry! How wonderful to see you and thank you," said Mrs Weasley, pulling Harry into a tight hug. As they hugged, he could hear her sobbing into his shoulder. This gave Harry a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, feeling all the pain and grief that this family was living through and would now live with for the rest of their lives.

"I... I'm so sorry... About Fred… I never meant anyone to die for me." said Harry, trying desperately to keep himself from crying. This was too much for Mrs Weasley, who now wept uncontrollably onto her husband's shoulder.

"You're wrong Harry, Fred didn't die for you," replied Mr Weasley, comforting his wife, "Nor did Lupin or Tonks or Mad-Eye. They wanted a better world for themselves and their families. They wanted a world without Voldemort and died in attempt to get that. Don't go blaming yourself for their deaths."

"Thanks," said Harry, now looking at his shoes. He felt embarrassed and much like a school boy getting a telling off, but perhaps Mr Weasley was right? Perhaps they didn't die for him? But Harry still found this hard to believe as it had been him all along who was going to get rid of Voldemort, but they didn't know that. Maybe they would blame him if they knew.

But Ginny interrupted his thoughts. "What are you guys doing up here? We thought you were in the Great Hall?"

"Minerva wanted to see us all in her office and we were on our way up, hoping we'd bump into you two, said Bill, "She says Kingsley wants a word with us."

"Well then, we'd better go up. Can't keep McGonagall waiting!" joked Ginny, in an attempt to lighten the mood, but nobody was much in the mood to laugh.

They walked in silence up to the Headmaster's study and as they drew close to the gargoyle everyone slowed down. This part of the castle looked just as it had before the battle, not a brick out of place. It seemed so strange, so unreal, so ironic that this area had escaped any visible damage.

As the group reached the gargoyle guarding the entrance to the office, without explanation and without anyone uttering a word, the gargoyle moved aside allowing access to the stairway.

Everyone trudged their way up the stairs and into the office at the top. To Harry's memory, everything looked exactly the same as it had been when Dumbledore was here, Snape didn't change a thing. The only difference was the woman sitting on the opposite side of the desk. Minerva McGonagall smiled at the sight of the Weasley clan and Harry and Hermione.

"Harry! My dear boy how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Alright I suppose, considering..." Harry trailed off. He couldn't find the words to continue.

"I understand, I understand. And Arthur, Molly, I am so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Minerva," said Mrs Weasley, still trembling a little.

"Kingsley should be here any minute and then we shall begin," said McGonagall.

Harry was just about to ask what they were going to begin, but Hermione beat him to it.

"Sorry Professor, but begin with what?"

"Why, the story of where you have been these past few months," said McGonagall with a smile.