The Gift of My Past Mistakes
By: Aubrie1234
Drew was not happy to have her birthday pass and no wedding plans in the slightest. Alex found it a little ironic that their getaway to work on said wedding had yielded nothing of the sort. Doc tried to keep his wife from pestering the two about it. Francis was still trying to get Zak to like his music, which was slowly working. Komodo had made peace with Alex, despite there not being any true fight in the first place. Fisk and Zon were bothered by none of this.
Doyle, however, had something big on his mind, and it wasn't the wedding. He was on his laptop continuously, typing away, and checked the calendar a lot. As January turned into February and Valentine's Day (and his birthday) came closer, Alex frowned at his behavior. It began to worry the blond about what Doyle was doing, but when he asked, Doyle would change the subject or distract Alex with something else. There were supposed to be no more secrets. What was Doyle doing?
"Doyle?" Alex tried to look over the redhead's shoulder and see what he was doing, but Doyle wouldn't let him look. They were in their bedroom and in Alex's hands was a pad of paper and a pencil. He was trying to come up with details about the wedding and thought this would also be a good time to look into what Doyle could be hiding.
"What?" asked the ex-mercenary, glancing up from his laptop before focusing on it again.
"Any idea of when the wedding should be?" Doyle shrugged.
"Any time or place is fine with me, just as long as it has some meaning to the both of us." Alex wrote it down.
"Anywhere you explicitly don't wanna go?"
"Cornwall and New York City." This caused Alex to raise his eyebrows.
"Why not New York?"
"Because of what we had." Doyle glanced up to meet Alex's eyes, "We can't get that back and I went back there after you. It's...it's too hurtful to return." Alex nodded.
"I understand." He marked off the place, "Not Oslo, we were just there, so where else?"
"Dunno." Doyle shrugged again. Alex frowned.
"Well, why don't you give me a little more attention and tell me what you really think for once?" This caused Doyle to raise his head, surprised.
"What? Of course I-"
"No, you're not. You haven't been fully in this conversation the whole time. What have you been doing on your computer lately that's been taking up so much time and attention?" Doyle frowned.
"It's none of your business, Al." Alex crossed his arms.
"Unless it's something sensitive, I think it is." Doyle rolled his eyes.
"It's nothing, I swear. You just need to stop being jealous." Alex raised an eyebrow.
"Jealous? I'm not jealous!"
"Overprotective, then." Doyle turned back to his laptop, "I'm not flirting with someone online, okay? This is something sensitive to me that you don't need to know about." Alex glared.
"Fine." He tucked the paper pad into his pocket and put the pencil behind his ear, "I'm going to go beat your nephews in a few video games. Come find me if you want to plan the damn wedding." And with that, Alex got up and left the room. Usually he'd just leave things be, but with how much time Doyle was spending on the computer and not much else, it was wearing on his patience. Doyle sighed and shook his head. He was almost done, if Alex would've only given him a few more minutes. As it was, he took out his sat phone and dialed a number, letting it rest on his shoulder as he continued to type.
"Hello?..Hey, it's Doyle. I wanted to ask about our deal...It's still on? Good...No, I can't do it just yet, but I'll be there in about, maybe two weeks?..Yeah, I know. I'm not falling back on this promise...Thank you. Goodbye." He hung up and rubbed a hand over his face. He was so tired right now, but things were almost done. He was almost ready to get his son back and he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have this chance. He could finally give Dylan a home, even if it wasn't their permanent one, not just yet.
And he still had to tell everyone else about Dylan. He wasn't looking forward to that talk. Fisk only knew part of it, but at least he hadn't told anyone about it yet. However, Doyle had no choice but to share it, otherwise everyone would try to find out for themselves and he didn't want them to do that. He was freaky enough already with the whole 'Kur' thing, he didn't need them to know his deepest secret, not just yet. He still wasn't ready.
"Just a little longer." he whispered, closing his laptop, "I'm not giving up on you."
Van Rook came into the room with a steaming bowl of something the redhead didn't know, but it smelled delicious. He gave Doyle the bowl before sitting beside him on the couch, though he was a seat over to give the other some space. His mask was also off, which was rare for him to do willingly, but Doyle was grateful for it this time. It made him more human, more sympathetic.
"That is солянка, a type of soup." Van Rook said, "Eat some and tell me what happened."
"Why should I?" Doyle asked, staring down at the bowl, "Why should I tell you about something like this?"
"People who beat others to death must have a reason for their actions." At that, Doyle flinched and looked away.
"...Promise not to tell anyone, okay?" the redhead pleaded quietly, "This is very important to me."
