Gir's Big Day.
Authors: Invader Johnny and Wandering Namekian.
Disclaimer: We don't own Invader Zim, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, or any of Jhonen Vasquez's other pieces of work, if anything, they own us.
A/N: Co-written with W-N (obviously) this is our version of the cancelled episode, Gir's Big Day. Easter Eggs everywhere, so feel free to watch out for them, they are really obvious if you know where to look, i.e if you read Jhonen's comics.
Also, HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!
Zim's Underground Lab
Zim was working on his new, evil plan to conquer Earth and realizing how much quicker he could carry out said plan if Gir wasn't running all over the place screaming like a howler monkey.
"I LIKE DOUGHNUTS !"
"GIR! I demand silence!" Zim snarled "I'm trying to build a mind control machine thingy, to use on the humans so I can take over the Earth…and stuff."
"Ohhhhh" The insane little robot said in awe "Does it make doughnuts? Because I wanna marry one and then eat it and have our honeymoon in my belly!"
"That's the most insane thing I ever heard Gir!" Zim screamed in annoyance "Besides doughnuts are NOT part of my mission of doom!"
"Can you make it make doughnuts?" Gir asked, oblivious.
"Yes of course I- wait no Gir, no doughnuts, just silence."
Gir is silent for a few seconds, and Zim begins to focus on his plan again.
"Can you make it make doughnuts?" The robot repeated.
"Silence!" The Irken yelled exasperatedly " Gir, if you say doughnuts one more time I swear you will regret the existence of those horrible pastries, oh how much regretting you will do! Do you understand me Gir?"
"Of course…"
"Good. Finally, silence for ZIM! Muwhahahahaha!"
After Zim's outburst there is silence once more.
"Doughnuts, hehehehehehehehe."
Zim loomed scarily over his stupid little minion "I warned you Gir, your regretting at the almighty hands of the almighty Zim begins now!"
Evil, suspenseful, music plays in the background as Zim prepares to destroy his annoying, disobedient SIR unit. Suddenly a bell rings somewhere in the background, stopping all the music.
"Hey, where did the evil...dooming music go?" The invader questioned stupefied.
Gir looks around the lab then shrugs.
"Well, I guess I'm just going to have to send you on some mindless, remedial task to get you out of my way now, seeing as the dooming music's gone and all."
"Whee!" Gir does a little dance "I don't know what that is! Yay!"
"Erm, it's a secret mission, Gir." he lied smoothly.
"Yay I get to help!"
"Uh yeah, ok Gir I want you to go to the store and get me some special cleaning things for my new plan."
"Yay… wait what does cleaning things have to do with mind control?" The robot asked in a rare moment of clarity.
"It's a secret Gir!" Zim screamed losing his patience and probably what little sanity he had left "So go! I have no time to explain Zim's time can't we wasted! Go and obey meee!"
"Okey-dokey!"
Gir skipped to the elevator like a happy, little kid, a crazy, happy, little kid.
"Finally, now I can continue working on my next evil plan! Muwhahahahahaha….hahaha…ha. Hey, do you remember what my next evil plan was?"
The computer makes a noise that sounds like a "huh?"
"MY PLAN!" The alien yelled with gusto "My evil plan! Do you know what it was?"
"Oh yes, uh the evil plan. No, not really."
"Can't you just make an educated guess?"
"Only if you shut up."
"No! No one tells Zim what to do; only I tell me what to do! For Zim is amazing! So make an educated guess!"
"Hey, I don't tell you how to tell me what to do, so don't tell me how to do what you tell me to do."
"Eh?" The Irken started to scratch the back of his head in confusion.
If the computer had any eyes it would roll them right about now "That should keep his crazy mind stumped for a while... Maybe now I can take a nap."
"COMPUTER!"
"Or maybe not."
Once Gir was in the house level he grabbed his doggy suit, he was on the way to the door but he then saw MiniMoose sitting on the couch with a box of doughnuts at his right.
"MOOSY!" He screeched "Can I have some of your doughnuts?"
"Squeak."
"Hehehehe! Doughnuts!" The tiny SIR grabbed the whole box and left the house.
MiniMoose gave a sad Squeak but he then thought of giving his "father" a visit.
"Squeak."
