A/N: I read some season 12 spoilers considering Abby and made up this story. I hope that it won't be more than 5, maybe 6 chapters.
Disclaimer: Well, I don't own the characters. Just like everyone else.
Summary: A season 12 story from Abby's point of view. About interns, lost loves and lost friends. Important parts for Carter and Luka. It's not easy when you never learned to express your love.
Warning: English isn't my native language, I'm sorry for any mistakes... I do the best I can.

Extra: I'm soooo blind and stupid! Thanks to anonymous01 I noticed that I set this story in 2006 instead of December 2005. I felt like I had to change that. And, again thanks to anonymous01, I wrote vane instead of vein. Further I corrected some alinea stuff. Next chapter will be up soon I hope!

My Golden Rule

Chapter 1 – This Serene View

Monday, 12 December 2005 – 14:00

Geez, Haleh is freaking me out, pretending like she's just the nurse who assists me. I know better, she's just checking out how worse I'm doing. I mean, what the hell? I thought we used to be colleagues. Used to be.
Crossed over to the dark side? Yeah, that is how I feel right now.
Mr. Derek The Intern is screwing everything up.
I actually had to teach him how to take a history. 'That's how Carter started,' was all Susan said after hearing my complaint. Well, it took Carter twelve years to come where he's now and Derek doesn't seem like a next Dr. Carter to me. Men, what is he doing now?
Huge scream from Ms. My patient, I don't even know her name. Eugh, this day sucks.

"Dr. Lockhart," Haleh sounds punishing and gives me this...I-have-more-experience look. Like I have no experience. I'm just not a born to be teacher. She knows that. Besides, it's far too crowded in here to teach.
Clear the board, clear the board... Frowning I look at my young pupil who's really failing in everything. If it's even possible Haleh's eyes grow even wider and stare at me. Okay, let's see what I can do.

I bend over to check my patient arm out and see what she's talking about. He didn't even hit one vein after all those attempts.

"Eh, Dr. Lockhart, what is Derek doing wrong?" Haleh asks very, very hypocritical.

I don't think I've ever looked this pissed at her, is she enjoying this or what?

"Derek is not doing anything wrong. You're doing great Derek, I'm supporting you," I say sneering. Never knew I could be such a bitch. Well, somewhere I knew it... whatever. One confused Derek and one furious Haleh look at me.

"You know it better, don't you?" Derek says irritated, a new side of him that I hadn't got to know yet.

I just shrug and take over the syringe. There it is, one big nice vein, done. "Okay, Ms..."

"Johnson," Haleh says from behind me.

"...Johnson...We're done." She just frowns at me, and she has all right to considering that her whole arm is red stippled now. I'm surprised how silent she has been all the time, great woman. "Thank you," I mimic to her with my sweet doctor attitude and she smiles at me while Haleh rolls her eyes.

"See," I say softly and finish the chart.

"Abby! We need you, now!" Chuny shouts at me out of trauma 2.

"What is it?" I spit at her while I fiery turn my head towards her. A sharp pain shoots through my neck, that was too fiery.

"Twenty year-old boy, needs a chest tube!" Chuny answers smiling like it's a blessing to chest tube someone.

"Can't some else do it?" I ask, now massaging my neck with a painful look on my face.

"I don't mind!"
Uh-oh. That was Derek. That was my good friend Derek. Derek who screws everything up, Derek who can't start an IV. I blink very slowly in his direction and he just shrugs. Hypocritical. Everyone around here is hypocritical. Acting like they all want to best for me.

"Okay, yeah, I'll be right there!" I answer Chuny and act like I'm still working on Johnson's chart.

"NOW Abby!" Ah, great, that was Susan from the same trauma room. What a day...

"Jesus! okay." Irritated I follow my enthusiastic little pupil and enter the trauma room.

"How is he doing?" I ask semi-interested while I wrap my hands in those nice yellow gloves.

