I opened my eyes, expecting to see my room the various familiar sights I was accustomed to upon waking. Instead I saw a bright blue sky a felt a slight breeze on my face. I bolted into a sitting position and began to look around frantically. While waking up outside was plausible, though extremely unlikely, it should've been dark since I fell asleep around 3ish.
Other things that went in the "WRONG" column were the colors: everything was really friggin bright and colorful. The landscape looked familiar, but I couldn't place why.
"Well shit, I suppose it's a lucid dream..." I muttered to no one in particular. It made the most sense really, so that's what I accepted. I saw a path nearby and followed it, not really expecting anything.
After a while I got tired from walking and thought 'If it's a dream, I should be able to fly, yeah?' So, after a running start, I jumped, expecting to soar through the sky like a superhero!
That is not what happened. What happened instead was I landed on my face, rolled over once, and then fell onto my back. My vision blurred and my nose began to bleed as I lay, dazed and mildly confused.
"Oh-oh my," I heard a soft voice nearby, a familiar voice "A-are you okay?" I looked over to where the voice was coming from and saw a yellow and pink blur with what looked like bags on its sides.
The blur walked closer and my vision cleared to reveal something I could not, in any logical sense, accept.
"Oh you poor thing, you're hurt." Fluttershy said, stepping closer to my prone form.
I could feel my eyes bulging out of my head as my sense of logic hung itself from my mental rafters.
"No. Friggin. Way." I said, sitting up slowly.
"OH! You can talk?" Fluttershy stepped back, startled, then came right up to me slowly.
I held a hand up and she stopped a foot short of me. I then held out a finger and poked her forehead, repeatedly.
"Eep! P-please stop that!" She squeaked, curling into a frightened ball.
"No." I said stubbornly, not willing to accept what was before me.
"W-why?"
"BECAUSE YOU DEFY SCIENCE." I replied, renewing my prodding endeavors. I continued for a few minutes, still unable to accept the obvious. My prodding was stopped, however, by the sudden appearance of a rope around my upper body. I was pulled onto my back and quickly found a hoof on my chest and a shadow above me.
"Now what the Hay d'you think yer doin' to Fluttershy?" The shadow demanded, pushing its hoof into my chest. Rather, her hoof, as I could easily recognize that voice and accent. The shadow became Applejack, in all her bucking glory, though not looking too pleased, "Ah'll ask again: Whaat," she stretched her words out, as if I was stupid, "did'ya thiiink, yyyyooouuu were dooooiiiin, to mah friend!" She stomped on my chest a bit, as if to make a point.
"Ah wus tryin ta figger out wut the hell ah wus doin IN A FICTIONAL WORLD!" I shouted, wriggling beneath her and making fun of her accent simultaneously, "Now lemme go!"
"Ah don't think so bud," she replied, tossing me up easily, "We're gonna take ya to our friends to see what the hay you are, then what we should do with ya!" I landed neatly on her back with a grunt and more pain in my already battered form. She began walking down the path with little trouble, despite my 200lbs. frame on her back. I sighed, wiggling against my bonds, but to no avail. For not having fingers, she had somehow tied a fantastic knot. I saw Fluttershy following behind us cautiously, though I couldn't blame her, seeing as I had just digitally violated her forehead.
I sighed again and looked towards Fluttershy, "Hey, ummm," I paused, "Sorry about the whole poking thing… It's just," I looked around, "You, her," I pointed at Applejack with my elbow, "All of this, just can't be real." I laughed nervously.
"And why, might I ask, not?" Applejack asked in an insulted tone, "Ah'm sure this feels real." She bucked slightly, causing me to pop upwards, then land heavily on her back again.
"Ugf! OK! OK! I get it, ya don't like me!" I shouted, wincing, "Just stop with the pain!" It was with a morbid satisfaction that I saw I pang of guilt pass over her face.
"Oh you poor dear," said a soft voice from my side, causing my to jump a bit, "Applejack, put it down, it's hurt." Fluttershy asked softly, pulling a roll of bandages from one of her saddlebags. I could help but wonder why the bags had latches, despite the pony species lacking the ability to use them.
"Thanks, and it's him, I'm a guy. More specifically, I'm John," I smiled and nodded, figuring I may as well get along with them, "And thanks for this Fluttershy." I said, nodding in appreciation at the medical aid she was providing.