"Zim is in his lab, MiniMoose." The computer answered irritated, having left the underground base unannounced, much to the Irken's irritation
"Squeak."
The purple moose floated to the kitchen and in to the toilet to play with his "daddy"
The Roboparents for some reason followed the purple moose, so they could "play with their "son."
"Honey, let's make cheese!" Robomom sang sweetly.
"Nu-huh" Robodad spoke dumbly "Today is Father-Son time, we get to play in the toilet!"
"This should be interesting" The Computer said maliciously.
Cafe le Prick
Scientists are all sitting around inside the café, talking to one another.
"So you see Professor Membrane if you help us create the ultimate doggy, thousands of children around the world won't have to worry if their pets get run over by cars." A scientist said with determination "Imagine all the anguish that could be avoided!"
The Professor scratches his chin "Umm, this is an interesting idea."
"So will you help us?" another scientist named Dask asked while bouncing up and down in his chair.
"As long as it's all in the name of science, real science, that is! Muwhahaha!"
"I really don't think we should be playing God." A young woman commented disapprovingly.
"Why should we stop now Mirash?"
The woman whose was revealed stoop up and said "Because we'll all become power hungry and bent on world domination!"
The first scientist shrugged uncaringly "Your point?"
"I just think its wrong for us to play God, ok?" She says in disgust.
"If you were so against us playing God then you should have said so before we started growing children in test tubes."
"I did!"
"Ignore her, Professor Membrane" Dask said "As you can see she's a bit insane right now"
"My son too, it must be going around, now can you tell me how you plan to create this ultimate-doggy?"
At this point everyone stiffened at the question, it wasn't until a few seconds later than the first scientist bravely spoke "Well we uh, well first we… and then we… and next we… well, you know what I mean you're a man of science, after all."
"Science! Muwhahahahaha!"
As the scientists had their "brilliant meeting" Gir was eating all of the doughnuts and humming the Invader Zim theme song on the way to the store. Once he finishes the box he becomes sad and tears start to come out of his artificial eyes.
"I miss you doughnuts! I LOVED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME, WHY? I WANTED TO MARRY YOU ALL!"
He cried over doughnuts for a while before looking up and seeing a doughnut shop. "Hey! There's a doughnut place right over there. Woo-ho!"
Gir runs to the other side of the street but the little SIR unit is oblivious to the 18-wheeler truck headed straight for him.
Meanwhile back at Cafe le Prick the scientists were talking about the ultimate-doggy and various crazy people they knew, but Mirash opted to not even feign interest and watch what was going on outside the window instead. She eventually saw Gir running and the truck going towards him.
"Oh my. Oh no !"
"Mirash, I realize that you're having one of your "insane" days, but your insanity is no reason to interrupt us, if you can't sit there and babble to yourself quietly in a manic way you're going to have to leave." Dask sneers.
"Ok, two things, one, I'm not crazy; and two, that poor dog is going to be run over."
Professor Membrane looks out the window and his eyes widened "Hey I think I know that dog, seems like it had something to do with my poor insane son and his para-science, oh well, looks like he's a goner"
"Shouldn't we try to help him?" Mirash asked hopelessly.
"Oh, so now it's ok to play God?" The first scientist asked smugly "Why don't you make up your mind woman!"
Mirash sighs as the other scientists turn away from window and back to their conversation.
The truck, driven by none other than Jhonen Vasquez and Rikki Simons hits Gir and continues on.
"Did we hit something just now?" Jhonen asked his friend.
"What did you say about my mother?"
"What? Nothing!"
"That´s it! You are in for it now!"
Rikki let go of the wheel with the intention of hurting Jhonen a mistake that cost him greatly since the truck crashed into a building.
The little robot gets up and looks at the truck that just hit him.
"Yay! That hurt! See you tomorrow truck! Hehehe"
Unaware that he could have become a robotic pancake, Gir continued walking to the shop, happy as the day he was activated.
Mirash blinks in disbelief, she opens her eyes and sees Gir alive and well "I don't believe it, that dog's alive."
"Ok, I've humored your insanity until now" Dask yells exasperatedly "But if you're going to make wild claims about that dog surviving being hit by the truck driven by those two freaks, I'm going to have to-
"Just look you moron!"
