y'all i am still DEAD from that episode- i started writing this at 2am and havent had much sleep so please excuse any mistakes.
i absolutely LOVED their i love you's- i just wanted to add a little bit more to it. when Maggie says 'what' after Alex says 'you didnt let me finish what i wanted to say earlier' - I DIED- and anyway it gave me this idea.
excuse my rambling and i hope you like it:)
Alex let her eyes roam Maggie's face, she looked so tired and Alex's heart dipped at the intensity still in Maggie's eyes. Alex's feelings were threatening to overcome her and she knew she had to tell Maggie now. "You didnt let me finish what I wanted to say earlier," she started, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"What," said Maggie around a breathy laugh, trying to play down her nerves at what she knew Alex was about to say. She was scared of hearing those words.
"I just really have to say it now," said Alex, attempting to sit up a little to be closer to Maggie.
"Alex...you don't have to say it just because of what happened," Maggie's fears were getting the better of her again and she tried to give Alex a way out if she wasn't sure. She didn't want Alex to say it just because she had almost died.
Alex exhaled a scoff at Maggie's words. She shook her head and took Maggie's hands in hers, meeting her nervous eyes, easily seeing through her vulnerability.
"Maggie...I've been wanting to say it for weeks," she confessed, letting out a nervous laugh once she'd admitted it. She saw the hesitance in Maggie's eyes still but Maggie held her gaze, waiting for her to continue.
Alex fumbled a bit in her nervousness and let out a big exhale, willing herself to be strong.
"Remember-remember that night a few weeks ago when I got back late from the DEO and you had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for me?" Maggie's eyes softened as she nodded at Alex. It had only been a few days since Alex had found out about Emily. Things had been different between them since then- deeper and far more vulnerable.
They hadn't seen each other the previous day and that day they had planned to make dinner together at Alex's apartment but when Alex had texted Maggie that she was going to be late, Maggie had started on the dinner by herself.
Alex had come home to find her girlfriend having dozed off on the couch, with dinner untouched in the oven. Alex's heart had melted as she saw that Maggie had set the table all romantically for them and obviously hadn't eaten herself, choosing to wait for Alex instead. Alex had felt so bad as she went to wake her sleeping girlfriend, but Maggie had just smiled her deep dimpled smile upon being woken up- just happy to see her girlfriend. She had got up and served the food while Alex got out of her work clothes.
Alex had come back to find Maggie smiling lazily, seated at the table with her face in her hands waiting for her. They had sat side by side, feeling the need to be as close to each other as possible. It was always like this when something dangerous happened at work or either of them got held up for whatever reason. But that night Alex had felt it more.
It was so incredibly domestic, so beautifully intimate that Alex had been struck by her feelings every time she had glanced at Maggie. Maggie with her sleep dishevelled hair and tired smile. She had so wanted to say it to Maggie then. But she hadn't known how Maggie would react. She didn't want to disrupt their peaceful moment with something so big.
"And we had dinner together at like midnight," Alex continued around a teary laugh.
"I remember," Maggie got out, her own tears threatening to fall, which she tried to cover with a smile.
Alex paused in the middle of explaining to just look at Maggie, her tired smile reminding Alex of that day again. She had been so close to never getting to see that smile again- she took another heavy breath as the thought went through her mind. Maggie just gazed at Alex patiently as she waited for her words. Alex's heart melted at the look, at her girlfriend's warm eyes.
"You're so beautiful."
Maggie ducked her head, shy. She hadn't expected Alex to say that. "Alex..." she said in an exhale.
Alex just watched Maggie's reaction, leaning closer to Maggie to trace her dimples. "Your smile," Alex continued, wanting to tell Maggie everything. "I love your smile so much."
Maggie's heartbeats quickened at the use of the word- at the look in Alex's eyes. She wasn't ready for her to say it.
"I-I wanted to say it that night but-," Alex looked at Maggie with a nervous laugh "would-I mean-you would have freaked out right?"
Maggie shoulders shook with her laugh, a single tear spilling over at Alex's words- wondering how Alex managed to make her laugh even in this state. "Alex," Maggie got out in an exhale, looking down in her nervousness, those words still unsaid, "I'm freaking out now."
"I know," Alex laughed with Maggie, leaning her head against hers. "Maybe I should wait then," Alex whispered, screwing her mouth up teasingly, the tears in her eyes giving her away.
"Alex," Maggie laughed, ducking her head again and Alex felt a deep ache in her heart for her girlfriend at her response. It wasn't a whine, just a simple mention of her name but Alex understood exactly what it meant- she had never heard Maggie ask for anything like this. And Alex couldn't contain it.
"I love you Maggie," she breathed against her lips, closing her eyes at the intensity of saying the words out loud for the first time.
Maggie felt a shudder through her body at the words, her hands reaching out to grab Alex's arms to steady herself. A breathy laugh finally escaped Maggie's mouth, her body unable to hide its happiness.
She looked at Alex a long moment, taking all of her in- her wide eyes and nervous smile. God, she loved Alex so much.
"I love you," she finally whispered out, her eyes filling with tears.
"Yeah?" Alex breathed out in awe.
"Yeah."
Alex was crying now but she still managed to get out - "You're not freaking out?"
Maggie laughed, pausing for a moment, not having to think about it long. "No," she finally breathed, bringing Alex's face forward to kiss her. Every second up until Alex had said it she had been terrified but finally hearing it from Alex felt like the most perfect thing in the world- she had never felt so safe. "Nothing has ever felt this right in my life."
Alex smiled tearily, bringing their faces back together again, their noses smushing together, breathing against each others mouths mouth. "Me too."
Maggie held Alex's face in hers, bringing their lips together hard, unable to restrain her need, having thought only hours ago she would never get to kiss Alex again.
Alex leaned back, pressing her head against Maggie's. "Come lay with me," she whispered out softly.
And Maggie pulled back at that with a laugh. "Babe, you're still recovering..."
"I don't care...I just want to be close to you," Alex said seriously.
And Maggie couldn't deny Alex anything right now- not when she was looking at her like that. Maggie wanted to be close to Alex too.
She looked down at the bed and let out another laugh at its size. "There's no space, I can't possibly fit-"
"Sure you can," said Alex, trying to awkwardly scoot to the side a little to make more space- Maggie moving to help her, "right here," Alex lifted the blanket and opened up her arm, looking up at Maggie with soft eyes.
And Maggie shook her head, letting out another laugh as she relented. She moved to half-sit on the bed, bringing her body close to Alex's, one arm coming across Alex's torso to hold her, her head slightly higher than Alex's. There wasn't enough space for Maggie to lay down fully, she had one leg off the bed. Alex snuggled into her deeper, holding her to make sure she didn't fall.
"This what you wanted?" Maggie murmured, teasing softly.
Alex let out a low hum, moving to rest her head against Maggie's chest, breathing in her familiar scent. "Yes...you," and Maggie just sighed out a small chuckle at the words.
The room wasn't exactly private but neither of them cared. Alex was content to just hold onto Maggie in the comfortable silence, listening to her soothing heartbeat. After a few momenst just lying together, Alex's fatigue soon came over her again.
Maggie felt Alex's breathing even out against her and smiled softly, learning down to kiss her head, closing her eyes in silent thanks.
"I love you," she breathed out into the quietness.