She smiled, and then her eyes went wide, "H-how did you know my name?" She asked, frightened and backing up. Her mane brushed my nose, causing my eyes to get wide.
"OH SWEET GODDESS YOU SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRIES." I said, filled with fanboyism and squee.
"Alright John, iffin that is yer real name," Applejack said, standing defensively in front of Fluttershy, "What are ya and how d'you know Fluttershy?" Applejack stood ready to charge at me, so I decided to try the stun thing on her too.
"Listen, Applejack" Her eyes went wide as I continued, "You can guess that I'm not from around here. Let's just say that I know a lot about you, your friends, and everything in Equestria." I stood up and cracked my back, "I know all this because, where I am from, we have a sort of…" I struggled for an appropriate term, "Magic, that allowed many of my kind to watch your world. All that aside, I'm assuming Ponyville is farther down the path, and that you were going to introduce me to Twilight, thus causing me to run into Rainbow Dash, who probably crashes through the window. Spike will walk in and complain about the mess. Then Rarity will enter, ask me about my clothes, which are in a terrible state, and Pinkie Pie will defy everything I know about the laws of space and time, blah, blah, blah, I assume I've now shocked you into a state of silence, so I'm going to keep walking. Follow please, because meeting Twilight on my own would not end well, seeing as she has magic and trust issues." I finished my speech by, finally, shrugging off the lasso bound around me and walking down the path. Fluttershy and Applejack just stared at me for a while, a long while, before cautiously following.
It was a quiet walk, a very long, very quiet walk. The familiar sight of the library tree was a welcome one, causing me to crack a smile. Applejack walking beside me, silent, with the brim of her hat hiding her eyes, while Fluttershy stayed behind me.
"…Stranger, Ah gotta say, ya scare me," Applejack spoke softly, "A lot. Ah'm just bringin ya to Twilight because ah'm not as clever as she is." She looked up at me, fire in her eyes, "But if ya try to hurt her in any way, yer gonna hafta deal with me, got that?" She almost snarled, which was impressive in a way.
I smirked, "Applejack, despite first impressions, I rather like the lot of you. I rather like Equestria in general, and all of her residents," I stopped walking, and got onto a knee to look her in the eyes, "I promise you, I will never intentionally bring harm to you, or any of your friends, alright?" I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring manner.
She didn't speak for a moment, then nodded, "Alright, ah'll take ya at yer word fer now," She smiled and punched my arm softly, "But any funny business and ah'll be on ya like stink on a hog, got that?" She joked before beginning to walk again.
"Yes ma'am." I replied with a small salute. I straightened up and jogged to catch up with her, excited and a bit nervous at the idea of meeting more ponies. Something I noticed as we got close the tree was that ponies were taller than I had originally thought. I stand at around 6 feet 2 inches, and Applejack was easily 5'9", sans hat.
Needless to say, I was getting a lot of looks as I entered Ponyville, sadly, many of them were looks of fear and suspicion. I wasn't terribly surprised, what with the usual chaos that happened around here, but it still stung a bit. I sighed softly, and looked up at the tree the library was made from, admiring it in all of its grandeur. I still had difficulty accepting all of this, but it sure was nice to look at.
"Hey Applejack wha-" I heard her voice pause as I looked at her, "What is that?" Twilight asked, her eyebrow raised.
"It has a name. I'm John," I said, smiling slightly as her shocked expression, "Yeah, I can talk too, wanna see my other tricks?" I laughed hollowly, "In all seriousness, I think you and I need to talk Twilight, real or not, you may be the only one who can help me out." I smiled, hands in my pockets.
"How do you know my name?" She asked, "Applejack, how does it know my name?" Twilight's eyes were filled with equal measures of curiosity and caution.
Applejack looked at me, I shrugged, then looked back at Twilight, "Sugarcube, we should head inside, this is gonna take a while."
After that, events pretty much rolled out in the way I had described it, word for word. It was eerie in a way, though cool as well. Once everyone had done their intro bit, we all sat down in a circle, the ponies looking at me with curiosity, suspicion, and boredom.