"I promise." Van Rook nodded. Doyle hesitated to tell him for a moment, then gave a sigh and began his tale.
"It began several years ago, long before I met you. This guy saved my life and over the course of a year, where we lived in the same apartment, I fell hard for him. We even got engaged, but it wasn't to last. One morning, he was gone and left me a note. He was going to be gone for a few days doing things, but as the days went by, I began to feel that the note was a lie, that the guy just had me around for fun, that he didn't actually care about me. So, after two weeks, I left. And because he was the one that mainly supported us, I had to find a good job. I did a lot of things before you found me at that club and a lot of people tried to seduce me because they wanted my body." Doyle shivered, "And when I wouldn't comply, they tried to rape me. I try to hold some of my strength back so I wouldn't hurt them, but when they got to the sex part, touching me down there, I suddenly get overwhelmed with fear and rage. I break free and ruthlessly kill them while escaping. My only guess of why I go crazy like that is because I don't want to be hurt again, not like the first time. And if I ever find someone else to love, I doubt that I'll be able to control that urge so I don't hurt them."
"I see." the Russian gently pat Doyle's back, stopping when the younger flinched at the touch, "It is not your fault."
"It kind of is. I can't control myself when it happens."
"Yes, but you are not the one who started it. It is the fault of the one who left you. He gave you the fear, so now you have to get over it."
"How?"
"I do not know. Perhaps you should go to counseling?" Doyle gave a bark of harsh laughter.
"I tried. Last psychiatrist called the cops on me, so don't blame me if I don't want to go to therapy."
"Then maybe you should find ways to defend yourself besides brute force. Modify your gloves to give a small shock, perhaps?"
"That would be a great deterrent, so I might just do that." Doyle smiled, though it looked a bit fake, "Thanks for everything, Van Rook."
"Do not expect this treatment all the time, Blackwell. It was only this once."
"I know, but still. Thank you very much."
"...Пожалуйста." Doyle could guess the meaning of the Russian word, but he didn't speak. He closed his eyes, grateful that he had someone to truly care about him as a person and not his body once again.
Zak and Francis knew better than to bother Alex when he was in such a mood as he was now, so it was surprising when he asked them to play video games with him, probably to help calm himself down. Zak, now out of his grounding, happily agreed and was joined by Fisk while Francis watched. He was never one to play such mindless games and so he was the first to notice when Doyle appeared at the door. The redhead leaned against the doorframe, observing how Alex was beating Fisk but no match for Zak and gave a small smile. And yet, his body language said that he had something to talk about, possibly what had sent Alex into his bad mood, and Francis wasn't sure he wanted to stick around for it.
"Hey." Well, it was too late to back out now. The players glanced over at Doyle before Alex frowned and looked away.
"Hey Uncle Doyle!" Zak greeted with a wave, as did Fisk.
"You finally ready to talk about wedding plans?" Alex grumbled.
"With you as mad as you are? I don't know. I only wanted to ask if you'd go to the Amazon with me tomorrow." This surprised everyone.
"The Amazon? As in the Amazon rainforest?" Zak asked, "Why do you wanna go there?"
"A few reasons. And before you ask, no, you can't come."
"Aw!" Francis raised his eyebrows, surprised as this turn of events. Even he didn't know where this could be going.
"Why are you asking me to come with you?" was Alex's question.
"After I left you, I made a home in the rainforest and now I want to head back and grab some of the stuff that I left behind."
"How do you know it's still there?" Doyle shrugged.
"I don't, but I need to head back." He met Alex's eyes, "If you won't go with me, I can go myself. I just thought you might wanna see where I lived before I became a mercenary." Alex was quiet, contemplating, then gave a nod.
"Only if you'll finally work on our wedding plans."
"Deal." Doyle nodded back, "Wanna try working on it now?"
"After I finish this game." Alex said, "I'm gonna win."
"You wish!" "Erza buh!" Doyle chuckled and Francis shook his head as the three returned to the game, each determined to win.
Flip. Flip. Flip. File after file was looked through in the dark room, only lit by a bright lamp, showcasing cryptid after cryptid. Only two men were in the room, one standing as the other sat at the table, viewing the files.
"Well, sir?"
"This is good." The most recent file, on a Beast of Bowness, was closed with a flourish, "But someone will need to 'lead' this team and keep people from knowing what's really going on. We need something to cover our tracks."
"Do you have an idea, sir?"
"As always." He tapped his fingers, "Get me Alan Blunt's and the Gray Men's phone numbers and I need some techies to start working on forging some files."
