A/N-Again, I have been equivocating over whether or not I should post this, but I'm going to. I'm sure there are lots of fics like this right now, but I wanted to work through a few things in my own way. This will only be 3-4 chapters. I am still working on my pirate fic, and hope to post the next chap of that by Tuesday. I'll go between these 2 for the time being.

Chapter 1

Everything had happened so fast, all of it. Again, Jane's life had been torn apart, turned upside down, and settled in some wildly different configuration. Still, even when Clem had offered one last time for her to come along, she didn't hesitate when she thanked him but declined. As comforting as it had felt to see a friend, he didn't belong here with her, and she didn't belong with him. She felt a sense of relief when he finally left. She belonged here, with her team, with her family.

Her survival and protective instincts began to ease, and anger waned, and the trail of wreckage she'd left in her wake became obvious. She'd been so single-minded about her feelings about her daughter that everything else around her had gone black, and now that she could see the damage, it was far greater than what she'd expected. She remembered Kurt's eyes when she'd seen him last. She had opened her mouth, intent on offering a quick opening apology before asking him if they could talk after things settled down. But by the time she'd brought in enough breath to speak, he nodded and said, "Good work today," and was gone.

She'd fallen asleep leaning on a desk in the bullpen, refusing to leave until she had a chance to talk to Avery. Standing and stretching once she'd awoken, she decided to go see where the girl, her daughter, was now. Jane wasn't about to let her be locked up like Roman had been. Before she'd finished stretching, the light in the conference room caught her attention. She looked in through the open blinds, surprised to see only Kurt and Avery sitting next to each other, conversing.

A quick scan made it clear that he didn't have her restrained. Avery was very calmly talking, appearing at ease. Kurt pointed to something on the table, and seemed to be explaining in great detail. The younger nodded and listened, and Jane realized that Kurt probably knew Avery better than she did. He stood to leave, but Avery jumped in front of him and blocked his path. Jane could see Avery mouth "I'm sorry," not once, but three times, and the pleading in her eyes emphasized the truth in her words.

Kurt shrugged it off, dismissing the apology. She knew what he looked like when he was trying to intimidate, and he definitely didn't have that sort of look about him. Avery flung her arms around his neck, and Jane watched her husband tense uncomfortably. While they'd been together, he didn't seem to mind hugs so much, and the fact that Avery's hug bothered him so deeply made it clear how unhappy his life had become again. He took two steps back, creating distance, and Avery hurriedly went to the papers on the table and signed them.

Jane rushed in. "Stop, Avery. Don't sign anything." She turned to Kurt and fired, "What is that?"

Kurt couldn't seem to look at her. "You think I'd let her sign something that would hurt her?"

"He's getting me out," Avery cheerily said, smiling widely. "He set it all up."

"Out?" Jane questioned. She glanced back at Kurt, but he wasn't even looking near her.

"I'm staying at your place," Avery affirmed.

"I told her she could wait and talk it over with you, or a lawyer, before she agreed. She's being signed out into our custody, with an ankle monitor because of her ties to Roman, and she is a person of interest until they can question her and find out how involved she is. But I told them they weren't locking your daughter up. She's permitted to be at our apartment, or here, that's it."

"Oh," Jane said, tears in her eyes. Then she realized she wasn't sure if she was welcome there as well. "Can I—"

"Get your stuff from the hotel. I'll take Avery home, you can see her there, if you want." Turning to Avery, he said, "Stay here with Ja—uh—your mother until I get back."

Jane glanced at Avery, feeling overwhelmed. "I'm…looking forward to getting to know you. I hope you'll give me a chance. I don't need for you to act like I'm your mom. But I want to be in your life…somehow. Any way that you'll have me."

Avery hugged her quickly, although not nearly as fully as she had hugged Kurt, but it was a start. Kurt came back in with someone to fit Avery with her monitor. Jane approached, arms folded across her chest, not to keep distance, but because she needed a hug, even if it was only from herself. "Kurt, thank you for—"

"Forget it," he shook his head, still not able to look at her face. "It's late. I'll meet you back at the apartment."

When Kurt didn't feel like talking, there was no point in pushing him. It was best to wait for him to be ready.

Jane rushed to the hotel and gathered her things, checking out and hoping she wouldn't return. The walk back to the apartment felt infinite, like she was farther away while in the same city than when she'd been in Nepal.

Going back to their apartment was comfortingly familiar yet frightening. The quieter things became around her, the more Jane knew she'd shattered Kurt, the man she'd loved like no one else, still loved, in truth. And while she still was frustrated that he'd kept such a secret, she knew Roman had set this all up to cause pain. But after all that had happened, she wasn't sure what sorts of words could possibly bring forth a reconciliation anymore. Where would they even start?

