A/N: I didn't have a point or plot in mind when writing this. Do ignore its pointlessness. Inspired by the Hunter x Hunter musical, Nightmare of the Zaoldyeck.
Not Friend
Hisoka was a regular of sorts to the Zaoldyeck estate. He opened the testing gate as though he was pushing open a slightly stubborn glass door in a mall. Mike didn't care, so once he was in, he did as he wished.
It really irked Illumi to no end when the magician would greet him in the morning outside his window, standing on a tree in the distance.
Instead of rocks he'd fling his own cards at the window to tap it. Even if Illumi ignored him, he'd keep at it, never running out of cards in the process. Going to a different room didn't help either. If there was a window, Hisoka found it. Even if it meant using his Bungee Gum to stick his feet to the wall and grin mischievously upside down.
Moving to a windowless room didn't help.
Illumi lost count of all the times Hisoka would disguise himself as a supplier, butler, even going so far as one of the maids.
Dress, heels, and hair slicked down to fit the little hat. He even used his Texture Surprise to make his legs less muscular. He could go for days parading as a resident. Illumi knew the only way he would go away was to actually acknowledge he was there, but he didn't want to give the man the satisfaction.
When a week passed, Hisoka got verbal.
"Oh Master Illumi, have you been sleeping well? Your hair looks a little frayed at the ends." He'd say in a mockingly female voice.
"I think you should watch your diet sir, that shirt's looking a bit too tight." In an older man's voice.
Illumi tried to kill him.
Tried.
Needles to the skull got dodged, accidentally hitting an unsuspecting butler once. After that, they upped their standards for hire. Gassing the area only managed to solve a small bug infestation. Hisoka really could hold his breath.
There was no way he'd outright attack him with his fists.
That would mean properly looking at him and showing that he was paying attention. Though he had given in once. It was a fluke, he swore.
Silva and Zeno caught him during dinner. He was hidden as a chef that time, his only give away had been the way he walked. A small thing really. But it was enough.
"Ah! You've caught me." Hisoka giggled playfully. "Well Illumi, are you going to introduce me properly? We're friends right?"
Yeah right.
"No, go away Hisoka." Illumi drawled.
"See, see! You just did. You've told them my name and admitted we're friends."
To say the least the magician barely made it out of the place alive with some of the staff and the entire Zaoldyeck family after him, but to the man it was like a game of tag.
A few of the butlers had been killed in the process, but after hopping off Mike's head and over the testing gate, he was pretty much home free. Shocking a tour bus of people as he sailed through the air with Gotoh and Tsubone still after him. They quit after awhile, but only by order from Silva who called them off.
A year later, he did it again. This time completely avoiding his family. Be it a mission or some extended training his father suggested, Hisoka shadowed. It went on for about two years before Illumi officially decided he didn't want the man to leave.
Assassins didn't have friends after all, but this was ok wasn't it?