"Yes sir." The standing man left the room. To the side of the table, a nameplate glinted, saying, Keith Ortega, Head of Torture. A scorpion was stamped on the other side of the plate. His fingers tapped the table as he thought for a moment, then smiled in the darkness.
"The world won't know what hit it when everything's said and done." He gathered up the files and turned to a cabinet to put them away, "Certainly not Rider, Blackwell, or the Saturdays."
Doc was suspicious when he learned that Doyle was heading to the Amazon, wondering why he wanted to go there out of nowhere, but didn't know if he could ask. If he did, it might seem like he was trying to ruin Doyle's outing with Alex, but his common sense knew it wasn't the case. However, he didn't want to make an enemy of Doyle again, and so he tried to not ask. Drew was not bound by these questions and went ahead and asked her brother what the hell was going on just before he and Alex were to leave.
"Hey, it's not like I'm leaving for good, right?" Doyle said. He was met by his glaring sister and gave a sigh, "I promise nothing's going on, okay? You don't have to worry about it."
"Since the revelation that you also have Kur powers that are far more powerful than Zak's, I think I have every reason to worry. Someone could capture you and use your powers against you, against everyone." She softened a little, "Just give us a reason why you're going to the rainforest with only Alex so suddenly."
"...I can't." Doyle glanced away, "At least, not yet."
"Why-"
"Don't ask me, Professor." The redhead glared at his in-law, "This has to do with what happened after I left Alex and it's still a sore subject for me. I promise to explain sometime, but not today. Just leave it be for now, okay?" Doc wanted to ask more but knew better than to do it, so he didn't. This was also helped by Drew jabbing him in the side, preventing him from saying something that would dig him his own grave.
"We understand. Just keep a tracker on you, okay?" Drew asked.
"I will, sis." He hugged her, "It's only gonna be a day or so, not too long. We'll be back before you know it."
"If you don't keep that promise I will punch you where the sun doesn't shine, got it?"
"Yes ma'am." Doyle then shook hands with Doc and joined Alex in the jet, taking his own instead of the Griffon this time. As it took off, Doc turned to his wife.
"Would you really do that to him?"
"Yes." She nodded, "And don't think I won't do it to you, either." Doc took a step away from Drew and she laughed, "Don't worry, I won't unless you give me a good reason for it!"
"Right..." Doc didn't go near her for the rest of the day. Drew rolled her eyes at this but didn't say anything, not wanting to freak him out more.
"Is it really in the Amazon or was that just made up for some reason?" Alex asked as Doyle double-checked the settings in the jet.
"No, we really need to head there." He opened the trapdoor to the cargo bay and checked that there was plenty of room down there, "We won't be able to land at the exact place, of course, but there's a city nearby where we can land."
"And if it's not there?" Alex asked. Doyle shut the trapdoor.
"It'll be there." he assured, "There's not reason for it not to be, even after a decade..." Alex raised an eyebrow but said nothing as Doyle took the pilot's seat. Because there was more room in this jet than in the Griffon, Alex was sitting beside the redhead instead of behind, occupying the co-pilot's chair. If anything happened, he could also take over, seeing as he had a pilot's license.
"Everything good to go on your side?" Alex double-checked the instruments.
"Yep. How long'll it take us to get there?"
"A few hours, and it might take another hour or two to get to the place." Doyle pointed to the glove compartment as he had the jet take off, "Open that and pull out my photo album, please."
"Alright." Alex did so, a little surprised to find the small book inside.
"Now take out the photo of my birthday and turn it over. I made a small map to help me get back home if I ever returned."
"Home, huh?" It was cartoonish and wonky, but Alex didn't doubt that Doyle didn't understand it and would be able to guide them through the jungle.
"After we separated, it became a home to me." Doyle explained, "That place means so much to me, as much as our apartment in New York does, and I didn't wanna leave it behind, but I didn't have a choice."
"Again?" asked Alex. Doyle nodded, "Then why did you leave?"
"...Various reasons."
"Were you attacked or something?"
"Not quite. I left because I still needed to get a job and I couldn't get one there. Besides, as much as I love that place, it couldn't be a good house." Doyle shook his head, "Not for everything that went down."
"Which was?" Alex gestured for him to continue. Doyle snorted.
"Not today, Al. I'm still not comfortable with telling that part of my past. I mean, there are certain parts of your past that you haven't shared with me, either." Doyle glanced at him darkly, "Like how you didn't tell me how old you were for your first mission."
"...Francis told you, didn't he." It wasn't a question. Doyle nodded again.
"It was when we were looking for you at Sayle's place that we learned the truth."
