"So why exactly did you bring me here?" I asked, taking one step towards her. It was then that the look on her face changed. How could she be afraid of me, after I had saved her so many times? To tell the truth, it hurt, but I was careful not to let any of my feelings show. Looking back, I think that perhaps that was the reason we fell apart; I was too unfeeling. But that's another story, for another day. Anyways, I pulled her close to me, under the large oak tree where we used to meet before work, before our relationship was truly a serious one. She used to tell me how she missed her husband, but gradually, that became something much more. Then she began to drop hints about how she felt about me. Then, one night, we rented a room at a nearby hotel… And the rest is history.
I did not become alarmed until she pulled out of my embrace, something Audrey Heller had never done before. "Audrey?" I asked, trying to see what feelings hid behind those intoxicating blue eyes. "Is something wrong?"
"Everything's wrong…" Her voice started out calm, but grew gradually more upset. "I can't… I can't do this, Jack. I just… I just don't love you the way I used to… Please don't be angry, but… Jack, I love you, but I can't be with you…" She turned away from me, though she did not stalk off, head held high, as I expected her to.
"Why not?" Of course, I was upset. She was the first woman I really trusted myself with since I betrayed and lost Teri. "Why couldn't you be with someone you love, and who loves you back? Unless that person did something to make you hate them in some corner of your heart? What happened to us, Audrey?"
"I… When you tortured him…" She turned to face me, appearing alarmed now. And suddenly, I understood why she was so afraid of me. I never should have allowed her in the room while I was… extracting information from Paul. Of course, there was no good way to send her out. I saw her for what I almost hoped would be the last time through half-blurred vision, but I refused to let myself cry as Audrey continued. "Goodbye, Jack, and Good luck." And then, she turned, and left me to stand there, under the tree where I had met her so many times.
I watched her go, until I could no longer make out her silhouette, her hips moving easily from side to side as she walked off. And then I, myself, turned in the other direction. It was perfectly clear what had happened, but I still don't understand why it had to come to this. All I knew that she had to become to dead to me, and I to her. Still, I dreaded seeing Audrey Heller, my Audrey at the side of some other man. Why should I care? Because I loved her, and always would… I cursed myself for these thoughts, and made my way back towards the office.
I never knew how to do anything but work, and it had a somewhat calming effect on me as I found myself back at my desk, a cup of coffee, black, in my hand. Until I caught a glimpse of the photos on my desk. Me and Teri. We were smiling, and Kim was between us. There were so many painful memories there, and I tore my gaze away to stare at the next photograph. Possibly, this one was more agonizing; the wounds were fresh, and I found myself getting angry.
How could she stand there, smiling, as if nothing was wrong?
I knocked the photo from my desk, and I heard the glass break as it hit the hard floor. How could I have been so stupid? Why couldn't I control my anger? Why did it have to end, when I was about to… My thoughts drifted to the ring I had bought for her, lying right now in my sock drawer. I was praying that she wouldn't find it, but if she did, would she come back? Would I want her to come back?
Pushing these thoughts away, I bent over my work, in a vain attempt to distract myself from the raw pain I felt now, so different from the joy of just an hour before.
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