Heya guys! First proper fanfic I've actually written! Hope you enjoy! I don't own Alice in Wonderland and I don't own the characters, I just wrote the fanfic. Also, if this is similar to anyone else's fanfic I am really sorry, it means I haven't read it and it's just I've been thinking of this plotline ever since I saw the movie! Please review, as I'm still new to this site, thanks! xx :) Anyways, that's enough of me, here's the story!

INTRODUCTION

Here I am. Alone in a room, one week before the 3rd anniversary of Fraptious day…and my birthday. Just one, short week to go. Will I get my only present I wish for? The only present I want…and, alas, I ever will want if she does not come. Which I doubt, for it has been three long, hard, terrible years without her. Well, when I say terrible, I mean a good deal less cruel than the years before Fraptious day. The Wondrous White Queen keeps to her vows very carefully, and is kind and caring to everybody…even to me. But…it's not the same anymore. For I knew she would return. I knew. But now I know how unlikely it is she will ever return again. She is probably happily married, and either does not remember me, or does not want to see me again. Maybe her husband has been told about Underland, and says she is never to see me again. Maybe I am too mad. Maybe I am not worthy to be mad, for she says that all the best people are. I am clearly not one of the best people, for the best people would still have faith. She means more than anything and anyone in the world to me. I have been stuck on 2 letters of the alphabet for nearly 3 whole years: A, and L. But now also U. Just one,

Abandonment. Adoration. Alone. Agony. Angry. Ali…

Low. Lonely. Lov…

UNREQUITED.

CHAPTER 1

Everyone in the kingdom was very concerned. The most cheerful, mad, wonderful flutter-wagon champion in Underland was…wasn't himself? Was he ill, or was it something more than mere illness?

But one more than anyone else, and that would be one of his closest friends, Mallyumpkin. Nobody had any idea whatsoever what was going on with Tarrant, the Mad Hatter…except Mallyumpkin. She had an idea, but she needed to prove it. And she needed to speak with her dear friend Tarrant once again, and immediately. So she asked an ally, Beyard, to carry her to The White Queen's castle, which is where Tarrant lived, as he was her Hatter once more. Not that his hats will be up to standard right now, she sighed.

"Oh, Hatter, please tell me I'm right!"

Within 10 minutes, she had arrived at Memorial, and had gone inside to meet Queen Miwana, who had been equally concerned about her kind, amusing, entertaining, talented Hatter. She was pleased to see Mallyumpkin and was hoping she had good news for Tarrant, or at least some news for him.

"What brings you here, Mallyumpkin? Please tell me it's going to help him!"

Mallyumpkin knew exactly who 'him' was, of course. "Well, yes. That is the idea, anyhow. But I need to see him…urgently. Otherwise I won't be able to help him at all. I need to show him that I know what's going on and that I understand."

"You know what's going ON? My dear friend, what is happening? Please tell me, it will save me a big deal of grief!" She then whispered "I won't tell anyone else, I promise, I…"

"I know. It's…her. He…he…" And then she gave her a look. It was enough.

"Oh my…how didn't I guess it before? I happen to know he keeps a diary, for I gave it to him several years ago as a thank you for being such a loyal Hatter to me. He vowed he would use it well and often, and that he would keep it well guarded from everyone else."

"He never breaks his vows, not even for a minute."

"I know. Please see him, please do. It'll do him worlds of good."

"Thank you, your Majesty. Thank you. Thanks…" And she ran to see him, for she knew perfectly well where he was.

She opened the door, and gasped at the sight it beheld. There he was, her good, dear, friend, sitting alone, staring down at the floor. His eyes were not green, nor amber, nor red, nor orange. They were grey. Lifeless, completely lifeless. It broke her heart to see him in this way, and her concern doubled. His hats were very similar to his eyes. He knew he was always able to change the colour of fabrics without using anything at all, a secret he told only his closest friends, but they were grey. Lifeless, like his eyes were. She knew what she had to do. He hadn't noticed her entrance, all he saw was the floor – and his vision was permanently blurred with forbidden tears. His eyes always stung. And Mallyumpkin saw those tears. But she had to get her proof…

She ran to the bookshelf he kept in his room, and looked along until she found the greyest, most unhappy looking book in the bookcase. She knew she had found it. His diary, Tarrant's diary. She knew it was normally a beautiful golden amber colour, to match his sometimes-amber eyes. But as his eyes were constantly grey, so was the book. For a moment, Mallyumpkin stopped. I'm betraying my friend, she thought. That is a terrible thing to do, and I'm not going to hurt him even more than he has been hurt already. No. But then she told herself fiercely, "You're not betraying him. You'll be betraying him if you don't do this, he needs this help. He needs the proof. He needs the understanding. I've got to do this." And she opened the book, quickly glanced through, and cut out the last page with her ever present miniature sword. She climbed down again (the book had been on the top shelf so less people would be able to reach it without obilglidgon) and ran to her friend's side. She tapped him gently. "Hatter…Hatter…" No reply. "Hatter…HATTER…" Still no response. "HATTER!" She cried. His eyes flickered, as if he registered he might have heard something. "TARRANT!" She shouted, clearly very alarmed. He looked up at his friend, holding the usually recognizable paper, but his eyes were even more blurred with usual, so much so that he had to shut them. If he opened them, they would've left him. He couldn't bear that.

"Open your eyes, Hatter. You must open them. Your eyes will suffer." Mallyumpkin said, her voice full of care. "I won't tell a soul, you know I won't. I'm always your friend." At this, whether he opened his eyes or not, he knew he was going to let himself down. So he opened his eyes. He'd expected to… have a slight little let-down, and he was correct. That's exactly what he did. And Mallyumpkin wished she could comfort him more effectively. She found his obilglidgon and ate a little. Naturally she grew to about his size, and was able to comfort him. He couldn't stop once he'd started. He was red with embarrassment, his eyes a mix of deep, deep blue, black, and grey. It was more startling than his grey eyes. She knew it was a very worrying sign. After a while, she asked him, into the silence "What's wrong, Hatter? Everyone in the kingdom is petrified for you, and as for me and Miwana, we haven't had a good night's sleep in nearly 3 long years. You can tell me, you know – for I think I already know."

"You…can't, know. You…can't. And, I'm so sorry, but I cannot tell…anyone. Not even you, Mally. Not even you." And he sadly shook his head. "I'm sorry that I am betraying you, Mally." This was nothing like himself. He'd lost himself, for he had shattered into pieces.

Her own eyes filled with tears at this statement. "You could never betray me, Hatter. You know that. And…well…I DO know. And I've got…proof, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but please understand this is all for your own good. I promise you it was for your gain and not mine." And she held out to him the page of the diary. She showed him it was HIS diary page. Then, she quietly read it aloud.

"Ali…Lov…that was enough. I didn't even need to read the rest, but… it proved my suspicions were correct. It's ok, you know, Hatter. I just need you to admit it. It'll make you feel better, trust me, and that's why I need you to admit it. Just to me. You can, you know. I'll always stick by you, no matter what, anyhow!"

"There is nothing to confess…I mean admit…there's nothing at all. Nothing. I…I need to be alone for a bit, please." For he was feeling very worked up, he felt he was going to break down completely and he wanted to do so alone, so that nobody knew, except him.

I hope you enjoyed! Again, please review! :D Thanks ;) More chapters to come! (If anyone's interested... ;P)