Title: A Wooden Swan Thanksgiving
Author: snarkysweetness
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Emma, August, Henry, Charming, Snow, Granny, Geppetto, Archie, Blue, Ruby, Killian, Mulan, Aurora, Phillip, Lancelot, Grumpy, Astrid, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, and the rest of Team Seven; Emma/August, Snow/Charming, Ruby/Killian, Geppetto/Blue, Grumpy/Astrid, & Aurora/Phillip
Summary: A stubborn Emma is determined to be make Thanksgiving dinner but will she succeed or will it all end in disaster?
Warnings: Fluff and perhaps your ovaries exploding from August/Killian BroTP feels.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: It's not Thanksgiving anymore, but I didn't have time to write anything beforehand, so here we go. Also 'Into the Deep' ruined my August/Killian BroTP because August would never be friends with him now, but this was already written, so it's sticking. Like Sleeping Hook, my August/Killian BroTP shall have to live in the land of AU's. As always, thanks to hunksandwich for the encouragement. Enjoy the crack that is this bunch sharing a holiday.
Emma glowered down at the pot of brown goop boiling on the stove. She was ninety-eight percent sure that gravy wasn't supposed to be that thick or lumpy, but she was far too stubborn to ask anyone else for help. No one thought she could do this, she could tell from the looks of apprehension they kept shooting her way, which added fuel to the fire; Emma Swan was determined to prove them all wrong.
She sniffed the air, wondering if the turkey was cooking properly when two arms slipped around her wrist, eliciting a small gasp of surprise from her. Emma spun around and swatted at her husband's chest, giving him an enormous pout.
"Don't you know better than to sneak up on a woman with so many knives and piping hot dishes within reach?"
August smirked and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips, taking an extra moment to nip at her bottom lip before breaking away.
"I'm sorry, my love, but can you blame a man for wanting to see what that adorable look of confusion on your face is all about?" Emma pursed her lips and turned back to her gravy which, if her nose was could be trusted, was burning from being stuck to the bottom of the pan. "Are you sure you don't want me to help? This is a lot of food to be cooking all by yourself."
Emma huffed and turned off the burner.
"This is my house; I think I can handle one simple dinner for the guests you invited over."
He chuckled and brushed his lips across her temple, running his hands over her arms before rubbing her tense shoulders.
"I merely suggested that since we have this new house that we have dinner here instead of invading Granny's like we do every other year, never in a million years would I have imagined that my willful wife would take it upon herself to do everything. You do know Granny usually has help, I don't see why you're being this bullheaded about it."
Angry tears prickled at her eyes. She knew August didn't mean anything by it, his tone was mostly playful, with a hint of concern for her, and he was the only one who thought she could do this, but his insistence that she couldn't do it alone was causing her emotions to flare.
It was foolish to be this adamant about being right, but once Emma got something into her head it was nearly impossible to talk her out of it. August was used to her behavior and she didn't want to snap at him, he dealt with her insanity enough. So she took a very deep breath and turned back to him, plastering on her best smile.
"I'm fine, why don't you go entertain everyone, since it seems half the damn town is considered 'immediate' family."
August glanced back towards the large group gathered in the family room and sighed before turning his attention back to Emma. He kissed her again and reached for a bottle of wine.
"Fine, just call me if you need anything." He pressed himself against her side and slid his hand down to cup her ass. "And I mean 'anything'. I am not opposed to a little holiday booty before dinner."
Emma laughed and hit him on the arm, pushing him out of the kitchen.
"Go!"
He glanced back her way and winked and she shook her head, allowing her eyes to linger on his ass as he walked away from her; enjoying the view.
Once she was alone, Emma buried her face in her hands and exhaled, completely overwhelmed by all of this. She had already screwed the dinner up; she just prayed the turkey didn't burn. If she could get the biggest part of dinner right, maybe she'd feel like less of a failure.
"Emma, girl, we're here to help!" Happy announced, entering the kitchen followed by his brother, Bashful. They both set down their wine glasses and peered at the pots on the stove.
Bashful crinkled his nose.
"Seriously, let us do something. Throwing parties is what our people are known for."
Emma rolled her eyes. She had no problem with them being their flamboyant selves, but she did take issue with their constant commentary on her cooking. At least they'd managed to stay out of the kitchen for the past half-hour. She supposed she had her mother to thank for that.
"Boys, I thought you were going out to get more rum from the store?"
Snow entered the kitchen with a few empty bottles of liquor. She gave the dwarves a 'look' and Happy leaned in to whisper to her, but Emma heard him perfectly.
