The Neon colored Balaclava
Summary: Russia has an interesting day at the Kremlin!
A/N: I know I will prob get a lot of hate for this but I've been thinking about this since I saw a post on Rise Against's facebook page that had something to do with Amnesty International and I thought it was hilarious. I don't support nor hate (or un/non support whatever it is) PussyRiot. It's not my business and quite frankly even though I love Punk Rock I don't care about the band. Flames will be laughed at and will be used to warm my Russia Plushie. Plus if you ask a regular Russian person, I bet you that they wouldn't care XD not to be mean or anything but seriously!
Like their name though! Lol
XxX
Russia woke up that morning by a call from his boss, Mr. Putin. The man sounded frantic and tired. Russia took pity and after getting ready for the day he drove up to Moscow from his home several miles outside of the capital. Once he got to the Kremlin he noticed a neon pink balaclava on the sidewalk. Blinking he picked it up gingerly and glared at it, what a little neon monstrosity. A silly little balaclava could not keep someone warm like his handmade scarf could. He tossed it in a trash bin (littering his own country? Don't be ridiculous!) and walked towards the building. To his annoyance, a young woman (about twenty or so) walked up to him and threw a green mask at his face and started sneering about how all the politicians were scumbags and deserved to be imprisoned. Russia did not want to hurt the woman, and his own citizen at that so he calmly turned around and decided to walk to the back entrance. It would take a lot longer but no crazy feminist ladies could get at him and cuss him out.
Once he got to the back entrance he gave the guards his ID and they let him pass without incident, he walked up to the elevators and punched in the number and promptly got in, he noticed the words 'Free Pussy riot' on the wall in permanent marker. He sighed and rubbed his temples, not even wanting to see his boss anymore. Calm him old fashioned but those types of words didn't belong in the Kremlin, not to mention the meaning of the word, Russia sure didn't care about the slang his teenagers used nowadays so it was safe to say he didn't know what they meant.
The elevator dinged and opened on the correct floor, preparing himself, the Russian walked up to his boss's door and knocked. There was a muffled noise which made the country frown, he put his hand on the door knob and twisted. It didn't budge one bit. He tried again but much harder than before and promptly heard something fall and a terrified scream from within. The door opened just barely enough to let the Russian slip in with difficulty.
What met his eyes had to be the most disturbing, hilarious, and most 'what the fuck?' moment of his life.
His boss, Vladimir Putin, was surrounded by boxes and boxes of...Neon colored ski mask.
The box he had toppled over had spilled it's innards all over the floor and part of Putin's desk. He raised a ash colored eyebrow and kicked the neon eyesores out of his way.
"Now..." He picked one up gingerly, like it could eat his face off at any moment, "what is the meaning of these?" He asked and let it drop onto the ground.
"You know about the three girls whom were charged with hooliganism, right?" Putin began, Russia shook his head and look at more of the boxes.
"Nyet, I cannot say I have..." He replied and took a note off one of the boxes.
"With Love, from Amnesty International..." He read aloud and crumpled the note in his hand.
"...That's who sent them?" Putin asked tiredly, head hitting the desk with a loud thump.
"Da, seems like it. Now tell me what you did that made me look like the, how do you say it? Ah, the 'bag of douche'?" Russia asked as he peered at more of the boxes. Random notes were taped onto them.
"Putin the pig?" He said with his ever-raised eyebrow.
"Ugh, more of those stupid notes?!" Putin groaned loudly.
"Tell me what happened and I will talk to England and America about stopping these annoying little spam notes and mask." Russia demanded. Suddenly Russia was struck with an idea but he would work it out later, soon he could get rid of these annoying headache inducing mask.
"We got these three girls on the charge of hooliganism...They were singing in a church and were abruptly escorted out. What people don't understand is they could have gotten the maximum and were going to get it if it wasn't for me! I got them five years knocked off and the people who aren't even from this country are whining about it!" He slammed his head back down in frustration.
"And now...I got these as 'payback'." He finished.
"Singing in a church...? what was the band called?" Russia asked with uncertainty.
"Pussy Riot." Putin answered sulkily. Russia blushed all the way down to his neck.
"Oh God...Those girls...Now I remember...They had an orgy in one of my landmarks...How revolting!" Russia spluttered.
"And unhygienic as well." Putin put in (lol).
"Says the man whom wrestles animals and goes hunting without a shirt." Russia coughed.
"...I am a man." Putin deadpanned.
"Anyway, what do we do about these?" He waved his arms to the boxes of ski mask.
"You would think these Americans would know the difference between a ski mask and a balaclava." Russia commented.
"Tell me about it, but what are we going to do with these things?" Putin asked again.
"I have an idea...But we shall need a lot of international stamps and tape...maybe a marker as well."
"I am Vladimir Putin, I can do anything."
"I am Russia and I will outlive you." They looked at each other for a moment and turned away to get the needed items.
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Belarus came home from the Government building grumbling and tired. She did not want to go home but she had gotten a message from her brother saying that he sent her a gift. That made her excited to finally get a gift from her brother whom ever since the Union fell she never got anything from him. She dreaded seeing the stuffed animals Sweden had dropped off over her country. Thousands of those little fuckers had made her life a living hell, who knew teddy bears could make someone want to kill themselves?
Anyway, she drove home and kicked on the bears out of the yard. It went way past the fence and into the sky flying near her sister's house. She didn't care and turned to her door. The mailman must have put the gift inside.
She opened the door and promptly fell over when an avalanche of brown fluffy teddy bears and scratchy neon ski masks bombarded her. Screaming in fury, Belarus pulled out her knife and began to cut her way through.
"GOD DAMMIT!" A tiny note fluttered across the sky and landed on her nose.
"Happy Birthday from Ivan'" It wasn't even her birthday. Yet she couldn't help but smile and hug one of the balaclava teddy bears to her chest and sigh. The feeling was short lived when she came to the realization that she couldn't move her legs.
XxX
Ukraine was tending her field and ignoring her back pain as best she could. It wasn't hard, she had been doing this for years, but her concentration was broken when a zooming sound broke the melodic chirping of the birds. A soft object thumped her in the head and she turned around to see a fluffy brown teddy bear laying on the dirt. She picked it up and stared at it in wonder.
'Hey you.'
"Me?" She asked, eyes widening.
'yeah you, let's be friends.'
"Y-you want to be friends w-with me?" Ukraine teared up and picked it up, smashing it against her chest in a hard core cuddle. The bear erupted into an explosion of cotton and fluff.
Ukraine looked at the remains with sad eyes and turned back around to tend back to her field.
"Easy come, easy go." She murmured quietly.
XxX
"So Russia what did you do with all the ski masks?" Putin asked the next day, happy to see that his office was neon mask free.
"I sent them to Belarus as a late birthday present." Russia answered.
"WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SCARED OF HER!" Putin yelled, Russia did not flinch.
"They are gone and that is all that matters, da?" The country sighed and left his boss to go stalk China.
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America: As well that ends well!
3Greenbeans: ...I LOVE YOU AMERICA!
Russia: KOLKOLKOL!
3Greenbeans:I LOVE YOU RUSSIA!
You: WTF?!
Me: I love my country and Russia so don't take offense. If you're wondering about the teddy bears just ask me or google it. Meh, this is a present to you guys since I'm hardly on anymore because of High school :(