Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is owned by CBS. I own nothing but my imagination.
~This is a sequel to 'Halloween Humiliation.'
It was the Monday after Halloween and Dave was sitting in his office waiting for the day to end. He wouldn't say he was hiding exactly, he was just kind of staying out of sight…out of sight from his boss and the team's somewhat scary media liaison. He'd heard through the grapevine about what had happened during the trick or treating on Friday night and he knew it would be in his best interest to stay far, far away from both JJ and Hotch.
He glanced at the clock, saw that it read four-thirty and sighed, only a half hour more and then he could escape to the safety of his cabin. Suddenly his peacefulness was broken.
JJ, who had been busy all day, finally had time to confront the legendary FBI agent who had given her the naughty candy hearts to give to the children for trick or treating. She burst into his office without knocking, and was happy to see she had startled the older agent.
"JJ," he said nervously, "What can I do for you?"
"What can you do for me?" She repeated, "Well for starters, you can serve up your balls to me on a silver platter and save me the trouble of cutting them off of you!"
"Easy JJ," Dave said, holding his hands out in front of him like one would do with a spooked horse. "I didn't mean to give you-"
"To give me what, Dave?" She asked angrily as she slapped both hands on the front of his desk and leaned in towards him. "You didn't mean to give me pornographic candy to give to the children of my co-workers? You didn't mean to give me naughty candy to give out for trick or treating? You didn't mean to make me the laughingstock of the Bureau?" Her voice got louder and higher with each question and by the end, she was practically rattling his windows.
"I'm sorry JJ, what else can I say?" He asked, uneasily wondering if she was wearing her service weapon. "You already flattened my tires, so-"
"So WHAT, Rossi? You think that makes up for it? You think that makes up for me having to explain to Strauss why her niece got a piece of candy from me that said 'ur so sexy?" She was so angry she was shaking, and it was a damn good thing she'd left her gun in her office, otherwise the BAU team would be down a member. "Do you think two flat tires equals me having to apologize to the director for giving his granddaughter a candy heart that said 'nice ass'? Although funny enough, once I told them you were involved they both became understanding of my predicament. It seems you have a reputation for doing stupid shit like this, don't you Dave?"
The older agent looked uncomfortable, "Maybe back in the day, but I'm-"
"Who the hell even has this kind of candy in his desk? Why would you have something like this sitting around your office? What were you going to use them for?" She yelled.
Dave didn't say anything; he just remained quiet for a moment, waggled his eyebrows and looked at his desk. It took JJ a minute, but she finally got the message. "Eeeeuuuwwww!" She yelled as she pulled her hands off of the desk like the piece of furniture was on fire. "Are you kidding me? On your DESK?" She longed to run to the bathroom to wash her hands, but she didn't want him to think she was letting him off easily, although she made a mental note to never enter his office again without a bottle of hand sanitizer. "You're incorrigible! And you spread your lecherousness into my world!"
"Yeah, but you got something out of it, didn't you JJ?" He asked, unable to hold his tongue.
"What are you talking about? Have you lost what little is left of your mind?" She asked him, her eyes flashing.
"I saw the candy and the note you left under Hotch's windshield. Do you really expect me to believe that he didn't follow up on your little gift to him?" He asked suggestively.
"How DARE you question anything about my personal life!" She screeched. "Unlike you, I don't like the details of my sex life spread around the office; spread being the key word in that sentence! And even if Aaron and I did act on the candy, and I'm not saying we did, but even if we had, it would still be none of your business and it sure as HELL wouldn't take away from the fact that you nearly got me put on a child-sex offender list with your x-rated confections!"
"You don't have to tell me about you and Hotch, I know the two of you got together," Dave smirked as the little bit of self preservation he had, left his body. "Next time you're trying to fly under the radar, don't call Hotch 'Aaron'."
"Listen to me, David Rossi, and listen well because I'm only going to say this once," she said quietly but lethally. "If you ever fuck up like this again with me, you are not going to like the consequences. Not only will I have Garcia fuck up your electronic life, I'll stop helping you with the press. I don't know if you know this, but I run a lot of interference between you and the press, and much of it is unrelated to your work with the Bureau; it's related to your books. If you screw with me again like that, all of the little quotes and sound bites I give for you will end. I'll let you deal with the press yourself. Hell, I may call some of my contacts and set up personal interviews with you! Let's see what your reputation will be like without me holding your hand through them!"
Dave paled under her threat and he cleared his throat. "Message received JJ, nothing like this will ever happen again," he assured her.
