THINGS SAID AND DONE
I was writing a bleach oneshot, 'teacher' and I came up with this as I was writing a line. Ha! That's how random my inspiration is! Enjoy! The bolded he's are talking about hichichi-chan.
It was easy to say I love you, when no one was listening. It was easy to think of that face and those hands and that voice, when no one was watching. It was so easy to say things, but another matter to do them.
Ichigo found himself to be notorious for his big talk, and for failing miserably when it came to doing. Things said and things done are complicated.
Why was it so hard to say I love you? Why was it so hard to be happy for more than one minute? The grated 'I'm fine's and the obvious lies behind fake smiles. And sometimes it fooled them.
But never him.
It never fooled him, but it never made him stop. And often, he didn't care enough to ask. Didn't care to ask what Ichigo was dreaming, didn't care to ask who he was thinking of, didn't care to ask why those smiles were so strained.
And maybe if he did, he wouldn't be struggling as hard as he was now. Because it was easy to say it, when he wasn't listening, but so much harder to say it to his face.
Ichigo wasn't the love letter type. He was up and front, had to say it to your face or not say it at all. But that led to easier said than done situations, it was never a mix between the two. It had to be said, or he would explode and die with the secret.
Everything was easier to do, when he wasn't breathing down his neck, when he wasn't talking to him. He always felt he would slip up, blurt out his feelings thoughtlessly and get them thrown back in his face.
Things said and done are complicated, but they were easier when they didn't include him. Everything about him made him shiver, made him want to say it, made him want to do, made him want to talk big and prove himself right. But that didn't work, because he had been through too many said and done situations, and this had to be the worst of them all.
Things said and done made his heart ache. They reminded him of all the times he failed. But so did he.
Words from his hollow were cruel, cutting, sarcastic. Never the sweet, loving tone they had in his dream. Never a simple 'how was your day?'. To those questions, he didn't care to know the answers. He wasn't interested, because he didn't love him.
And that made Ichigo want to scream those words all the more.
But wanting to do, and doing, are two different things. Saying things and doing are two different things. And he forever remains a 'things said and done' kind of person.
Ichigo was not the type to act on his feelings, depending on what they were. He didn't want deep, uncontrollable, unexpected feelings. He didn't want any of that. He wanted things to be simple.
He was not easy to talk to. Always taunting and teasing and laughing, making it impossible for Ichigo to spit out those words he desperately wanted to say, that he'd explode with.
He didn't care for his feelings. He didn't care for life or meanings or anything, except for battle. He was strong. He was not a 'things said and done' person. He acted, and he didn't, depending on what the outcome would be. He didn't mull them over, he just did, he charged right in.
That was something Ichigo admired about him. He was so different, compared to Ichigo, yet he was strangely the same, strangely alike. They yearned for the same things, understood each other's pain. Maybe, Ichigo thought with a spark of hope, his hollow would understand his feelings.
The thought was instantly crushed.
It was so easy to say I love you, when know one is there to listen. So easy to shout your feelings from the rooftops, in a quiet voice. So easy to smile, yet still be crying on the inside. So easy to say I love you, when it wasn't to his face.
After all, things said and done are different.
OWARI!
Nearly two pages long eh! Is proud. I've still got a lot more coming, it's actually shocking. Did you know pouring juice is inspirational? Next time you have writer's block, sit there pouring juice! Anyway, RXR ONEGAI!