Spoilers for Season 10

She had ignored me throughout the entire investigation, and I couldn't say I blamed her. Beyond any professional interaction, she ignored all of my attempts at…I don't know. Conversation, apology, or a combinations of both. Several times she simply walked away from me as I was speaking. She would have none of it.

I knew where they would be once the case was over. The same bar they had celebrated at since I had first come to be their ADA ten years ago. And I was not disappointed.

Walking into the bar, the stale stench of cheap beer permeated every pore of the place; I spotted them easily among the other cops and detectives. I spotted her among all others.

She was different; her hair longer, her eyes more sad than I remembered them being on any given day six years ago or even during that short glimpse four years ago. She might have put on a little weight with age, but it was hardly noticeable. She was still fit and thin and striking. Her olive skin the same tone that had haunted me since I left.

Our friendship, however, seemed to have disappeared right along with me. She had been my best friend before…the accident. I could still picture her eyes begging me to live as I lay bleeding to death on the sidewalk. I remember her voice praying, pleading with me to pull through.

And I remember her eyes as I stepped out of the van when she realized I hadn't died. The mixture of relief and fear all rolled into the panic of realization that I was leaving never to return.

But I had returned. They had pulled me away before I got the chance to say goodbye and I knew she probably blamed me for it. In reality I was grateful that I didn't have to give a second goodbye. Seeing the look in her eyes once was hard enough.

But now, now I was back for good.

"Cabot, nice of you to join us." Munch said, pulling another seat to the table. Right next to Olivia. She tried to hide the glare she threw his way but I caught it. She caught my eye for all of a moment before looking away.

"I hate to barge in, but I figured the offer to join you after a case still stood."

"Permanently," Finn said taking a drag from his beer.

"What can I get you?" The waitress asked politely as she noticed a new face. I took the seat next to Olivia, the close proximity affecting both of us. She resituated her chair, moving further away by just an inch. I felt every little bit of that inch.

"A beer is fine." I replied and the waitress looked surprised by my order but left without a word.

"A beer? Cabot I have never known you to drink beer." Elliot said, laughing. "Foo-foo chick drinks or nothing."

"A lot changes in six years, Elliot." I said, almost sadly. From the corner of my eyes I thought I saw Olivia flinch at my words.

"That it does. What have you been up to?" The man asked as the waitress brought me the beer.

I took a long drink of it, needing the liquid courage but not entirely sure why.

"Private practice mostly. Small law firm upstate dealing mostly in custody battles. Hated every minute of it so I came back hoping to get a job with the city." Olivia would not meet my glance; try hard though I might to catch her eye. She was finding the label on her beer bottle far more interesting.

"Your wish was answered. We've really missed you Alex." Elliot said sincerely.

"You have no idea how much I missed you guys. Even Munch," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Then why the fuck didn't you ever call." Olivia rasped harshly, barely above a whisper.

I took a deep breath, not really knowing how to reply. She didn't wait for it anyway.

"Three fucking years out of the program and you couldn't even call?" Munch and Finn were quickly disappearing, finding themselves out of place in the conversation. Munch gave me a look of apology, but I understood his urge to run. I had it too.

"Liv, it's not like she's not been through a lot." Elliot said, trying to be the voice of reason.

"Fuck she has!" her voice still barely above a whisper, contained through gritted teeth. She glared at me with so much contempt and anger it forced me to fight back the tears. I had never meant to hurt her.

"Liv, I don't have a good excuse." I said, almost pleading with her to stop looking at me like that. "All I can say is that I never meant to hurt you."

"Why didn't you call? Or write, or email?" Elliot asked calmly before Olivia had the chance to react.

"Like I said, every time I picked up the phone I remember what happened. And I hate being the victim, Elliot. I really hate the pity in the eyes of my friends."

"We never pitied you." Elliot said, understanding. Olivia still glared. "We lost a friend and wanted to make sure she was ok. After all the unreturned messages, don't you think we'd worry?"

"I figured you would simply forget about me and move on. There was a point where I couldn't talk to you even if I wanted to. After that…I don't know, I can't explain why I didn't call back."

Olivia hit the table and stood up. Throwing bills on the table she grabbed her leather jacket and stormed out of the bar.

"If you ever want her to speak to you again, I suggest you follow." Elliot said, getting his wallet out as well.

I ran towards the door and out into the chilly night air. She was walking down the empty sidewalk. Her quick pace made it hard to catch up so I ran.

"Olivia!" I called out but she didn't turn around or seem to even know I had called to her.

"Olivia for the love of God, look at me!" I yelled, grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around.

"What! What do you want from me? What could you possibly have to say after six years?" she spat angrily? "I called and called with not a single reply. Always hoping you'd call back. Always hoping you were ok. Not a day going by that I didn't wander where you were or what you were doing. You were my best friend, but obviously that meant shit to you."

"And you don't think I thought of you?" I asked, getting angry myself. "You think I didn't wonder about how you were? Knowing the toll this job takes on you, hoping you had found another friend to go out with and vent to. Knowing I had probably been replaced. I knew you guys had a new ADA the next fucking case, you don't think that killed me knowing I would never work with you again. That I would never see you again?"

"Then why didn't you when you finally got the chance? You leave without saying goodbye and then once you get the chance to come back you can't even pick up a phone to call us. You came back to New York for a reason, what was it?"

She was fuming but I easily backed her against the building with my glare. She retreated against my steps until her back hit the wall. I was surprised she had given me the upper hand so easily.

"I was going to try to talk to you. I had no idea I would get the job I did. I came back to work for New York because I love it. But really, I came back in hopes that I could talk to you."

"And what would you say?" she asked, calming down. I looked at her, no longer glairing, with all the emotion and apology I could. Her look of contempt faded in to a look of question and confusion.

"Nothing" I said honestly, pressing my body against hers and throwing caution to the wind.

"Then what…" I cut her off with a kiss. Capturing her mouth with my own and pressing every inch of me against her. Her surprise was obvious, but once she caught on she returned the kiss with a fervor I had not expected.

She put her hands on my waist and pulled me against her. I wrapped my hands in her hair and claimed her mouth. Opening her mouth to me, I tasted her lips and tongue and couldn't help the moan that escaped from my throat.

Pulling away gasping for air she stared at me, question still in her eyes.

"When did you realize that?" She asked pressing her head against mine.

"I thought of doing that every day since I left. Kicking myself for never having the guts to say something because I didn't know how you'd react." I continued to run my fingers through her hair, memorizing the feel of it between my fingers, captivated by the softness. "And then the nightmares of what happened seemed to overwhelm my feelings for you and I figured it would be easier to leave you out of it." I shrugged my shoulders.

"I wish I could have been there for you." She said, her fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. The sensation sent goose bumps up my spine.

"You're here now." I kissed her lips again, gently sucking her bottom lip between my teeth. She moaned and I absolutely had to hear that sound again.

"I'd much rather be somewhere else. " She said, pulling away. The words stung.

"Where would you rather be?"

"I'm taking you home, Alex. And then I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

I smiled but then smirked at her, pulling away.

"You think I'm that easy?"

"You apparently think I'm that easy. I'm not going to have sex with you." She said raising an eye brow. "But you will be sleeping with me."

"You think you can keep your hands off me?" I challenged.

"It's you I'm worried about. But just remember, I'm the one with the hand cuffs."

"Oh, my dear Liv. That has never left my mind."

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