"Axel?", I thought. Axel was at my bedroom door. It was strange. He'd never even seen the inside of my room before. Actually, come to think of it we had never really had an actual conversation before then...usually because I was too shy to talk to him. He was the captain of the football team, and I was the lonesome, awkward admirer. I guess high school never ends.
"Can I come in?", he asked.
"Umm..sure, I guess.", I said quietly.
He opened the door slowly, as if to keep from spooking me. He looked around my room; first at my pink scythe in the corner, then at my collection of manga and finally, at the desk in the corner with art supplies strewn across it. He seemed surprised to see that my walls had been painted the colour of old parchment and my bed was a spill of black satin sheets. Well, I guess the satin part probably didn't surprise him much. Axel looked back at my bookcase full of manga. It seemed that he didn't realize it was manga at first, because when he focussed in on it his eyes seemed to light up..but they dulled again once he remembered why he asked to come in.
He looked straight at me, giving me the full power of those searing green eyes.
"Are you alright, Marluxia?", he asked, sitting at the end of my bed.
I rubbed my eyes and forced a weak smile. "Yeah, I'll be fine."
"I just wanted to say..I'm really sorry about earlier. I knew you didn't do anything extra. I know you're just naturally beautiful. I just wanted to get on Laruxene's good side. And I know that's not an excuse for acting the way I did and.."
"Did you just call me beautiful?", I asked, raising an eyebrow.
He had the grace and good sense to blush.
"Well, yeah. I mean..you are. You're beautiful, but handsome as the same time. And you're masculine in every sense of the word. You shouldn't let anyone tell you different. Got it memorized?", he said. He was clearly embarrassed giving this speech, but he meant it and I appreciated the sincerity.
It was my turn to blush.
"Thanks..", I said.
"And, about that kiss..", he started. His face was almost as red as his hair.
"I know. I'm really sorry about that. It was just so in the moment, and I just lost control and I completely understand if you think I'm totally weird.." I babbled.
"No, no, no..that's not it.", Axel stopped me. He looked down at his hands. He was rubbing his fingers together. He was nervous. I knew, because I did the same thing when I was nervous.
"Oh", I said."What do you mean?"
I stared at Axel for a moment. I had never seen those emerald eyes look so uncertain.
"I..uh...I kind of..I liked it. I really liked it.", he said.
"You..what?"
"It was..it felt like I shouldn't like it, but at the same time, I did and I couldn't help it. Like, I couldn't stop myself from liking it, even though I kind of wanted to, but didn't at the same time...and..I'm sorry. I'm not making sense.", he said apologetically.
He probably didn't think so at the time, but he was making sense. Perfect sense. That was almost exactly how I'd felt when I figured out I only liked guys. Like I didn't want to, but I had to..but it didn't bother me much, because I liked it. It was such a complicated, confusing labyrinth of emotions.. and yet it was so easy to recognize in someone else.
"Come here", I instructed. He came and sat himself right across from me on the bed, our legs crossed and our knees touching.
"What's going through your mind right now?", I asked.
"The truth?", he asked.
"Yes. I can handle anything you throw at me. I'm a great listener.", I told him.
"Well... to be honest..I think I wanna try that kiss again.", he said, laughing and scratching his head. Axel was so cute when he was nervous
I blushed again. "R-really?", I asked, trying to contain my excitement. "Seriously?"
"Y-yeah..would that be okay?", he asked.
"Yes! Of course..by all means.." Axel leaned forward so quickly, I almost didn't see him do it. He silenced me with a kiss. A warm, deep kiss. I was in heaven.
We pulled away, both of us breathing hard. Axel had a look in his eyes. It was almost like fear, but somehow it almost looked like happiness. Then it hit me..it was excitement. He really did like this.
"Wow..", I said, my voice low and gravelly once again.
"Yeah..", Axel agreed. "Um, Marluxia..'
"Marly.", I corrected him."Marly is fine."
He smiled. "Okay, Marly..."
"Yes?"
"I..I like you. I think I really, really like you.", Axel's voice was uncharacteristically quiet. He was rubbing his fingers together again.
"Well, Axel.." I began..which was hard. I didn't know where to begin.
"It's okay if you don't feel the same. Really..maybe I shouldn't have said anything." Axel looked so flustered.
"No, Axel. I'm trying to tell you I do feel the same. I've actually..liked you for a while now, to be honest."
"For real?" I asked, gawking at him with my mouth gaped open.