"Fine, I will, just to prove to you that you're cra- oh my God! It is alive! Quickly we must capture it; it is the key to our ultimate-doggy project!"
"Since when?" Mirash asked incredulously.
"Since now!"
As they exit the café we see a man at a table talking to a tall, skinny man with dark blue hair and headphones who had been passing by. The beauty of Beethoven's 9th Symphony blasted through the headphones, only to have its perfection interrupted by a man sitting at a table as the classical music fan passed by," Hey, do you have a cigarette?"
"No, I don't smoke." the blue haired man answered.
We follow the scientists pursuing the unsuspecting S.I.R Unit into the doughnut shop.
"Doughnut! I'm gonna eat you!"
"Now, we don't want to scare him" Mirash mused "So we should probably…"
"Now!" Dask yells.
All the scientists except Mirash run forward in a rush and grab Gir.
"I'm being captured!" Gir said in glee "YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Master said it would be bad YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
"It can talk!"
"Of course it can't," Dask says in mild disgust "Its barks just sound like words, don't tell me you've caught the insanity, too."
"Of course not." The first scientist denies while looking suspiciously at Mirash and backs away slowly.
The woman rolls her eyes and ignores her co-workers, she's tired of sighing and the whole "you're insane!" thing is getting really old really fast.
"Now that we have the subject, back to the lab to perform some horrible tests on him!" The Professor commanded.
"Whee! Horrible tests for me! That sounds like fun!"
Evil laughter from all the scientists except for Mirash. All the scientists then leave, and everything goes black. A few seconds later we hear an explosion and the chorus of Ode to Joy swells.
-Scientists back at the Lab-
"Now, for those horrible tests!"
The first scientist looked at Membrane with a mixture of respect and fear "Sir, Can't those wait until after we're done with our ultimate-doggy?"
"Oh, alright." He sets Gir down on counter and puts the horrible probing device away
The disguised S.I.R Unit looks up at Mirash, he walks towards her like a toddler and hugs her
"Hi!" Gir says in an adorable voice.
"Um hi?" She says unsure of whether or not she was turning insane.
"We know he's indestructible" Dask comments "but he has to be a good dog too, no one will want an indestructible pet that won't do what they say."
"And just think of the havoc and destruction thousands of little things like him could reek if they did whatever they wanted. It would be horrible!" Prof. Membrane shudders at the thought.
"Exactly." Dask agrees "Now Mirash, he seems to like you, tell him to do something."
"Please let go of me Little doggy"
Gir shakes his head and wags its artificial tail.
Mirash prys Gir off of her and sets him on the table "Now, stay…. I mean it"
The robot looks at Mirash and smiles that stupid little smile we all know so well, but doesn't move-.
"I think he gets it." Scientist 1 mutters.
But all of the sudden he gets up and runs around the room at lightning fast speed "I am not bored anymore Whee!"
"What were you saying Scientist 1?"
"Shut up, at least I'm not crazy."
"Of course you're not," Mirash mutters, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She turns to Dask and Prof. Membrane "So now what?"
"If only there was a way to combine his indestructibility with the obedience of a normal dog" Dask uttered "if only we had some kind of machine that could take samples from two different things and combine them into one thing that has the best parts of both."
Prof. Membrane smiled under his lab coat and in a gleeful tone and etusistic voice he yells "I invented such a device last week! All I need is a small DNA sample from both subjects and the machine will combine the best aspects of both, provided they are of the same or similar make up. If they weren't and we put dog DNA with a piece of a doughnut, for example, the results could be disastrous, a horrible doughnut dog monster thing running around! It would be worse than the time my poor insane son was trying to raise the dead."
All the scientists stared at the professor as if he grew another head.
"Um well… almost." The man said meekly.
"Great!" Scientist 1 and Dask cheered in union, completely forgetting their boss´s weird rant.
"Now all we need is a sample from another dog. Do any of you have a dog?"
Scientist 1 and Mirash shake their heads.
"My kids have a puppy," PROF. Membrane says oblivious of how far from the truth the statement was "I told them to feed it a month or so ago, I hope they remembered."
Communicator pops up out of nowhere, the professor presses a button and immediately Gaz's angry face appears on the screen.
