Weelll this is random, but I have a oneshot for my fellow Alvon fans!

I'm personally super fond of this one - the setting was (although it's explained pretty bluntly) that Theodore has died recently, and it was a challenge to me to try and see if, even through tragedy, Alvin and Simon might be together. Perhaps a kind of "you only live once" thing going on?

Anyway, it's late and I wanted to submit this, as I've been going through a lot of my more recent stories, trying to figure out what to post to end my reign of silence as far as this wonderful website goes.

It's sort of to do with the poll on my profile, too, where I've asked if people want me to post the majority of my 200+ Alvon stories or not - to which the answer is a pretty resounding "do it", at least so far (thanks to those who voted). So this is sort of the beginning of that, since I'm still super picky about what actually ends up on the internet. But: I am planning to post a very stand-alone smut story pretty soon, that I wrote (and FINISHED!) recently. Hopefully (if not especially) if this one gets the bandwagon moving again.

In any case,

Enjoy!

Alvin looked over at the vague form of Simon, the wind that night was barely masking the younger boy's tears. Alvin bit his lip and tried to talk himself out of going over there again.

But the way Simon tried to stifle his crying was almost more heartbreaking than if he'd let it out freely. Alvin knew that Simon didn't want to wake him, or keep him up, but it was almost as if the sound set off instant alarms in Alvin's mind.

He supposed it was one of the joys of being the eldest brother.

It used to happen with Theodore… all the time… Alvin's own eyes glossed heavily at even the thought of his lost baby brother.

At that point, he got up. If not for Simon, for himself.

He lifted the covers off Simon's huddled form, and the usually bespectacled boy looked up at Alvin guiltily. 'I-I didn't mean to wake you –'

'It's okay,' Alvin promised, 'I can't sleep either.'

Simon nodded slowly and looked down.

'Do you wanna talk?'

The younger of the two sighed and stubbornly brushed a tear off course. 'There's not much left to say…' he reminded. 'I'm just… still grieving, I suppose… and I'd rather not be told "it's okay" or "he's in a better place"… like everyone's doing…'

Alvin nodded modestly. 'Maybe that's why we should talk,' he forced Simon to make room for him as he kneeled on the bed, and he met his brother's grey-eyed gaze with a soft smile. 'I don't want to hear those things, either.'

'It just doesn't solve the fact that there's a piece of our family missing,' Simon agreed, 'and it's not okay – whoever thought that was a comforting sentence was a complete idiot. He was too young. He didn't deserve it, he had such a bright f-future…' Simon leant forward, his head falling into his hands. '…I'm sure he's in a b-better place, but…' he trailed off for a while, and Alvin shifted uncomfortably before finishing the sentence.

'We're not together.' He figured.

Simon looked up slightly, staring at his bed sheets. 'I know it sounds selfish, but… I can't…'

Alvin smiled a little. 'Trust me, I get it…' He bent down, trying to meet Simon's gaze. 'And you also know that he wouldn't want us to be miserable.'

'It's not that easy…' Simon hugged his knees to his chest. 'His bed's still over there, as if he's going to come home… Dave and Eleanor still cook with his recipes… you and I…' he stifled a harsh sob and let his head fall onto his knees. 'Every now-and-then y-you remind me of him… and then… then there's our fighting… h-he's not there to stop it anymore…'

'We haven't been fighting much…' Alvin said indigently.

Simon shrugged. 'But when we do, they're bad…'

Alvin bit his lip, shifting forward a little more. He ran his fingers lightly over Simon's forearm, squinting in the vague light. 'Are they still there..?' He asked in shame, referring to the harsh amount of bruises he'd peppered his brother with about a week ago.

'Mhm…' Simon looked at Alvin, curious at the gentle touch. 'Are you finally going to apologise..?'

'I have,' Alvin narrowed his sapphire eyes in defence, 'and I'll say it again: I'm sorry…' his eyes fell to Simon's arm again, he slowly shifted the sleeve up. 'I didn't mean to hurt you like this…'

Simon continued to watch Alvin. He couldn't see properly, of course, but felt the need to keep his eyes on him anyway. 'I meant: will you apologise for what you said.'

Alvin looked up at Simon suddenly, and the younger boy finally had a clear point of vision. Alvin's eyes were always so bright.

'What did I say..?' He asked in genuine confusion, with a strong hint of concern.

'When you…' Simon blinked, a tear falling down his cheek. 'You s-said it was my fault…'

Alvin felt as if all the air had left his lungs, his heartbeat was uncomfortable and heavy. 'Simon,' he gasped it out, like he'd been struck. 'Oh, god, I didn't – I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean that,' he felt his own eyes threatening to let out an embarrassing amount of tears. 'I-I have never once believed it was your fault, Si…'

Simon smiled half-heartedly, and jumped a second later when he felt Alvin pull him into an embrace.

Never in his life had he felt these arms around him… he didn't even remember the last hug he'd received, but this warmth and care was utterly addictive. He quickly lowered his knees and hugged his older brother tightly in return. I needed this… he realised, emotion coursing through his body, so badly…

'It was an accident…' Alvin soothed by Simon's ear, 'it's not really anyone's fault…'

'Thank you…' Simon felt his hands curling onto Alvin's shirt. 'Alvin, please don't let go…' his voice shook and he buried his head in the crook of Alvin's neck, his cheeks warming up in embarrassment at the request.

Alvin hugged tighter for a moment. 'Of course not…' he moved his head back a little, loosening his hold just enough for Simon to face him. 'Do you want me to stay here tonight..?'

Simon nodded, his heartbeat rising at their uncommon proximity. 'Do you want to stay here..?'

