Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, unfortunately.
A/N: I'm sorry! I had Writer's Block for my other story (which, never mind actually, I don't like my story "The Parenting Project," there's too much drama!), and this idea popped into my head. I am aware it is overused, but it's just so funny! K, Read on, my readers!
BPOV-
Typical Alice, deciding to spend one of the rare sunny days here in Forks in… drum roll please, a shopping mall! It's one thing to decide to do that by yourself, but no! She just has to have me and Rosalie's opinion! Grrr. And to make matters worse, Mike Newton and his gang are here, well known for their sleaze ball ways, and apparently I'm their new target- they won't effing leave me alone!
"Hey, Bella, baby, I think that custodian's closet over there is calling our names, I think we should go shut it up?" Eric Yorkie suggested.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. "Sure, Eric! When hell freezes over- twice!"
"That's right she's with me, huh, babe?" Tyler tried to grab my waist but I smacked his hand away and elbowed him in the gut.
"Alice! This is the last time you bring me to this mall against my own will!" I shouted after finally storming away from Mike Newton and his loser friends.
"Why, Bella? What ever is the matter wrong with thou-eth, I think-eth, or something. What's wrong?" Alice asked, giving most of her attention to the red dress in her hands.
"Mike Newton and his… posse is wrong, they won't leave me alone!" I yelled.
"Excuse me, miss, but if you keep yelling, we're going to have to ask you to leave," Rosalie came back from the dressing room, imitating some chick trying to kick me out of the store we were currently in.
We all laughed and decided to get some lunch at the Food Court.
"Subway, blech, McDonald's, maybe, Thai, nah, Hot Dog On A Stick, awesome lemonade. What do you think?" I asked Alice. Rose already went to find us a table.
"I think… you should surprise us! See you back at the table, Bella!" Alice called over her shoulder, thus, running into a human wall. Oh. My. Gosh. Is that? No, it can't be, he was such a nerd in sophomore year! Jasper, Jasper Whitlock? Oh well, I'll see what's up later, time to get some McDonald's!
I walked back to the table on the other side of the room (I actually didn't slip, it's a miracle!) to find the If-he-was-hotter-but-other-than-that Jasper Whitlock look alike, Alice and Rose.
"So… hey, aren't you Jasper Whitlock?" I finally asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"Uh.. Yeah, I am. …Holy Crow! Bella Swan? But you're- and- we- and-wow. I've missed you in Phoenix! Wow, Bella Swan, THE Bella Swan. I have so many stories to tell you! My mom, you know Esme? She got married to that Carlisle dude, you know the doctor? Oh, wait, you do, you've seen him many times in the ER, right? Anyways, now I have a new stepbrother and does he know how to prank someone! I mean, you and me make a great team, but if we add Emmett into the equation we'd be unstoppable!" he shook his head in amazement. Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, I just moved here to Forks over a year ago, before that I lived with my now-deceased mother and her now-deceased husband, Renee and Phil. They died in a car accident, damn drunk driver. But, anyways, Jasper Whitlock went to my school. It's surprising I could even recognize him, well, actually, it's not. We were inseparable; the three-quarters of the school that weren't friends, or even acquainted with, us, definitely thought we were dating. We tried kissing once, but it ended up with throw up all over my room. And not just because we both had the flu!
"Jasper, I can't believe it! What the hell are you doing here? You look so different!" I cheered.
"Wait, how do you know each other?" Alice asked, looking slightly mad and a little jealous. Wow, Alice likes Jasper? They are literally total opposites, how funny.
"Oh, we were best friends when I lived in Phoenix," I explained, watching her mood visibly lighten.
"Oh, okay," Alice chirped.
"You know what? I think we should play Truth or Dare. Right here, right now," Jasper suggested. A little out of the blue and random, but I couldn't wait to humiliate him on his first week here in Forks!
"Okay," me, Alice, and Rose all agreed in unison.
"Alright, can I go first? You know, being the newbie here in Forks, and all," Jasper asked.
