Nothing makes sense at all, absolutely nothing. Where were the old days? He tries to remember it, every night when Wendy is sound asleep, but he can't figure it out. Adams has no idea how he fell in love with that girl, he doesn't have any proof she still is the one for him, he has, just, nothing. Only memories. And they're so far away from his reach. He knows one thing though: nothing is going the way it's supposed to. He's getting married in a few weeks, he should think about the flowers, the ceremony, the dance or whatever people think about before they get married... But he doesn't think about all that. His mind is somewhere else and beyond all that, his heart is somewhere else too. That's kind of the problem by the way. Adam gets up and looks at his fiancée besides him, he needs some fresh air, he needs a way out... Literally.
He stops thinking, gets dressed and without destroying every piece of furniture in his way, he finds his way out. The night is cold and he finds himself shivering instantly but he doesn't care. He doesn't know what time it is but gets in his car and drives. For a moment, that's just him and the road... But that's just a passing moment. He knows he can't stop it, no matter how hard he would try. He thinks about her, he thinks about his lips on hers. On repeat. The thoughts and feelings are overwhelming: her sweet and poisonous taste, the way her body longed for his, her hand around his neck, he remembers every second of it.
Ruzek doesn't do much thinking, normally speaking. He is the kind of guy who follows his instincts and deals with all the consequences afterwards. This time, he senses the difference. He wants to be detached, he really, really do but a large part of him can't afford that. If his mind stops for only a minute, who knows what will happen? He could destroy everything he worked for, he could deny years of building a true relationship only an impulse. He is getting married, his whole family will be there and Adam knows how much his mum loves the company of Wendy. Could he really deny her this life just because he's become cold feet? Is it only that, though? He has no idea.
Every thought he has brings this conclusion and it's not enough, not for Wendy, not for him and certainly not for Kim. She is the most generous and honest woman he has ever met. Adam doesn't want to change her, she's probably the best person he has met yet. That's hard to realize it and he doesn't want to do something foolish so...
He stops in front of Olinsky's yard. Strangely, he's out there, sit in a chair, drinking a beer and watching the stars or something that looks like it. In a few weeks, Alvin has become the best friend he's never had. Ruzek feels weird about it, what they have is not conventional, in any way. Adam lies in the grass, next to the cop and closes his eyes. For a few seconds, he forgets. Why his car brought him here, why he is a mess in every sense of the word and then...
"You're gonna call it off, then?", Olinsky is still not looking at him, he doesn't need to, he just understands. His marriage was a failure, Adam knows that for a fact and that's maybe why he's here. He can trust him.
"I just... I fucking don't know.. If I do that... Who will I be?", and his voice shivers a little at the end. His eyes meet Olinsky's and he knows his answer. He already knows. Alvin throws a beer at him and Adam catches it somehow.
"That would make you a true man, Ruzek.", Olinsky always sounds like his dad and this fact makes him grin a little when he takes a sip of his beer.
"Not a fucking coward. If you don't love the girl or if you doubt you love her, there must be a reason, a good one. Why would you end up like me, hum?", Adam looks up at him and sees a hint of darkness in his eyes. His divorce still hurts him but He doesn't show a goddamn thing, that's what makes him Alvin Olinsky, he's a shield, a warrior in a way no one could understand, except Adam, because they're more alike than even himself has imagined before.
"It still hurts, man? Will it always be?", he really wants to know. If he makes this choice now, will it be truly over?
"That's up to you to figure it out, kid. Do you want it to hurt for a longtime or do you wanna end it, now?" And Olinsky rises up, taps him on the shoulder and disappears in the garage he calls home now.
His last words hit him hard. Adam stays still for a while, finishes his beer and Olinsky's and by the time he gets up again, he has forgotten the promise he made to himself: to not act on a true impulse. However, he doesn't care anymore. He just has to know, he has to do it.