"Ah Daughter, there you are, we need the puppy down here at the lab, could you or your brother bring it to me?"
At the Membrane house.
"Dib's out, I think he's annoying with Zim or something." Gaz told her father as casually as ever "And there's something I have to tell you about the puppy, we don't really have it anymore, I think it ran away, because Dib's head was so big."
Silence for a moment.
"Hahaha! You're my sane, funny child!" The man said proudly "Just try to get the puppy down here in the next half an hour. I'll see you when you get here."
Gaz´s eye began to twitch uncontrollably and in an agitated voice tried to talk "But Dad, we don't have a pup…" But then after realizing how useless it would be to argue she said in a calmer tone "I'll be right there"
She´s about to go, when she notices Gir running around in the background "Is that Zim's dog back there?"
"Ah I knew I had seen him before, that's the dog that belongs to the green, foreign child, I remember now. If you see him, tell him that his puppy will be brought back to him as soon as possible and that it is being used for the good of all mankind."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure he'll be thrilled about that" She mutters sarcastically "Anyway, I'm leaving now. Bye dad."
"Bye daughter"
The communicator shuts off.
Gaz walks out the front door and notices the same dog she stared at three Christmases in a row.
"Eh, a dog is a dog, I guess."
She grabs the dog and heads towards her dad's lab in town.
Meanwhile back at the lab
The scientists put Gir on an autopsy table.
Gir looks at the needle that Prof. Membrane is holding.
"Oh shiny! Is it gonna hurt?"
"Yes it will, quite a bit." Scientist 1 said and after realizing what he´s done, he hits himself with his hand in shaky fear "I have caught the insanity! I hear the dog talk!"
"Yay ! You guys remind me of my master… I miss my master… he's always telling me I'm horrible… that means he loves me, hehehehe!"
"I don't think that means he loves you, I think that means he hates you." Mirash corrected.
The first scientist glared at his co-woker, "You will pay for my insanity!"
"You remind me of Dib… Why is his head so big?"
"Scientist 1! Are you and Mirash talking to that dog again?" Dask questioned "I told you he can't actually talk, you're both crazy!"
Prof. Membrane puts the needle in Gir's arm and doughnut crumbs are sucked into it "There.. Now all we have to do is wait for my daughter to bring us the puppy."
Later, somewhere in the city
Zim is walking around, looking for Gir.
"Stupid robot, I sent him out hours ago, even he couldn't have gotten this distracted." The Irken grumbled "And his communicator isn't working, there must be some kind of interference either that or it has been disabled."
A thought came to his mind just then.
"He was probably captured by the Dib-human. Curse him! I could have gotten here sooner if it wasn't for MiniMoose and the Roboparents trying to "bond" with me!"
Gaz ,who appears seemingly out of nowhere looks at the alien disgustedly " Now you're talking to yourself too? I guess Dib's insanity really is contagious, hope I don't get it."
"What the-? Gaz- Human? Where did you-? How-? What are you doing here? Helping the Dib-worm? What have you done with Gir?"
"Has anyone ever told you how annoying your voice is?"
"Yes, yes they have. Now answer my questions, human!"
"Fine, I will, but just to make you stop talking, I think my ears are starting to bleed. I'm not here helping Dib. I'm on my way to deliver this thing"
She holds up dog for the alien to see "To my dad's lab. And I haven't touched your stupid robot."
"You speak lies! LIESSSSS!"
The scary girl growls something that sounded like "idiot" and walks way.
"Do not turn your back on the great and mighty Zim!"
Gaz stops and turns around to face Zim "If I tell you where GIR is will you promise to be quiet?"
"Zim will promise nothing to you, inferior human pig smelly!"
"Okay then."
Again, turns around and continues to walk-
"Gaz-human" He mutters angrily, then in a -normal (and therefore loud and annoying) voice he agreed "Fine, I will make a deal with you, if you tell Zim where to find GIR, I will 'be quiet'." He says the last sentence as if it is in some kind of foreign language.
"He's at my dad's lab," The girls answered coldly "being used to help all mankind."
"Oh, ok then, wait-no! That's not good; I'm trying to destroy mankind!"
He runs after Gaz as quick as his little legs would allow him.