I stood up, cracked my back again, and then looked each of them in the eye before I began, "Well, now that you're all here, I guess I can start. My name is John, and I'm, what is commonly known, as a human. Frankly I think all of this is either a very lucid dream or the result of a brain injury, so I've been having some trouble accepting this as "real." Y'see, where I'm from all of this, all of Equestria, is a story, a fairy tale. Not that this isn't one of the coolest things ever to happen to me, because it is and my inner fanboy is squeeing his little brains out, but this… Just can't be real…" I paused for a moment and scratched the back of my head, "No offense of course." I sighed heavily and closed my eyes, "I guess, provided this has actually happened, there was some sort of inter-dimensional travel, though I can't even begin to fathom the medium for it. Which is why I'm glad Applejack took me to see you Twilight," I gave Applejack a small nod of appreciation, "You're smart, creative, and can do friggin magic, so I was hoping you could help me out. If you can't get me home, then I'm hoping you could at least find out what it is that brought me here. That much would give me a morbid satisfaction." I sat down again and looked at the purple unicorn feeling mixed sensations of hope and worry.
Twilight looked at me for a while, scrutinizing me, probably trying to judge my trustworthiness. After what seemed like an hour, she nodded, "Fine, I'll help you out, but there's gonna be a few conditions, understand?" she asked in an even tone, but the small smile on her face helped me relax.
"Perfectly, so long as they aren't terribly outrageous then I'm all for them." I replied quickly, my voice bright with hope.
"Good," Twilight nodded, "Condition One: Seeing as how we know nothing about you, but you know far too much about us, myself or one of my friends will be with you at all times. Is that ok with you all?" She asked the others. Everyone replied with general consent, "Great, with Spike we have seven, so one of us will be in charge of you for each day of the week. Condition Two: I'm going to have to study you, and that will probably get pretty personal, so try your best to cooperate, ok?" She asked rather than demanded.
I nodded a bit and smiled, "If it helps, then sure."
"Alright, and the third and final condition is this: Tell us everything you know about us and Equestria. It'll be easier to help you if we know what it is you already know."
I sighed, "That… May take a while."
Twilight smiled and laid down, "We have time."
"Alright," I chuckled, "Just don't get upset with me. First the basics, what I know to be true." I then went on a summary of all of Season 1 and the two part Discord fight. By the time I had finished that much, everyone's eyes were the size of saucers.
"So yeah, that's what I know is true. Here comes the stuff that myself and others like me have sorta guessed and inferred about the seven of you." My gaze slid to the left, landing on Rainbow Dash, "You, Ms. Dash, have your… sexual preferences questioned constantly. I don't judge, so whatever floats your boat. Also," I scratched my cheek in discomfort, "You work in the Rainbow Factory, where," I looked down at my hands, "Ummm, where you use a machine to grind up pegasi in order to extract the individual colors that make up the rainbow." The silence following my words was deafening, so I decided to just plow through it, "Rarity, people think your prudish, but kind. They also think that you are Sweetie Belle's mother." The gasp that came from Rarity stung on the inside, "Pinkie Pie you have some of the best and worst followings. The good side is that people love you and your randomness, though they question whether or not you prefer males or females at times. The bad side is…" I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, "Well, Pinkamina. Back when you were upset and your hair got straight and stuff? Yeah, that has become a homicidal maniac who uses a lottery to choose ponies to find, kill, then bake into cupcakes." Have you ever heard the sound of a pony's smile vanishing? It sucks, a lot, "Spike, not much with you actually. People think your crush is cute, but that's about it. Fluttershy, people like you a lot, cause your just plain adorable. They also think you're a closet nymphomaniac." I swear her squeak went on into a pitch my human ears couldn't hear, "Applejack, people love your blunt nature, but they also think you sleep with your family and are Applebloom's real mother. Finally, you Twilight," I could see her mentally prepare for the worst, "With you? Pretty much everything. And I mean everything, so I'll spare you the details." I rubbed my neck again, feeling the tension in the room like a heavy fog, "Outside of that, all I really know are straight up guesses about other ponies. I really only know a bit about a few, ones I called my favorites: Berry Punch, Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia. Though what I know about them is so limited that I won't try to explain it." I laughed weakly as I finished, keeping my gaze on the floor.
"And you," Twilight began with barely contained anger, "Believe this nonsense?"