"Bad. Okay, eh, Derek, ever done a trauma?" Susan, or with Derek around, Dr. Lewis asks him nicely while I check the patients name. Bob. Poor Bob...

"Not one like this!" I hear him react enthusiastically and he immediately starts with glove one. Okay, this will take a while.

"Good, Dr. Lockhart will guide you through it, won't she?"
O. My. God. Susan is just as hypocritical as everyone else in this ER. I hate my work. At least, today.

"Okay, sterilise the skin...," I sigh completely worn-out, making sure Susan will understand the mood I'm in.

"...make a small incisi-...," This is going wrong. Even Susan can see that.

"No! Geez, no, let me do it!" Pissed I take over and remove his hands from poor Bob.

"Don't worry Derek, you'll get another chance," Susan tells him reassuring while she tries to stop the bleeding.

"Hand me the tube...," I command Derek with raised eyebrows. "The tube Derek...," I repeat impatient. Thank you. Now, gently slide it- careful!"

Well, who would have ever thought that he would do it. There, a chest tube. Susan could have done that by herself but probably she wanted to teach me a lesson. What a friend.
Pissed I put off my gloves and look at Susan.

"Dr. Lockhart, could I speak to you outside please?"

I storm out the trauma room with Susan behind me.

"What's wrong with you and your intern!" Susan asks me as soon as the doors close behind us.

Wrong? Everything is wrong. He looks wrong, behaves wrong...
"Susan...," I start blaming.

"You know, I realise that he isn't the easiest intern that you've had so far, but you really should give him a chance Abby..."

A chance? What does she think that I've been doing for the past two weeks?

"You don't wanna know how many chances I gave this man, and he's not picking it up Susan. He's not! He really. is. not."

"He seems motivated," she says and smiles wryly.

Motivated my ass, is what I want to tell her but I feel more colleague than friend now so just forget about that last part. "Let Pratt take him, he can handle Derek."

"Abby, I wish I could but that's why Derek is your intern. Pratt can do this already, you just can't...Well, I mean, not yet."

Oh, that was sweet. That 'not yet' thing mumbled at the end. Great. Nice.

"I went to med school to be a doctor, to help patients. And I help the patients Susan. I do. I give them my best care but all I get is Haleh to check out how I'm doing with a messed up intern!" I lisp to her.

"That's a part of your job, that's what we do in this hospital! What we all did and do here." She seems pretty pissed off now too.

"Well, than maybe I shouldn't be working here," I say a little too loud and head to the lounge. Screw Susan, screw this damn hospital.

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"Hey hey, careful!" Luka laughs when I enter the lounge and bump into him.

"O God, I'm sorry...," I mumble and look at our clothes, spotted with brown coffee stains.

"Don't worry, it's okay," he answers and puts his cup on the table. "Are you?" he asks.

"What?" I answer not understanding while I open my locker and put away my lab coat.

"Are you okay?"

Ah, I get it. "How do I look?" I ask him and turn around.

"Honestly?" He asks me with a difficult smirk on his face, I nod in response.

"Pretty...stressed. Don't get me wrong."

Ha. How could I get him wrong? "Thank you," I smile back and sit down in front of him.

"Rough day huh?" He asks and points with his head to the pictured postcard in front of me. O God, I kinda forgot about that. I mean, not really, it was my primary reason to be pissed off today, but I didn't realise the card was still... around.

"Yeah...," I smile uncomfortable and take the card in my hands. The sides are already a bit torn, caused by all the hands that touched it today. It's his very optimistic way of writing that turns my stomach. And then not write my name on the card. Subtle Jake, very subtle.

"So, how are you and Sam?" I ask refreshing.

Luka doesn't answer and frowns a little. Ow, probably brought up a sore subject.

"Sam moved out," he states and takes a sip from, what's left of it, his coffee.

"God, I'm sorry Luka," I tell him and put the card down again.

"She needed some space. We both do. It's only a little..."

