Santa the Homunculus
Ember Sunblaze: Happy Holidays everyone! Sorry about not updating Of Lust and Wrenches, but with the holidays coming up, I just had the urged to write a holiday story. And not just any holiday story...a CRACK ONE! XD Yes this story is going to just be pure holiday randomness, so please don't take it too seriously lol.
Disclaimer: I don not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the Nightmare Before Christmas. Both are owned by people way cooler than me :(
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...a Xingese hottie!
Chapter one: The Elf on the Shelf
Twas the day before Christmas and all through Ametrsis people were getting ready for the holidays. The whole city of Central was alight with the beautiful blaze of Christmas lights. People crowded the streets, getting last minute shopping done for their loved ones. Even the military was showing some holiday spirit.
Havoc and Breda could be seen putting up a Christmas tree in the office, with Riza Hawkeye keeping careful watch, making sure the ornaments were put in just the right spot on the tree. Fuery was busy sitting at his desk blasting Christmas music in the office, humming along as he gently played with Black Hayate who barked happily as the officer held a bone out of his reach. Falman was in the process of passing eggnog around, much to he joy of his comrades.
And the Colonel...well just say Mustang was in his office trying to tye pieces of mistletoe all over his office. Just in a case a certain blonde haired sniper decided to come in.
But alas my friends, this story is not about them. No this Christmas story is all about our young heroes, the Elric Brothers and how they come to discover the true spirit of Christmas.
Now our heroes aren't in Central, mind you. No, even on their quest for the important Philosopher's Stone, our heroes know the importance of the holidays. So like many people, they were back in Resembool, visiting their Winry and Granny, the only family they have. But we'll get to that later...now let's look in to our little Xing friend who just so happened to be visiting our country on such an important holiday...
"Look Lan Fan! There you see it! He moved! I swear he did!"
Lan Fan sighed, turning to her prince with a slightly exasperated expression. "My Lord...I really don't think he moved...actually I don't even think that thing is alive."
Ling looked up from his binoculars, squinting at her angrily. "Nonsense Lan Fan! You heard that kid back in the store! The Elf on the Shelf comes to life every night and reports to Santa!"
Ling looked through his binoculars, staring towards the house across from them, where a creepy, little elf sat along...on the shelf above the chimney...just sitting there...creepily. Ling and Lan Fan sat on the roof of the house next door to it, feverishly staking out for signs of movement. For the past four hours, Ling at been obsessed with seeing if what the child said was true.
"But my Lord, we don't even know who this Santa is."
"Whoever he is he must be important. You heard that child. He spoke about him almost as if he was a God." Ling clenched his binoculars tightly, determination running through him. "This Santa, whoever he is, may hold a clue to immortality."
He jumped up, striking a dramatic pose. "I'LL FIND YOU SANTA! WHOEVER YOU ARE! EVEN IF I HAVE TO STARE AT THAT CREEPY ELF ALL NIGHT!"
The elf on the shelf trembled and then fell off the shelf.
"Oh my lord! He moved! Lan Fan he moved! TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER ELF! AAAHHHHH!" Ling screamed as he tripped over the Christmas lights on the roof.
"My Lord!" Lan Fan yelled, watching as he fell from the roof, the lights tangling around him and stopping his fall half way down. She sighed, relieved the young lord was okay. Picking up the binoculars he dropped, she looked through them towards the window. "My lord...it looks like a mouse knocked it off the shelf."
"Damn it!" Ling cursed, trying to untangle himself from the wires. He took out his sword, about to just cut through the lights.
"MY LORD DON'T!"
"AHHHHHH!" Ling screamed, as electricity shot through him from cutting live wire. There was a loud boom and Ling's body flew through the air and landed into a snow man. His two legs sticking out like arms and the head of the snowman lying on this buttock.
Lan Fan hurried down, and helped the prince up, brushing snow off him. "Are you alright my lord?"
"No I'm not alright!" Ling said angrily. "I'm far from alright Lan Fan! How in the world are we going to find out the secrets of this country when we don't even know what the hell is going on around us!? I mean look at this!" Ling exclaimed pointing to the destroyed snowman. "I don't even know what that thing is!"
"Look all around us!" Ling spread his arms wide, indicating the beautifully decorated city. "The whole city has changed practically overnight! Why?!"
Ling jumped on top of a lamp post, pointing to the beautiful Christmas lights. "What's this?! What's this?! There's color everywhere!"
He brushed off some snow that still stuck in his hair. "What's this? There's white stuff in my hair!" He jumped down and came to face with another snowman, smiling at him almost evilly. "What's this? I can't believe my eyes! I must be dreaming! Wake up Ling, this isn't fair!"
Lan Fan came and sliced the snowman in half with her kunai. Ling took the liberty to steal the black top hat from the snowman and put it on top of his head, while also crunching on the carrot nose. "Mmmm..What's this!?" he sang through a mouthful of carrots.
Ling then spotted a toy store, where in the window a whole bunch of Elf on the Shelves were on display. "What's this? What's this? There's something really wrong!"