The eldest smiled a little, and nodded. 'I want my brother to sleep in peace, yeah…'

'Alvin, I…' Simon could feel the bursts of compassion and gratefulness racing through his body – it was cause for question, how nervous he felt about saying this. 'I-I love you…' he knew his cheeks were dark red, but still didn't know why. 'I n-never said it t-to Theodore – at least, not recently – a-and I regret that, and I was just thinking… I-I've never… and I mean never… said it to y –'

'I love you too.' Alvin blushed as well, averting his gaze uncomfortably, as if someone might have heard him being sappy.

Simon's entire body relaxed, even Alvin could feel it. Simon wasn't sure what it was, but part of him was expecting rejection. But why Alvin would reject brotherly love was beyond him. He knew Alvin cared – he wouldn't be there in front of him if he didn't.

'Let's get some sleep, Si…' Alvin suggested, leaning forward and gently kissing Simon's cheek.

He could have fainted. Simon felt himself shaking, his fingers clawed into Alvin's shirt and he could feel waves of satisfaction rolling through his system. Alvin was never – they, were never affectionate with each other, and Simon knew that he needed it right now. He just hadn't expected to find such comfort from his older brother – not this kind.

Alvin blushed at the response he was still getting; Simon's hold was so tight that the red-clad boy wasn't sure he could back away. 'Simon..?' he murmured, getting a little nervous himself. He knew Simon wasn't used to this side of him, but this was still an odd response. 'Did you… w-was that okay to… do..?'

Absolutely… Simon gave a few staggered nods. 'Y-yeah, it was nice…'

'Good, I…' Alvin wet his lips, 'I didn't want to freak you out, or…'

'No,' Simon promised in reassurance, 'it feels… good… having someone to… be close to…' he released his hard grip on Alvin's shirt. 'Even better that it's you…'

Alvin pursed his lips before pressing them to Simon's cheek again, earning a similar tense response. 'That means a lot, Si…' he smiled, and wondered if he was about to ruin it by reading those responses wrong. It took a moment, but Alvin held Simon closer and hesitantly kissed the pulse under his ear.

Simon's body broke out in warmer sparks than the first, he blushed bright red, breathing a little shorter while Alvin continued to caress the spot.

'Alvin..?' he non-committedly held the older boy tighter, mentally protesting when Alvin stopped.

'Sorry,' Alvin moved back, his heart racing, searching Simon's eyes worriedly. 'It seemed… right..?'

Simon scanned Alvin carefully – it helped that they were inches from each other – and he wondered if Alvin had been quicker to figure out why that "I love you" was so off. Perhaps he'd said it the wrong way. Was there a wrong way? No, he must have meant it the wrong way.

Or was it the right way?

'W-what were… you going to do… a-after that..?' Simon questioned hopefully.

Alvin bit his lip and looked to the side. 'Maybe… maybe like… kiss you..?'

Simon's body moved forward slightly, as if hoping he'd heard right. 'On the cheek..?' He pressed.

'Uh…' Alvin was looking more embarrassed by the second. 'N-no, actually…' he took in an even breath before he shifted himself over, with Simon's compliance, until he was straddling the younger boy. He lifted the hand around Simon's waist and ran it over the bespectacled boy's shoulder instead, joining the other hand. He considered it carefully, watching Simon with eager anxiety. 'You're not protesting…' he noticed.

'Well I don't know how it feels, so…' Simon shrugged slightly, 'h-how can I reject something I've never tried..?'

Alvin smiled fondly. 'You're such a scientist…' he leant in, but paused an inch from Simon's lips. 'Will this make you feel better..?' He asked seriously. 'Will you regret it..?'

Simon smoothed both hands around Alvin's waist. 'Right now… I think I need it, Alvin….' He admitted, just as sincere. 'It's not just the care, but it's the idea… the idea that I could be thinking of something else, I-I could get swept up and forget everything, even just for a moment…'

The older of the two pursed his lips, looking down at Simon's chest. 'I just… I don't want to ruin our family even more…'

'Alvin,' Simon shook his head, 'it's my choice, too…' he hesitated before tilting Alvin's head back up with his forefinger. 'If you want this, then I'll defend you. We'll be in it together.'

'I don't know if I want it…' Alvin admitted, his eyes falling down and up Simon's body as if the answer was going to appear. 'I-it's major, isn't it?' He reminded. 'It's forever, it'd be something we couldn't help but remember for the rest of our lives…'

Simon shifted a little, less sure than he had been a minute ago. 'I… we don't have to…' he sighed and let go of Alvin, moving his hands back to support himself on the bed. 'It's definitely something neither of us should have to decide in ten seconds…'

Alvin also let go, his eyes never leaving Simon's. 'Why don't we… f-forget I offered, I'll just go back to bed and we can pretend it was a dream –'

'Don't,' Simon insisted, 'I don't want to make things awkward between us,' he offered a soft smile. 'Just... stay with me. Nothing more than just some really… really warm company.' He grinned when Alvin gave a chuckle.

'Alright, I'll be your heat pack tonight,' Alvin smiled softer, and leant in once more to kiss Simon's cheek. He blushed at Simon's amused scepticism. 'That was brotherly, don't look at me like that.'

I know: it seems unfinished, but I honestly haven't ever felt the inclination to continue it - probably because I find Theodore dying to be too upsetting and would rather leave it with the feels. You can make your own deductions as to what happens next; I like to think they only pursue intimacy when they're not strong enough to handle their loss alone. They're the only ones who understand exactly how the other feels, after all...

But hey, never say never.

Thanks for reading guys, hope you enjoyed it!