"Why are you following me?"
"To get Gir back, oh that horrible robot."
"Well, at least you were listening when I told you where I was going."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"…"
"I AM ZIM!"
"Remember our deal?" She snarled "You shut up, I get to keep my sanity and you get to keep your spine intact."
"Huh?"
"I wonder Zim, would it kill you to pay attention for more than four seconds?"
"Huh?"
"Why don't you just save me the headache and walk on the other side of the street, or better yet, walk in the middle of the street?"
"Do what? I wasn't listening."
"Ok, that's it!."
Gaz pulls Zim into a conveniently placed dark ally. We hear a loud, painful sounding SNAP.
"Agh, my glorious spine!"
A little boy, Squee sized and about the weight of a cheeseburger, walks by and sees the spooky girl doing horrible things to the alien.
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The creepy demon-girl is hurting a scary green kid!" he runs away in fear faster than any boy with legs as short as his should be able to
Next we hear noises that are typically made by mechanical drills, chainsaws, belt sanders, blowtorches and other various tools never meant to be used on live people/aliens unless one was in a desperate situation or one was a chainsaw murderer.
After a few moments of this, Gaz comes walking out of the ally, dusting off her dress, with an evil, satisfied smile on her face.
A few moments later we see Zim limping, pitifully out of the ally, his spine is in a horrible, unnatural position and there is a thick, painful looking metal plate over his mouth.
"Ahh, the silence is beautiful; don't you think so, Zim?"
He tries to glare at Gaz, but the expression on his face is one of extreme agony, he would definitely be screaming in pain if it weren't for the metal plate over his mouth. With some difficulty, due to the strange position his spine is now in, Zim manages to press a button on his PAK and a device comes out. We here another loud SNAP as Zim's spine is popped back in place. Other various devices come out of his PAK, trying, unsuccessfully, to remove the plate from his mouth, making a lot of noise in the process.
"It's not coming off." Gaz said cruelly.
The devices stop and Zim looks angrily at the girl for a moment, then the devices start to work again, this time making more noise than before.
Her eye twitched a bit. "The plate's not coming off, but if you don't stop that your PAK is, and yes, I know exactly what it's for."
The devices go back inside Zim's PAK and he walks next to Gaz. At first he glares angrily at her, but then just looks at the ground, wallowing in self-pity over being effectively silenced for more than a couple seconds for the first time in his life.
Gaz kicks Zim "Stop acting like such a whiner, I'll take it off…eventually."
Gaz takes out her GS2 and they continue walking, Gaz physically harming Zim whenever he does anything to annoy her, and sometimes for no apparent reason at all, until they reach Membrane's labs. They go around to the back and enter through a door labeled "Staff Entrance." They enter through the labyrinth of hallways for a while, then Gaz opens a door and walks in with Zim behind her.
"Here's the puppy, Dad."
She throws the puppy at Prof. Membrane´s hands.
"I'm pretty sure that is some form of animal abuse," Mirash said in disapproval "Prof. Membrane you really shouldn't allow your child to... Oh my! Look at that green kid!
All the scientists in the room turn to look at Zim.
The Irken´s eyes widen in fear, he believes that he's been discovered, the self-destruct button appears on his arm, in his mind, exploding into microscopic particles was definitely better than having an autopsy video named after the Dib-worm.
"Gaz, what have I told you about torturing Dib's friends?" The professor said in a disapproving voice "He doesn't have that many, if he loses the ones he has he might become more insane!"
Zim's expression turns to one of relief and the self-destruct button disappears when he realizes that they are talking about the metal plate on his mouth, not the fact that he is an alien.
"But Dad, he's so annoying and his voice makes my ear drums want to explode so they'll feel better."
"I'm sorry honey, but you're going to have to take it off of him."
"Fine!" she slowly walks over to Zim and removes plate "There, happy now?"
"Zim is free! Muwhahahahaha!" The alien yelled at the top of his lungs.
"I'm so glad you learned the value of silence Zim." Gaz said with heavy sarcasm.
Zim pokes Gaz repeatedly " You try to silence Zim, but no one can silence the almighty Zim!"
She kicks him and he yells in pain "My leg!"
"You'd be surprised, next time I have to silence you by force it won't be as temporary as that plate."
The scary girl looks at the PAK with an evil expression on her face.
Zim looks up at her warily and shudders but regained his composure and -turns to meet Prof. Membrane´s eyes "Can I just have my ro-erm, dog back and get out of this horrible, horrible place?"
"Well, we already collected our DNA samples so I don't see why not." Dask commented.
"But, what about my horrible tests?" The Professor asked like a kid.
The evil probing devices come out of nowhere and holds them for dear life "We can't let him go without performing some horrible tests!"
"Oh, right, I forgot about that, sorry, you can't have him back yet."
Mirash looks in both fear and hatred at her fellow scientists "Gotta think of something to help that little dog… something… smart"
"Look! She points off in random direction "Something a bunch of arrogant, annoying, animal abusing scientists would like!"
Membrane and the other scientists look gleefully over in the direction that Mirash is pointing.
Mirash throws Gir at his master "Here, take him, go!"
"Uhh, ok, thanks.
"Don't take me! Just go GO and protect your doggy!"
Zim slowly walks backwards, away from all th razyness.
The purple headed girl rolls her eyes at the overwhelming stupidity of those around her and leaves as well.
"Mirash what are you talking about? I don't see anything that I would like over here! You're crazy!" Dask whines.
The scientists all turn back around and gasp simultaneously.
"The indestructible dog is gone!"
"No! But I have to perform these horrible tests on someone! I HAVE TO! Muwhahahahaha!"
Mirash and the other two scientists back away from Prof. Membrane, slowly and fearfully.
After a few seconds the raven haired scientist calms down and says "Ok, that's enough of that; time to get back to work."
Later, somewhere in the city (again)
Gaz is trying to walk home, or anywhere that doesn't remind her of the stupidity of the people she's forced to be around, unfortunately for her Gir has a different plan, he's attached himself to her with a hug of doom.
"Get off of me, before I'm forced to destroy you." She hollowed while unsuccessfully trying, to get Gir to let go of her.
"I love you, too!"
"Zim, get him off of me now!" Gaz commanded murderously "Or else I'll make you suffer; suffer like you've never suffered before! I'll wait until the day you forget to cover yourself in paste, and then I'll tie you to a very uncomfortable chair in a small dark room, above the chair there will be a hole in the ceiling and every sixty seconds a drop of water will fall through the hole, causing your body to slowly dissolve into nothing."
Zim widened his eyes in terror and screamed madly at his minion to let go of her
And what was the typical answer you get from the little android? A childish "I don't wanna!"
"I don't care if you "wanna" or not, get off of her now, Gir!"
"Nope!"
"Gir, I am your master, obey me this instant!"
"Obeying is boring."
"I'm losing my patience Zim. I want your stupid robot off me, and I want you both as far away from me as possible!"
"I'm trying to think of a way to get him off of you! You think I want to die in the most painful way possible? Why did you have a plan for killing me in the most painful way possible, anyway?"
"Not plan, plans," She corrected darkly "And not just for you, for everyone I'm forced to interact with. It's kind of a hobby, it keeps me from doing your job, you know, destroying all of mankind. And if you think yours was bad you should see the ones I have for Dib."
Grinning evilly the alien commented "I really should see those… you know if you were Irken you could be an Invader."
"It'll be hard for you to see anything if your body has dissolved into nothing, don't you think? …And as for the whole Invader thing…yeah I could."
He gulps "I'm thinking, ok?"
"Don't hurt yourself." She uttered sarcastically.
Zim glare "Ok, I have an idea, GIR is very easily distracted"
"I wonder who he got that from."
"Silence!"
She glared daggers at him and asks darkly "What did you say?"
"Please?" He tried lamely.
"Ugh, Fine, just hurry up, your voice is doing that thing where it makes me want to kill something again."
"Ok, right, so all we have to do is find something he likes more than you to distract him and he'll let go."
"So, what does he like?"
"A majority of your Earth "junk foods:"" Zim answers in disgust "Pizza, tacos, Brain Freezies, hot dogs… the list goes on!"
"Umm There's a Taco Smell or Crazy Taco not too far from here, come on."
Gaz starts walking, and Zim follows. Suddenly we see Dib running behind them, he doesn't look too good, his hair is a mess, he has a black eye, and it looks like someone or something has taken a bite or two out of his trench coat.