"Why are we trusting Emma with this? Everyone can't drink all night."
Snow glared.
"This is Emma's year, so just go get more alcohol before Grumpy starts going off, will you?"
A loud boom came from the family room as Grumpy began regaling their friends and family with old war stories. Snow sighed and rolled her eyes before shooing them out of them room. Snow looked her daughter over before visibly holding in a sigh.
"Maybe you should take a break, Emma. The turkey doesn't need you to hover over it. Come sit with us and have a drink."
Emma didn't need a drink, but she supposed it wouldn't hurt to relax for a few minutes. She checked everything to make sure nothing would burn or catch fire while she was gone and followed her mother into the room where everyone had gathered.
"Does Emma even know how to cook?" Charming said as they entered.
"No, but I believe she can pull it off," August replied, his back turned to the mother-daughter pair.
"That's because you love her," Henry retorted.
August leaned down and ruffled Henry's hair.
"That's right, kid."
Snow cleared her throat, announcing their arrival. Charming's ears went red as Emma shot him a hurt look before sitting on August's lap. At least one person thought her capable of not being a complete fuckup. She leaned into him and kissed him before nuzzling his neck.
"I love you," August whispered in her ear while linking his fingers with hers.
"I know," she mumbled against his skin, waiting for the urge to chew everyone out to pass before pulling away and wrapping her arms around him. "So, what have I missed?"
August rested his chin on her shoulder and navigated his way through the room.
"Well, Henry caught Dopey getting stoned in the bathroom, so my mom put him in a time out." Emma tried not to giggle at the sight of a grown man sitting in a corner, looking both ashamed and done off his ass. "The rest of his brothers, minus Grumpy over there, went for more booze, because, as you can tell, those two are completely hammered."
Killian jumped up from Emma's favorite armchair to argue with Grumpy about who really ended the Ogre Wars. Emma rolled her eyes. Grumpy hadn't even been alive for the first one and Hook had been off sailing the seas, far away from the fighting.
"You're best friend is going to be in the doghouse and no, he can't sleep in the guestroom again," she muttered, seeing the very angry look on Ruby's face. Ruby sat next to Granny, who kept shaking her head while focusing on knitting a blue blanket, and Archie, who looked like he'd had far too much wine, judging by the red tinge to his cheeks.
"Killian, you're completely coming undone, perhaps you should take a break from the rum," Aurora said haughtily, watching him with a worried expression on her face. She tried hard not to allow her fondness for Killian to shine through, for Phillip's sake (not that he was one to have any right to be jealous) but everyone knew the two were close. Killian would kill anyone who dared hurt his little Rory.
Phillip rolled his eyes and Mulan stepped in, taking both Grumpy and Killian's glasses. Before either could protest she sent them a death glare and stomped off. Mulan had no patience for drunken shenanigans. Sure, she no longer had a mission, nor honor to bring, but the girl refused to loosen up. She was always ready to clean up someone's mess.
"Come on, mate, why don't we go take a walk outside. I hear my goddaughter has a lovely garden out back." Lancelot shot Emma a questioning look and she nodded, shaking her head in Killian's direction. She didn't know who had decided letting these two hotheads attempt to outdrink the other was a good idea, but she was going to slap them if they came to blows and she was forced to arrest them on Thanksgiving.
August squeezed Emma's hand before releasing it and stood, throwing one arm around Killian's shoulders as he led him towards the guest room. While he was distracted, Lancelot lured Grumpy outside.
Emma let out a long sigh as her husband and godfather dealt with the drunks. She watched Ruby fight off her own angry tears. She recognized the feeling and moved to the arm of the sofa to take her hand.
"Ruby-" Emma began as Ruby threw her hand off before standing and storming off towards the front door. Emma followed, motioning for Archie to stay. This was a girl talk thing, not a shrink thing.
"Ruby!" Emma called, following Ruby into the yard.
"He just-How am I supposed to marry him when he's always behaving like that? I know that husband of yours thinks I'm too hard on him, only because those two have some serious homoerotic tension they need to work out, but I'm not! I can't start a-" Ruby sighed and shook her head, the tears coming now, much to her annoyance.
Emma caught up to her friend and took her by the shoulders before giving her an awkward hug.
"I get it."
Ruby snorted.
"You just don't like him."
Emma smirked.
"No, but you love him, and Aurora loves him; if the two of you see something worthy in him, then I suppose I'll learn. Besides, even if you decide to call the wedding off, I'm still stuck with him because that moron husband of mine decided to adopt him as his 'bro'."
Ruby rolled her eyes, pulling away from Emma so she could wipe at her eyes.
