The Way It Was Before
Rose G
Disclaimer - All characters are the property of Thames TV; I have made no profit from their use
'I've never been what you might call close to John Boulton. No-one was, really, if you discount Don Beech. I mean, if you ignored one being tall and dark and the other short and ginger, they might as well have been blood brothers. Boulton - Sarge - was too loud and brash, too quick-witted for me to get on with, and for most other people as well.
'That's not to say I didn't grieve for him, but a death's a death and once they've been buried, it's over. I sound more like Robocop himself, than me, now don't I, but it's true. Boulton's dead, gone. Easy to say, harder to believe. Sometimes I think they must have misinformed me; how could he be gone?
'Someone that vital; so strong and alive, it's hard to believe. Oh, in a way, it's good to walk through Sun Hill in peace, knowing that a ginger straitjacket job isn't going to appear from nowhere to give you a hard time. But when I was there yesterday, I couldn't help listening for his accent, looking for that stupid damn sunflower he used to keep on his desk.
'I know he's dead. God, I'm not that screwed up that I can't regonise the difference between what happened and what I'd like to be true. I know he's gone, which is why I went back there. I needed to say goodbye, and funerals aren't my thing; I didn't get invited, anyway.
'It was easy enough to get in there. Just told them on the desk I wanted to speak to Mickey Webb, and walked straight up. There's so many new faces wandering about that they didn't take any notice of me, so I just walked up the old way to CID and looked around.
'I know what I saw then; I wish I could make you believe it because I'm not insane. I saw Sarge and CID, all the way it used to be, except that the lads weren't really as they were. It was like I was seeing them through someone else's eyes.
'Yes, I know that's impossible. The dead don't come back to life, there's no such thing as time travel as far as I know, and whatever else I've done, I haven't been one for drugs so it wasn't a trip or a flashback. I know what I saw, and I know it's not possible, but I saw it.
'Sergeant Boulton was with Beech, standing together and talking. Best of friends, even though Beech killed him. If I was going mad, I would have thought of Beech and him fighting; that's what I would have expected. It was like watching brothers, seeing them standing there. It was almost like they were the same person; the bond was that close.
'I might, might just, have imagined some of it. I know I watched Sergeant Daly stalk around peering at the stuff on everyone's desk to always think of him as a pedantic old bugger. And Kerry, sitting there grinning an' drinking coffee, part of the team but sort of free from all our troubles as well; someone better at our mucky jobs than us.
'But the rest of them, the rest of the mob...Danny Glaze, Tom, Mickey, Claire Stanton, all of them. Everyone I'd known there, but they weren't the people I'd known, not really.
'Danny was trapped. Don't ask me how I knew, 'cept that I looked at him and saw it, and he knew it. Oh, not physically trapped, but in his mind, because of something he did, and he's never going to escape from it.
'Tom was mute. Knew what we wanted to say and couldn't, couldn't make anyone listen to him even though he was right, and he hated it. Hated being laughed at, the way we sneered at him, but he knew he was good, and I'd never thought of him being like that. But it sorta made sense, like how I'd thought of him had been wrong.
'Seeing Mickey was pathetic; I think that was one of the worst parts. He was bleeding and crying, but when I looked at him, he just grinned and waved like he was okay. And he was punch drunk tired, but he didn't want help. He was trying to keep himself apart, but there was someone who had hold of him, would never leave him. I think he knew it, knew that whoever it was loved him, but he didn't want them there because he was afraid of loosing them.
'Claire Stanton was the nice one - she loved someone heart and soul, and it was all her life, this love. She was laughing and soft; remembered walking down a beach with him at sunset. That love, it was the best thing she'd ever had, and she knew that it was forever.
'Deakin wasn't there. Guess he wasn't really part of our group, but if I'd been imagining CID as I remembered it, I would have thought of him being there somewhere. But Meadows was there, and that was what made me realise that it was wrong, because I'd always thought he didn't care about us, that he was a cold bastard, but it was because he was concentrating so much on his son. I didn't know he had a son, but all his energy was going towards keeping him safe, even through the boy was mad with him, and he loved him. And the boy didn't know how much he'd hurt the DCI, but Meadows didn't care about that. He just wanted him to be okay.'
'Then I looked again, an' there were just the news blokes and the DCI coming over to see me. And Boultan was still dead and wherever all the others were, it wasn't standing around the office. I'd've said I'd seen his ghost, I could have accepted that, but al the others were there as well... I know he really loved that place - I mean, he just about lived there, and he was always good at seeing through people, Robocop was. Made him a good copper; that was why I didn't like to be around him. He always made me feel so slow and dull witted. But I wouldn't have put it past him to have known all that about everyone that I saw; that it was how he saw them. A John Boultan perspective on life. It'd explain why him and Beech were mates.
'No, I don't really know what I saw. Nor why it should be me, because I know he never liked me, and I know no-one's believing this, so...Wouldn't it be typical, though, for him not to leave the place even after he'd dead? Oh, well...someone else's turn for the next round, yeah?'
Rod's voice trailed away.
A / N - I'm not sure about this piece; it's not something I'd normally write, but once I had the idea, I thought I might as well post. Comments very welcome on this.