"Don't you know Emma?" He breaths. "It's you"
In this moment I'm nothing but feeling. Feeling for him and for myself. Feeling the love channeling through my body as our foreheads touch. It's only a second before our lips meet but it feels like an eternity. We move without a flaw as the familiar warmth floods through my veins.
I lose all concept of time as we kiss. He breaks off but pulls me into his arms. I nuzzle the part where his neck and shoulder meet. His scent, which has recently become my favorite, enters my senses. He smells of the sea, rum, leather, and another thing that frightens me- love and home. But I accept it, allowing it to take over my thoughts and consume me.
"Please," I say as the words leave before I can stop them.
He pulls away from me, his eyes filled with love, lust, and fear. "What?" His voice shuddering.
I don't know what the plead was for. But somewhere in the back of my mind I just want to know. Know that he loves me.
"Emma," he exhales when he realizes what I'm asking. His eyes meet mine and I know what is running through his head. Killian thinks if he says it, that it'll break me. "No, I-I can't do that to you...or to myself." His eyes leave mine and I know, God do I know that he wants to confess his feelings for me more than anything right now. But we just can't, he knows I won't say it back. I want to tell him when the times right. When it hits me like a wrecking ball and I can't hold it in anymore.
We walk out of the cabin and down Main Street bypassing my parents and August, hand in hand. I don't know where we are going, but we are just here, in time, together, hoping that we can be together and continue to grow as a couple.
It hits me that he's walking me home. But I don't want him to go. "Wait," I say, breaking the comfortable silence that we're suspended in. "May I stay with you tonight? I don't want to sleep alone, I just- I just, want to be held." And for the first time I want to be in the arms of a man. Something I have never done before.
Killian doesn't say anything, but he nods and we began walking to the docks. He told me briefly about his ship being back. I don't know why or how but I can't bring myself to care, I'm just glad his home is back.
We walk inside saying nothing- we don't need to. It's almost 6 pm but we go to lay down. He takes his shirt off and I'm thankful because I'm craving the skin to skin contact. I peel off my boots, coat and my over-shirt. Leaving me in a tank top and jeans. Should I take them off? Yeah, probably.
I feel so vulnerable but I know I'm not. I'm safe and just caught up in his revelation from earlier.
Laying down, face-to-face we just breath each other in. He takes a breath, "kiss me." Killian asks, his voice full of love.
I move an inch and our lips meet. In this moment I stay suspended, high above heaven. The kiss we share is the most passionate kiss we've ever had, and it doesn't stop. Killian's hand runs through my hair, forcing my face closer to his.
Ugh, this feels so good. I want to surrender myself to him now. Give him my body along with my heart. I let out a sigh, muffled by his lips. I know what my cry does for him. It's giving him permission to have me...to make, love to me.
He rolls onto me, pressing himself into my center. I scream, I actually scream- out loud- very audibly. It's too much. This is way too much. I can't handle it, but I will. For him, for him I'll give him a night. This is...I am, his happy ending and I can give my entire body to him.
Killian wastes no time sliding his hook and his hand up both my sides, going under my tank top. The warmth from his hand and the coldness of his hook will kill me. After he gets my top off he kisses me from my waistband up to my bra. Killian reaches behind my back, unhooking my bra and I arch so high it hurts. I haven't been touched. Not since him, not since Neal. It's been over 13 years since I've been touched with love. Other men- one night stands they weren't filled with love or much foreplay and touching. Before he makes contact with my breast I grab his hand.
"I haven't, I- I haven't been touched. I just- oh my god." Tears come out of my eyes. And I'm crying, during foreplay, I'm crying. "Neal. He is the only person that's ever touched me like this." I pause, "with love, I mean."
"Shhhhh" he says, "it's okay, I don't have to." I can see the disappointment in his eyes. He wants to make love and kiss every inch of my body.
"No no no that's not- that's not what I was- oh god please. Please touch me. Make it feel good, make me scream, Killian. I want to scream for you." I breath out, somehow seemingly.
"Okay," and he moves slowly, showing his intent. I close my eyes, arching my back and throwing my head back. Then, he touches me, I cry out. He gently rolls my nipple between his forefinger and his thumb. It hardens as he strokes it. God, it's been so long and I'm already over sensitive.