I jumped a bit at the venom in her voice, "Oh Goddess no! Most of that stuff is just based on "What If" style situations, all hypothetical. The only reason I looked at it was because I enjoy looking at "what ifs." It made you all a lot more interesting is all!" I tried my best to sound apologetic.
Twilight sighed softly, "Alright, I'd be more upset, but it's late. Applejack," The orange earth pony looked at her friend, "Since you found him, can you take him for tonight? I'll take him back tomorrow, but for now the library is too cluttered and I don't have enough space." It would have bugged me to be talked about like a bit of furniture, but I felt bad about earlier and let it slide.
"Well sugarcube, thing is, ah wasn't the one who found 'im," Applejack nodded at Fluttershy, who suddenly realized what was about to happen, "Fluttershy found 'im. 'Sides, ah don't have room for 'im either, not til tomorrow when I can clean out the barn a bit."
Twilight looked at the yellow Pegasus, "Fluttershy, please?" Twilight practically begged, which hurt my pride a bit.
Fluttershy looked around a bit, as if trying to find a means of escape, then nodded, "Alright." She said, so softly that, if one weren't paying attention, you would've thought it was just the wind.
"Thanks Fluttershy, we all owe you." Twilight responded before looking back at me, "Alright, you'll be with Fluttershy for the night and back here in the morning. If I hear any hint of trouble, I'll send you straight to the Everfree Forest, got that?" Twilight asked harshly.
I held my hands up in mock defeat, "You won't hear a peep, troubled or otherwise. I'm just ready to go to sleep, all of this has tired me out like you wouldn't believe." I stood up and bowed slightly, "Thanks Twilight, for doing this." With that I left the library and stood outside, realizing a little known fact: The sky of Equestria at night is beautiful. Without the light pollution of the human world, every star stood out. I was in awe for a moment, then looked around because I was about to let my inner fanboy out.
Seeing no one, I gave a small salute to the moon, "For the New Lunar Republic and the True Princess of Equestria!" I whispered into the night sky. In all honesty, it felt pretty damn cool. I turned around at the sound of hoofbeats behind me. Everyone, sans Twilight and Spike, was saying their goodnights and leaving the library. I stood silently and waited while they all shared last minute comments, most likely about me and what I had told them. Soon they all parted, leaving me and Fluttershy staring at each other awkwardly for a while.
I looked back at the sky, "Hey, I figure, what with all the animals at your place, maybe I'll sleep outside," I looked back at her with a soft smile, "It's a beautiful night anyway."
Fluttershy looked at the sky as well, then back at me with a smile, "Yeah, that's alright." She started walking towards her home and I was quick to follow. We didn't say anything during our walk, but the silence was a content one. Fluttershy's home soon came into sight, the quaint little burrow filled with the sounds of sleeping animals.
I walked halfway up the hill before sitting down. I looked at Fluttershy and patted the ground next to me, silently asking her to sit. After a few moments hesitation, she relented and lay down beside me, smiling awkwardly.
"So," I started, "I guess you probably don't like me too much after all that, huh?" I asked rhetorically.
"W-well, not exactly," She replied, much to my surprise, "It's not like you made that stuff up, you just thought it was fun in an odd way, right?" She looked up at me. I could see myself in those big eyes of hers and let me tell you, it was the most adorable thing I have or ever will see.
"Yeah, exactly," I smiled and laughed softly, "You are most certainly the Element of Kindness…Can I ask you a weird favor?" I said softly.
"I guess?" Fluttershy responded warily.
"Could I…" I could feel myself blushing a bit, "Could I mess with your mane? I know it sounds weird, but I had a lot of girls for friends and doin that with their hair always helped me relax. It's totally cool if you don't want to but I just thought I'd ask anyway…" I finished lamely, hoping I didn't sound as dumb as I thought I did. She looked at me for a little while, head tilted to the side, before laying her head in my lap, eyes closed. I swear, the smile I had one probably made my mouth wider. I began to gently run my fingers through Fluttershy's mane and let me tell you, it was softer than chinchilla fur. I don't know how long I sat there, just running my fingers through her mane, undoing knots and gently as I could. I sort of fell into a meditative state doing it, until I heard Fluttershy's soft snores, then I stopped. I chuckled softly, partly for the fact that she was just so cute, partly due to the fact that, throughout all of this, I hadn't gone batshit insane. I laid back, hands behind my head, and closed my eyes. Was today a good day? Not really, I was either seriously brain damaged or in another dimension with no foreseeable way home. Was it a bad day? Opening an eye to look at the pony asleep in my lap, I decided that it wasn't too terrible.
