Gaius's Guide To Life
I, Gaius, physician of Camelot and gaurdian of Merlin (also known as Emyrs, the most powerful warlock ever) have decided that future generations should not be deprived of my knowledge and expertise on, well everything really. So, enjoy reading this, a document which I hope you will find both interesting and useful.
When in doubt, administer a sleeping draft
Whenever somebody is ill, the first course of action is always to offer them a sleeping draft. It can cure everything from an axe in the arm to poison. It is also handy when you want to knock someone out without giving them brain damage, something the knights of Camelot don't seem to worry about. The only thing it doesn't seem to cure is nightmares, but administer it anyway, just for luck.
Having full use of your eyebrows
Your eyebrows are the most important wepons you have. Raise one and kings will tumble and mighty warlocks will cower in fear. So it is very important you take good care of your eyebrows. Rub cream onto them each night. Talk to them every now and again, tell them everything you can't tell other people, because they're always 'sorry, got to go save the world again, TTYL'. Practice your facial expressions in the mirror, but always remember to bolt the door (a long and very much NOT AMUSING story). Love your eyebrows, and they'll love you back.
When soldiers search your chambers
Hide anything important in a book entitled 'My Lifes Work'. Soldiers aren't sophisticated enough to read four volumes on the workings of modern medicine, so anything in their will always be safe. NEVER give illegal books their real and appropriate titles. So many people burned because the soldiers spotted 'Magic and Sorcery for Training Dummies' in their home. When soldiers do find something, claim it was a gift you couldn't bring yourself to part with. If that doesn't work, play the age card.
Revenge is sweet
You may find yourself contantly left behind and unapreciated. You may feel slightly resentful when everyone's like 'Gaius, please cure me', or 'Gaius, we need you to come up with a plan, make it work and tell us what it is so we can save the kingdom' and they always make comments about your age when they should rally be treating you like the hero you are. There is an easy way to make yourself feel better. You cannot hit things with pointy sticks, like the knights do, but you can make people drink really disgusting potions. That'll show them.