"Good, and you'd better stay the hell away from me for the next few days, or I might 'accidentally' discharge my gun in your direction!" With that, she flounced out of his office, leaving him to imagine the fallout if she ever followed through on her threat.
xxxxxxxxxx
Less than fifteen minutes after the media liaison left Dave's office, Hotch knocked on the door frame and entered it. As soon as Dave saw his unit chief standing in the doorway, he paled once again and braced himself for round two of the ass-chewing. He was shocked when his boss instead pulled out a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue and set it on his desk. "Thanks Dave," he said as he sat down in front of his desk.
It took Dave a minute to find his voice, but when he finally did, "You're welcome? Can I ask what in the hell you're thanking me for? I thought you were going to come in here and rip me a new asshole for accidentally giving that candy to JJ."
"Trust me, when I was here on Friday, when my son gave me a piece of candy that said 'spank me,' I was ready to serve your head on a platter to JJ." Hotch told him.
"That's not the part of my anatomy she wanted," Dave muttered.
"Anyway," Hotch continued, "I was ready to kill you with your own gun, but then I walked out to my car and found…well, I found…" he cleared his throat and tried again. "I found a note and some candy under my windshield. Apparently JJ wants to try out some of the suggestions on the candy…and she wants to try them with me!"
Dave clapped his hands together in delight, "You sly dog!"
Hotch shook his head, "It was JJ who made the first move, not me."
"But you acted on her move, right?" Dave asked. "Tell me you weren't stupid enough to ignore her suggestion!"
Hotch turned bright red; having been married for twenty years and then having gone through a rather long dry spell since his divorce, he wasn't used to talking about his largely uneventful sex life with his friends. He suddenly felt like he was back in his high school locker room listening as the jocks discussed their various conquests.
"I didn't ignore anything Dave, I followed her to her house and we…" Hotch trailed off at the end.
"And you what?" Dave asked loudly, almost salivating for details. "Come on man, don't leave me hanging!"
"I'm sorry Dave, but a gentleman never tells," Hotch said with a smile on his face as he thought back to the weekend. A weekend filled with lazy days spent in bed, late dinners in their pajamas and not much sleep for either of them.
"Oh my God, Hotch! You can't go that far and then stop! Did you at least seal the deal with her?"
"'Seal the deal?' Are you twelve?" Hotch asked.
"No, I'm desperate. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm going through somewhat of a dry-spell and I'm living vicariously through you."
"My how the mighty have fallen," Hotch teased and then saw the thunderous look on his friend's face. "Okay, okay. I, as you so eloquently put it, sealed the deal with her and it was wonderful." In his forty plus years on the planet, Hotch had never been with someone who had understood his needs like JJ did. They had both been so in tune with each other that it felt like they had been together their entire lives. Neither of them had wanted the weekend to end, but eventually Henry returned from New Orleans and Jessica dropped Jack off at the apartment and the spell was broken. Hotch fervently hoped that the magic they'd felt hadn't been a one-time thing and he was planning on finding out with her later that night after their kids were in bed.
Dave smiled, "I'm glad Hotch, really; you both deserve to finally have some happiness in your lives."
"Thanks Dave," Hotch said, also smiling. "But we're not telling anyone for the time being, so if you could keep this to yourself, that would be great."
"Don't worry, I'll keep it under my hat, but Hotch? If you really want to keep this a secret, maybe you and JJ shouldn't shoot each other lovey-dovey looks during the briefings like you did this morning."
"Thanks for the advice, and Dave? If JJ asks, tell her I threatened you to within an inch of your life, okay?"
Dave nodded and Hotch got up and left his office. He made his way down the short hallway to JJ's office, stepped inside and shut the door behind him.
The media liaison looked up from her paperwork and saw her new lover standing in front of her desk. Glancing at the clock on her computer, she saw it was after hours, so she got up, stood in front of him and waited for him to wrap his arms around her. He didn't disappoint her and she felt his arms slide around to her back and pull her closer to him.
"Did you kill him?" JJ asked as she rested her head against his chest.
"I left him standing, but he knows how I feel about the situation," Hotch said with a smirk. "Your place or mine tonight?" He asked, looking forward to not sleeping again that night.
"Since I have a toddler who needs a trunk full of stuff in order to spend one night at a different house, I would say my place," JJ said, automatically relaxing as she smelled his aftershave. "You realize we'll have the kids tonight, right?"
"I know, but you have a lock on your bedroom door, right?" If not, they would definitely be spending the night at his place, toddler or not.
"I have a lock, but I can't guarantee Henry will sleep through the night."
"I can't guarantee we'll sleep through the night; in fact, I can guarantee we won't sleep through the night!" Hotch responded suggestively. "After all, I still have to redeem several pieces of my candy," he told her as he softly kissed her on the lips.
xxxxxxxxxx
Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on Fanfiction. net! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on ff. net, and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a ff. net account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at http:/ forum. fanfiction. net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum