I DO NOT own ANY of the Devil May Cry characters or monsters. I only own Katherine and the monster known as Hell Cat. Everything else belongs to Capcom. This is just a REALLY funny, stupid, pointless story I thought up one day. A what if story of sorts. Dante and Katherine are on a mission but get delayed by their own sexual priorities. WARNING TONS of bad language, naughty words, and violence!
No bashing! Understand? I will remove you if you bash my work! I welcome constructive criticism.
Devil May Cry
Trouble Maker
Chapter 1: Mind Games
"Only four hours...it's only been four hours...right...?" Katherine wondered anxiously as she laid up against a wall to rest from her last battle with another one of Hell's monstrous creations.
"Bitch..." She replied, smiling devilishly at the crippled Flame Dragon. A fiery beast designed especially for the depths of Hell. A creature with a black metallic like body, millions of sharp teeth, and fiery breath.
Although Katherine was usually merciful towards demon creatures like this one this time around she really didn't give a fuck.
She had fought off what seemed to have been at least hundreds of vile beasts and about six different boss type monsters, but the Flame Dragon was the most annoying as well as the most difficult monster to defeat; luckily this horrid creature had just earned the privilege to be added to her list of enemies she knocked off.
"Lucky number seven..." She chuckled, cleaning the blood off of her sword Obscurity as she relished in the monster's suffering.
All the Dragon did was roar at her. It laid on it's side, being that she cut it open. It coughed up more blood as it continued to struggle.
"You can't talk..." She muttered as she walked over to the beast. "So...you're of no use to me..." She replied in a hateful voice, standing in a very smug pose, her arms folded across her chest as she thought of what she was going to do with the pathetic looking creature.
In desperation the Dragon used it's free hand and slashed at her leg, a weak attack, but strong enough to make the devil woman lose her balance and kneel to the ground.
Katherine sucked her teeth and looked at the pitiful monster.
The Dragon kept struggling to fight with her but it was of no use. The Dragon took in oxygen but choked on it as it tried to breathe.
"Aww...what's the matter? Loss of breath?" She asked in a ridiculing voice as she watched the beast suffer.
"Time to put you out of you're misery." She replied, smiling as she placed Obscurity on her back and reached into her holster for one of her hand guns.
The Beast went for one more swipe at Katherine's leg, only getting her ankle. Katherine cursed under her breath after realizing how deep the cut was.
"Fuckin piece of…" She muttered breathlessly as she drove her heel into the back of the reptile's neck, making it growl in pain. "…Shit…"
"I hate you...!" She replied as she took out her Magnum and shot the creature in it's gaping mouth, causing it's tongue, tonsil, along with it's vile blood and other interior fluids to spew out.
After minutes of viewing the gory death of the Dragon, Katherine took one more look at the battlefield.
"An ocean of lava and flames...interesting..." she sighed, as she walked towards the portal.
In seconds Katherine was in the main hallway of the Castle.
"Hmmm...Diablo...I love what you've done with the place..." She replied sarcastically as she noticed the minor changes of the room.
As she walked up the stair case she felt herself loose her balance.
"Wha...!" She gasped as she gripped the rusty hand rail.
As she regained her footing she looked around and then as she tried to take another step she collapsed on the stairs.
"Damn-it!" She cursed, sitting up. "What's wrong...?" She wondered, knowing that she's usually not this clumsy.
"Damn Dragon...I must of exhausted most of my energy during that fight." She replied regretfully, placing her hand on her head.
"I can't sit around like this...the damn Castle is swarming with demons...I'll be bate for those bastards if I don't get my act together...!" She thought as she got to her feet.
"Alright...I can do this..." She thought, closing her eyes and then folding her arms across her chest. In seconds a dark energy surrounded her entire body, this was one of her healing techniques, using this move she can regain a substantial amount of health that she might of lost in a tough fight.
"I shouldn't be using this..." She thought. "This is gonna mess up my train of thought...make me more of a demon then I wanna be...but...I don't wanna die here...I can't..." Desperation overcoming her as she gathered up her strength.