"I know this is your doing, Zim!" The young boy accused.
"What are you talking about earth-stink? What is Zim's doing?"
"Don't try to act stupid!"
"He doesn't have to try."
Dib and Zim look oddly at Gaz for a moment; they have completely missed the joke.
"But really, he hasn't done anything today, except annoy me, a lot."
"Ha! Even your own sister abandons you!" Zim gloated "I´m amazing!"
"Wait, you're telling me you have nothing to do with this?"
"Nothing to do with what?"
"That!" Dib yelled as he points back at city.
Both Zim and Gaz look back at the city and see a horrible sight. A 50-foot tall dog monster is rampaging through the city, crushing buildings, people, cars, etc. It looks like a giant version of the dog that Gaz brought to the lab, only it's made of doughnuts.
"Almighty Tallest Miyuki! Look at all those doughnuts!"
" I've seen more."
Zim and Dib look at Gaz oddly.
"We've got to do something!" Dib said heroically.
"I wonder if this has anything to do with the puppy I gave to Dad." She mutters.
Looking down at the disguised android she slowly asks "GIR, what did they do to you before Zim and I got there?"
"They stuck a needle in my arm and doughnut stuff came out! It was fun. I like cheese!"
"I don't like you."
"Somebody needs a hug!" He hugs the angry girl tighter.
"Zim! Get him off of me! NOW!"
"You're the one who stopped walking, towards the taco-dwelling, human."
"Am I the only who cares about saving the city?"
"Yes!" Both Zim and Gaz hollowed back angrily.
"Oh, ok then."
Gaz takes out GS2 in order to shut out those around her, but the screen is all staticy "Nooooooo!"
Zim looks over her shoulder "That's caused by the interference that Gir lets out because of all the advanced Irken technology inside of him."
"I got mices in my head!"
They all look at Gir confused.
"There is no way I can walk all the way to the taco place without my Game Slave 2. Your voices will make my physically and mentally ill."
She looks up as if to ask for help from some unknown source, Gaz sees the doughnut dog monster, she raises eyebrow- and spoke "Zim, does by any chance Gir like doughnuts?"
"He likes them more than the scary monkey show." He growled "Oh how I hate that monkey."
"Fine, whatever." Gaz smacks Gir's head "Look you dumb robot, a dog monster!"
"Monsters are cute!" Gir sings "Unicorns are scary!"
"Okkk GIR that monster is made of doughnuts!"
"Yay! Doughnuts!"
He lets go of Gaz and blasts off into the air; he lands on top of the doughnut dog monster and begins to eat it. After about 30 seconds the doughnut dog monster realizes what is going on and tries to stop his attacker, but it's too late, within a few more seconds Gir has eaten the monster's head. The doughnut dog monster's humongous body topples to the ground and the robot begins eating that too, soon he is being helped by 80% of the city's hobos.
Din is awe struck.
"I can't believe your stupid robot saved the city, and fed 80% of our hobos, that makes him a hero, I think."
His sister kicks him in the shin.
"Oww! What was that for?!"
"You're in my light."
Dib glared but it paled in comparison to his sister's scary glare, so he sheepishly looked away "Anyway, I'm going to go wrestle a doughnut off of a hobo! Whee!" he runs off towards doughnut dog monster body.
"Now, what were you saying about that plan to kill Dib in the most painful way possible." Zim said while trying to looks too uninterested as possible.
"Like I told you before, not plan, plans."
A flying media vehicle lands a few feet from the hobos and a Reporter comes out.
"Amazing! That little green dog saved the city!"
Several hover cameras float into place and the reporter starts taking pictures of an obliviously happy Gir.
A newspaper appears with the headline "STRANGE GREEN DOG SAVES THE CITY AND FEEDS THE 80% OF THE CITIES HOBOS" and a small column titled "No Suspect in Bombing of Local Café."
The End
We hope that you all liked our twisted version of the cancelled episode, if it wasn't twisted enough then we just offended Jhonen! And if it WAS twisted enough for your liking then we just made Jhonen's ego bigger, because he sure likes that, YAY!
Invader Johnny and Wandering Namekian Signing Off.