Imagination Gamer: I just recently listened to the song "12 Pains of Christmas" just after playing Jak II, again. This idea just popped into my head after listening to it three times in a row and laughing each time which is no easy task when you have a blasted cold! This is my first Songfic so go easy on the flames. I do accept polite constructive criticism though.
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the game. Bob Rivers owns the song and Naughty Dog owns the game, not me! So, don't sue me. I'm not worth it!
Christmas Drama at Haven City
This was after the war with the Metal Heads was won... for now. I feel that we only conquered the tip of the ice burg, but that's the least of my problems because my biggest problem is getting ready for Christmas with Jak and twelve others! You don't think that's bad? Well, listen to what happened during the twelfth day of Decembra which I consider close enough to the month that I'm more used to.
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is...
"I'm finding a Christmas tree." I groaned while looking around at a tree sale trying in vain to find a decent Christmas tree.
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Rigging up the lights." Jak groaned while carrying a cascade of lights which is nothing short of a miracle even for him.
And...
"Finding a Christmas tree." I moaned because I'm still having trouble deciding
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Hangovers..." Daxter moaned after drinking Gold Slogger, again. The poor ottsel is laying on the couch with a horrid headache.
"Rigging up the lights." Jak grumbled while trying to rig the lights around the trees which resulted in him getting tangled up.
And...
"Trying to find a tree." I growled in annoyance because I kept finding bad trees.
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Sending Christmas cards." Samos sighed while writing a bunch of Christmas cards.
"Hangovers..." Daxter groaned while slung over the head of the couch while holding a bottle of Scotch.
"Rigging up the lights." Jak growled while climbing up a ladder with a bunch of lights to the roof to put up these lights.
And...
"Finding a decent tree!" I snarled when I still kept finding trees that are falling apart at the branches.
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Five months of bills." Torn grumbled while counting the numerous bills.
"Sending Christmas cards." Samos yawned while cutting another card.
"Hangovers!" Daxter shouted with an icepack on his head.
"Rigging up the lights." Jak snarled while trying to untangle himself on the roof from being tangled in his own lights.
And...
"Finding a good pine tree!" I shouted when I seemed to be surrounded by bad trees.
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Facing our in-laws." Ashelin sighed more in complaint than in fear like most would because their in-laws, especially Daxter's, are just annoying!
"Five months of bills." Torn groaned while trying to pay the bills.
"I hate those Christmas cards!" Samos groaned, face-palming himself in exasperation at writing so many cards.
"Hangovers..." Daxter gurgled after nearly drowning himself in beer.
"Rigging up these lights!" Jak yelled in pain after he tried to turn on a big light which resulted in him nearly blinding himself.
And...
"Looking for a decent pine." I groaned while face-palming myself after looking at over 30 trees.
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"The Salvation Army." Tess groaned while being followed by a man dressed like Santa whose trying to get her to donate.
"Facing our in-laws." Ashelin muttered in annoyance while grabbing a bunch of measuring bowls and colliders.
"Five months of bills." Torn moaned when he saw bills overflowing in the mailbox.
"Sending Christmas cards." Samos yawned in boredom while drawing pictures on, yet another, Christmas card.
"Oh, Jeez!" Daxter yelled before running into the bathroom.
"I'm trying to rig up these lights!" Jak shouted at Ben before a string of lights broke off from the roof and smacked him in the face.
And...
"Finding a nice short tree." I snarled after nearly running into a dead-end of tall trees.
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"I WANT AN ECO CRYSTAL FOR CHRISTMAS!" Zappy, my child-like experiment, whined for the tenth time while driving Samos berserk which forced him to kick him out of the room.
"Charities!" Tess groaned while walking in after being chased by the man. She looked at the stressed out Ashelin in anger.
"And whaddya mean our in-laws?!" Tess yelled at an already angry Ashelin who's cooking six courses at the same time in a slow manner.
"Five months of bills!" Torn yelled while forcibly tossing them in the trash can.
"Ugh, making out these cards!" Samos groaned, throwing a half-made card in boredom.
"Honey, give me a beer, huh?" Daxter asked Tess while he already has bottles of scotch, gin, and slogger on his couch.
"What, we have no extension cords?!" Jak screamed at the frightened Ben in anger because he couldn't reach the socket with the wire. His outbursts are concerning everyone because of his 'issues'.
And...
"Finding a good safe tree!" I snarled while picking pine needles out of my hands, arms, hair, and legs.
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Findin' parkin' spaces." Jinx yawned while looking for a spot to park his Flyer.