Before she could finish the spell, her concentration was ruined by continuous gunshots and the oncoming stampede of Demons that were hunting down her 'partner', the legendary demon hunter, and son of Sparda, Dante.
"Ugh...looked at what the Shadow Cats dragged in..." She muttered as she saw the silver haired man running ahead of the monsters while going Trigger Happy on them.
"I better help him..." She thought as she pulled out her two favorite handguns and ran towards the relentless devil hunter.
"DANTE!" She yelled as she leapt forward; her pair of 42. Caliber Magnum handguns in her hands as she opened fire on then enemy.
"...Katherine!" Dante yelled in surprise, seeing the brunette run into the battle.
As the violent felines moved about attacking at their greatest speed, Katherine slid off the banister and in her graceful state flipped over the beasts and did her own version of Trigger Happy on the devilish felines.
"Show off..." Dante replied sarcastically as he pulled out Rebellion and went on a hacking spree with the speedy cats.
"I heard that!" She replied, landing on the ground and then blasting a Shadow Cat with a Devil Powered bullet.
After several slashes, the shady felines disappeared into the darkness and the two devil hunters were left alone.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" They both asked in shock.
"I thought I left you with that Three Headed Hydra creature!" Katherine replied angrily, thinking that the three-headed dragon, once her faithful pet would of killed him for her.
"You did...but I kicked its ass." Dante replied in a confident voice, tossing Rebellion in the air and catching it before putting it behind his back.
"Cocky...bit…" She replied. Stopping herself in mid sentence as she saw the green eyed devil hunter eying her. "As always…" Smiling confidently, rolling her eyes as she dusted herself off.
"What about you? You looked like you were just standing on the stairs enjoying the view of the burgundy carpet that the enemy laid down for decoration."
"I was healing myself dumb ass!" She teased as she explained her powers to the confident devil man. "A special ability far more unique then you're average Devil Trigger Healing technique."
"Yeah well...it's safer." Dante replied as he walked up the stairs.
"Hey...I'd rather take the risk." She snapped; dusting her brown bangs out of her eyes.
"You always take risks."
"And you don't?"
Dante just rolled his eyes and kept walking.
"You really are stupid aren't you?" She asked; her hands on her hips. "You and your dirty human blood Dante."
Not saying a word he kept his back to Katherine as she spoke. "You could run away from all this and still the image wouldn't be that disgraceful, after all, your living soul itself is in fact the very pinnacle of disgrace."
Dante turned around and placed Ivory at the center of Katherine's chest.
"Don't you agree?" She asked sarcastically, showing no fear as her life was at stake.
Dante just stared at her angrily; growling under his breath as he kept the gun at her chest.
"Oooo...press harder." She smiled seductively.
With his gun pressed tightly to her heart Dante grabbed her by her waist and pulled her closer to him.
"What are you waitin for?" She asked in a sensual tone of voice; her right hand pressed up against his chest.
"You know I can't kill you." He muttered angrily; remembering that she is in fact the daughter of Satan; the un-killable demon of hell himself.
"I know...I'm immortal..." She replied in a low but cocky tone of voice.
"So am I." He shot back confidently.
"Not entirely..." She sighed in an unimpressed voice as she slowly eased herself off of him.
"You really know how to piss me off…" He muttered as he placed the gun to his side. "You know that?"
"I know Dante." She answered; smirking at him.
"No wonder why you're Father wanted to disown you." He smiled as he placed Ivory back on his leg strap.
Hearing that comment, in seconds Dante was being choked by the heated diva.
"Hmmm...argh...somethin I said...?" He asked sarcastically as he kept his breath.
"How would you like for me to cut you're voice box out and feed it to a local Hell Hound?" She yelled, gripping him by his coat collar.
"You can do that?" He asked jokingly.
"Fuck you..." Katherine cursed, letting him go.
"Any time...any place..." he smiled as he fixed his collar.
"Don't tempt me." Katherine threatened. "I'll hurt you."
"You?"
"Yeah...you can't handle me..." She smiled, hands on her hips as she walked.
"Haaaaaaa...you're funny..."
"You think so?"
"I'd take you're virginity and leave you wanting more." Dante replied in an overconfident tone of voice.
