A/N: Hey guys! I did a different version of WhisperingDarkness's Nukenin idea (on AO3) and hope you like it! Go check out their story also, its absolutely amazing!
WARNING: I stopped watching Naruto around episode 50 of Shippuden, and there may/definitely contain(s):
-HEADCANONS (Gracious liberties of canon/timeline, because honestly its a mess)
-Possible M/M, F/F, or even Polygamy (No Harems, I find most of them to end up as shallow porn fics - no offense to those that like them, just not a fan - and if i were to really do a polygamy relationship, it'd most likely be a SasuSakuNaru)
-BORUTO is completely discarded, and the original timeline after the end of Naruto is different (meaning the relationships that were in canon after the war and possibly some before dont all exist - I'm still not sure which ones i even want to keep, I usually write on the fly)
-BAMF Kakashi (meaning Kage level, which you'll see why)
-Mature content such as swearing, violence, death, etc., so if you have a certain trigger i suggest you proceed with caution (though this is mostly a fic i'm writing for fun/humor)
-Crack/Humorous/rare situations/pairings - though nothing crazy, I try to stay somewhat logical
-My characters LIE, and i dont always tell you when they do, so dont always think that i'm/they're telling you the whole story
-Dont expect answers to everything right away, because for one, i dont have all of them yet, and two, its not really any fun when you know everything now is it?
-Just to reiterate: I TAKE LIBERTIES WITH CANON, cuz its fun, and its fanfic *shrugs*
-I'm mostly just having FUN, as this is a humorous fic, so try not to take everything too seriously
So if they're a problem, you may wanna back out now! That was your once and only warning :)
I have no beta, so mistakes are mine. And Naruto does not belong to me, k?
Now, enjoy~
"Congratulations are in order, Nidaime Otokage-sama."
Kakashi paused, and blinked once. "…what?" He saw as Kabuto's mouth moved, but heard no words. Glancing down at the floor before him, the head of Orochimaru before him was surrounded by a steadily growing pool of blood, chakra sword gripped in his hand and dripping red. Slowly, the sound broke through his barrier of hazy disbelief. This couldn't be his life right now.
"…and as Otogakure's policies state, when a missing-nin fights a duel with a Sound-nin and wins, they inherit the position of the Sound-nin. As you have defeated the previous Kage, you are hereby the Nidaime Otokage. Hence the congratulations," Kabuto seemed to be taking immense pleasure in his discomfort, for there was a small smirk growing around the edges of the medic-nin's mouth.
The Sound-nin behind Kabuto all dipped their heads, awe in their faces at the person strong enough to defeat their Kage, and murmured an eerily synchronized, "Nidaime Hatake-sama."
"…what?!" And all he could think was, not again!
Approximately 9 months ago
When Kakashi woke, it was to a pounding headache and an uneasy feeling brewing in his stomach. Fingers twitched involuntarily, and a groan escaped his parted lips. Had he drank too much with Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke last night after Naruto's inauguration to Nanadaime Hokage? Because it certainly felt like he had chugged too much sake. The world spun for a few moments before Kakashi was able to orientate himself.
Bright sunlight stared back and him, and when Kakashi breathed in all he could smell for miles around was compact earth, a water source, and small animals hiding in their homes. If he had to take a guess he'd say he was in the middle of Earth country. That was… disconcerting to say the least. Kakashi sat up, taking in his immediate surroundings carefully and training took over. Almost all the belongings that he had the night before were still on him. Him being a paranoid ex-ANBU/ROOT carried around excess weapons and sealed sets of clothes, medicine, and soldier pills (plus his Icha Icha collection of course, he couldn't possibly leave something that precious at home for his friends to use as leverage against him now could he?). Despite those small reassurances, he had still apparently been transported from one country to another.
It was showing how out of it Kakashi was that he hadn't even noticed that his left eye was closed subconsciously, like when he still had the Sharingan. He cracked it open; almost expecting it to automatically drain chakra, and when nothing happened something still didn't feel right. So with that thought, he channeled a small amount of chakra like an Uchiha would and only his natural reflexes caused him not to gasp as it activated.
Huh.
Suffice to say… Kakashi didn't know what in the world was going on. It took him a couple weeks before he finally figured it out, or at least to have a hypothesis.
No hitai-ate, no recognition upon sightings in villages, and no page in the newly acquired bingo book stating he was an S-rank shinobi, just… nothing. That clued him in a bit, but what really made him realize it, was that there was talk of Hanzō dying. Hanzō, which meant Naruto was around ten years old, making Kakashi twenty-four (It was strange seeing his youthful face in mirrors again).