At least she'd have a chance to talk to Kurt away from work, somewhere more private, and find out where she really stood. They'd be in the same apartment. Maybe while Avery got a shower or slept, she and Kurt could get back on speaking terms, and begin to find their way back again. There were so many things she wanted to say.

Jane really had no idea how he felt anymore, or if he even wanted to try to repair their marriage, but it was time to find out. She had been so angry at him for lying, but knew that her own lie fed her anger at him. The more her own words echoed in her head, the more she wondered if she could have possibly said and done such things.

Approaching the door, she pulled her key from her pocket and aligned it with the keyhole, then wondered if this was even her place anymore. A fresh shadow of sadness chilled her heart. Coughing softly, she tucked the key back in her pocket and knocked. Kurt answered, and she could tell he'd had his gun ready in case there was any threat.

Avery was sitting on the sofa, wrapped in a warm blanket, her hair damp from a shower. He softly replied, "I—I gave her some of your clothes to wear. She didn't have any. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," Jane whispered back.

"Go, spend time with her, and—"

"Kurt, I want to thank you." He still looked away, no hopeful or longing glances finding her face. "I want to thank you for helping me find her. For being so decent with Clem, he told me what you said on the plane. And most of all, thank you for making sure Avery didn't end up in some cell."

"She doesn't belong in one," he told the floor.

"Still. Thank you. And thanks for letting me come here and—"

"It's still your place, too," he gruffly added.

"Your man can cook," Avery said.

Kurt walked over to Avery, stood in front of her, and said, "Grilled cheese and a can of soup is not cooking."

"Tastes damn good anyway," the girl noted, quickly consuming a few more bites. "Wait," she added before Kurt could go. "I'm so sorry for making you believe I was dead. For getting involved. I know I caused you a lot of trouble—"

"Forget it," he replied.

"No. I feel really bad. As far as estranged step-fathers go—"

"I'm not your step-father," he interrupted. "At least…not for long. But it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow at the office…don't give your mother any trouble. You slip her, or you don't show up for questioning, they won't let you out next time. And you may not trust us, but some people out there are a hell of a lot worse, okay?"

"Okay," Avery nodded. "Thanks for coming to get me."

Jane saw Kurt's tiny smile, knowing he had to force it, although Avery didn't seem the wiser. "Anytime," he answered honestly.

He brushed past Jane, reaching down to the spot next to the kitchen counter and picking up a black overnight bag. "Wait," Jane anxiously called.

"What?" he asked, not even turning toward her.

"Where are you going?"

"Out," he answered simply enough.

"You can stay."

"No. I don't belong here right now. Just don't leave her alone at the apartment. She needs to be with either you or me at all times. It's part of the agreement."

Realizing he hadn't even brought Avery to their apartment as an excuse to get closer, she felt a sudden sense of loss. "You do belong here. Why did you get her out?" Jane asked bluntly.

"Because you wanted to be with her," he responded, as if the answer were obvious.

"But—"

"Avery is here so you can get to know her. I hope…I hope you enjoy it. You deserve to know your own daughter."

He moved past her to the door, but Jane said, "There's enough room for all three of us here."

"I don't think…that's a good idea. I'll be by at 7:30 to take you both back to the office. Have a good night, Jane."

A second later he was out the door, locking it from the outside with his key to make sure they were safe inside. Jane wanted to run after him so badly that it pained her to turn back. The girl she'd wanted to meet was sitting so close, but she felt torn.

For a moment, she could feel what it must have been like for Kurt there, alone, mourning after she'd left.

Jane sat down on the far edge of the sofa with Avery, careful not to crowd her. "You guys fighting?" Avery asked.

"It's…been rough."

"Because of me?"

"No, god no," Jane only partially lied. "We…have a lot of things to figure out."

"Mmm," Avery nodded, dusting the crumbs off of her fingers.

"So…tell me anything about yourself," Jane said, facing her. "Anything you're willing to tell me, I want to hear."

Avery talked to Jane a bit, and Jane enjoyed just being close to the girl without as much anger between them. There wasn't really a bond yet, but there would be. Avery began to fall asleep, so Jane took her to the guest room that doubled as Bethany's room. Avery saw the toddler's picture and asked, "I have a sister?"

"Umm, sort of," Jane replied. "She's Kurt's. From before we were together."

"She's cute."

"Yea…I love her," Jane confessed, then worried that perhaps that wasn't the right thing to say.

"Well, since I was adopted, I always thought it wasn't really genetics that makes a family."

"I never wanted to get rid of you. I fought to find you," Jane emphatically stated.