"You'll be alright," I answer for him.

"You too," he says friendly.

Softly shaking my head I rub in my eyes. "I'm fine. It's just unbelievable that Derek studied medicine, don't you think?" I ask ironically and stand up again.

"He's just not used to the real work yet," he shrugs and rinses his cup.

"I know..."

"Don't worry about him, he'll be gone soon, and he really is beginning to get the hang of it," Luka answers and places his hand on my shoulder. "You're a great doctor, don't ever doubt that." He hugs me and suddenly I realise how much I've missed him as a friend, Luka is a good guy.

I don't know what to answer so I just give him a silly smile what makes him smile very goofy to me. "See you around," he giggles and then I'm alone.

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Three hours of trying to avoid Susan later I'm bumping into her in the ladies room. I do my very best to ignore her but when we come out the toilet at the same time and wash our hands I realise that I can't keep doing this.

"Look Susan...I'm sorry," I start while I dry my hands.

"Don't worry about it, I know Derek isn't easy."

"Eugh, could we please talk about a different subject?" I moan jokingly.

"Sure, I had to tell you sometime." Suddenly Susan's always laughing face changes into a kinda dark, sad look.

"Tell me what?" I ask a little worried while we walk out of the ladies room.

"I'm leaving County," she frowns at me.

What? I stop walking immediately and close my eyes for a moment, trying to think. "You're... Leaving where?" I ask stunned.

"Wisconsin."

"Wisconsin?" I repeat surprised.

"Yeah...Chuck has some family there, it's a great house. And a brandnew hospital, we'll get better paid, and we really need it with Cosmo and everything," she puts her hands in the pockets of her lab coat and frowns again.

"What about tenure?" I ask while I put my hair together with an elastic.

She shakes her head. "I'm done with County."

My eyes grow wide. "Done with County? When did that happen?"

"Look, we haven't really talked for a long time, and well... This is not where I want to be. Not anymore. Mark is gone, Carter is gone... I'm ready for something new."

Pouting I look at her, realising that I'll miss her. Really miss her. As colleagues things have been tough, but as friends...

"I'll miss you Abs," she grins when she sees me pouting.

"I bet!" I laugh although I don't really feel like laughing. Susan is going to leave, just like everyone else did.

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Jake's card is laying on my nighttable. I don't know why I took it with me but it's now here anyway. 'Hello ER of County General,' what a beginning. I know I hurt him but this was humiliating. Everyone noticed that my name wasn't there, everyone did. It's a good thing that I'm off tomorrow; it's already 2:30.
I sit up and stare out my window.
It started snowing this morning, but then I didn't realise how beautiful snow can actually be.
Now there are no people walking anymore, now the cars are all parked, the snow has had her chance to cover the whole city.
The whole city but me. I can only wish that it would have covered me as well so I would be a part of this serene view. But I'm not and I don't expect that I will be one day.
I'm still, or maybe again, all by myself. And I thought that everything would be all right if I would just be a doctor, that I would be happy then. Like it would heal everything.
And maybe in one way it did; I became what I always wanted to be. Almost.
I seriously think that I'm getting to the point what all the people I know call 'happy'.
Yes, I'm getting there, but still it's not what I had in mind. I'm alone.
After all those years, after all those attempts, I'm again on my own.
And today I felt how much I yearn for love.
He hugged me, and suddenly I felt again how it feels to have someone who cares for me, who tells me that I'm doing okay.
But Luka is a closed chapter, I know that and besides, I don't even want to think about Luka. I just want to... love someone. But unfortunately I've never been good at that. Or at least, at the way of expressing that particular love.

Thank you for reading.

(Preview for chapter 2: Susan throws a goodbye-party. Finally Abby has time to talk with Susan, their conversation brings up a sore subject. At the end of the evening, Abby and Luka talk as well...)

So, what do you think? I have another four or five chapters planned. Please leave a review!