"Those two…they're worse than children. It's a good thing August doesn't drink. Could you imagine the shenanigans those two would get into if they were both smashed?"
Emma didn't want to, but she could, and it wasn't pretty. She rubbed Ruby's arm gently and looked down, ready ask Ruby a question that had been heavily weighing on her mind all day when a loud creaking noise interrupted them. She turned to find a very pale Henry standing in the yard, the side gate behind him wide open.
"Henry? What's wrong?"
She quickly abandoned Ruby to go to her son when Astrid appeared behind him, looking just as disturbed. Emma opened her mouth to ask them what in the Hell was going on when Henry shuddered.
"I don't know why I'm surprised. I catch you and dad doing it all the time. I guess it just…" Henry pouted before abandoning his mother and walking towards the front door, muttering to himself about adults being worse than children as he went.
"What?" Emma scoffed and looked to Astrid for an explanation.
"Someone should really inform your in-laws that certain acts need to be kept to the bedroom," she squeaked before rushing to join Henry.
Emma and Ruby exchanged a glance when a very flustered looking pair emerged from the bushes in the backyard.
"Geppetto?" She looked between him and Blue and finally put the dots together. After a moment she nodded, impressed. "Well…I will leave the two of you to it, come on Ruby, let's check on Grumpy," she said, leading her towards the back of the house. Emma assumed Henry and Astrid had been doing the same when they'd caught August's parents going at it. With no Fairytale Land they were finally free to be together and Emma supposed they were making up for lost time.
Good for them.
They found Grumpy holding onto Lancelot and singing a tune that Killian had taught him.
"Are you okay?" Emma whispered, having seen Grumpy drunk enough to last a lifetime.
Ruby nodded, wrapping her arms around her middle. They stood in silence for what seemed like hours, watching poor Lancelot endure the inebriated dwarf, before Emma finally spoke.
"Look, Ruby, I know you're-"
"HIYO LASS! How is my lovely bride-to-be?" Killian threw his arms around Ruby from behind and sloppily began kissing her neck. Ruby made a sound of disgust as she rolled her eyes and pushed him off of her. Killian sulked for a moment before pulling her against him and kissed her shoulder much more gracefully than he had her neck. "Now, love, don't tell me you're still sore with me? I've just been having a little fun is all. There's lots to celebrate." Ruby scowled in his direction but her expression softened after a moment. "That's my girl. You know I adore you.
Besides, a man's got to drink, love."
A sheepish August emerged from the house.
"I don't know about everyone else but I'm not eating a turkey's that been on fire. It's not very appetizing if you ask me. Even with all of the alcohol I've consumed."
"THE TURKEY'S WHAT?"
August opened his mouth to speak but Emma rushed past him to find the house filled with smoke. Her mother stood at the oven, along with Astrid and Blue, who must have put out the fire with their Fairy magic because Emma hadn't been smart enough to buy a fire extinguisher.
Instead of feeling grateful that the house wasn't on fire she burst into tears. August approached her and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him, sobbing against his chest. Bunching his shirt into her fists, she began mumbling about what a failure she was.
"I just wanted to do it right for once! I'm his mother and he needs a mother who can cook and do things around the house and I'm useless! How in the world did the damn thing catch on fire? I don't even-"
She sobbed harder, losing the ability to speak.
"Stop the waterworks, kid. Did you really think I wouldn't make a back-up dinner?" Granny announced as she entered the kitchen.
Emma pulled away from August and took a few deep, shaky breaths. Once she found her voice she wiped at her eyes.
"You did what?"
Granny rolled her eyes.
"August and I made it yesterday. It just needs to be heated. That's where I sent the dwarves. Do you really think I was going to let those two morons drink some more? I may be old, child, but I'm not senile yet. Give me some credit."
Emma turned to her husband, unable to help feeling betrayed.
"Hey, I'm sorry, I just…it's not that I didn't think you couldn't' do it, I just thought it wouldn't hurt to have more food. We do have a lot of people here."
The tears returned and she moved away from August. She gripped the edge of the counter as her chest heaved with emotion, not wanting to look at him right now. She caught Henry and her father enter the kitchen from the corner of her eye and the sobbing became worse.
August moved towards her cautiously.
"Baby, it's okay. I love you. So you're not a domestic goddess, so what? I knew that long before I married you. You don't need to prove anything to me."
Emma shook her head and pulled away from him as he tried to hold her again.
"It's not that," she whispered.
"So…you're mad because I helped Granny?"
She clamped her eyes shut, letting big drops of water fall from her eyes onto her cheeks.