"Yeah, sure, whatever, go! Here, you can use my empty soda bottle to choose who you'll Truth, or, or Dare," I smiled at me stupid joke.
"Okay… and… Jelly Belly, you're up! Truth or Dare?" I grimaced at my old nickname.
"Just because I used to be a little fat…. Dare! I'm not a wimp, c'mon!" I answered.
"Okay, see that guy over there? Not the huge one, but the bronze-haired one?" he asked. I nodded and he continued, "Well, he's another of my new step brothers, his name is Edward- Edward Anthony Cullen, okay? I dare you to use cheesy pick-up lines on him until he walks away. If he somehow he doesn't, for some odd reason, walk away, you have to bring him to this table. Got it?" Jasper instructed.
"Yeah, okay." It didn't seem so hard… until I walked about talking distance away from him. He was literally Adonis in the flesh! He had total sex hair, it was so hot! The bronze was unbelievable, but what really caught my attention were his melon-green eyes. It felt like they were piercing straight through my soul. Whoa, when did I become so cheesy and romantic? Since I first saw this Greek God!
"Can I help you?" Adonis- I mean, Edward- asked.
"Okay, look, whatever I'm about to say, just ignore me or walk away, please. Your step brother dared me to come up to you and tell you cheesy pick up lines," I explained sheepishly.
"Hah, okay, let's hear 'em," he enthused.
"Well, let's see… ah, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I tried.
"Oh, come on, something more original than that!" he laughed. It kind of sounded like bells ringing, except in a masculine way, if that makes any sense at all.
"Well, then, why don't you try one?" I challenged.
"Hmm… I think the back room to Subway over there is calling our names, why don't we go shut it up?" Edward repeated Eric. I gagged- partly because of the memory, partly because Subway is the most disgusting excuse of a fast food restaurant ever! (A/N: I'm sorry if you like Subway, the thought of it makes me wanna puke. I just don't see what's good about it. I have to stop talking about it, I think I'm gonna vomit- Blechchchch! JK, but still, it could happen, you never know. I did throw up one time after eating Subway- I'm telling you, it was the food, not the fact that I had the flu! Oh, and that's where I got that whole part about Bella and Jasper kissing- that and jandco's "Saturday School" ; þ)
"What? You don't like Subway?" he laughed.
"That, most definitely, is true. But also because some scumbag tried using that on me earlier today," I shuddered at the memory. Mike Newton and his gang are really horrifying. "Besides, you don't even know my name!" I protested.
"Hm, you know what? I think I do. Does it happen to be… Bella Swan? From Phoenix, Arizona? C'mon, everyone knew you and Jasper were, at the very least, inseparable best friends. Plus, there was that one time…" he trailed off. I didn't want to go there. I could see Edward could be extremely nice, so I was finally ready to forgive him.
"Please! Don't go there! I'm finally ready to forgive you. I didn't know who you were, you were so nice, so please, just don't," I pleaded.
"I'm really sorry, I was just jealous of Jasper," he admitted in a whisper. Edward Anthony Cullen? Jealous of Jasper Brandon Whitlock? Why? "He had a special place in your heart, and I wanted it," he explained, still whispering, as if reading my thoughts.
"Anyway!" I exclaimed, changing the subject, "For this Dare to be complete I believe you have to either walk away or come with me and sit at our table."
"Trust me, Bella Swan, I'd come with you anywhere, anytime," he smiled his crooked smile that would make all of the girls at our old school bedazzled.
"Um, Edward?" I asked timidly. I think he knew what I was about to say.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Definitely! I'll pick you up at 8 on Friday?" Yes, he did know I was going to ask him out. I blushed deeply before leading him over to our table.
"Jasper?" I asked.
"Yeah, I knew it was him- him as in 'him'," Jasper admitted.
"Well, it backfired. You two can sit here and talk or whatever, but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, Alice," I gulped, "We need to do more shopping." I hid my face with my arms like I was trying to shield myself for a baseball flying at my head. Edward and Jasper laughed.
