Action is a crime against bureaucracy

1997: The Ministry has fallen. Thicknesse is Minister. And Dolores Umbridge wants a spare pad of parchment.

Resistance can take many forms. Some of them are even helpful.

A/N: The postal service can explain what drove me to write this. Many thanks to Julian Lindley-French for the title.

Chapter One: Ink?

1.

Ministry of Magic Official Memo

Office Supplies Office; Level One.

FAO: Madam Umbridge

Thank you for contacting the Office Supplies Office. However, we regret to inform you that Ministry Regulations prevent us from sending out any supplies in response to a frilly pink note. Please use the relevant form in the Supply Request Form Book.

We will then be happy to help.

2.

Ministry of Magic Official Memo

Office Supplies Office; Level One.

FAO: Madam Umbridge

Thank you for contacting the Office Supplies Office. We note your request for one pad of plain writing parchment (A4, refill). However, this has not been requested on the relevant form out of the Supply Request Form Book. If you look closely at the Supply Request Form Book, you will see that some of the Forms are a very pale pink (for ordering parchment), some a very pale yellow (for ordering quills) and some a very pale blue (for ordering ink). As you have used a very pale blue (for ordering ink) form, we are unable to send any parchment.

If you still require one pad of plain writing parchment (A4, refill), please fill in the relevant form in the Supply Request Form Book. In the meantime, we enclose one bottle of ink (blue, washable) in response to your submission of a very pale blue (for ordering ink) form, even though it was incorrectly filled in with the words "one pad of plain writing parchment (A4, refill)".

We hope this will be of help.

3.

Ministry of Magic Official Memo

Office Supplies Office; Level One.

FAO: Madam Umbridge

Thank you for contacting the Office Supplies Office. We regret that the bottle of ink (blue, washable) was not satisfactory. As the Office Supplies Office seeks always to ensure that the products used by the Ministry of Magic are satisfactory, please will you fill in the purple form in the Complaints Form Book, giving full details of how the bottle of ink was not satisfactory, and return it to us so we may contact the relevant authorities on your behalf.

Thank you for your patience.

4.

Ministry of Magic Official Memo

Office Supplies Office; Level One.

FAO: Madam Umbridge

Thank you for contacting the Office Supplies Office. We regret to hear that you did not want the bottle of ink (blue, washable) which we sent down to you. Using the correct coloured form in the Supply Request Form Book will help to avoid further confusions of this type.

If we may be of any further help, we will be glad to hear from you.