"JAKKIE, I WANT SOME CANDY!" Zappy demanded to an already frustrated Jak which made him dark out and chase the mutant off before changing back a few minutes later.
"Donations!" Tess growled while scooping pennies she managed to earn into a jar to get the guy to leave her alone.
"Facing our in-laws." Ashelin growled while grabbing a bunch of pots and pans to add to her already full counter.
"Five months of bills!" Torn screamed while trying to feed them to Jak's Crocadog.
"Writing out those Christmas cards." Samos grumbled with his head down to nap for a bit.
"Hangovers." Daxter groaned while looking in the fridge for drinks.
"Now, why the hell are they blinking?!" Jak demanded while the lights were blinking at irregular intervals. Jak looked about ready to kill someone. Meanwhile, the lights shorted out, again.
And...
"Finding a lasting tree." I groaned after stepping on pine needles that fell from bad trees.
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Batteries not included?" Keira asked herself after realizing her new drill didn't come with batteries.
"No parkin' spaces." Jinx groaned after circling the lot for almost ten minutes.
"BUY ME SOMETHING!" Zappy screamed at a hung over Daxter making him snarl at him and it scared him off.
"Get a job, ya bum!" Tess screamed at an annoying man who was trying to work for food.
"Ohh, facing the in-laws" Ashelin moaned in aggravation while cooking the turkey, stuffing, snicker doodles, and the cookies at the same time.
"Five months of bills!" Torn shouted while burning a bill with a lighter.
"Yo Ho! Sending Christmas cards!" Samos muttered while twirling his finger in a sarcastic 'whoop-tee-do' fashion.
"Aw, Jeez! Look at this!" Daxter yelled at Tess, pointing at what's in the toilet.
"ONE light goes out, they ALL go out!" Jak bellowed while all the lights he hung around my house went out when one of them shorted out and scared half the house because few know the power of his voice when he's ticked off.
And...
"Searching for a way out of this tree trap!" I shouted, feeling very claustrophobic after wandering into a bunch of pokey trees.
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Stale TV specials." Pecker sighed after flipping through over a thousand channels.
"Batteries not included?" Keira realized after finding that her new communicator didn't have batteries.
"No parkin' spaces!" Jinx growled after circling the lot over and over.
"TORN, I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!" Zappy cried jumping up and down which made an aggravated Torn fire at him which frightened him away.
"Charities!" Tess snarled while counting her overwhelming charity bills.
"She's a witch... I hate her!" Ashelin grumbled about one of their in-laws.
"Five months of bills!" Torn shrieked, while shredding them in a shredder.
"Argh! I don't even know half these people!" Samos shouted while looking at the cards that are covering the table.
"Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?" Daxter asked Tess while carrying an empty roll before the light's suddenly went out.
"Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!" Jak screeched, slamming down the new lights, and stomping into the garage. What Jak shouted made Ben snicker because that's not the only fuse he blew.
And...
"I found a Christmas tree!" I shouted, feeling elated about finally finding one after four hours of searching.
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me...
"Singing Christmas carols." Mog, Grim, Sig, and Randall groaned in their heads while singing The Little Drummer Boy at the fifth house.
"Stale TV specials..." Pecker yawned. When the power went out he laid down to take a long nap after seeing so many stale specials.
"Batteries not included?" Keira found out after seeing that her new radio had no batteries.
"THERES NO PARKIN' HERE?!" Jinx shouted after looking for a space for nearly an hour.
Zappy was crying loudly after Tess hit him and when the lights went out it made her start wailing, "Charities."
"Gotta make 'em dinner!" Ashelin yelled at several people because the powers out and she'd rather not do this herself because she's not thier house keeper.
"FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!" Torn bellowed, while burning the bills in my fireplace.
"I'm not sending these cards this year, that's it!" Samos shouted while getting up and walking away.
"SHUT UP YOU!" Daxter screamed at Samos before passing out.
"FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THESE DAMN LIGHTS!" Jak roared at Ben with his eyes turning black as night before stomping in the house to blow off some steam.
And...
"Tying the perfect tree." I smiled while tying the tree off to the Hellcat Cruiser to take home and decorate. I hoped the guys didn't cause too much chaos in my home like last year. But, I knew in my heart that my house was becoming a war zone and it'll happen no matter what I do!
Imagination Gamer: Hilarious, isn't it? I was laughing the whole time I was typing it. Thank you for reading and laughing at this seasonal Songfic which took me all night to make. By the way, I got a couple of polls up that'll help me get a head start after I finish Friend's Darkest Hour and the new surprise story.