I woke up and was fairly disappointed to see that I was still in Equestria. It was then that I noticed a slight weight on my chest, one that was distinctly not Fluttershy. Looking downwards I saw a very fuzzy, very angry face. It was Angel, Fluttershy's pet rabbit, who seemed as happy as ever, which means he didn't see happy at all. I was going to try and justify why I was laying on top of Fluttershy's house, but then I realized it was a rabbit, no matter how intelligent he may be. I sighed and patted him on the head, then started to scratch him behind his ears. At first, it looked like he was going to bite my hand, but it seems I quickly found his sweet spot and he calmed down, a lazy smile on his face. I sat up, gently moving him to my lap, not ceasing my scratching, and looked around. Either Fluttershy had left me, which I doubted, or she had to tend to her animals, which was quickly confirmed by the sight of her spreading feed for her chickens.
I smiled and looked down at Angel, who seemed more than content to let me continue. It reminded me of my dogs, Buster and Mindo. Remembering them made my hand pause; this then caused Angel to look up at me grumpily.
I looked down at him and smiled sadly, "You know little one," I nuzzled the top of his head, "You remind me very much of two similarly fuzzy individuals who I miss very much." When I straightened up, my eyes were wet, though I wasn't terribly surprised. What did surprise me was the sudden hug from behind, and the light pink hair spilling over my shoulders revealed the perpetrator.
"I'm so sorry; you must miss your home so much." She said softly, "Is there anything I can do?"
I sighed a bit and rubbed my eyes, "Not really Fluttershy, but thanks." I turned and returned the hug, inhaling the strawberry scent that inexplicably came from her mane. I let go and stood up, stretching out the kinks that came from sleeping on the ground.
"So, have do you do breakfast or what?" I asked with a smile, "Either way is fine, but I figured I should ask." Fluttershy nodded and led me into her home. I had to stoop over slightly when I got inside, but that was the worst of it, so I couldn't complain. Breakfast was, thankfully, a simple fruit salad, something that she and I could both eat. I kneeled down while she stood, the food was good and we had a nice chat while we ate. I mostly asked about the animals she took care of, but she was more than happy to answer my questions. I was nearly done when I felt a familiar weight on my shoulder, a weight while a sarcastic scowl on its fuzzy face. While I'm not fluent in rabbit, I could see him staring up a few choices chunks of fruit in my bowl. I chuckled and held up a piece for him to eat, which he did happily. I repeated the process until my bowl was empty and Angel was full and happy. He seemed content as he got off my shoulder and went off to do whatever he does in his spare time.
"Incredible, I've never seen Angel behave so well with anypony before." Fluttershy commented, a note of admiration in her voice.
I shrugged, "Animals have always liked me for some reason, though I'm not quite sure why." I laughed, "Maybe I smell good." I laughed even harder when Fluttershy came over and gave me a quick sniff, "I was bein' sarcastic dear."
"But you do smell really nice." She replied.
"Wow, really? Neat." I said, surprised. I sniffed my clothes in an attempt to discover this magical odor. When I couldn't smell anything I gave up and helped Fluttershy clean up. Once everything was set, she said goodbye to her animals and walked beside me as we headed back to the library. We talked a bit as we walked, though the conversation was mostly Fluttershy asking me about animals from my world. I answered to the best of my knowledge, though my knowledge about animals was horrendously limited.
After a while the library came into view, as did the rest of Ponyville. The lack of tension made me guess that somepony, probably Pinkie, had told the town that I wasn't a danger to them. I still got a number of stares from ponies, though now they were just curious looks. Fluttershy knocked on the library door and I stood beside her. Spike opened the door, looking like he had just woken up, which I wouldn't doubt, and let us in.
I didn't see any equipment around, science or otherwise, so I figured that Twilight was still planning her experiments. I heard Fluttershy saying her goodbyes to Spike and turned around.
"Thanks for having me over Fluttershy." I said, putting a hand on her head.
"It was nothing John. It was… Nice." She replied, smiling.