Author's note: This is my first fanfiction so please leave me a review and tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: The characters belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.
His shoulders had trembled as Tonks held him closely. Sirius was gone now. Just like the others, his brothers and fellow marauders. Was it poetic that he was the last Marauder? Again? Of course not, it was bitter and cruel.
He heard his Dora whisper empty, soothing words, hoping to break through his sorrowful heart and angry mind. He had her, though. He knew that he was completely in love with his Dora and he knew that he wouldn't have made it through Sirius' death without her. She kept him tethered to the Earth and forced him to keep fighting. Didn't that mean he needed to do whatever it would take to keep her safe? Yes. Yes, it did.
He would never knowingly hurt her when that pain could be avoided but he realised, in that moment, how badly he could truly hurt her. Everyone he loved died but she would not, she would move on and love someone better. He would make sure of it.
He tried to tell her this, it didn't go well. Remus took her face in his hands, looked her in the eyes, and whispered, "No, love. I will always be your friend. It kills me that I can't more than that." She returned his grim look but with a new fire in her eyes.
"No," she said simply.
"No?" Remus questioned, confused by her response.
"No. I don't understand you sometimes Lupin, but I'll do whatever it takes to get you back." Tonks leaned in and kissed Remus' cheek but lingered much longer than what could be considered a friendly gesture. She left the room as Remus stared completely dumbfounded and she quickly brushed the tears out of her eyes, hoping he hadn't seen.
Remus hadn't been there when they told Tonks about his mission. Truthfully, he didn't want to be either. He had purposely avoided saying goodbye to her and he regretted it slightly now. He missed her most when he was led on the cold, rough ground. He would stare at the stars and picture her face in the shapes he could make. But every time he looked at them they were, by far, out shone by the ever present moon. Unfortunately that giant orb ruled Remus' life and left him a poor, homeless outcast. He felt great tendrils of shame grope inside his stomach at the thought of what he nearly had his lovely Dora subjected to.
But, Merlin, how he missed her. If he couldn't look at her in the stars then he would look for her in the forests. Or in the small streams he stumbled across when his throat was parched and he could barely stand.
Remus had only intended to be gone for a month or two but now it was nearing Christmas, or at least he supposed it was with all of the recent snow falling, and he was desperate to spend some time with Harry again this year. Of course, he would give up a limb just for a glimpse of his Dora when he could no longer feel any hope for the future. But then he couldn't feel anything, his body was numb from the cold and the pain from his recent transformation.
Enough. He was going to the Weasley's, he needed some time to recuperate. He needed his Dora.
He didn't visit. She knew that he had spent Christmas with the Weasley's. "He's not at his best, dear, but he's still fighting. I'm sure he won't be gone much longer now." Molly had tried to comfort her but still keep her promise of honesty with Tonks. Merlin, how that man could infuriate her but here she was. Broken. Her morphing abilities seemed to have abandoned her the moment she needed to hide herself the most. The black eyes, pale skin and sudden weight loss had half of the Order sending regular checks on her in Hogsmeade.
Her exhaustion was creeping up on her and she found herself wandering the streets, completely convinced that she had seen Remus just dodging around the corner. She feared that Dumbledore would request that she no longer be stationed in Hogsmeade as she was clearly incompetent at this time.
Tonks, truthfully, wasn't sure what she was supposed to do with herself. All she could think about was Remus being attacked by the other werewolves and Greyback killing him. A whole year of this was enough to depress anyone and she was fed up of this constant fog in her mind that left her judgement clouded. How could she win Remus back if she never got to see him?
Two months. That's how long Remus had been out of contact with the Order. Greyback had been incredibly suspicious of Remus lately and sending messages to the Order was just too risky. He hoped his Dora wasn't worried about him, he was concerned about her though. Molly wouldn't stop with her incessant and not entirely subtle hints over Christmas. He couldn't believe her patronus had changed and he still neglected the courage to go and see her.
He was coming home now. He couldn't keep this up. Greyback made him physically sick and he knew that Greyback was onto him and this may be his only chance to get away. Dumbledore would surely be able to find him another task even if this one had failed dismally.
"I don't care about you being a werewolf, it's not your fault. You didn't chose it and you certainly didn't embrace it like Greyback. Why can't you understand that?" Remus had chased her down the corridors of Hogwarts until he found her crying gently in an empty classroom.
She looked so tired and he wasn't sure that he could bare putting her through this. The worst part was knowing that it was his fault, despite him spending a year away, she was still left in pain. Was that not the one thing he wanted to protect her from?
Her eyes were glazed over with tears but she still looked him in the eye and waited for him to make the final decision. He was done, all he had learnt this year was that he needed her more than anything and, just this once, he would have what he desired.
He leant in and let his lips brush against hers before she could process what had happened and he felt her smile against his lips and he heard her whisper, "I love you."
It was all he ever needed from her and so he gave it back.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.