"I'm not mad," she said quietly, opening her eyes. "I just…" She shrugged and allowed him to take her hand in his. Emma stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist as he drew her in for a hug. She resigned herself to the fact that there would never be a perfect time or way to break this to him so she glanced up, meeting his eyes.
"I didn't want to do this for you or anyone else. I wanted to do this to prove I could do the mom thing. I screwed up so much with Henry and I don't want to make those same mistakes again."
"Emma, I think Henry knows you're not the cook in the family, and he's fine with it."
She sighed.
"August, I'm not talking about Henry." With a small smile she moved his hand between them. "It's my next kid that I want to do everything right with. I can't take back my mistakes with Henry but I can also not repeat them."
A very stunned August gazed down at her, his reaction hard to decipher. He didn't look unhappy; just shocked. After a very long moment something shifted in his expression and suddenly it was as if she was some wonder of the world he'd just stumbled onto.
She reached a hand up to cup his cheek with a small smile.
"Are you saying that you're," his eyes moved to where she held his hand over her middle, "pregnant?"
Emma nodded as a grin formed on August's lips. He pulled her against him for another kiss when Charming interrupted their moment.
"You're what?"
"I'm going to be a big brother!"
"Aye, mate! Congratulations!" Killian pushed back the small crowd that had gathered to eavesdrop, followed by Ruby, and threw his arms around August, giving him a very slobbery kiss on the cheek. He clamped him on the back and raised a nearly empty bottle of rum in toast to the room.
"Here's to me and my semen brother! It looks like we're both real men, aye?"
Emma ran her hand over her face. This would not end well.
"Ruby, my love, come here." Killian pulled Ruby against him and kissed her full on the mouth. He broke the kiss and proudly put his hand over her belly. "Ruby's carrying the heir to the Jones bloodline! Let's have a drink to celebrate!"
A twitch in Ruby's eye was the only indication that she wanted to hurt Killian and she gave the room a small shrug.
"I guess everyone was going to find out event-" Killian cut her off by covering her mouth with his as his hands pawed at her. Drunk Killian was not only loud but he could also be a dirty slut too.
"My boy! Come here!" Geppetto grabbed August and kissed him before slapping him playfully on the cheek. "Good job, son! I'm going to be a grandfather!" Henry shot Geppetto a sad look and Geppetto smiled. "Again!" Geppetto kissed Emma's cheek and thanked her before going to hug Henry, Blue, Archie, and anyone else he could find.
"My goodness, this certainly has been an eventful holiday," Snow said, giving Emma a small smile. "Perhaps we should all move into the dining room, the others should be back with the food soon and it's a bit crowded in here." Her eyes moved to the small table in the breakfast nook. "Killian!" She snapped, forcing him to pull away from Ruby. Snow shook her head with a sigh and ushered everyone but the two couples of soon-to-be-parents out of the room.
Before she joined them Snow turned to Emma and August.
"Congratulations."
Emma gave her mother a sheepish smile.
"Thanks, mom."
Snow nodded and left the room.
Emma leaned against August and closed her eyes, ready for a nap. She was never going to attempt to cook anything again. They hadn't even had dinner yet and she was exhausted.
"Thank you," August whispered against her neck, holding her from behind.
"For what?" Emma whispered, eyeing Ruby and Killian. Ruby was chastising him without any real anger, seemingly having decided that it was too much effort with him in such a condition. He gave her a puppy look and she kissed him, whispering that she forgave him for outing their secret to everyone. Emma smiled and looked up at August, waiting for his answer.
"Everything. Loving me. Letting me be a part of Henry's life. Being crazy enough to marry me. And for this." His hands went to her stomach, his eyes twinkling. "I've wanted this for so long and I never thought I'd have this life you've given me, let alone another child. I love you."
Emma turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his mouth down to hers.
"I love you too."
She drew him in for another kiss when a loud crash followed by the sound of glass breaking came from the dining room. Emma growled in frustration. Grumpy.
"I bet you're wishing you'd taken me up on that holiday booty offer," August asked smugly.
Emma shot him a 'look' and took his hand, leading him out of the room. She left Ruby and Killian to go at it on her table, not really caring since she and August had done it many times before. She stepped into the dining room to find Grumpy passed out on the floor with a broken rum bottle at his side and his poor wife fretting over him.
"No one can say our holidays are uneventful," August teased.
"Is that offer still standing?" Emma muttered, deciding she could use the break until they ate dinner.
"First one to the bedroom gets to be on top?"
Emma and August locked eyes for a moment before they raced out of the room and up the stairs, where they indulged in desert before dinner.