And following that logic… around twenty-two years in the past, give or take a year.
But still, that wouldn't explain why no one knew of a clan in Konoha named Hatake. And if he really believed what they were saying… they were small time farmers somewhere in the Fire Country. That was possibly the most bewildering piece of evidence. It took over a week of solid top-speed travelling, but he made it to a small village on the very outskirts of the northern Fire border.
Kakashi quickly shunshined to the outside of it, and strolled through the farmlands lazily, body hunched. He had applied a mild henge over his left eye so there was no scar, but other than that left himself as normal as possible. After all, no one seemed to recognize Hatake Kakashi for the shinobi he was. Stopping in his tracks his eyes widened, for standing not far from him was none other than Hatake Sakumo. Older, wearier lines on his face, and tanner from working in the fields, but nonetheless the same man whom Kakashi could never forget.
In his shock he stared longer than he should have, alerting the man to his attention. Sakumo straightened from his work and their eyes connected, the slight surprise showing in the older man's body language.
"You're… a Hatake?" The man stepped closer, looking him over multiple times. Kakashi couldn't move an inch. "Yes, you have to be… you look like…"
"Hatake Kakashi." Came out before Kakashi could stop his mouth. Normally Kakashi was much more controlled than this, but standing here in front of his dead father… well, somehow he couldn't lie and crush the happy look on the man's face. His father's face. Whom he couldn't remember smiling so openly since that mission.
Unbridled joy over took Sakumo's visage, "I knew it!" Eyebrows scrunched together in thought, "I had thought myself to be the last, and am glad to hear otherwise. Please, come have lunch with me, I insist."
"Maa~," Kakashi half-choked, trying to recover, "I wouldn't want to interrupt—,"
A hand slapping down on his shoulder almost made him flinch. Another one of those blinding smiles, "Nonsense! Family should always have time to catch up."
Kakashi rubbed his chest, trying to breath, and could only softly protest as he was herded into the small but homey house. The man pushed him onto a cushion in front of his kotatsu table, and then went to quickly brew a small pot. While it was heating he returned and sat on the opposite side. This gave Kakashi a few seconds to regain his composure.
"So, how old are you, Kakashi-san?"
"Kakashi is fine," He murmured, fiddling with edge of the table. "And I'm twenty-four."
Sakumo paused, something flashing in his expression. Regret? Remorse? Hope? Kakashi wasn't sure, or possibly all three. "T-twenty-four, eh? Where did you grow up?"
Kakashi shrugged, "Here and there." Which was technically true, for all that he was a Konoha shinobi, he grew up more in the fields of war than could ever be healthy. He tried not to think of a smiling face, still half crushed under a boulder, red eye glowing up at him.
"I see." And apparently Sakumo did actually see something from that answer, which gave Kakashi pause. "Ever been around the River city?" His father got up and grabbed the teapot, quickly pouring tea in their cups.
"Once or twice."
A grimace covered Sakumo's face, and he took a deep sip of his tea, before looking back up at Kakashi. "There have been no other Hatake than me for more than thirty years, Kakashi, which makes you something of a miracle."
A silver eyebrow rose, "That so?" Something told Kakashi what was going to happen could become an extremely bad or good thing. His muscles tensed in anticipation before training made them loosen.
Sakumo exhaled, "I think you may be my son."
Silence reigned.
The man cleared his throat, "Twenty four and a few months ago, my wife, whom was heavily pregnant at the time, and I went by the River city after leaving our destroyed village. There was an ambush on the caravan we were travelling with and…" Another deep breath, "lets say that I knew I would be the last Hatake after that. I… didn't check her body, and assumed that our child had died as well since the man that killed her had ran her through with a sword."
That feeling in his stomach intensified. And Kakashi knew right then, that here in this world, he had died.
"I was planning on going to Konoha, pledging my services through the use of my samurai training, but after her death I couldn't. It seemed so pointless when I had nothing else to protect." Sakumo stood abruptly, "Wait here for a moment, please."
When he returned, Kakashi barely kept his fingers from shaking as he accepted the bundle from his father. He stroked the casing, which was carved with the Hatake name of those whom had previously used it. It was his father's chakra sword. Or was it still a chakra sword, since Hatake had been samurai in this world, and not shinobi?
A few moments passed in contemplation. "Kakashi…"
He looked up from the sword still clutched in his hands. "Yes, Tou-san?"
Sakumo inhaled sharply, eyes suspiciously wet (Kakashi ignored the feeling of his own stinging), "You seem to have grown strong without me, and you don't seem like you're the type to stay in a quiet little village like this. It's Hatake tradition to pass on their choice of weapon to their eldest when they've retired. I want you to have it, so that I know wherever your feet take you, that you'll have a piece of our legacy to protect you too. A piece of our family to watch your back."
His father stood and gathered the dishes (discreetly wondering when Kakashi had managed to drink all his tea, but not prying, for he could see his son was a man of many secrets) with his back turned to Kakashi.
Kakashi was already halfway out the door when his father spoke softly, "I hope one day you can forgive an old foolish man like me for abandoning you." The echoes of another life, of the sword in Sakumo's hands sliding like butter through his own chest, the slight twist of his lips in rigor mortis, I'm sorry.
"I forgive you, Tou-san. I hope you forgive me too." I was such a fool; you've always been a hero.
Sakumo gasps, sob cracking out of his mouth, and spins to find his door ajar, but no Kakashi.
No one knew him.
His father was still alive.
His Sharingan acted like it had always been his.
Kakashi was twenty-two years in the past of a different world.
Konoha
Three chakra signatures peaked and dropped so quickly that even the best ANBU sensors didn't take notice.
Two green eyes opened, surveying her surroundings, small hands, and flat chest quickly before lowly growling, "Na-ruuu-tooooo!" Her fist went through the wall.
Two black eyes opened and then burned the red of the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan, heart pounding at the Uchiwa fans covering traditional shoji doors, grunting an aggravated, "Hn."
Two bright blue eyes opened, staring at the cracks along his ceiling, his old bedroom's ceiling, "Oh shit, they're going to kill me." A deep rumbling in the back of his mind reverberated throughout him, the sound of laughter.
A/N: I hope you guys like it! Please comment! I'd totally like to read any ideas you have too, cuz i'm pretty much free-flyin here. Sorry if Kakashi is a lil OOC here, I've never written any Naruto stories before.
Reminder, this is an idea that was based off of WhisperingDarkness's Nukenin story! You'll regret if you dont check it out!
A/N #2 (May 16th 2018): I got a review a bit ago stating, "Thinking that your unborn child is the early twenties year old who has a sharingon just because of his name? The hell!?" So i just wanted to explain my thinking a bit.
1. He did NOT have his Sharingan activated, as he figured out earlier that it would deactivate (also this means he has a wayyyy bigger chakra reservoir).
2. Literally one of the first things out of Sakumo's mouth was along the lines of, 'you look like a Hatake', BEFORE Kakashi introduced himself. They share a LOT of characteristics, like what mid twenty year old has white hair other than a Hatake (or the supposed dead Kaguya and Hozuki clans – there could be others I'm forgetting, but my point is it's rare)? Then he went on to ask if Kakashi had been around the River city, where his wife had died (meaning he thought Kakashi had been taken in by someone and grown up there).
3. He had been wandering for YEARS (remember Sakumo said there have been no other Hatake for 30 years?) before his wife got pregnant and then they were headed towards Konoha. Then, 24ish years ago, his wife fell when she was going to give birth soon. Ergo, (unless there's some random Hatake – which Sakumo doubts, cuz why would he not look for them earlier on?), Kakashi is most likely a relative.
4. There is a SLIM, SLIM chance that the blade could have missed the baby's body, I mean it's a damn ninja world (maybe the wife did something while she was stabbed? Perhaps she was a ninja or a samurai, point is you don't know yet). Which is why Sakumo didn't check the body, because it was that small of a chance (and he was grieving). I'm not exactly sure if/how long a baby could survive after the mother dies. But there is something called 'Coffin Birth' where 2-3 days after the mother dies gasses build up and can push a baby out in a way that mimics childbirth. Does it mean the baby lives usually? I don't know, I just used that as a premise.
5. Honestly, regardless if Sakumo actually believes that Kakashi is his son, they're obviously related somehow. Sakumo has been alone for over twenty years, I don't think he gives a fuck; he's his son now.
I dont normally explain this in depth, but i thought this would clear it up a smidge. Also, i dont mind questions, or criticisms, but at least try to back your thought up a little more? Plus, i figure, readers aren't dumb, read between the lines, form theories of your own. Even if you dont agree with me, that's fine, and i hope you enjoyed what you could! :)