"Hah, you think it's funny now, wait until she takes you shopping. We already had seventy-five bags, we had to make a trip home before coming back to do more shopping!" I was the one laughing now- laughing at the thought of the misery Alice could put these boys in, just by taking them on a shopping trip.
"I though there were only, like, twenty stores in this mall?" Edward asked.
"Exactly," and with that I walked off to get ready for my date with THE Edward Anthony Cullen.
"Isn't Jasper, like, sooo hot?" Alice chirped as soon as we were out of hearing range.
"I can't say I think so, but you should ask him out! You'd balance each other perfectly, he's always really calm, and you're always really energetic," I gushed.
"You think?" Alice asked. But I stopped. Rosalie was just standing there, gawking at some huge guy. Huge as in muscled. Extremely, body builder-like, muscles. Definitely Rosalie's type. He had curly hair and was smiling, walking over to us.
"Emmett Jacob Cullen? Is that you? Wow, you've definitely changed! Where did this come from?" I asked, gesturing to his muscles.
"I got a part time job at that Masen Gym in Phoenix, plus, a lot of pranks required this," he made the same gesture I did to his muscles, "So it just worked. Holy shit," he said turning to Rosalie, probably about to introduce himself or something.
"Hi, I'm Rosalie- Rosalie Lillian Hale- but you can call me Rose." Well, this is a first, she never lets anyone she just met call her Rose, unless they're destined to be a best friend forever or something. She must really like Emmett. But who couldn't? Well, other than adults, they could hate him very easily. But he never got caught, it was so strange….
"Do you want to go out? With me? You know what? I just might've overheard you have a date with Eddie Boy," Emmett said, speaking to me, "And we could triple! I know this awesome club here, well, my buddies, Jake, Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul, and Sam, were all telling me about it. I think it's called Twilight or New Moon or Eclipse or Breaking Dawn or Midnight Sun or something like that. Awesome, right? Don't worry, I heard they only sell virgin drinks, so you won't have a massive hangover tomorrow!" Emmett… chirped. Just like Alice. They'd probably become fast friends, in a teasing, brother-sister sort of way.
"Sounds fantabulous!" Rosalie enthused.
And so, now, instead of getting ready for my date, we were getting ready for our date.
"Hi Emmett, I'm Alice! You know, I think we're gonna be fast friends. If you're looking for the guys they're over there," Alice exclaimed, pointing to the table we were just at that now held Jasper and Edward fighting over some chili cheese fries.
"Cool, see ya!" Emmett hollered over his shoulder, galloping off to the table.
I have a feeling there's love in the air! And I don't mean just me and Edward.
A/N: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'm thinking this is going to be a oneshot,, but if … hmm… twenty different people want this to be more than a oneshot I'll willingly oblige! I might post what happened between Edward, Jasper, and Bella in Phoenix as it's own chapter, and maybe an Epilogue. The only reason I didn't put what happened between Edward, Jasper, and Bella in Phoenix is because I have no idea what it is yet, so if someone gives me a really good idea, I'll post it before we get to twenty. Thanks so much for reading this!
-vampirefan17 =þ
PS- special shout out to RosalieHaleTheSecond, aw, I'm your number one reviewer? Thanks! That means a lot that I can make someone so happy! Also, pEaCeLoVeEdWaRd1901, you freaking rock my socks with your reviews! And also, details-withheld, please tell me that's how you spell it, Bookbat4ever, hmmm oh, and Hugh Laurie, of course! I'm not entirely sure I could live without him. THANKS, HUGH LAURIE FOR FAKING AN AMERICAN ACCENT FOR US! Though I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Kutner is dead. W-O-W! Oh, and I heard Robert Pattinson reads fanfics, so if he's reading this, you did a phenomenal job as Edward Cullen… well, for a human, you know what I mean? =þ
-Hakeber Out! (he he, inside joke, it's my name backwards! =þ)