Avery seemed to consider it, but Jane couldn't tell yet whether or not Avery believed her. Bidding her good night, Jane left her daughter to sleep.

The apartment was terribly silent. Kurt hadn't changed a thing. She went to their room, finding her things still neatly there. Her ring was still on the kitchen counter, and she wondered if he'd ever even touched it, or if it was still exactly where she'd left it.

She closed her eyes and whispered his name, like a prayer she hoped he'd hear and sense the remorse within her that she hadn't even begun to show him yet. Just like he'd given her Roman on house arrest, then allowed her to let Roman escape, he'd brought Avery to her, even though it probably wasn't what was best for him. He'd tried and tried to make her happy, and it seemed to keep backfiring on him. Why in the hell had he put his name and reputation on the line to sign Avery out when he didn't seem to want anything in return?

She picked up her phone and texted him: Thank you for making sure Avery wasn't locked up. Thank you for giving me time with her.

A few minutes later, when she didn't receive any return messages, she texted again: You could be here too. She likes you. And I don't mind.

Jane showered, checked to make sure Avery was still asleep, and then looked at her phone, finding that he still hadn't responded. She took her phone and typed another message: You belong here, but she quickly erased it before sending. She went to their room, pulling back the covers and slipping into his side of the bed. She closed her eyes, and she could almost feel him there with her. She began crying so hard she worried Avery would hear. Sitting up, wiping off her cheeks, she knew that they may not ever be able to fix what had happened between them. On some level, some part of her had always imagined that, some way or some how, they could work anything out. That seemed a silly thing to hope now.

Then she wondered if he'd decided to go out and meet another woman somewhere. Maybe he wanted some revenge, a one night stand with a stranger, or, worse, reconnecting with an old flame. The thought of another woman so close to him, touching his body, being touched by him, forced bile into her throat. And those realizations brought to her a host of understandings about the things he'd probably been thinking, and feeling, over the past few days, maybe the past couple of years.

She'd been blinded by her sadness over Avery, and her own guilt she'd kept hidden, and she wasn't sure if he'd ever understand. She wished she had the chance to go back, and tell Kurt about Clem in a different way, but it was done, and she would have to deal with that. Maybe Kurt would never get past what had happened, never forget the pained realization of Jane with someone else. She could picture Kurt at a bar, smiling subtly at someone else whose face she couldn't see. "Dammit," she said aloud, walking out to the living room and looking through the large glass doors. She didn't really feel she even had a right to ask if he'd sought reprisal in another woman's arms, but they had to start talking at some point, and, if she'd learned anything, it was that they needed total truth, without attempts to shield each other from pain. So she'd ask. She'd ask him the next day. They had to be willing to accept truth, no matter what the cost.

Picking up her phone, she dialed his number. Leaving a nervous voicemail, she said, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I—I'm worried about you. Talk to you tomorrow."

After she hung up, she felt ridiculous for calling. She'd already texted him, and clearly he didn't want to answer. Of course immediately the variety of things that could have happened flooded her mind, ranging from accidents to various distractions, and she worried anew.

She closed her eyes, hoping to sleep away a few panicky hours. Her phone rang and she jumped up, seeing "Clem" on her display. She answered, and said immediately, "I already told you…I can't. I need to figure out things with Kurt. I love him."

"Yea," Clem softly said. "I just…wanted you to know that I'll be here. If you need me. For anything."

"I do need something," she said.

"Tell me," Clem replied, unable to hide the hope in his tone.

"Please, don't call. I never should have involved you and—"

"I get it," he dejectedly answered. "I don't like it…but I get it."

After a few seconds and a succinct goodbye, Jane hung up and flopped back down on Kurt's pillow. "How did we get here?" she said into the still air.

She was already torn as a parent, worried for the safety of her child while the chaos of the world still continued around her. She took the blanket and pillow from bed and curled up near Avery's door so she could protect her better.

Her phone lit up, and this time she sighed, expecting Clem. But when she lifted it to her face, it was a text from Kurt: I'm fine. Don't wanna talk. Pick you both up at 7:30.

She could easily see Kurt around the apartment, trying to find her after she'd left in Colorado, calling when she'd left him yet again in New York. And after all of that pain, and everything that had happened, he still made certain Avery hadn't been locked up, and arranged for Jane to be with her daughter.

She lay there, regret burning through her stomach, remembering the night he'd brought her home again and they'd made love there on the floor. She was going to fix this. She would do anything. Like he had traveled the world to find her, she'd move heaven and hell, search high and low, do whatever it took to show him how sorry she was, and that they still could make a life together. Hopefully, she'd get another chance to make things right.