"Who ever said I was a virgin?" She asked in an annoyed tone.
"Oh...you're not?"
"I lost it at thirteen."
"To whom?"
"To another human man..."
"Oh...raped?" He asked in a concerned tone of voice.
"Actually…" Staring back deviously into his eyes. "...I raped him..."
"...What...?" Dante laughed.
"I'm part demon…" Her eyes hinting red as she spoke. "Remember?"
"Ha...you liar...a little girl…can't rape an adult." He answered. "You couldn't of…not at that age Kat."
"Want me to prove it?" She asked as she forced her body weight on Dane; placing him against a wall.
"...Don't bother...I'm not exactly the best choice for a rape victim."
"Actually...you'll do just fine..." She replied in a seductive tone of voice as she studied Dante's entire physique; staring at his face then scrolling down to observe his chest and then even lower to observe other parts of his fit body.
"Hmm...excited are we?" She asked sarcastically as she noticed the slight bulge in his tight red pants.
"Are you…" His eyes widened. "You're serious?" He replied, almost stammering as he used a part of his coat to cover the swelling of his manhood from her view.
"C'mon...you know that you and I won't be able to last in this place much longer if we don't let off some steam." She replied in a compromising voice as she stretched.
"I know...why do you think I masturbate?" He argued in an annoyed voice, not wanting to share that little piece of info with the sexy temptress that stood only an inch or so away from him..
"The same reason why ALL human males masturbate..." She replied in the same neutral but sex hungry voice. "They have nothing better to do."
Dante just sighed heavily and sucked his teeth.
"C'mon...a little R&R won't hurt you." She replied as she got closer to the hesitant fighter.
"Yeah...but it'll hurt you." He replied, lightly shoving her out of his way.
"Still doubting me?"
"Didn't you play with the Succubus earlier?" He growled; reminding her of the previous monster battle he left her with earlier.
"Yeah..." She began.
"So?" He asked in an impatient tone of voice.
"I chopped off every single one of it's…"-"Okay! That's enough!" He interrupted. Not wanting a detailed description of what she did to the fiend.
I could do the same to you ya know?" She teased; her gun slightly aiming for his hidden bulge. Raising an eyebrow the devil hunter just walked ahead of her.
"You doubt me Dante?"
"No..." Dante replied. "I just think you're a little more freaky then your own father is all…" He muttered in a low voice. Unnerved by Katherine's brash harsh way of thinking.
"...He wasn't very interesting." She replied in an indifferent voice as she remembered the insane monster. "The fight against the Succubus was a pointless battle."
"Really?" Dante asked in a doubtful voice, assuming that Katherine would of solved her sex problem with the sexually active beast.
"Yeah...he tried to insert himself in me at least forty-five times but every time he tried he aimed for the front..." She began.
"You...?" Dante asked wide-eyed.
"I had clothes on you perve..." She finished.
"I wasn't gonna ask you if you were dressed!"
"Aww...I spoiled you're fantasy?" She asked innocently, tickling him under his chin.
"Dream on!"
"...That's cold..." She muttered, pouting.
"No...it's the truth." Dante replied harshly, folding his arms in annoyance with the persistent diva. "Something you OBIVOUSLY can't handle.
Sensing his unremarkable tone of voice the devious daughter of Satan got a thought.
"…You turned yourself off...didn't you?" She asked.
"Why do you care? Neither of us are getting laid today..." Dante replied as he continued to walk up the stairs.
"We'll see about that." She muttered, sensing her inhuman urges rising as Dante continued to resist.
Walking up the stairs seemed to take forever as they stared up at the never ending staircase.
"How many stairs again?" Dante complained.
"Do you really think that I would know?" Katherine asked in a sarcastic voice.
"You should!" Dante yelled. "This is your Father's mansion!"
"Well...I DON'T!" Katherine roared, shoving Dante out of her way, almost causing him to fall down a flight of stairs.
"You..." He growled as he caught himself.
Before Dante could yell at Katherine he paused for a moment and got into his fighting stance as he heard a noise.
"What?" Katherine asked.
"...We're not alone." Dante replied in a cautious voice.
"When are we ever alone?" She asked in an annoyed voice.