Next to the toy shop, were carolers singing Christmas songs. "What's this? There's people singing songs!"
He turned and saw a group of children running around in elf and reindeer costumes, their parents watching with amused expressions. "What's this? The streets are lined with little creatures laughing. Everybody seems so happy! Have I possibly gone daffy? What's this?! What's this!?"
Ling was suddenly struck by a snowball, thrown by a young boy. "There's children throwing snowballs, their faces bright and red."
The boy's laughter turned into screams of terror as Lan Fan tackled him, holding a blade to his throat. "Throw one more thing at master and you'll surely be dead!" she sang in a deadly voice.
"Yes ma'am!" The young boy cried, sniffling as tears and snot trailed down his face.
Ling ran up to the frosted windows of the building, tracing patterns and pictures into them. "There's frost in every window!" He suddenly saw in the window, a family eating a wonderful turkey dinner that made his mouth water instantly. "Oh I can't believe my eyes! And in my stomach I feel hunger deep inside!" He sighed dreamily, thinking of the wonderful food.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye walking down the street. Roy smiled as he noticed mistletoe hanging above the street lamp and he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. Ling cocked his head in confusion. "What's this? They're hanging mistletoe? They kiss? Why that looks so unique!" He turned away with a big smile on his face, completely missing Riza slapping Roy across the face.
Starting to get more curious about what was going on, he jumped back onto the roof top, spying on other homes. He saw one where a mother sat with her children around the fireplace, telling a Christmas story to them. "Inspired! They're gathering around to hear a story! Roasting chestnuts on a fire!"
He was about to leave when he noticed a tree in their house. What the hell?! "What's this!?What's this?! In here they've got a little tree, how weird. And who would ever think and why?! They're covering it with tiny little things. They've got electric lights on strings and there's a smile on everyone!"
Starting to get excited, Ling jumped from rooftop to rooftop, looking in on all the Christmas joy radiating from the homes of Central. "So, now, correct me if I'm wrong!" He sang to Lan Fan who followed closely behind him. "This looks like fun! This looks like fun!Oh, could it be I got my wish!?"
He stopped at a pretty little house. Peering into the window, he spied two little children sleeping in their bunk beds. "What's this? Oh my, what now? The children are asleep...but look! There's presents underneath." Ling whispered to Lan Fan, pointing to a pile of presents at the foot of the children's bed.
Ling suddenly jumped up on the roof, singing as he peered down at the streets of Central. "What's this? The monsters are all missing! All the homunculus can't be found! And in their place there seems to be good feeling all around!"
He slid down the roof, sliding through the snow and onto the sidewalk. "Instead of screams, I swear I can hear music in the air!" He sniffed the air, drooling slightly as the scent of Christmas goodies filled his nostrils. "The smell of cakes and pies are absolutely in the everywhere!"
Ling started running, turning his head left and right at all the Christmas sights. The wreaths hanging on every door. The lights, the sounds, the feeling of it all soaking in his very being. He had to find out what this was all about! "The sights! The sounds! They're everywhere and all around!"
He grabbed Lan Fan and started twirling her around joyfully as he sang. "I've never felt so good before! This empty place inside of me is filling up, I simply can not get enough! I want it, oh, I want it! Oh, I want it for my very own! I've got to know! I've got to know!What is this place that I have come to?!"
He let go off her and ran back to the toy shop that he started at. "WHAT IS THIS!?" He screamed pointing to the elf in the window, breathing heavily from his singing.
A slightly blushing Lan Fan walked up to him, glancing at what he was pointing at. "My Lord...that's the elf on the shelf...you know...like the one we've been staring at for the last four hours?"
"I know that Lan Fan!" Ling exclaimed dramaticly. "But what does it all mean!? What does any of these bizarre things mean?!" Ling fell to his knees, clutching his head. "I'm so confused. I fear I will lose my way forever if I do not solve this mystery."
Lan Fan walked up to the window, glancing up at the sign next to the Elf. "Elf on the Shelf...number one Christmas gift this year." She read out loud. Ling perked his head up, eye's shining confusingly.
"Christmas? What the hell is a Christmas?!"
"I'm not sure my Lord."
"Hmm, whatever this Christmas is...it must be connected to the Elf on the Shelf who in return is connected to this Santa guy that the people of this town are so gaga about. I wonder...what does this all mean...and more importantly...will it lead to clues on gaining immortality?" Ling wondered, stroking his chin thoughtfully,
"My Lord, if this means that much to you why don't you just go ask Edward Elric? He's from here so he must know what Christmas is." Lan Fan suggested.
Ling's head shot up, a grin growing on his face. "You're right! Edward would know!" He struck another pose, pointing his finger in a random direction. "Come Lan Fan! We're off to solve the mystery of Christmas!"
And with that the duo started their trek to Resembool and to our wonderful heroes.
Oh God what have I done...
Let me know in a review if you want me to continue this story. I would really appreciate reviews. They make wonderful Christmas presents! ^_^
And yes, as you can see, I really, REALLY, don't like the elf on the shelf!