"Then why didn't-"
"I didn't ask because I respected your privacy and I'd hope you'd tell us. You never did, and I can understand why you wouldn't, but it still hurt." Doyle said, "Especially learning how old you were." Alex looked away.
"I didn't wanna tell you because I knew you'd wanna get revenge on MI6 and because you'd pity me. I didn't want pity, I wanted you to treat me as I was and not judge me for my past. So many people do that now and I just wanted to be normal for once." He cast his eyes down, "I only wanna be normal."
"You're not off the hook, but that's an acceptable answer. And no one's normal, you know that."
"But I'm-"
"I know your non-normalness is different from most, but so am I." Doyle glanced at him, "You have no idea how non-normal I am." He smirked, "Maybe I'd beat you in the weird department."
"Don't go there. You don't wanna be in my shoes." Alex flinched when he felt a hand on his arm and turned to see Doyle touching him, even though the ex-mercenary wasn't looking at him.
"I'm not asking to walk in your shoes. I'd never put that on anyone." Doyle looked his way, "I'm just saying that you should keep in mind that some people, like myself, are just past your level of weird."
"And how would you know?" Doyle let go of him and focused on flying again.
"Just trust me, okay? And you wanted to discuss wedding plans?"
"Oh. Right." The blond glanced at him one more time, trying to determine if Doyle would say anything else significant, but when it didn't happen, he took out the paper pad and pencil again. For the rest of the ride they talked about wedding plans and at least came up with a few things: Both of them would wear tuxes (despite Doyle's insistence that he didn't mind wearing a wedding dress), Doyle would pick the music, it would be a small wedding with only personal friends and family, the wedding cake would be homemade (neither of them knew anyone besides they family who would willingly make a cake for a gay couple), and Alex was in charge of decorations. They knew they could leave some of those jobs up to their friends and family, but they knew they couldn't just pile everything on their loved ones and so decided to take a few jobs for themselves. Despite some of these decisions being made, there was still no definite idea where the wedding would take place or when, but that was fine with them. They'd waited 12 years to marry, they could wait a little while longer.
"There it is." Doyle pointed out of the windshield, "Gurupá, right on the banks of the Amazon." Doyle looked at Alex, "Ever been here before?"
"Not this close to the delta, no. I've never even heard of Gurupá until now."
"Didn't expect you to." It didn't take long for Doyle to land the jet in the airport there. Alex was just about to climb out when Doyle told him to stay and got out of the jet. He talked to the airport workers that had approached the jet and explained the situation to them, where some of them greeted Doyle like an old friend, much to the ex-spy's surprise. And when Doyle gestured for him to come out, Alex did so, confused.
"I didn't know you spoke Portuguese." Doyle winked.
"Like I said, there's still a bit you don't know about me. Now c'mon, I rented a truck from Enrique that we can take into the jungle, so we now have a way to bring all the stuff back with us."
"And the jet?"
"It'll be fine in the airport." They headed to the main body of the airport together.
"How do you know all these people?"
"Reasons." Alex rolled his eyes but didn't argue, sticking by his fiancé's side as they waited after they got into the airport. Doyle waved as the truck pulled up and talked with the driver for a moment before they switched places and Alex joined the redhead.
"Just how much are we getting?"
"Not much. Just a little bit of furniture, among other things." Alex looked into the truck bed as Doyle started the vehicle.
"Will it all fit back there?"
"Yeah, it's not a lot and it's not too big."
"...You know I hate being left in the dark after all that's happened to me."
"I know."
"Are you gonna tell me anything else?"
"No."
"Why?"
"As I said before, this place has a special connection with me, so just leave it be. You still have the photo?" Alex had tucked it into the front pocket of his shirt and pulled it out.
"Yep."
"Lemme see it for a sec." Alex handed it over. Doyle studied it before handing it back, "Okay, I know exactly where we're going, if the path isn't too overgrown. I hope Lila and Chuck took good care of the trail."
"Who? Oh, nevermind." Alex, as said before, didn't like being left in the dark like this, however, he trusted Doyle, so he just had to trust that Doyle knew what he was talking about, right? "You'll tell me everything later when you're comfortable about it, won't you."
"That's the spirit!" Doyle smiled at him, a soft, reassuring smile, and Alex smiled back. Yeah, he just had to trust his lover and things would be okay.
This is the sequel to Sapphire & Jasper. I don't have anything to really say about it, but if you have questions about a part of it, I don't mind answering. As it is, please read & review! Also, things about what's going on with Dylan will be explained as the story goes on, so don't worry about that.