Smiling is a sign to show others that you're happy, that you enjoy their presence and what you do with them. A smile could mean so much to one person, just a simple form of the lips could brighten up someone's day. It could even infect them with a bit of happiness to. There was so much a smile could do and it no only affected others, but those who wore the smile to.
Which was why he never did.
His smiles were playful, taunting, feigning innocence; they were just on the edge of turning to a smirk and most of the time, it did. He wanted to show that he wasn't one to be played with, he'd tackle you down if he had to, or just wanted to. That smug smile would keep others away. The boy preferred it if they kept their distance.
Why keep on a dumb smile on his face anyway?
Although there were a few moments when he had almost dropped the act, he could feel his own face waver at keeping to the devilish facade. When it happened during games, it didn't seem like a big deal. Everyone else was smiling, so he should to. Even if he contributed nothing or everything, he should be happy like the rest of them.
No one would suspect a thing that way.
Compared to being with a large group, being with a single person had made it more difficult to hide. He could flaunt his fake smile, go along with his pure act like it was nothing until they would speak up. When they praised him, complimented him, even dared to call him a friend. Thats when he wanted to run, as long as he could hide his face. Concealing just his lips wouldn't be useful, people were smart, they could see the emotion in his eyes to.
Why did they have to make him feel this way?
There was nothing wrong with smiling, thats what he was told. Yeah, sure, nothing wrong with looking like a goofy idiot. Nothing wrong with enjoying yourself. Nothing wrong with having friends.
Nothing wrong with being happy.
So, why hesitate to do such a thing? His false one had been called cute, it had managed to trick so many people. That one was easy to pretend, but to show off his true emotions, it wasn't that simple. Others would know, how could he let them know?
He just didn't want to believe it was true.
That smile couldn't be kept hidden for long. Eventually, it had escaped him, playing upon his face when he had least expected it. He had given away his delighted feeling.
"I didn't know you could smile like that, Kariya. Why don't you do it more often? It suits you."
When he had heard those words, a strike of fear had been cast straight through his heart. How could he respond? They knew. He had let them in. Another person had captured the sight, he couldn't escape it now.
He had come to trust them.
Of course he wouldn't respond to that, anything he tried to say had managed to get stuck in his throat. How could he have given in? To be their friend, he didn't want to. To have fun with them, he just wanted to play with them. Why did they have to weaken him?
Why?
They were looking concerned now. Where was the response? What happened to the trickster they all knew? Just look at him now, paralyzed by a silly compliment. If they wanted an answer, fine. He'd tell them. Tell them that he didn't want to be able to trust others again, knowing that in the end, he would be the one to be broken. Tell them that he was beginning to like them, knowing that no matter what, they would be there for him.
You can only lie to yourself for so long.
He was going to tell them, he was. Though he found himself rushing off from them. They were growing distant as he ran. This was how it should be. But it wasn't, even he knew that. If he ran, they'd run to. He was a part of their team. Even if he could never admit it to them, he could admit it to himself.
"I was afraid to smile."