He moves his lips up my neck to my ear. Killian breaths a hot breath into my ear. "I've been saving myself for you. Haven't been with anyone else since I met you." Confessing, he nibbles my ear. It feels so forbidden and I flinch. He continues, "and this is so worth the wait, even if you want to stop now. I will always want more but you have already made me the happiest man alive today."
"I don't want to stop. I want to give myself to you. Take me, make me yours and only yours." He groans in my ear, it is the single most hottest thing I have ever heard. This man on top of me, who loves me is groaning because of what my body and my words do to him.
Killian moves to kiss me and I think something snapped in him because he begs for permission into my mouth, something we don't normally do. I open my mouth all the way, not wanting to deny him of anything. God, he groans again making my hips buck. He is too fast and pins my hips down before they make contact with his. Ooh bossy Killian- he wants the control, he wants all the power.
Resuming his position at my breast he moves to the neglected one and starts his torturous pinching. "Come on," he groans against my lips in a harsh and deep voice. I don't understand but it hits me and I'm shaking. I'm close, close to letting go and holy shit- this is painful, almost coming unbidden without any warning. Mewls of pleasure leave my mouth. "Yes baby, that's it. Let me hear you please. Loud and clear baby loud and clear. Good girl, that's it." He whispers, and I scream, scream so loud my voice screeches. I call his name and that breaks him. "I'm going to touch you now, I want you to soar high sweetheart."
His nails scratch down my belly to my panties, leaving red scratches. He traces the band of the garment then slides underneath. Before he even touches my center he feels the wetness on the inside of the panties. I feel numb everywhere and I'm lost.
Then, he touches me. I holler, he moans at the feel of me, completely gushing for him. Killian finds my clit and rubs it in circles, fast. So fast it hurts before it feels good. But then I build - fast and I'm pulled into my shattering orgasm.
I'm panting and he scurries down my body flinging my panties off and before I can even blink his mouth is on me. What did I get myself into? He is so skilled and good at making me feel loved.
Oh god, Killian plunges two fingers into me. I'm so wet and he slides in far. I cry out his name. It's too much.
"Killian..." My voice is alien to me, I sound like a wounded child.
He slows, helping me ride out the remnants of my orgasm and then comes up to my face. The look his face supports is filled with concern, and love. Killian says my name on a shuddering exhale.
For one of the first times since I've met this man, I can't read his expressions. I've kept my innocence after Neal, not allowing love in because I was afraid of hurting myself. In a way, my mind thinks that it's because I don't want to let go of Neal. I want to hold him close to my heart and the only way I knew how to was to not let it go farther than one night stands.
"Killian..." I take a deep breath, here it goes. "Tell me please, tell me and- just make it all better. Make it not hurt anymore..." I plead.
We wait, in silence for seconds maybe even minutes. After a while he looks into my eyes and he is focusing. If he has loved me as long as I think he has, than this is an extremely thought out moment for him. I think of how much this has been a built up time for us. Neither of us thought we could find love again and I've known for a while. I've just been waiting for him.
If Killian admits it to me, I won't say it back. I want him to know on my own terms that I feel the same and not just because he said it first.
"...I love you."
My heart swells, thank god. I think I've gone red but he shows no sign of seeing any part of me other than my eyes.
Cupping his face in my hands I wipe the single tear that falls from his eye and allow our lips to meet. For the second time tonight my breath is taken by Killian.
We move methodically to remove his pants and he rolls back on top of me. We kiss and wait, depriving ourselves momentarily of giving into each other.
Our most sensitive parts meet and I cry out as he enters me slowly, gently. It burns and it feels like fire running through my veins. He is only half way in and I thrust down, taking all of him. He moans and stills.
Time stops. Everything feels intensified... Until he moves. In and out. In and out. So slowly I can feel every single detail. Jesus, I'm already building.
Killian is not quiet at all, he is extremely loud. Letting me know how good I feel and how much he loves me. "Let go," he demands and his words are my undoing and I come loudly showing him in the only way I can that this is what I want. He finds his release inside me, loud and wetly. Before I can watch him the edges of my vision began to blur as I succumb to the pull of closing my eyes.
.
When I gain consensus, Killian is spooning me from behind his face tucked into my neck. He is aimlessly drawing circles on my stomach. We don't speak, we never do because we don't have too, our hearts do the work for us.
I love you too, my mind admits to myself as I drift off in his arms.