"Why do you look so surprised?", he asked.
"I just never thought you were...THAT way...I didn't think YOU thought you were that way."
"No, I knew." He said it so matter-of-factly.
He proceeded to tell me the story of how he ended up a nobody. Some of us didn't really remember how we got to be in Organization XIII, but a few of us did. He told me how he had a girlfriend in college. She was his first love and his first lay, "for lack of a better term", Axel had said. A good girl, brought up in a Catholic home with firm moral values and high expectations.
She was a natural beauty with dark hair, eyes that looked like carved brown sapphires and a flawless complexion, save for one dark freckle near her nose. He had been with her for two years. They were talking about getting married and starting a family...but Axel never felt quite right. He cared for her. He truly cared for her. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind like something was wrong. Eventually, he came to the realization that he was gay..or at least bisexual. It was only days after reaching this conclusion that Axel decided to share his thoughts with his beloved.
She panicked. She couldn't understand what she had done wrong, what God was trying to punish her for. She cried for hours and hours, asking "Why, God? Why?!", and Axel stayed by her and comforted her. He told her he still loved her, and nothing would change that. She eventually calmed down and told him that she loved him, too, and that they could get through it. It was probably "just a phase".
She got distant after that. She began making excuses for every date that they scheduled. They stopped having sex, and sleeping over at each other's apartments. It had been a month since they had seen each other when she called him and said, "Axel...I'm pregnant."
"What?" Axel had replied, "Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure." She started sobbing.
"Sweetie, what's wrong? I thought you always wanted to have a baby?", Axel asked her.
"Yes..but...but I don't know if it's yours!", she cried.
The bomb had been dropped. That was that. But Axel wasn't done yet. He couldn't just leave her. Not like this.
"...Hold on, alright? I'm coming over." He hung up, grabbed his keys and ran to his car. They could fix it. They'd been through everything together. It wouldn't matter if it was someone else's kid, would it? This kind of thing happens all the time. He could be a dad...right?
He began driving to her apartment. It was a cold autumn night. A Friday, Axel had thought. Maybe a Saturday. The streets were busy. He was so distracted with thoughts of being a father, his first love cheating on him, and his sexuality being the reason for the infidelity...he didn't notice the red light. He sped right through it and collided with a large diesel engine truck. Axel's head smashed into the steering wheel and the dash. The people on the other vehicle were virtually unharmed. A group of drunk teenagers. They got out of their vehicle to see if Axel was okay. No. By this time, his head injury had escalated to a severe hematoma. His brain was bleeding at a rapid pace. And so..Axel died, with the final thought of "How could she do this to me?"
"So yeah. That's my story", Axel said.
"Oh..God, Axel I'm so sorry." I offered my sympathy. Nobody deserved to die like that, especially not somebody like him.
"It's alright. It happened, like, 5 years ago. I've moved on. I just wish I could've been there..", he said.
"For what?" I asked.
"The birth.", he replied. "It was my baby. A little girl..she named her Marlene. That's one thing I like about being a Nobody. People who are still living can't see you unless you want them to, so you almost get a second chance. Gives you closure, you know?"
"Wow..so you're a dad.", I said, a little shocked.
"I don't know if I'd say that. She has my DNA..but I don't think DNA is what makes you a father. Her "father" is the guy her mom cheated on me with. They got married about a year and a half after the accident."
"I'm sorry, but how are you okay with this?", I asked.
"It is what it is. If you have the power to initiate change, perfect. If not, you'e gotta just play the cards you're dealt." He said it so calmly.
It made sense. It made my chest hurt just hearing all the pain Axel had to suffer through. He was so strong, and I finally got to see that. He was letting me in, so much deeper than I ever thought he would. It was saddening, but I was also a little happy that he actually shared this story with me...shared his life with me.
"Oh, and if you don't mind..could you keep this just between us? I don't want anyone else knowing about Marlene or any of that. I think it would change how they see me." Axel said.
"Your secret's safe with me.", I said, holding up my pinky finger.
Axel smiled, and it reached his eyes. "A pinky-swear? Really?" he laughed.
"Of course!" I said, grinning back.
"I'll take it." Axel wrapped his pinky around mine.
We had a moment of unbreakable eye contact, his green ones locked on to my blue ones.
"I'm going to kiss you again." Axel informed me.
"Please.", I said, and he did.
-END CH 2-3-XO-XO-XO-XO-
